Love&Drugs

My eyes flutter shut before I can stop them. But as soon as I pry them open again, John is still in front of me and my eyes meet his. My brain feels frozen. Eventually someone clears their throat so I flicker my gaze away and sharply to my feet before I realize that it was the red-headed one that made the noise.

"I'm not sure who you are Alice, but it's nice to meet you. I'm Jared." He says, an amused smirk plastered on his face, while glancing between John and I. I just look at him in return, tracing a pattern onto the exposed part of my stomach because I have a habit of doing that. The smallest steps forward next.

"I'm P-pat. And that's Garrett, Kennedy, and, well, obviously that's John as you... somehow already know."

Again, I allow my eyes to move but nothing else. It's obvious just by their expressions that none of them, including John and Tim, know what to make of me but I don't care. The coincidence of the situation is beyond the realm of reality and more along the lines of a Hollywood drama.

Tim, who is quite obviously the authority figure out of the six of them, disregards the awkwardness of the other boys and looks around him, taking in the chaos of the area as the next band prepares to go on.

"How about we hangout in the hallway?" Before the words are even out of his mouth, he begins to lead the group away and I, not having any other option, trail along behind. I honestly have no idea where this could possibly be going.

John, being the last of the boys, holds the door open for me as we exit the stage and I walk past him without saying anything. Sometimes words have the tendency to explode from my mouth, but now there isn't a single part of me that desires to utter a sound.

We come to a stop at a quiet portion of the hallway and I take a place against the wall, leaning into it. The boys pass coded looks but I pretend like I don't notice.

"So. How do, uh, you two know eachother?" The one who's name I forget but has shaggy hair covering nearly his entire head inculding his face, gestures between John and I.

I look at John, who is already looking at me. The silent agreement between both of us is clear; we never expected to run into eachother ever again. After all, what are the odds? Somehow, however, he's different. His posture, his expression, his silence that mirrors mine.

All of the guys are staring at John too, waiting for an answer since I have quite obviously been choosing not to talk. It's simply because it's unexpected that I decide to speak up.

"We met on a flight here. Two months ago," I say emotionlessly, watching in disguised entertainment as they all turn to look at me in surprise. Hell, all of them, aside from Tim and John, probably thought I didn't know how to talk.

John nods to his band mates in confirmation.

"So that was it? You just met on a plane and then got off and.. that was it?" asks Pat, immediately causing John's jaw to clench. I watch in curiosity, trying to follow the tide of the conversation but without an obviously important piece of the story.

"Yes. 'That was it'." John repeats mockingly and it's as though everyone else lets out a collective sigh of relief. I'm not sure what to make of that. John proceeds to allow his gaze to wander, no longer paying attention to anyone at all.

"Talk about weird coincidences! How'd you end up here? Like, did you know we were playing?" asks the one I vaguely remember being introduced as Kennedy. I bite my lip, somewhat annoyed that I am the focus of the conversation and that John doesn't even pretend to give two shits.

"No, she didn't even know who you guys were. Right, Alice?"

I nod at Tim's statement, glancing out of the corner of my eye over at John, who now has his phone out and who's fingers are moving a mile a minute, texting someone I surely don't know. Clearly, I am not interesting enough to be honored with his attention.

Realizing that the guys are still staring at me, waiting for me to answer the rest of Kennedy's question, I clear my throat and try to shake John from my thoughts.

"I'm visiting a friend. He works here," I say, literally stiff enough to be the equivilant of having a rod up my ass. The guys nod, and I feel myself warming up to the them a little bit. The tap of John's texting, however, keeps me from relaxing.

"Who's your friend? Maybe we know him. We come hear practically every tour since we live in the Tempe area anyway." Jared asks. Before I can open my mouth to answer, I glance down the hallway instinctively, sensing the approaching figure. As I lay eyes on the person, I smile lightly and wait.

"Alice! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to just leave you like that," Derek gushes once he's within hearing distance, unaware of his precise timing. I nod and glance at the boys from The Maine, all of whom are now smiling at Derek.

"Dude! Derek's your friend?"

I nod again at the one whose name I suddenly remember is Garrett and he laughs. Derek gives each of them a bro-hug, aside from John who is still on his phone. I feel the heat rushing to my face. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about him.

"Derek took care of serious business tonight!" Pat says, redirecting my attention and I watch curiously as Tim drapes his arm over Derek's shoulder. Weird, considering just a few hours ago Derek claimed to have no idea who they were.

I send Derek a look and he immediately catches on.

