Dad, what’s masturba- JOEY NOOO!

As the next day came along, the boys went to school, Adie had gone shopping with her friends and Billie was patiently waiting for Mike and Tré to come over his house. Billie sat sprawled out on the couch, watching TV, and drinking his coffee.

“Stupid faggot,” Billie muttered under his breath, as he watched George W Bush speak about the Middle East crisis. He rolled his eyes and changed the channel to Disney.

“Yay telly toast,” Billie sarcastically said, watching the little red Telletubby pretend to eat its plastic food.The door bell rang, and Billie leapt up from the couch with his coffee to open the door.

“Hey,” Mike and Tré said in unison, as they both walked in and shut the door.

“Hi guys,” Billie replied, trying to finish off the last amounts of coffee that remained in the cup.

“Ooo coffee,” Mike cooed, walking over to Billie to try and snatch the cup off him.

“Mike…step away from the mug,” Tré said loudly, walking slowly over to his friend to stop him.

“Mike, hey buddy…err…Tré a little help here,” Billie spoke, hiding his cup behind his back. Tré took hold of Mike from the behind, hugging him tightly.

“You guys are mean,” Mike pouted, his lips forming a frown, giving up and turning aside to see Tré behind him.

“It’s for the best Mikey,” Billie said, smiling sweetly giving his mate a pat on the back.

“Well if it’s for the best, then I guess this to is for the best,” Mike retorted, pulling out a packet of cigarettes to take one out and light it up, wanting to tease Billie back.

“Man your cruel…I’m only trying to help,” Billie replied, about to laugh as he walked into the kitchen to put his dirty cup in the sink.

“Yeah sure Bill, that’s why you’re drinking coffee around me,” Mike sarcastically answered. He then replaced the cigarette back into the packet.

“Didn’t Jakob take this up to his room yet?” Tré called out from the living room, referring to Jakob’s new drum set.

“He’s got too many things in his room, I don’t think it will fit…he needs to get rid of a few toys,” Billie replied, walking into the living room, to see Mike amused at the little Teletubbies that were saying “good bye” a thousand times.

“Are you alright there?” Billie said, sitting down next to his friend, watching Mike laugh at the TV stupidly.

“I just remembered when Estelle made me wake up every morning on a Sunday to watch this show with her,” Mike replied, changing his attention to Tré who was adjusting a few things with Jakob’s drum set.

“Oh yeah, are you going to let her come with us to New Orleans?” Billie replied, scratching the back of his head.

“I doubt Anastasia will let me take her…plus it will still be Estelle’s week to be with her mum,” Mike replied, tilting his head to the side.

“Yeah, but I mean come on…New Orleans Mike, it’s going to be huge, and the boys would want someone to play with…well maybe Jakob would want to,” Billie replied persuasively, giving full attention to his bassist.

“One, Anastasia won’t allow it whatsoever, and two she’s a nine year old girl who is becoming more and more obsessed with make up and jewellery,” Mike said back, reaching for his pocket to pull out a CD. “Here, let’s go install this program so I can show you how to use it,” Mike quickly suggested, making Billie feel as if he wanted to drop the subject.

“Tré we’ll be in the office room if you need us,” Billie informed his drummer, as he walked behind Mike to follow him to the room.

“Yeah alright,” Tré replied, beginning to play a catchy beat.

“My sister wants to come with us to New Orleans,” Mike said out loud, seating himself onto the computer chair, were Adie had been sitting the day before.

“Good, that will give me another good excuse to get Adie to come along,” Billie replied, turning on the air con in the room and adjusting its temperature.

“She doesn’t want to come?” Mike questioned, placing the CD into the drive.

“She didn’t before because she wanted to go see her family up in Minnesota and I have been nagging her to change her mind…which is working, and which I’m happy about,” Billie replied, sitting down next to Mike, watching the program install. Mike giggled lightly as he watched his best friend look at the computer screen in amazement.

“Ok, now it’s installed…we go to the Norton Internet Security tab, and then we click on status & settings…from here we choose the Parental control thingy here at the bottom,” Mike said out loud, outlining the steps to show Billie how to use it.

“Oh cool, it’s not as hard as I thought,” Billie said back, continuing to watch at the screen.

