Kiss Me Tenderly

The kids had already been put to bed when I gathered up the courage to try the admittedly weak plan that Kris had prodded me into doing.
“Alex?” I called through the thin door, the cellophane wrapping the roses and lilies I had behind my back crinkling ominously, hoping the card I had stuck in there wouldn’t fall out. It wasn’t so much a card as it was a letter I had folded into a tiny little square but it worked.
“What?” Alex’s voice sounded on the other side of the door rather crampily. I heard things shifting in the room, like he was getting out of bed. Or even rolling over. In my minds eye, I could see Alex’s tousled hair, the way his legs tangled in the sheets and how he bitched about them when he needed to get up to do something.
Like answer the door.
“Please come out, I have something to give you,” I pleaded, my fingers involuntarily tightening around the bouquet, feeling my throat tighten.
It was now or never.
A few seconds passed and I began to despair of ever seeing Alex again.
He still didn’t answer and I felt like I had been punched in the chest. That feeling of hopelessness and despair started to overtake me, filling my eyes with tears. I could feel my heart tear, letting a cold draft in, filling my lungs, the hope leaking out of my pores like water through a sieve.
“I-I guess I’ll l-leave these here for you-u,” I choked out, setting the flowers down just in front of the door, casting it one last, longing glance before almost running back to my room, just barely remembering that there were kids asleep. Our My bedroom door clicked shut behind me and my back was pressed to it as soon as it was closed. I sank down to the floor and rested my head against my knees, tears slipping down my face for what felt like the millionth time this week.
Would he ever forgive me?
----------
The answer came a couple hours later, with a soft knock at my door. I was still awake, my blankets tossed to the side, my arms wrapped around Alex’s pillow like they had been since Alex and I had our fight. I didn’t answer but the door open anywas, an Alex shaped shadow slipping into the room, the door closing gently after him. Silently, I lay there, stock still, waiting for him to make the first move. The air in the room was thick, tension solidifying. The floor started to creak and the shadow of Alex drew nearer and nearer until it was standing right in front of me, on my side of my bed.
“Jacky?” Alex whispered, his voice sounding broken. He was using my nickname. That was a good sign. Right?
“Yeah, baby?” I whispered back, hope filling my chest again, airy, fluffy hope.
“Can I sleep with you tonight? Please? It gets lonely in the other room by myself,” a hint of a whimper punctuated the sentence and I smiled happily. Maybe he was going to forgive me after all.
“Of course you can, ‘Lex.”
The bed dipped as Alex scrambled onto the bed and I handed him his pillow back which he accepted gratefully. There was a moment’s hesitation before he spoke again.
“Jacky?”
“Yes, Alex?”
“Can uhm.. Can I cuddle with you? I just.. I need you close,” he stammered. My heart fluttered, a hummingbird’s wingbeat before I stuttered out that yeah, he could cuddle with me. He scooted across the bed and latched onto my side. Alex nosed into my chest, inhaling deeply before sighing out an almost imperceptible “I missed this..” Turning my head to the side, I took a moment to revel in how he felt in my arms, so warm and alive under my fingertips, to bask in how great he smelled and how his scent filled me with such a huge sense of joy, I could hardly stop smiling. I pressed my lips to his hair and whisepered, “I missed this too, ‘Lexy.”
We lay there in comfortable silence, Alex only moving to drape his leg over mine.
“Jacky?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry…” His fingers curled into a ball on my chest. “For everything.”
“What do you mean?” Confused, I turned to him to see his eyes shining with tears in the moonlight.
“I’m sorry for not defending you to Zack, it was stupid of me, I should have, I know, but I was just so excited to have him back and I just wasn’t thinking and when I went outside to talk to Zack, we kind of argued about it and it’s so stupid and then I read the letter and I know I shouldn’t have taken it out on you but-“
He was cut off by my kissing him. He stiffened a little at first but then he melted into it, fingers rising to gently touch my collarbones, tracing them lightly. Our lips moved together, softly, like we were getting reaquantied with the feeling of loving another person again, Alex eventually rolling on top of me so he could suck on the sensitive skin behind my ear. I could feel that familiar feeling rolling through my body and I had to stop this before it went too far. Reluctantly, I pulled away from him, just far enough so I could press our foreheads together.
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that, it was dumb of me, I should have just let it go, he’s your best friend after all,” my hands had settled on his hips, slowly stroking the bones in long sweeps, making him shiver in the dark of my bedroom.
Alex chuckled – God, it was a beautiful sound and oh, how I’ve missed it – and swiftly pressed his lips to mine again.
“I guess we were both being bloody idiots, weren’t we?” his lips touched everywhere on my face, brushing across my forehead, dotting kisses across the bridge of my nose, not giving me a chance to say anything.
“Yeah, we were,” I laughed with him, the giddy feeling of happiness reignited inflaming every nerve ending and I yanked him down so we could be chest to chest. Our hearts pounded in our chests, so hard, I could feel Alex’s heartbeat and I was sure he could feel mine. Or maybe it was just the quiet of the room amplifying our boundless love. Either way, we were happy again and I had something very important I needed to tell him before we went to bed.
“Alex?”
“Yeah, Jacky?” Long fingers swept through my bangs, pushing them out of my face, petting a few stray strands down, almost rhythmically.
“I love you.” No words rang truer then than any said before. I really meant it and I wanted him to feel it this time. My breath was caught in my throat when he didn’t answer for a moment or two.
Suddenly, I felt a sort of warm wetness on my chest. I frowned, touching it, feeling it dry almost instantaneously on my fingertip. Was this… A teardrop?
Was Alex crying?
I heard a sniffle come from somewhere above me.
He was.
Tugging him down against my chest, I squeezed my arms around him, tight. I shushed him gently, rubbing the small of his back as I did so, my heart twisting and turning as my mind raced through all the things that could be making him sad right now.
“Are you-“
Alex gave a wet, teary laugh.
“I’m fine, stupid. I just… I thought you’d be more mad at me that you are. I shouldn’t be forgiven so easily.” His laugh was hiccupy this time and my stomach flip flopped.
I was so in love with this man, it was ridiculous.
“I love you too, Jacky.”
We kissed again, an accidental bump of the nose in the dark but then our lips met and it was perfect.
When we pulled away again, I remembered the next part of the plan to him.
“Hey, Alex? Let’s go away this weekend. Just you and me.”
“Huh?” Confusion.
“Let’s go somewhere. Let’s go and drive along the coast and be a normal stupid couple for one weekend.” My fingers twitched on his hips in excitement. “Let’s drop the kids off at my mom’s place and then drive to some place where we can have sex as loud as we want to, eat all the stupidly fattening foods we want to, to a place where we won’t have to worry about kids for a while.”
Somehow, Alex’s fingers had found their way into my hair and twisted into the black locks. I could tell he was smiling, even if I couldn’t see it.
My heart felt like someone had lit the sun in it.
“Yeah,” he breathed. “Let’s do it.”