Starcrossed

"I don't know what I would have done without you," she smiled while molding her body next to his. "To be honest, I expected you to disappear a long time ago."

"I can leave if you'd like the bed to yourself," he teased. "Hardly large enough for two anyway," he lied with a chuckle.

"Don't you dare!" Makenzie grabbed his arms as he moved his body- as if he wanted to be anywhere else. "You're stuck with me, Mr. Cumberbatch!"

"As you are me, Mrs. Cumberbatch."

His large smile faded when he looked down to find his just laughing girl deep in thought. It was happening more often and starting to worry him. She had always been a dreamer and deep thinker; but this was different. The brave girl had been telling everyone what they had been wanting to hear. Her sweet lies were ignored by those who loved her most. Perhaps it was simpler for them to ignore the obvious signs than to call Kenzie's bluff. Even Ben couldn't bring himself to do it. Once mentioned, there would be no going back.

"Tell me," he pleaded in a most desperate, loving whisper. She shifted against him as if in sudden discomfort.
"Tell you what?" Playing dumb was effortless these days. She had become a master at it.

"Whatever it is you're thinking about. I won't mind." Silence. "Promise."

Makenzie moved around until she propped herself up with one arm, staring down at the man she loved. It was while staring into his ocean eyes that she realized what she loved most about their unique color. They reminded her of the sky- endless, free, limitless. Alive.

"I want to be Mrs. Cumberbatch," she announced in a whisper even softer than his recent promise. "For real." The words were added before he could confirm that she was already his wife. "On paper."

"Soon, my love. As soon as you are back to health."

The kiss he pressed onto her pale lips stung the most hidden part of her heart. His words were sweet, hopeful, and kind yet made her stomach turn. If only he knew.

"Maybe," she breathed while returning to her former position.

"No. It'll happen. We'll be dodging cameras as we push the kids around London and L.A. Journalists will be watching our every move and printing photos of every meeting we have with the opposite sex trying to break us up. And we'll laugh at the whole mess. More Christmases, parties, family drama, and award shows. It's all in our future."

His dreamer's speech made her smile at first. Then she felt a second tear roll down her skin. If only she could tell him. It was becoming too much to hide. They were going to notice sooner or later.

"Hold me," she finally begged, voice calm but urgent. After he rolled towards her and wrapped his arms around her she wiggled out of his grasp. "No. Hold me. All of me."

Kenz moved them around until he was sitting up in bed with her in his lap, chests pressed together, his hand cradling her head, and her limbs wrapped tightly around him. Benedict's grip tightened around her, silently admitting each and every fear and concern he couldn't even bear to speak.

"My baby… I won't let anything happen to you. Do you understand? I will die an old man in your arms without a care in the world."

"Don't say that," Makenzie cried. Fighting tears had become more work than the task was worth. Perhaps a good hard cry was what she needed.

Both lost all sense of time as they clung to one another in the dark. When they finally collapsed, he held her closer than he had in a while. For reasons he couldn't explain he wasn't worried about hurting her or leaving bruises from his death grip. He wanted her as close to him as possible tonight, physically and emotionally.

And just before they fell asleep, both knew that their love was undoubtedly strong enough to fight whatever came next. For better or for worse.

---

"Last day of Sherlock," she grinned from the stove wearing the famous purple shirt he had nicked from the costume department.

"It's so completely unfair for you to be doing that," he whined from the other end, staring intently at his laptop screen. The man was lustful and more than eager to get back home to this woman who drove him the most wonderful kind of mad.

"You don't like Skype?" she giggled over the sizzling of eggs and popping bacon- American style.

"I don't like not being able to touch you when you are like this."

"Like what?" He couldn't resist flirty, brave, and sassy Makenzie- a fact she used to her full advantage. "Come home," she smiled into the camera when he didn't, couldn't, reply.

"This is the last day of filming. I'll be on a plane tonight. But don't wait up, yeah?"

"Not like we could do anything anyway," she frowned, softly speaking the truth they had both come to loathe.

