On the Edge

Frank shuffled his feet beneath him as he wiped a single tear from his cheek. He looked down, avoiding eye contact with the joggers and tourist walking the huge bridge that stood tall over the Delaware river. He positioned his thumb above his foot, mentally placing a thumb print over his shoe on an imaginary glass tabletop. He would do anything to go back to that moment in time. He would go back and do it right.

The memories of the day after flooded Franks mind. He remembered that morning so vividly. Suddenly struck with the same guilty feeling he had all that morning, he rested his elbows on the blue railing in front of him and placed his face in his hands.

-

Frank's P.O.V

Waking up with someone in bed with me was nothing like I imagined. I was expecting to roll over and pull them tightly into my arms and whisper 'good morning' in the sweetest tone. Instead, I was awoken by a figure tip toeing out of my bedroom with clothes in hand. I groaned, rubbing my eyes and looking at the clock that sat on the nightstand. "Seven," I exhaled.

I laid there and debated if I should roll over and fall back asleep or hop in the shower. I rubbed my face and turned to my side. My whole body ached. I decided I'd fall back asleep for a few hours until I heard a noise coming from the front door. I moaned, stumbling to my feet and slipping on the pair of boxers that lied on the floor next to my bed. I peered out of my bedroom door and saw the girl from the night before tugging on the door. I took a few steps toward her. "Here, let me help you out."

Startled, she turned around to face me. Her face became flushed when she realized her escape plan hadn't turned out so slick. Her hair was disheveled and her liquid eyeliner smeared above her eyelids. In her hands were a pair of panties and her bright red high heels. She cleared her throat. "Thanks," she said sheepishly.

I simply unlocked the deadbolt and the door opened with ease. I looked at her and smiled, trying to let a little light into this awkward situation. "Do you need a ride anywhere?"

She shook her head as she stepped into the hall. "No, a friend is picking me up." I nodded, watching her slowly back away from me. "Thanks though."

"No problem." I said, taking a step back into my apartment. I didn't know anything about this girl, not even her name. I struggled to find a way to say bye to her. See you around and see you later didn't fit this situation. Living in the city made it nearly impossible to have a chance encounter with anyone like her again. I settled for just a simple goodbye and snapped out of my train of thought. I found myself staring at the floor. I quickly looked up, forcing a smile. But my smile fell once I realized she was no longer there. I peered out of my apartment and down the hall. She was nowhere in sight.

I let out a sigh of relief, turning to shut and lock the door. I stepped into the kitchen and reached for the cabinet above my head. I pulled out a glass and filled it with water from the sinks faucet. As I brought the glass to my lips, I looked over my living room. Gerard was sprawled out on the couch. His mouth hung open and he had a bottle in his hand that was resting on the floor. Mikey was curled up on the love seat, gripping onto a pillow as if he was trying to keep warm. Ray was on the floor with his arm resting across his face, blocking the early morning sunlight that peered through the bayview window.

From outside I heard a car door shut. I walked through the scattered bodies in my living room and glanced out the window. I looked down and the girl had just gotten into the passenger seat of her friends car. She looked up at my apartment window and noticed me looking down at her. She gave a small smirk and waved. I returned the gesture and the car pulled away.

I turned around, looking at the three men scattered across my living room. I decided they were going to be awake for a while so I crawled back in bed. I sunk beneath the sheets and tried to remember what happened that night. The last thing I thought I remembered was the guys leaving me at the bar with the girl. I started to retrace my steps when a huge feeling of guilt swept over me. I remembered seeing you. I remembered locking eyes with you. And then I remembered leaving you.

Remembering the look of despair and eagerness in your eyes made my heart sink. I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. I breathed deeply to calm my nerves. I was confused. Why was I so concerned about you? You were a stranger. You were just some beautiful girl working at a bar. Getting lost in my guilty conscience and whirlwind of thoughts, I fell back asleep.

The remainder of the day you were on my mind. The guys had eventually woken up and we went out for breakfast at the south street diner. We sat there for a good hour joking about things that happened the night before and putting pieces together. They informed me of the girl seducing me right in the middle of the bar and how they left shortly after that. None of us knew how we all made it back to my place. But I never informed them of how I left the bar and saw you sitting there sobbing on the sidewalk. I never told them about the sinking feeling I had when I first locked eyes with you. I never told them about the girl tugging on my arm and dragging me away. And I certainly never told them that I left with my one night stand instead of running across the street to help you. Leaving you that night left an emptiness in my chest that I couldn't shake. I needed to see you again.

Four weeks later, it was now the second week of May. I couldn't stop wondering about you in those weeks that passed. I couldn't pass Jon's without being reminded of the first and only night I saw you. I went to that bar a few times with buddies from school, but you were always nowhere to be found. We worked within blocks of each other. You were always so close, yet so far. With the passing of those four weeks, I concluded that maybe there was a reason I haven't seen you since. And once I was confident in that conclusion, I saw you again.

