Sacrifice

"With Naomi gone, the control she had on everyone will be gone. Not many of my brothers will know what happened. I should be up there,"Cas sighed, rubbing his face and looking from Sam to Dean. Dean nodded at Cas, as if he understood. Which he did. Family is the most important thing to Dean. Unfortunately, Cas is now classed as family, even after everything. He's always been family right from the start.

"So all we need is the angel tablet at the pearly gates? Stick it in the keyhole from the inside and the gates are locked?"Dean asked, wanting to confirm what had to happen.

"Actually the gates aren't 'pearly' as everyone seems to think. They're twice the size of God and they're the blackest black you've ever seen."Cas said, ignoring the main question.

"Why?"Sam asked, looking up from his laptop at Cas.

"To scare the angels away. Should anyone ever feel like becoming human. The gates are where you go to fall. The gates are the darkest thing in Heaven. Only if you are so desperate to fall, would you go near them."

"But you do have to lock them with the tablet from the inside?"Dean repeated, ignoring the stab of annoyance at it all.

"Yes. And a human soul has to be the one to do it,"Cas nodded.

"Great what are we waiting for?"Dean stood up and walked over to the tablet, turning his back on Cas.

"We don't have a human soul, Dean."

"What, I'm not human?"Dean joked as he shrugged his jacket on and picked the tablet up from the table.

"Once those gates are locked, they cannot be opened again. You'd be stuck in Heaven,"Cas stared at Dean as he slowly turned to face him.

"I'd be okay with that sacrifice."

"Dean. You're not locking the gates,"Sam said in a bored tone, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"Sammy, the last time we were there, everyone I've ever considered family was there. I mean, Mom? Dad? Even Bobby's there now. The only people I've got left down here are you and Cas. And he's about to seal himself inside his home so I figure I may as well join him,"Dean stared at Sam, begging him to understand.

"What about me? If I'm all you're gonna have left on this earth, why don't I join you?"

"No. No way. You need to go and live the life you've always wanted. Go find that girl. Marry her. Settle down. Have some snot-nosed kids. Grow old and die of old age to join me. Not some crazy way to help seal the gates of heaven."

"Dammit Dean, you're not going to seal yourself inside Heaven early. Why am I the only one allowed to have a happy rest of my life? Why can't you?"Sam asked, glancing at Cas for help. Cas was just staring at Dean searchingly.

"He doesn't think he deserves it..."Cas said slowly.

"Oh not this crap again,"Dean rolled his eyes and turned his back on the both of them, setting the tablet back down and grabbing a beer from the motel's tiny fridge.

"Dean do you have any idea how much I want to punch you right now? How can you think so little of yourself?"Sam croaked incredulously as Dean cracked open his beer, ignoring the looks from Sam as Cas stood up and moved closer to Dean.

"Dean..."

"Cas..."

Dean stared at Cas, barely noticing Sam grabbing his jacket and leaving.

"Do we really have to go through this again?"Dean sighed, turning away and sitting down on the bed Cas had just vacated.

"Yes. Because it still hasn't sunk in,"Cas said firmly, walking to sit down next to Dean,"Think about yourself. Think about everyone you've helped. All the lives you've saved."

"All the souls I tortured in hell,"Dean muttered quietly.

"I have one thing I would like to point out,"Cas said, looking at Dean sympathetically,"Ninety nine percent of those souls, went to hell for a reason. And if you hadn't tortured them, someone else would have. You did what you had to do. Until I saved you."

Dean looked up at Cas, tears in his eyes,"I don't think I've ever properly thanked you, you know."

"You don't need to thank me,"Cas said quietly, looking down at his hands in his lap, wringing the edge of his trench coat tightly,"You've given me... everything I ever wanted when I left Heaven for the first time. You've shown me a new way of thinking. Of living."Cas looked into Dean's eyes, into his broken and shattered soul, somehow still finding that burst of brightness, that eagerness to help. Nothing would ever break this man. Not completely anyway.

"Why does this feel like a goodbye?"Dean croaked after a moment's silence.

"I'm not sure... It's definitely not a goodbye. More of a 'see you later' type of thing,"Cas's face broke out into a smile, lighting up the bright blue eyes. When Cas's eyes darted down to his lips, Dean blinked and broke the eye contact, feeling overwhelmed with feelings of something he wasn't sure about. He couldn't even identify them, let alone process them.

"So there's no need for any goodbye hugs..."Dean said quietly. After a second he stood up and grabbed the tablet from the table again,"Lets close those gates then."

*****

Dean closed his eyes and pushed the conversation out of his mind, leaning on the giant pillar at the edge of the gate as the wind whipped his hair about. Cas had gone to find Bobby. He had said that he was the most fit person to do this after Dean.