Even the few times they had tried to get something going since Valentine's night, they had been viciously reminded that her body could no longer take part in intimate adventures. She heard his mobile buzz somewhere close in the background, still trying to find something cheerful to say. He was beautiful as ever, frantically walking around his hotel room (wearing just slacks and hair a curly mess) getting ready for his last day of Sherlock. This brilliant, wonderful man was hers and she still didn't quite understand how she had managed keeping him.

"It's Steven," he sighed. "I have to go soon." His own little frown brought a small grin to her lips.

"The sooner you get onto set, the sooner you can leave, and the sooner you can came back home to me."

Ben looked at the screen grinning like a fool before a deep sigh.

"How lucky am I? The most beautiful, clever woman in all the world is mine- dancing around the kitchen making breakfast. And in my 'purple shirt of sex', no less. Well, the company's shirt. Though it does look much better on you."

"Alright, Romeo. Get to work, solve that case, then come home to me," Makenzie giggled, unable to ignore the slightly overcooked food still popping and sizzling.

"Fine. Love you, Kenz."

"Love you, too. Send my love to everyone! Especially Amanda!"

"Give Martin a passionate kiss, you say? Certainly not!" he joked before blowing a sweet kiss into the camera. "I'll call before the flight. See you soon!"

"Bye, Ben!"

She was first to end the call. Long ago she discovered the melancholy that came with the other line ending before she wished. Hanging up first was much better for reasons she couldn't describe. A text tore her from her thoughts. After checking the screen, she couldn't contain a blush and genuine giggle.

- Miss you already xoxo -BC

- To work with you Mr.Holmes! (xoxo) -MC

---

James picked her up for lunch at Gran's around eleven. It had been a while since the three had spent any proper time together, other than doctor visits and the like. He helped her from the car before linking arms with her to walk to the door. Makenzie had felt so alive chatting with Ben and she was already feeling like she could sleep the rest of the day. But she didn't say anything; and wouldn't be able to until after lunch- at the very earliest.

"Come in, my lovies! I've prepared a banquet!"

"I thought we were just popping by for lunch, mum," James grinned, stomach anticipating what had been prepared.

"It's a beautiful day. Why not celebrate life?" Gran announced, seeming more cheerful than Makenzie had seen in weeks. It was nice.

"I agree completely," the frail thing announced while giving her grandmother a tight hug. The visit had been perfect so far. And then her legs suddenly went limp, bending without permission.

James caught her the moment she began to fall, nervously chuckling, "Let's get you to the table, my girl." He took her into his arms then carried her into the kitchen, placing her on her usual seat.

"Has it been a bad day, Kenz?" Gran asked, arranging the plates and glasses before adding the food to the welcoming sight.

"No. I had a wonderful morning, actually. Got to Skype Benedict before he left for Sherlock, made breakfast, took a shower, then read until papa picked me up."

After the elders shared a silent stare she knew too well, Gran sighed, "You must slow down, Kenz. You have no choice, dear. You can't have the busy mornings you used to."

"That wasn't a busy morning. That was still the bare minimum! I had to see Ben today, it's been three days. Had to eat, keep resistance up," she mimicked their worried tones perfectly. "And I needed a shower! I refuse to become that wretched!"

"There's no shame in staying in bed," her father reminded her.

"I've been in bed all week," the girl argued, already defensive.

"That's quite enough for the table, you two. Eat! Don’t argue," Gran cut in with a voice louder than the other two.

They ate with regular meal conversation. No talk of cancer or doctors. Instead, James asked about Ben. Kenzie explained how he would be home around ten. Gran made a sweet comment about the upcoming wedding, ignoring how the silver engagement band was almost too large for her granddaughter's now skinny fingers. Sickly fingers for which there was no remedy.

It was a normal day, more normal than many others had been. She hadn't gone to work or spent time with interesting peers yet she was thankful for the rare glance of a former life. Things were going to get better. They just had to. If this was a sign of days to come, she would take it.

"Let me help you, mum," James offered after Gran stood.

"You help Kenz to a bed. I think a lie down is overdue," she replied with a few plates in her hand.