“Yeah and see how it say’s OFF, you go here and click for it to say ON, ok?” Mike asked, turning to see if Billie understood up to there. “Now to adjust how strong you want it to be, click on configure, then on sites because that’s what we want to block and now you can select what you want blocked…like see how it says Adult humour and these sex/acts tab, it will block all sites that contain this stuff on them,” Mike finished off explaining.

“So what happens if they go to an adult site when this is on?” Billie questioned, eyeing the computer screen, looking back at Mike immediately.

“It will block the screen and come up with something on the line of…You are not authorised to access this site…or something like that, and they can’t get through it unless they open Norton and type up the password to change the settings,” Mike replied, flicking the edges of his light blonde hair.

***

“Ryan, where’s James? I want to give this to him,” Joey asked, holding up the tiny black memory card.

“Err… I don’t know…let’s go look for him,” Ryan replied, getting up from his seat in the cafeteria they had been eating in.

“My parents got their hands on this yesterday…it wasn’t good,” Joey quietly spoke to his friend, as they passed by their peers that remained seating.

“WHAT!” Ryan exclaimed, his eyes widened as he stopped right in his tracks. A few eyes glanced towards them.

“Shut up dumb ass, don’t draw attention to us,” Joey retorted, getting closer to him as he lightly hit his younger friend on the shoulder.

“Your mum and dad,” Ryan replied in disbelief as he pushed Joey into the boy’s bathroom to speak without any one hearing them.

“I had this whole fight with my dad, he took my guitar and amp away from me and on top of it all I’m grounded till further notice…ALL THANKS TO YOU!,” Joey explained, finished off with rage in his voice.

“Hey, it’s not my fault for you not knowing how to keep things well hidden,” Ryan replied, staring deeply into Joey’s eyes then moving away to wash his hands in the basin.

“Yeah, but it’s your fault I started watching this shit,” Joey retorted, turning around to face Ryan, he took a good look around the bathroom to see if anyone was in the toilets.

“It’s not shit Joey, you even admitted it was good,” Ryan said back, now drying his hands under the hand dryer.

“I haven’t even watched one episode by myself to know what you mean by it being good, I watched three darn minutes of that video you showed me on Jake’s birthday and that was it, I didn’t even get a chance to see what was on the memory card my parents managed to watch,” Joey replied, his anger rising at the thought of the few days that had passed by on how much trouble he had gotten himself into.

“Are you seriously telling me that they watched what was on that memory card?” Ryan said back, shaking his head negatively.

“Yes they did…what was on that memory card that was so bad anyway?” Joey asked, starting to wonder what his parents saw on that card. “Wasn’t it similar to what we watched on Saturday?” Joey said again, leaning on the edge of the counter in the bathroom.

“Joey, it was like a hundred times worse then what I made you watch on Saturday,” Ryan replied, throwing his hands in the air. The smell of the strong odours that rose from the urinals began to make them sick, so they finally decided on getting out of there and walking outside to the playground.

“Wh…what do you mean a hundred times worse? How bad is that?” Joey stuttered, feeling the urge to slap himself on the face, rising.

“Do you want to see it, because me describing it to you won’t make you understand how bad it was,” Ryan replied, placing his hands into his pocket to grab his PSP.

“You want me to watch that right here…Ryan look who’s on duty,” Joey said back in shock, he pointed to Ms Moutevelis who was telling off the little boys who looked as if they were about to cry.

“Err…okay how about we go behind that tree over there and you can watch it while I keep an eye out for her coming to us,” Ryan suggested, pointing to the place he was talking about.

“Dude if she catches us, you do know it will be the end of me and well you…your parents won’t be happy either,” Joey replied, walking slowly towards the tree with Ryan.

“God Joey, shut up and be a rebel for once,” Ryan retorted with an evil smirk across his face.
Joey laughed, secretively pulling out the PSP from Ryan’s pocket and then he walked to the back of the tree whilst Ryan remained on the opposite side, observing Ms Moutevelis suspiciously.

“Are you watching it?” Ryan whispered from the side of the tree, still focused on the teacher.

“Oh my god…you have got to be kidding me,” Joey replied from the back, feeling a huge hit of embarrassment fill up his red cheeks.