"We had a fan problem, which is why I had to leave you- I'm really really sorry. Since I'm head of security now they called me down to handle it."

He shrugs but the guys shove him around. I'm at a loss. They all start talking at once, joking around, but all I can hear is the faint tap of John's iphone. His relentless pounding on the keys, waiting for a reply, and then resuming typing. Tap, Tap, Tap Tap, Tap, Tap. Every second ticks by, my face growing redder after each. Like he's trying to torment me.

"Hey, Alice, Derek's coming out for a few drinks with us after the show, you wanna tag along?" Garrett asks suddenly, looking over at me with a smile, but when I hear John's phone beep, I lose it. Everything in my line of sight disappears, except for the tall, lanky guy standing isolated from everyone else. Almost like I am, except out of different circumstances.

"I'm sorry, your Highness, are we bothering you?"

My voice cuts through the air like a knife and overtakes all other conversation going on around me. I ignore everyone's shocked stares and keep my dangerous gaze on John, who pauses mid text and slowly looks up at me. He looks stunned. I refuse to relent and after a stretch of silence, he finally straightens up, clears his throat, and runs an uneasy hand through his hair.

"No, I mean... no. I, uh, am having an important conversation," he stutters. I smile, but only as a show of teeth.

"Clearly."

This time, the silence stretches on endlessly. I keep eye contact with John through it all.

The noise from the stage is all that I hear, but then I feel Derek's arm slide over my shoulders. He makes a noise in the back of his throat, trying to dispel the awkwardness in the air.

"So, about those drinks. Alice?"

After a moment, I look at him and nod. Then, I do my best to offer an innocent smile to the other guys.

"Of course, I'd be honored to." I say in a false voice, one that only Derek picks up on, and I can't resist shooting a glance at John as I emphasize "honored". It was almost fun.

The guys recover fast and they all return my smile. Jared is the only one to show any reaction to my little outburst, chuckling to himself and watching John, who's still somewhere behind me all by himself.

"Sounds like a plan. We'll meet you both around back after the show's over and we've hung out with the fans a little," Pat says, almost bouncing with excitement. Derek fist pounds Garrett and Kennedy before leading me away from the group.

He doesn't say anything for a while. After a while he shakes his head, clearly breaking out of his thoughts.

"Should I ask?" He asks, slightly confused, partly entertained.

I look at him with a smirk.

"Probably not."

He nods and accepts my advice. Yet another thing I love about Derek.

: :

Two hours later and Derek and I are hanging around back of the Crescent Ballroom, waiting for The Maine to come out. I pull out a cigarette as we lean side by side against the building wall. Derek watches as I get the pack out and when I light up, he makes a guttural noise.

"What?"

He stares at the object in my fingers unflinchingly.

"Since when has this caught on?" he asks in disgust and gestures to the cigarette. I cross one arm over my chest, raising the paper to my lips with the other. After taking a drag, I blow the smoke into the air above me.

"Since I got back from Philly and realized I have no life," I tell him, defensive as hell. Derek shakes his head and takes it from my fingers, stomping it out before I can process it.

"What the hell, Derek? It's just a cigarette!"

Derek rolls his eyes looks down the alleyway.

"Yeah, well when you die from lung cancer it won't be just a cigarette anymore."

I let out a 'huh' before letting it go. Despite my annoyance, it feels strange to have someone looking out for me again, simply out of genuine care and nothing more. It feels warm. And after being in the cold for so long the complacency is beyond what I'd ever have expected.

We make small talk for a while, until I felt the change in the air and expected the change in subject.

"I never got to ask... how's the treatment coming? Are they still making you take meds? See a therapist?"

I look down the alley for a few minutes, not really wanting to talk about it. I sigh, only relaxing when he reaches out to massage my neck supportively.

"You and I both know that I never did and never will take those fucking pills but yeah, they're still trying to convince me to. I stopped going to therapy a couple weeks after I got back but that might be changing soon, according to my parents."

Derek thinks about my words for a few more minutes before leaning back against the brick wall.

"Well, you're 23, it's not like they can force you to do any of it if you don't want to." He shrugs and I laugh humorlessly.

"Actually, they can. As we both can recall from 'The Incident', one miss step and they lock me up until a judge deems me ok to be released. I guess that's just a perk of being certifiably insane, huh?"

Out of nowhere, I feel the tears burning at the back of my eyes and I press my lips together to keep them in. Derek, already noticing my reaction, pulls me into a strong hug.