"No. I'm fine for now," the girl protested in a convincing tone.

"Your grandmother is right. Sleep now so you can wait up for Ben tonight." His argument made her furious.

"That is, if you don't make me take three more between now and then!"

"He's just trying to help, love."

"And you can stop it as well! Both of you. I may have cancer but I can decide when to have a bloody lie down!"

"But you look-"

"I was fine this morning," she began to cry.

"Was? You said was," her father pointed out as gently as he could manage. "Are you fine now?"

"Fine enough to argue with you!" She rose from the table then started picking up glasses to join the plates in the sink. "Took my meds this morning. Won't be much longer then things will be normal all over again."

Gran and James shared the same ridiculous look a second time.

"Why don't we go into the front room?"

"Why? So the pair of you can gang up on me?"

"Makenzie!" her father shouted louder than even he expected. "Listen to your grandmother," he added in a more normal, but still frustrated, voice.

Moments later, the little family was sitting in the living room- Gran in her chair, James on the smaller sofa, and the angry Makenzie on the large sofa. The others stared at her as she twisted the diamond around her finger over and over again.

"You father and I have been talking-"

"Behind my back?" she mumbled with slight bitterness.

"And we think you should change medication."

"I just changed last month. Give it more time. It's only been a few weeks. Doc said that it would take a few weeks," she pleaded, already knowing where they were going. And they were entirely right.

"He said three to four weeks. It's been almost six and, though you won't tell us, we know you're getting worse. We'd rather change now before things get out of hand."

"I want to wait a few more weeks," she protested, knowing the facts better than anyone else. When did they notice? When had her recently expert acting abilities fail her?

"A few more weeks could kill you," James finally spoke up, eyes already rimmed with fearful tears.

"The pair of you are killing me now! I'll let you know if things get worse. Really. It's-"

"No!" Gran finally yelled, suddenly in hysterics, causing the room to go silent for several seconds. "We've been watching you closely and you are getting worse, Makenzie. Don't you dare argue! You haven't been telling us everything." Another vicious pause. "Ben even thinks-"

"You've talking about this with Ben?" Makenzie hissed. Now they were being outrageous.

"Yes. You haven't been honest with us. He was. He told us all about the episodes you've failed to mention."

"He's lying," she fibbed out of desperation. She could feel it coming. The familiar first stings and waves of blinding pain.

"We aren't getting into that, young miss!" James announced in full parent mode. "You need to be honest with us so we can do everything in our power to… Makenzie?"

She was sitting up on the sofa, just as she had bee, but now she was shaking. Her eyes were fixed out the window but staring at nothing directly. Her body continued violent twitches as tears began to stream down her face.

"Kenz!" A pale Gran yelled in total panic, leaning forward in her chair.

James rushed from his chair to his daughter. Without warning, she turned her head to vomit. Gran ran to the kitchen for the mop while James took care of their poor girl.

"Can you hear me, baby? Makenzie? What are you feeling?"

Nothing. Everything. Life, death, and everything between. She couldn’t speak and it terrified her. Her body shook so hard that sometimes it felt as if she were frozen still. Her father was beside himself yet she could do nothing to assure him. Assuring herself wasn't even possible. It had never been this bad before. The pain she had been hiding all morning was undeniable. Her insides were on fire with no way to put out the growing flames.

Then came the familiar abrupt darkness.

---

"Take five everyone!" Mark yelled with a wide grin. "Much deserved! Well done."

Ben ran to his bag, making the switch from Sherlock to Benedict in his mind.

"Think it will go on much longer?" Martin asked, patting his mate on the back.

"Steven said only two scenes to go. Could take an hour. Could take all night," Ben replied, hoping they would take closer to the hour than the night.

He needed to be a breath away from a certain someone. His mood was light and cheerful. It had been a great day. The last day of filming a Sherlock season was still bitter-sweet, such a wonderful project. Ben fumbled around the large front pocket until he found his mobile. Immediately, his blood ran cold.