“I know…and to know that your mum and dad watched it, sends shivers down my spine…I really don’t envy you right now,” Ryan said back, scratching his neck gently.

“Shit,” Joey muttered under his breath, as he continued to watch the screen. “Okay, I don’t want to see anymore,” Joey replied, turning off the PSP as he slipped the memory card out of it.

“What do you think?” Ryan questioned, as he placed his PSP back into his side pocket.

“No comment,” Joey replied, shaking his head negatively, his face displaying a sour look. “We need to give this to James right now before the bell rings,” Joey retorted, looking around the playground to catch sight of their ‘pornography distributor’.

“Look, there he is,” Ryan said out loud, walking up to him. “Hey James, hold up a second,” He said again, getting closer to him as Joey followed from behind.

“Hey, what’s the matter…make it quick because It’s almost my turn,” James replied, getting ready to play a game of basketball.

“Yeah, alright Joey wants to give you the memory card back,” Ryan explained, turning to Joey as he spoke.

“Why? I thought you were going to keep it for a week,” James questioned, as he looked at Joey wanting an answer.

“Err well, I watched it and umm…” Joey trailed off, not finishing his answer.

“His parents found it and he’s in deep shit now,” Ryan retorted, finishing off Joey’s answer.

“Oh god, are you serious?” James questioned, his face displaying a shocked expression.

“Mmm,” Joey managed to hum, turning to the side uncomfortably, not wanting to tell him.

“Alright, well whatever I’ve got to go,” James replied, taking hold of the memory card Joey gave back to him and shoving it deeply into his school pants. “Oh and Joey, make sure you don’t tell them about me alright,” James said back quickly, taking hold of the ball and running into the court.

“Yeah don’t worry, I wont,” Joey replied, ignoring the fact that he was forced into telling his father about him.

***

Back at Billie Joe’s home, the three practised ‘The Saints Are Coming’ for only half an hour then decided to order some pizza and watch a few movies together.

“Hey Tré, what do you want to drink?” Billie called out from behind his mini bar he had in the game room.

“I feel like mixing some drinks and coming up with my own drink,” Tré replied, walking up to the front of the bar.

“Okay, I’ll pull out all the drinks I have and you can decide from there,” Billie suggested, pulling out a big bottle of vodka, baileys and Johnny walker (scotch).

“Ooo I’ll use this and that…oh and I need some Fanta to give it that sugary hit,” Tré replied, pouring a bit from every bottle.

“I think there’s some in the kitchen,” Billie answered, taking his drink and going up to his DVD cabinet to see what movie they were going to watch.

“Hey Mike what do you feel like watching?” Billie asked, noticing him coming into the room as Tré went to the kitchen.

“Err…you know I never watched that movie that Adam Sandler made…you know…with that remote thing,” Mike replied, going over to the bar and pouring some bailey’s into a small cocktail glass.

“Oh, you mean…click?” Billie answered, pulling it out from the row of DVD’s.

“Yeah…is it any good?” Mike asked, falling back gently into one of the lazy boy individual couches.

“Umm…to tell you the truth, I don’t remember watching it,” Billie muttered, taking it out of the case and placing it into the DVD player. The door bell rang and Billie went to answer it.

“Hello…pizza delivery,” the young delivery boy said, his smile turning into a grin when he realised who was standing right in front of him, grabbing the money from his wallet.

“Three boxes right,” Billie asked, helping the boy pull them out from the hot case.

“Y...yes sir, I mean…sir…shit,” the boy stuttered, slapping his head nervously.

“Err how about Billie Joe?” Billie replied, holding the boxes with a smirk across his face, he took instant notice of the boy’s Green Day shoes and the American idiot necklace. “You’re not a fan of Green Day are you?” Billie sarcastically asked, his smirk growing bigger.

“Not really, I’ve only got all their albums, I’ve listened to them since Dookie and I think I’ve been to every concert they’ve had during the years here in California,” The boy replied, his eyes slightly covered by his black straight hair.

“MIKE, TRÉ COME OUT HERE WITH A PEN AND PAPER!” Billie yelled back into his house, he went inside to put down the boxes in the foyer, watching the boy still standing outside nervously. “Come in here,” Billie offered, watching Mike come out from the game room.