"You aren't insane, Alice. I know it and you know it and that's all that matters." He whispers into my ear. I let out a shakey breath and cling onto his thick biceps, liking the way they feel. Once I regain control, I pull away from him and he smiles at me.

"Besides, I've seen you on and off all afternoon and you seem perfectly fine to me."

I roll my eyes teasingly and wipe my hair out of my face before kicking some stones scattered on the black top.

"Oh yes, because my social skills are obviously up to normal standards," I retort back sarcastically, but not unkindly, watching as a stone bumps and skitters it's way down the uneven pavement. Derek shrugs in my peripheral vision.

"Seems to me like you're doing just fine."

His words come easily and I love that. Unable to resist, I look up from the ground to smile full heartedly at him. He returns it, just as the back door opens and five band members come piling out. Kennedy is first, and he pauses for a moment when he sees my expression, without any maliciousness behind it. I quickly wipe it off my face but not before he smiles in return, looking pleasantly surprised. I can't help but think that he better not get used to seeing me do that.

The rest of the boys follow him, all except Tim, but I don't bring that up.

"All right gang, let's roll out!" Garrett shouts, clapping and then rubbing his hands together. I fall in step beside Derek but then glance behind me, where John is trailing along a few paces back past Jared, his phone glued to his ear. I narrow my eyes but as I return my gaze forward, Jared's eyes meet mine. I hold eye contact for a milisecond longer before returning forward.

As we turn the corner onto the sidewalk I feel a gentle tug on my arm and I spin around in surprise. Jared offers me a friendly smile and holds onto me until I match his pace. Derek, already glancing back to make sure I'm ok, nods when Jared lifts his chin at him then takes a few quick steps to catch up with Pat. They immediately start talking and I stare for a few moments before Jared clears his throat to catch my attention.

"You're different," he says, glancing at me for only a moment before returning his gaze forward. I, despite myself, let out a quick huff of humor and quickly begin fumbling around, pulling my hair up in a sloppy ponytail.

"You're perceptive. Thanks for not beating around the bush. I'm bipolar... although some may argue that I'm just plain crazy. Take your pick," I say, not meeting his stare but shrugging to brush it off.

I don't how, but I can tell Jared is smiling and I resist shivering as a cool breeze rolls over me. I quickly pull my flannel back on while waiting for a response. Suddenly, there's an increase in volume of John's voice behind us but he's too far back now for me to make out the conversation. I glance behind us and roll my eyes. Jared takes notice.

"I'm not sure what he was like when you met, but he's changed since, obviously. There's a lot of... complications in his life right now," he explains, partly with an underlying sarcasm. Somehow it seems like he's on my unofficial side and while I don't understand it, I believe it.

"I only knew him for the plane ride, I expect nothing from him," I say but Jared only nods slowly, not looking convinced at all.

By now, we were turning into a bar that I'd only ever taken notice of breifly. It's crowded, so I squeeze my way in behind Derek, Jared flanking me closely. As we enter, the mass of people parts for our group and, being the only female with a number of overly attractive males, I feel the glares burning into my skin from the getgo. It's obvious that more than a few of them recognize the band and I am suddenly self conscious. I angle my head so that I can see Jared slightly.

"They won't, like, take pictures or anything, right? The fans, I mean?" I ask, sounding small, and Jared glances around in survey. After a moment, he looks back at me and smiles comfortingly, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"Probably not," he says and I nod. Garrett is the first to sit down at a large table in the corner, slightly separate from the rest of the room and I slide into the circular booth next to Derek. The first round finds its way to our table in no time, and the feel of alcohol sliding down my throat is beautiful.

I ignore John as much as possible and he ignores all of us just the same, having chosen to go to the bar rather than sit with the group. By 1 AM I'm buzzed and John is positively plastered; it's obvious. The conversation at the table is relaxed and fun though, and the liquid courage has me actually being a participating party.

"So, Alice. Did you know, Garrett used to have a nose ring just like your's?" Kennedy asks, his voice slurring slightly and I shake my head, glancing at Garrett in the process.

"No, obviously. Did it look as good on you as it does on me?" I ask teasingly, now focusing soley on Garrett and I take note of the faint blush on his cheeks.

"Uh, probably not." He says, fussing with his hair and putting it in further disarray in the process. The guys at the table laugh and I smirk, taking another sip from my drink. I jump when I feel my phone vibrating and then blush faintly as I quickly pull it out of my back pocket, ignoring the curious eyes on me.