4 Missed Calls 2 Voice Messages

5 Texts (three from James, two from Sophie)

Nothing from her. It all added up to one horrible fact.

Without checking any of the missed messages, he called the man he already thought of as a second father. His hands shook, heart raced, and emotions flooded all sense of composure.

"Benedict, thank God. Get here, son! Now!"

The words had been spoken several times in the past months. Always urgent. Always unpredictable. Always answered. But today was different.

"It's the last day of filming. We have maybe another hour to go. I'll be there as soon as I can." There was a heart stopping moment of silence from the other line, one that made his blood freeze in his veins.

"I think this is it, Benedict… I think we're losing her this time."

James had always been the one to call whenever something went wrong. But this was the first call that the man was already crying. Ben had never heard this tone, except in person at the hospital that very first time.

"Where are you now?"

"Sussex. But they are talking about flying her to London. Oh, God," James thought aloud with a cracking voice. "You have to be here. You have to-"

"I can't leave right now," Ben sighed, everything inside of him already on the way to her. His own voice was full of regret and the same frustration the father felt. "Everyone is here and it's our last night. If I leave now, I don't know when we could re-schedule everything. Everyone is busy the next two months. This is our one chance."

He whispered several curses while pacing. When Martin came around, Ben simply waved his hand- telling the Hobbit to go away for now. Martin knew that look, that tortured expression. Makenzie.

"We'll rush through the rest. I promise. I just can't leave. I want to, James. My heart is already at her side doing whatever she needs but I can't get there till later. Honestly I can't."

"I understand. I do. Just… Get here as soon as you can. I'll ring again if they move her."

"Move her anyways, on me. She'll have better care in London and I can get to her sooner."

"We'll talk with the doctor. You do what you have to then get to her." This was the most heartbreaking pause yet. "We can't lose her tonight."

Ben hung up then began pacing. Martin returned with a worried expression, no smart-arse comments for this one.

"What are you going to do?" he asked the star?

"Finnish filming then get to her. Simple as that." Short, factual, to the point. Yet full of emotion.

"Are you going to be okay filmi-"

"My soulmate is dying, Martin. Of course I'm not going to be okay."

---

Filming took longer than planned. Benedict could literally feel each second tick by. There was no clock to glance at but that was probably best. He'd be staring at the bloody thing until someone called for the last "cut". It was impossible to focus, stay convincing, and separate his acted and genuine emotions.

He took on this fourth season for the fans but was only concerned about one at the moment- his most important fan. The only woman he could ever imagine himself with the rest of his life. The only woman who had made him believe in soulmates. It had all been rubbish before her.

Ben apologized after each repeated take, knowing that he was delaying his own peace of mind. Martin was the only one he told but everyone seemed to know. Even Moffat looked as if he was about to tell everyone to screw the last scene; they'd find the time next week, next month, whenever. But they continued.

As everyone cheered after that final long-awaited "cut", Ben ran off the set. He apologized to the costume ladies, promising to return the clothes tomorrow. He was on a mission and not a single soul was about to stop him.

---

People whispered with star struck grins as Sherlock ran through the airport to his terminal. He called James and was disappointed at the news that moving her to London was more dangerous than it was worth. James's pleas for Ben to hurry nearly sent the actor completely mad. Time was his greatest adversary now more than ever.

Just before the plane took off, another passenger entered then took a seat next to Ben.

Sherlock glanced over, wanting to curse whoever sold the seat next to him when the rest of the bloody cabin was available. Then, his watery eyes found his Watson next to him.

Martin offered a small supportive smile and a hand on his best mate's shoulder. Second time tonight. Always there, always knowing what kind of support Ben needed. Martin wasn't going to speak but the solemn man wasn't satisfied with a silent gesture of thanks, not for this particular kindness.

"Thank you." The whispered words were met with a gentle nod of understanding.

Their plane ride was agonizingly slow. Neither could eat or drink, though both stomachs demanded such attention. Martin tried to soothe Ben a time or two before realizing that the only way his friend was going to relax was to see his woman. And to see her wouldn't be enough; she had to be awake and speaking, saying his name with that brave smile.