“What’s wrong?” Mike asked, looking at the delivery boy normally. Billie went up to him and whispered something into his ear. Mike nodded and Billie walked off to go get something.

“So what’s your name?” Mike asked, smiling softly.

Billie walked back into the foyer holding a giant random Green Day poster and a red sharpie. Tré followed him from behind.

“Err…Joey,” the boy replied back, his eyes growing wider as he saw Tré walk out.

“What a coincidence, that’s my older son’s name,” Billie replied, beginning to write a message on the poster.

“Hey, what’s up,” Tré greeted him, shaking his hand kindly.

“I had no idea I’d ever be in the same room with you guys,” Joey said back, shaking Trés hand nervously.

“Well it’s not everyday we get a pizza delivery boy who happens to be a Green Day fan knocking on the door,” Mike said back, taking the pen from Billie and signing the poster. He then gave it to Tré and he rolled it up and handed it over to Joey.

“Thank you so much, you don’t know what this means to me,” Joey said back, walking out of the front door waiving back to the three of them. “Oh and good luck for next week in New Orleans.” he retorted with a grin.

“Thanks.” Mike said back, continuing to wave as did Billie.

“Cya.” Tré retorted quickly. He closed the door and walked over to grab his pizza box. “Movie time,” Tré sung out loud.

They all walked in and sat back into their couches, ready to watch the movie. Twenty minutes into the film Billie’s phone rang.

“Hello,” Billie said into the microphone, walking out of the room as to not disturb Mike and Tré from watching the movie.

“Hey Billie, how are you?” an older man’s voice replied back.

“BONO!” Billie exclaimed with a smile across his face. “I’m good and you?” Billie replied, walking around his house.

“Yeah I’m well, are you guys ready for next week?” Bono asked his voice slightly far away because of the phone line.

“Yeah, we’ll be leaving on Sunday afternoon,” Billie replied, seating himself on the kitchen stool.

“Good, that way we’ll all be ready for the photo shoot on Abby road,” Bono answered back, his Irish accent growing strong into the receiver.

“That’s going to be really fun,” Billie replied, taking a sip from his drink.

“Of course it is, so how’s your family and everyone,” Bono asked kindly, turning off the TV as to hear Billie clearer.

“Everyone is fantastic,” Billie answered back joyfully. They continued talking for over an hour, before Adie came home.

“Honey, say hi to Bono, he’s on the phone,” Billie ran to his wife as she entered the house holding over a dozen bags in each hand. She dropped them on the floor quickly and took the phone from Billie. He eyed his wife’s shopping bags, thinking of how much Adie had spent on clothes.

“Yeah, thank you and how are the kids and Allison?” Adie answered back into the receiver, holding the phone firmly against her ear. She pointed to the bags, meaning for Billie to take them up to their room. He did as he was told and grabbed the several big bags and carried them up to the room.

He decided to take a little look and see what his wife had bought. He grabbed hold of a bag from a bra and underwear shop, pulling out a black laced g-string.

“Err…” Billie muttered, holding the underwear as if it were a dirty used tissue. He threw it on the bed and continued scrambling through the bag only to pull out more and more g-strings. He stared at them dumbfounded, his eyes wide open thinking of what his wife was planning to do with all of them.

He quietly snuck out of his room and went back down to the game room to watch what was left of the movie.

“Well, you’re a little early for the movie don’t you think,” Mike sarcastically said out loud, pointing at the credits of the movie, signifying it was over.

“Sorry but Bono was on the phone and we got into a long conversation,” Billie explained.

“Oh, how is he?” Mike replied, watching Tré move around uncomfortably in his sleep.

“He’s good…why’s Tré asleep?” Billie answered, paying attention to his drummer.

“He was tired and felt like drifting off…actually, I think it’s from that drink he created,” Mike said back.

“What… he invented a sleeping potion or something?” Billie replied, smiling a toothy smile.

“Hey boys,” Adie walked in, standing behind Billie’s couch.

“Hey Adie,” Mike replied, Billie lifted his chin upward to see his wife from a low angle view.

“Babe, how many things did you buy today?” Billie asked, staring up at his wife as she looked down at him.

“Not much, I was actually thinking I’d buy more but there weren’t that many good things to buy,” Adie responded, finishing off with a priceless smile. Billie snorted softly as he giggled.