Trying to hide my disgust, I press ignore and slide the iphone away again.

"Do you need to take that?" Pat asks and I shake my head sternly, giving Derek a look I know he'll understand.

"Definitely not."

Nobody questions me further. I am not in the mood to talk to or about my charming parents so I don't explain. As the conversation continues, I begin to pick up on Garrett sending inconspicuous gestures to Jared and I look between the two in interest. I'm at a loss at first but when Garrett meaningfully nods towards the bar, I know. John.

Observing for myself, I watch as he leans in towards a pretty blonde girl, her hair pin straight and her dress one centimeter from exposing her ass. He whispers in her ear and she giggles, not seeming to care that he's piss-assed drunk. Then again, that could just be because she is too.

His entire body is sways and I cringe, just as Jared heaves a sigh and gets up from his place on the booth. When he reaches the two and places a friendly, yet assertive hand on John's arm, I shake my head in disgust and look away.

Kennedy notices me and smiles half-heartedly.

"He's on a downward spiral. We're trying our best to soften the landing," he says and I nod but don't say anything.

"He really is a nice guy, you know? He's just struggling a little," Pat explains and I resist the urge to roll me eyes. He's "struggling"? Give me a break.

Derek nudges me with his knee knowingly, shooting the guys a bright smile.

"At least he's off his damn cell phone, right?" he cracks and the guys smile at him but only out of appreciation, not humor.

"Tallie probably shut him down for the night. It'll be the same tomorrow. Just like every other fucking night," Garrett grunts, his eyes on his fingers, which were tracing patterns into the table.

I feel bad for him then, and all of the guys, and I now clearly see just how good-hearted they all truly are. It doesn't matter to them if John is acting like a jack ass- he is their friend and they stand by him because of it. It's admirable - stupid - but still admirable.

"Who's Tallie?" I ask, not caring if it's personal. Kennedy huffs in annoyance just as Jared rejoins the table. John isn't with him.

"She's the biggest, fakest bitch you'll ever meet. I don't know why John wastes his time," Jared spits, having heard my question. I can't say the news surprises me.

Suddenly, my phone begins to vibrate again but I don't even bother looking at the caller ID. It's my parents, worrying that their psycho child is out running the streets at night and tarnishing their name. I do my best to participate again but when my phone goes off for a third, and then a fourth time, I decide I've had enough. I pull my iphone out of my pocket it and slap it into Derek's lap.

"If they call again, tell them I'm dead and that they should leave me the hell alone," I say and he looks at me, trying not to laugh while also appearing understanding. Jared is already scooting out of the booth when I spin to him and I glide out without another word. I'm about to leave out the front entrance when I realize that they may be out looking for me and think twice. Instead, I walk to the back, finding an exit there just like I suspected there would be. I fling the door open and sigh in relief at the silence I find in the night.

The door swings shut behind me and I close my eyes, breathing in air like I'd just come up out of the surface of a pool. When I hear a noise echo from somewhere to my right, I immediately become alert, however, and turn steely eyes down the alley towards where a familiar figure is leaning against the building.

"Alice," John greets lazily, still drunk but appearing less than before. I really want to turn around and walk away but I can't let him think he intimidates me so I stay. I don't respond though and pull a cigarette out instead. I feel the singer watching me and when he asks for one I answer sharply without thinking.

"No."

He chuckles darkly, one that hits me somewhere in the chest.

"I really shouldn't be surprised when you act the way you do, I expect it without even knowing you. You still catch me off guard though. I don't know why that is," he says, his voice void of all arrogance and intoxication. I don't trust it, but he seems almost... sad. And that surprises me.

I'm silent for a moment before I shake my head and clear my thoughts.

"Well, I'm glad you're so confident you have me figured out, John. Because right about now, it looks to me like that's the only thing you have a handle on," I say venomously and he smirks bitterly, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets and turning to direct a burning gaze at me. His defined cheek bones and jaw line catch the moon light, as well as his green eyes, and I watch warily as he slowly peels his tall frame away from the wall.

"You know, Alice, I don't give a flying shit what you think you know. You don't have a fucking clue who I am. But if you're so convinced that I'm not worth your time because I'm a fuck up and a dick and whatever else, I'll tell you what; it takes one to know one."

With that, he brushes past me and disappears back into the bar without another word or passing glance. I stare after him in shock for a moment before letting out a humorless bark of laughter.

"I believe I've just been insulted."

As my voice falls silent, it's overtaken by the sounds of Phoenix at night.