He had another missed call when airplane mode was switched off. Martin gave him a quick brotherly embrace then ordered him to get to Sussex. Ben tried to smile then thanked his friend once more before they parted ways. A shaking index finger quickly went to work in finding the newest voicemail message from ten minutes ago.

"Sorry to trouble you like this, Benedict. But please… Quick as you can, my boy." The message ended with sighs of anguish and the beginning of a cry.

---

He just happened to meet a familiar nurse on her way out of the hospital; the woman shouted a room number then he was on his way. Running for dear life, he rushed past several tray carts, wheelchair patients, and small crying children. He finally made it to the desired room and didn't bother asking permission to enter.

"Kenz," he gently panted while bolting into the room.

Her eyes were closed. She looked like a sleeping angel. Her lack of movement made his heart stop in his chest, all air disappearing from his lungs. It was the sound of her heart monitor that allowed him to breathe again. The anticipated shock of sudden loss became a sigh of great relief.

Ben quietly walked over to her bed then carefully kissed her lips, his hand resting on her feverish forehead. He was careful not to touch the many tubes digging into her perfect skin. At the touch of his lips, her weak eyes slid open.

"You came," she whispered, her voice and expression unable to properly represent her joy and love for him in that moment.

"Of course I came. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner," he began to cry, though his charming smile and tender stare warmed her slowly beating heart.

"You're here now," she managed the ghost of a smile, patting the empty space beside her.

Ben granted her unspoken request and took a seat beside her. He took her hand then kissed the palm, avoiding the needle on the other side. Their eyes locked in a moment so horribly wonderful. She was alive but barely.

"Even if I had gone before you got here," she began before a nasty cough. Her body stilled before she continued, "I'll always be with you, Benedict. Forever."

"Don't do that. We have many fantastic years ahead of us," he vowed, willing it to become the truth.

"Yeah," Makenzie sighed, too tired to be convincing. "Listen, you aren't going to like this, but I have to say a few things." He immediately tried to argue but was silenced by the touch of her small finger against his lips; her gesture was answered with a sensual wet kiss against her fingertip. "First, you were all right; the medicine is making me worse. No need for 'I told you so'," she weakly teased, unable to manage even a light chuckle. "Second, you have been the best part of my life- my wildest and most wonderful of dreams."

"You aren't going to die tonight," he quietly whimpered, taking in every word as if they were her last with tears streaming down his red cheeks.

"I love you more than I ever expected to love anyone. We didn't get to have that ceremony this month. And I'm so sorry for that, my love. Here it is May and I've been stuck at home."

"You've been busy fighting," he reminded her, pressing his forehead to hers. Their intense stares never unlocked.

"I need you to take care of Gran and daddy while I'm in here. And Sophie; she's on her way. I probably won't be out of here for a while."

Her bravery faltered for a moment as a shot of pain raced through her body, more than the throbbing sensations she had endured the last two hours. Ben moved his body even closer to hers, as if their close proximity would allow some of his health to somehow transfer into her body.

"The night you came back to me, after meeting me at school… I've never been more alive, Ben. Never dreamt of a fairy-tale like the one we have."

"There's more to come, baby. I swear it."

"Yes. You will always be loved more than you'll accept. You'll never let the fame get to your head. And you'll continue work no matter what happens. Acting was your first passion and will always be the job you live for."

"I live for you."

"And always find the good in life, especially these next few weeks when I can't cuddle next to you or stay awake long enough to talk. Though I love staying up all night with you." They hadn't done that in months but she was still pretending they had done it just the night before. "I'm not doing so well and can't prepare you for anything here on out. But I can promise that being your wife, our lives becoming one, has been the greatest pleasure of my life."

"Wait to say that the day you give me a little Makenzie."

Her sudden silent tears, the ones she had been suppressing since she woke, nearly broke him of all pride. He felt like a child wanting to throw a fit. He wanted to cry his heart out right then and there. It had been too long since he had a good cry about everything.

"I love you so much," she reminded him with the largest smile she could muster.