“You’re joking right?” He replied, feeling the crook between his neck begin to hurt.

“No, I’m going to go and pick up the boys alright.” Adie answered, nodding her head, making her way out the door.

“Alrighty,” Billie replied, supporting his neck by his palms, looking down at the carpet.

***

Later that night Joey sat upstairs in his bedroom looking out at the clear night sky. He could partially hear the muffled conversations and diabolical laughter, coming from downstairs. He wanted to desperately go downstairs and join his whole family, but he felt too ashamed to see his father, Mike, Tré and Adie. Jakob was the only one that didn’t know what had happened to Joey, though he was anxious to find out.

Joey wanted to grab a drink from the kitchen, but he was afraid of having to come in contact with either of them. He decided to take his own risk and quietly opened his bedroom door, very slowly trying to peak through and see if the coast was clear. He pushed himself out of his room and closed the door behind him. He slowly made his way to the top of the stairs, trying to avoid making any sounds with the steps he took.

The light from the games room everyone was in, glowed strongly into the foyer of their house. Seeing as the stairs were right next to the door leading into that room, Joey climbed over the railings on the last five steps and hopped down quietly onto the floor opposite the games room, then he managed to walk normally into the kitchen that was pitch black. Luckily enough he made his way to the refrigerator in this darkness and opened it up being the only source of light within that kitchen, other than the glowing luminosity coming from the doorway. He grabbed his drink and was about to close the refrigerators door when suddenly he felt a hand place itself onto his left shoulder. He jumped in sudden shock and turned around, only to be greeted by his father.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” his father spoke, looking at what Joey had in his hands.

“I didn’t get scared, I was just startled that’s all,” Joey replied, his heart beat slowing back down to a normal rate again.

“Doesn’t the kitchen light work in here?” Billie asked, switching the light on then glancing back at Joey

“I forgot to turn it on,” Joey lied, closing the refrigerator and facing his father.

“Mmm sure…why don’t you come and sit with us? Where having a great time,” Billie asked, pushing his son gently aside to grab a few beers from the refrigerator.

“I’m tired and I’m not in the mood,” Joey replied, walking around the counter to go back upstairs.

“Hey wait, hold on a tick,” Billie retorted calmly, grabbing a few cups from the cupboard.

“What’s wrong?” Joey replied, rolling his eyes rudely, but not letting his father take notice.

“How was school today?” his father questioned, breaking a few blocks of ice, throwing them into the glass cups on the counter.

“Fine, can I go now,” Joey replied, placing one hand on his waist as he leaned across the edge of the door way.

“Did you give James that memory card back?” He asked again, eyeing him quickly as he turned around to grab the lid opener.

“Yes, can I go to bed now?” Joey replied, anxious to leave looking behind him to make sure no one was going to merge from behind the stairs.

“It’s only 8:30 and you don’t go to bed till 10, Jakob’s all alone playing XBOX, go and join him,” He said again, looking up at the digital clock on the microwave as he continued to open up the remaining beers and pour them into the cups.

“Yeah ok,” Joey answered, ignoring his father and walking up the stairs back to his bedroom.

Billie placed the cups onto a tray and walked back to the games room only to find Mike, Tré, Adie and Jakob still inside.

“Where’s Joey?” Billie asked, looking at their faces. He placed the tray down and handed everyone their drink.

“Upstairs isn’t he?” Adie replied, glancing up at her husband.

“Yeah, but I told him to come in here,” Billie explained, sitting back into the couch watching

Jakob play Need For Speed on their big wide screen TV.

“Either he didn’t hear you or he ignored you,” Tré said out loud, taking a slow sip from his drink as he looked at Billie.

“He heard me alright…he just had an excuse that he was tired and wanted to go to bed,” Billie replied, thinking deeply.

“Jake, go call your brother from upstairs sweetie,” Adie ordered her son.

“Oh but mum, hold on I’m almost going to win,” Jakob replied, moving his hands with the movement of the car, rocking side ways and cursing at the other cars about to beat him, but quietly so that he wouldn’t get in trouble.

“I’ll go,” Tré spoke up, standing slowly from the couch, walking out the door with his drink.