Dean was so desperate to do it himself, to go and see everyone he loved. To stay with Cas. In the past, his need to be with Cas had never been this strong. Dean had always had a warmth inside him, knowing that Cas was alive somewhere. He always returned to Dean. Always. This was different. Despite what had been said back at the hotel, Dean knew it was the last goodbye they'd ever make. There was no way to break open those gates again.

Dean stood there for what felt like forever, dreading the moment Cas came back. If he came back then it meant Dean had to say goodbye. Had to stand there and do nothing while Cas sent him back down to Earth so he could seal himself off from the human world. From Dean.

"Dean."

Dean lifted his head from the pillar to see Bobby standing next to Cas. He looked bloody good. Younger. Happier. Cas looked the most upset Dean had ever seen him.

"Damn Bobby you look good,"Dean smiled, pulling him into a hug.

"You're looking pretty good yourself boy,"Bobby smiled, pulling back and looking him up and down.

"Here,"Dean pulled out the tablet, wanting to get it over with as fast as possible.

"I'll uh,"Bobby looked from Dean's pained face to Cas' heartbroken one,"I'll go wait over here. Make sure you take your time getting here, okay? No rush."

Dean nodded, choking on unknown words. Bobby gave him one last smile before walking back through the gates to wait for Cas to tell him what to do.

"So I guess this is it..."Cas said quietly, turning his back on Bobby.

"You know we'll see each other again,"Dean said, following him into the weird grey nothingness surrounding the gates.

Cas stayed silent for a minute, staring at nothing. He stirred suddenly, breaking the silence of being with each other,"What if I tell Bobby how to close the gates and then come back down to Earth to be with you... And Sam,"Cas added.

"Cas I thought you wanted to be here. You know, with your family?"Dean choked out, fighting the urge to hug him tight and never let go.

"I don't want to stay in Heaven... I'd rather be with you,"Cas said in a small voice, not looking at Dean.

Dean cleared his throat, batting away the selfish surge of hope rising in his chest. Cas was needed. It would be selfish and wrong for Dean to 'claim' Cas like that,"But after everything that happened with Naomi... Don't you think you should be in there helping everyone? You said it yourself. It's family Cas."

"You're my family, Dean. You need me like I need you... Right?"Cas turned and faced Dean, forcing him to look at him.

Dean's eyes flooded with tears. Why was this so damn unfair?

"I know Cas but... Your actual family needs you. I- I don't need you on earth. I need you up here, taking care of your family,"Dean blinked away the tears.

Castiel. An angel of the lord. The one who pulled Dean from the depths of Hell and made him whole again. The one who broke every rule in the book, rebelled, fell, killed his own kin. The one who did all that for Dean. Cas, the child at heart that changed Deans life... His heart was breaking in front of Dean and it was all his fault. Dean couldn't bare it.

"But- but I love you,"Cas stammered out, never taking his eyes from Dean's face. Dean's vision blurred with tears again. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. One tear slipped down his face slowly.

Dean opened his eyes as Cas' thumb wiped the tear away, his palm resting on Dean's jaw,"I love you too,"Dean whispered, leaning into his touch, ignoring the shock of the words and instead enjoying the feeling of them rolling off his tongue, how easy it was to say them to Cas. Like it was natural.

"So let me stay,"Cas took a step closer, their bodies pressed up against each other now.

"Cas..."Dean breathed, tickling Cas' face.

"Let me stay and look after you,"Cas looked into Dean's eyes desperately.

"Cas I love you but your family needs you. It wont even be that long before I'm back I bet. I promise you I will come find you,"Dean stared back at Cas, trying not to let his feelings get the better of him.

"You promise you won't try and get here earlier? You'll live a happy pie life like you want for Sam?"Cas closed his eyes, resting his foreheard against Dean's.

"I promise,"Dean closed his eyes as well, his arms snaking around Cas' waist. A few warm breaths later Cas' lips were on Dean's. Smothering him with need and desire and love. Dean whimpered, holding onto the angel tighter. Cas' other hand moved into Dean's hair, holding the back of his head, preventing him from ending the kiss too soon. As if Dean wanted to.

When Dean needed air, he broke off the kiss, removing only his lips from Cas' face.

"I've wanted to do that since the pizza man,"Cas whispered. Dean's eyes fluttered open to see Cas looking at him.

"What about Meg?"

"Test."

Dean couldn't help but snort. His snort turned into a grimace. They had to go.

"Dean..."Cas sighed, looking down at their feet.

"Good luck. Okay? I mean, who knows. God could turn up and let you out or something,"Dean mumbled. He cleared his throat and took a huge step away from Cas, shaking his trembling shoulders out.

"I'll see you soon, Dean,"Cas said sadly, staring at Dean with those blue blue eyes like an icy vortex of power and love.

"See you..."Dean whispered and closed his eyes as Cas started glowing with his power. At the last second Dean opened his eyes in time to see Cas at full power before he was back on Earth, in the motel room where Sam was waiting anxiously for him to get back.