"I love you, Makenzie Cumberbatch," Ben tried to mirror her smile but failed miserably.

She closed her eyes and turned her head with a pleased look, smiling, "Say it again."

"Makenzie Cumberbatch," he repeated with a fraction of a chuckle.

When she opened her eyes again they looked sad.

"I'm already getting tired. Bloody meds." Her eyes returned to his, thoughts she couldn't begin to say aloud. Thoughts he would have given anything to be told. "Always remember me as that strong-willed girl telling her celebrity crush off at the park." Her genuine attempt of a genuine laugh made his heart ache. "I may become her again, someday, but for now… When you miss me, think of the miracle we had, Ben."

"Stop talking like this," he begged. "You'll stay in here for a few days, I'll be here every minute they allow—maybe an extra hour or two a day, if I'm pleasant to the nurses—and you'll be cooking a midnight breakfast in one of my shirts back at my flat in no time."

"Is daddy out there?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I think so. Didn't see anyone on my way in."

"Do the nurses even know you're here?"

"No," he finally grinned.

"Ben!" she smiled with a roll of her eyes.

"Go find daddy and bring him in."

"Alright," he breathed, hopeful once more and heart nearly exploding with love for her. Things were going to change. Ben started to move away from her when she suddenly grabbed his hand.

"Kiss me," she gently demanded with the slightest trace of the old mischievous Makenzie.

"Anytime," Ben promised with curved heart-shaped lips pressed against hers. The kiss lingered longer than the ones they had shared in previous weeks. Her hand found his cheek then rubbed away the damp streaks running down his handsome face.

My husband, she thought with pride and unconditional love.

"Go get him, please.... See you soon, Benedict."

Ben kissed her warm head once more before leaving the room.

---

She was thankful that he didn't look back to see her wince in pain. Her face contorted and breathing sped. It was amazing how well she had just executed the performance of her life. Despite the raging fire burning her insides, he didn't know she was in a large degree of pain. She had finally out-acted her clever detective. Now, the difficult bit.

---

Ben went out into the lobby in search of her family, their family. He finally saw a worried looking James pacing near the food machine. Multiple things he could do for her filled his head; flowers weren't going to be enough this time, she was already expecting a season four DVD early, and going out wasn't an option just yet. It had to be big, romantic, and make her feel better- if only for a few hours. The memory would have to last forever, be enough to get her through.

"James," Ben greeted, taking his father-in-law into his arms. "Just saw Kenz. She looks like she's doing much better. But she wanted to see you."

"Oh. You've seen her then?" Surprise and relief.

"Yes. Awake and joking. Things are looking up. About time, yeah?" Was he convincing James or himself? "Gran here?"

"In the loo," he answered, looking as if he had been crying for the last five hours. "I'm going to see Kenz. Keep Gran company, will you? She's terrified, even if she doesn't show it."

"Strong women run in the family," Ben concluded with another hopeful expression.

James only nodded, not telling what he knew. Something was obviously wrong. The father left then Gran came from the loo shortly after.

"Thank goodness, you made it," she greeted him with a hug- her eyes were as red as James's. "Let's have a sit down. Where is-"

"He's with Kenz. I just saw her then she wanted to see him."

"Ah," was all the reply he received. Something definitely wrong.

They took a seat in the lobby and remained silent for a while.

"What are the doctors saying?" he finally asked, unable to take the raw nerves and mysterious silence together.

"It's not good, dearest. We are losing her this time."

"She seemed to be in good spirits just a few minutes ago," he optimistically argued.

"I've never seen her like that before," Gran whispered, eyes at the hideous carpet but mind elsewhere.

"I've seen her at her very worst and, just now, it looked like she was recovering from one of her smaller episodes. That's good news, yeah?"

Gran covered her face with trembling shriveled hands for several moments before her eyes returned to his confused features.

"Oh, Benedict," she began an octave too high for comfort.

James suddenly opened the lobby door. All color drained from his face. Eyes wide. Mouth reduced to a thin straight line. And his expression. Benedict recognized that look from his most secret dreams.