“Thanks Tré,” Adie said back.

“No, no, NO!” Jakob exclaimed from the floor. He slapped himself gently as he watched the replay of his car coming in as second. “Wait, uncle Tré I’ll go,” Jakob piped up disappointedly as he walked near to the door. He pushed Tré back inside gently and ran up quickly.

“Alright, at least I don’t have to climb up the stairs,” Tré muttered loudly, walking back to the couch.

“Is Joey still angry about yesterday?” Mike questioned, looking back and forth at Billie and Adie.

“I don’t know, I guess,” Billie replied, shrugging his shoulders disappointedly, stirring the ice with his straw in a clock wise motion.

“I think he’s still angry at the fact we confiscated his guitar,” Adie talked, placing her cup onto the coffee table.

As Jakob ran upstairs in a hurry, he went quickly to the toilet and then ran to Joey’s room. He knocked on the door and walked in, not bothered to wait for an answer.

“Hey Joey,” Jakob said quietly shutting the door behind him. He walked over to his brother who was listening to his iPod.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Joey replied, pulling out the ear phones from his ears and pressing pause on the iPod.

“Well, mum and dad want you to come down stairs and sit with us, but I had another thought instead,” Jakob explained, pressing his legs against the edge of Joey’s bed.

“And what’s that thought exactly?” Joey replied, arching an eyebrow.

“Help me get my PSP back…and I’ll get your guitar back?” Jakob answered, a mischievous smirk slowly forming at the edges of his mouth.

“It’s impossible to do either one of them,” Joey said back, tugging at his shirt.

“Not really…we can do it now because Mike and Tré are like being good distractions, it gives us time to sneak into mums and dads room to see where it is,” Jakob pleaded, wanting to grab his brother and push him out the room to get started with his plan.

“Fine, but if we get caught, do remember you will be the one to cop it…all of it,” Joey threatened, getting up from his bed and shoving a pillow underneath his sheets to make it look as if there was a body sleeping underneath. “Go do this to your bed, just in case one of them comes in to our rooms whilst we’re in their room,” Joey explained pushing his brother gently out the door.

After planning out their ideas, they crawled onto their knees passed the stairs to their parent’s bedroom and quietly got inside without making a peep.

“Alright, so where would he put it?” Joey asked, turning on the lamp on one of the side tables as to keep a low coverage of their presence in the room.

“I don’t know…his drawers?” Jakob whispered, beginning to search around.

“Where’d all these shopping bags come from?” Joey whispered back, walking over them.

“Who cares, let’s just find it already,” Jakob replied, scuffling through his dad’s underwear drawer.

“Did you find it?” Joey asked slowly walking over towards Jakob.

“No, but what are these?” Jakob said, pulling out a box of Ansell Condoms.

“Don’t know, let me read it,” Joey replied, grabbing hold of the small box and reading the back.

“I thought he threw out all his cigarette packets?” Jakob said, watching his brother read the box.

“Jake, these aren’t cigarettes…I don’t really know what they are…oh wait…” Joey replied, trailing off as he read more detail. “Oh Yuk!” Joey exclaimed at a very soft voice, he let go of the box and threw it onto the floor.

“What, what is it?” Jakob questioned concernedly, picking up the box to take a better look at it.

“Jakob they’re for sex, just put it back in the drawer,” Joey informed his innocent brother.

“What…how?” Jakob questioned, throwing it back into the drawer and closing it quietly.
“It just is okay,” Joey retorted, not wanting to explain.

“Oh Joey, I’m old enough to know…I wont tell anyone I swear,” Jakob whined, looking around the master bedroom.

“Shhh…can you hear that?” Joey replied, putting a finger to his mouth as he stared directly at the door. The sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs grew louder. “Oh shit, get under the bed!” Joey shrieked, shoving himself after Jakob under their parent’s bed.

“Oh my god, they’re coming right in here,” Jakob whispered, nervous and scared. He covered his head between his arms and shut his eyes quickly.

The foot steps ceased and the door knob of the master bedroom slowly turned anti-clockwise. Both Joey’s and Jakob’s heart beats were racing faster and faster, in fear of being caught. Joey decided to do what Jakob did and covered his head between his arms trying to not make any breathing noises.

Their mother walked in.