Dad, what’s masturba- JOEY NOOO!

Welcome to the lives of the Armstrongs

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Billie's P.O.V.

I loved Saturday mornings... when the whole household was asleep. No sounds of play station games blasting out from the TV in the upstairs lounge room, no sounds of Joey and Jakob fighting, and best of all I was sleeping next to Adie, cuddling her gently as I drifted off into my own little world. These were the moments that I wished would last forever, not that I'm saying I hate the sounds that my family makes when they're awake, no, not at all, but wouldn't you also like to sleep-in on a nice Saturday morning?... that is until the phone bloody rings!

"Adie, baby answer the phone," I said my voice sounding all muffled because of my pillow.

Adie groaned and replied, "Stuff it, I'm not moving from this comfortable position I'm in, you answer it." I got up making my way for the phone on my bedside table mumbling away.

"Owww I swear I'm going to chuck this phone out the window... No joke Adie." I picked it up put it to my ear and heard a computerised voice saying, "Congratulations you have just won a holiday for you and your family to Vanuatu". As soon as I heard that, knowing it was those complete fucked up commercials that call to your telephone number, I pulled the plug out of the wall and chucked the damn handset across the room unfortunately landing safely on a pile of clothes.

"Billie was that really necessary? I mean the phone could have broken now really."

I replied, "Oh and that's a bad thing is it now, having stupid computers randomly choosing our phone number and calling us at this hour."

Adie chuckled at me, turned over facing me and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "Hun its 11:30am I guess that was our wake up call."

After our 'good morning kisses', as I like to call them, Adie had gone downstairs to the kitchen to prepare coffee for the both of us. Meanwhile I went to my bathroom inside our room (how cool is it to own your own bathroom for just yourself and your wife) and then made my way downstairs to the kitchen where Adie had just poured me a nice hot cup of Nescafe. "Are the boys still asleep?" I asked sipping carefully on my coffee so I wouldn't burn myself, and combing my hair with my fingers by my other hand.

"I believe they are, I guess they're worn out from last nights 'get together' with the family," she answered.

No body's P.O.V.

As Billie and Adie talked about what new clothing items they wanted to put up for Adeline Street, Jakob came down the stairs with one eye open and the other eye still shut, in his Simpson's long sleeve blue coloured pyjamas.

"Morning mum, morning dad," the almost 8 year old boy said as he made his way to the kitchen pantry taking out his favourite cereal so that he could make his own breakfast.

"It's more like good afternoon champ," Billie said and smiled whilst pointing his finger to the clock reading 12:15pm showing his son.

"Yeah well it's not my fault I have parents who stay awake till 2 in the morning," Jakob replied sticking his tongue out and smiling one of his dad's cheeky smiles. He made his breakfast and headed for the lounge room to watch the Simpsons weekend marathon on Fox8.

"Alrighty then I'm going to go upstairs to get Joey up so we can go pick up you know who's birthday present," Billie whispered to Adie and winked heading for the stairs.

Billie quietly walked up the grand stairs of his house going to Joey's room which was the door that was covered with stickers, some reading 'kiss my ass' and other funny stuff. He carefully turned the door knob and walked into his son's room. Joey's room was pretty cool; he had one eye dazzling feature wall that had stuff with celebrity autographs like a signed poster of a favourite band his dad's band toured with during American Idiot, and he had an electric black and red flame coloured guitar that was covered with autographs from band members including Gerard Way and Bono.

Joey was well hidden within his bed as his whole bed cover covered every part of his body excluding his arm which was dangling from his bed. If it was up to Tré to wake him up he would have pulled some silly but funny prank like putting his hand in warm water so that Joey could 'do number one' in his bed. Billie went to the bedroom window and opened the curtains to let the sun come in to light up the room.

"Oww dad, what are you doing?" Joey said in an agitated and tired, very tired tone.

"Hey buddy, get up, it's a half past noon and you're still asleep," Billie talking walked towards his son's bed and purposely fell on Joey just for the fun of it. He then rolled over onto his tummy and looked at Joey who was half sitting half sleeping in his bed, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head.

"If only I had a camera with me right now so I could take a photo of you like this Joey," he said smiling all cheerfully towards his son.

"Is there a point to why you woke me up right now?" Joey replied.

"Buddy there is always a point to why I wake you up but today's point is important because we need to go pick up Jacob's birthday present right now." Billie stood up and crossed his arms giving Joey that look that means 'if you don't get out of bed I'm going to have to pick you up by your feet and hang you upside down'.

"This better be worth it, I swear," Joey stingily said and got up revealing to his dad what he was wearing, which was a black rib tank top and red boxer shorts with Bart Simpson on the sides saying 'eat my shorts'.

"Excellent, now go take a quick shower and come down to have breakfast or whatever you prefer," Billie said pushing Joey towards the upstairs bathroom that he and Jakob used only.

Billie also took a quick shower, shaved and smothered his face with moisturiser so that would keep his face nicely smooth and hydrated. He put on dark blue comfortable jeans put on the black Adeline t-shirt with a greenish coloured skull on the front and slipped on his black and white chequered vans shoes. Billie didn't wear any eyeliner when he was in his hometown, as he liked to take a break from it and leave it for when he was with the band promoting something or having photo shoots.

Joey had his breakfast and joined his dad in the car. Joey was wearing his Adeline cap, black shorts and a normal white buttoned shirt with skull imprints on it. They took off in their family 4WD and headed to where they were going to pick up Jacob's present.

"So dad, do you think he'll like the design we chose for his new drum kit set?" Joey questioned looking at his father who was focused on the road ahead of him.

"Well I hope so and he better because that cost us a fortune to get, I mean customised drum sets don't come cheap now, do they?" Billie answered shuffling his hair with his hand that was resting on the car door.

They parked the car in the shops car park and went inside. The shop inside was breathtaking for any over obsessed drum kit set individual as the designs were so slick and cool. Billie was talking to the assistant to claim their set and Joey was roaming around the shop really amazed. He went up to a set literally called The Tré Cool Set that had the same equipment Tré used when on tour. It had Zildjian cymbals and Ludwig brand drums. Oh and it also came with Tré Cool artist series sticks. It looked pretty impressive.

"Joey come and see the design," Billie said yelling across the other side of the room.

When Joey got back to the stand where his dad was, there were three words that slipped from Joey's lips.

"Oh my God."