I would have been going to my final class of the semester on the evening I saw you again. Instead, I was behind the counter at Repo Records dusting off old vinyls. The sun was setting and I was aching to get off work so I could head over a buddy's place for a few drinks. You weren't on my mind. You weren't on my mind for a few days before that night. The thought of you was slowly slipping away from my conscience. I had given up on wanting to see you again. I convinced myself that I wasn't ever going to.

But there were many nights I'd lie in bed and wonder what I'd say to you if we met. Would I introduce myself as if that night I saw you sobbing on the sidewalk never happened? Would you recognize me as the guy that just left you when you were in desperate need of help? Were you even in desperate need of help? Maybe you were just having a terrible night and needed to let all your frustrations out. But I know for some reason, through your tears and sobs, you looked up and locked eyes with mine. And my eyes were torn away from yours all too quickly. I will forever regret that moment.

"Are you still doing that?" I became alert as my boss called out my name, coming around the corner. I was examining every vinyl cover I dusted off, sometimes tracing over the images with my thumb. "You've been dusting vinyls for the past thirty minutes," he chuckled. "Why don't you take a smoke break?"

I didn't need to take a smoke break. I was too preoccupied memorizing guitar riffs in my head to even think about a cigarette. I accepted his offer anyway. I needed to get out of the tiny cramped record store for some fresh air. The weather was finally starting to warm up and more people began to crowd the streets. I placed the cigarette to my lips and lit it, inhaling deeply. I let out a sigh of relief, noticing that the sun was setting and the lights on south street were becoming brighter.

I shoved my right hand into my pants pocket and brought the cigarette to my lips once more. I just stood there watching people as they walked by. I wasn't thinking about anything and just enjoying my cigarette when I heard someone call out my name. "Frank, my dude!"

I turned to see an old friend of mine from college walking up to me. "What's up man!" I said, leaning into him and giving him a pat on the back.

"Nothing much bro," he said, leaning against the dirty windows of the record store. "What have you been up to? I haven't seen you around lately."

"I dropped out of school man," I said, taking another drag of my cigarette. "Back in April."

"Really?" He asked, surprised. "Do you still talk to Parker at all?"

"Yeah," I nodded, flicking more ash off my cigarette. I kept my arm resting by my side, letting the cigarette dangle between my fingers. I looked past him, watching a group of people walk toward us. "I'm actually heading over to his pla-" I froze. The group of people behind him cleared and that's when my eyes met your pretty face once more. I stuttered, staring at you as you walked in my direction. My old friend looked behind him to see what I was looking at. He saw nothing. To him you were just another person enjoying this warm evening on south street.

"You alright man?" He asked as you walked straight past us, not acknowledging us at all. I broke my stare and shifted my focus back on him. He had a concerned look on his face.

"Oh, yeah." I said, confidently. "I- I just thought I saw something." I glanced behind me. You weren't there. It was as if you disappeared into thin air.

"Alright man well I'm heading off." He said, sensing my now heightened mood. "It was nice seeing you again."

"Same man," I said, "I'll be at Parker's place tonight if you want to stop by."

"I might stop by," he chuckled. "See ya man."

I nodded as he turned to walk away. I noticed my rapid heart beat and turned around to see if I could spot you through the crowds of people walking away. The bright lights of south street were now brighter due to the sun almost completely setting. They set off a glare, making it harder to distinguish the figures disappearing down south. I gave up on searching. "Maybe I'm just imagining things." I muttered beneath my breath, dropping the cigarette to the ground before stomping on it.

I ran a hand through my hair and turned to go back inside. I sighed, thinking I had let you slip away from me once more. But in the back of my mind I knew that if I had the chance to speak to you, I wouldn't have enough guts to even mutter a simple word. Staring at my feet, I made my way back into the record store. I heard shuffling coming from behind me at the front of the store. I just figured it was my boss rearranging albums. "Feel better?" I heard his voice speak in front of me.

I looked up and he was making his way from behind the counter. "Yeah, uh. Sure." I stammered. He made his way toward the back of the store and disappeared into the back room. The shuffling continued as I made my way behind the counter that overlooked the front of the store. I froze once more. But this time my whole body was stunned.

There you stood in my record store, glancing through vinyls that I had dusted off a few days before. Your fingers danced across the collection as your eyes sifted through various album titles. You were wearing a mint floral print dress that seemed to make the color of your natural red hair pop even more. You adjusted your brown bag on your left shoulder and continued to glance through the vinyls, leaving me unnoticed.

I stood there with my eyes fixated on you as you moved to a different collection of vinyls. You paused as if you felt my deep stare and turned toward me. Your eyes widened as you met my gaze. You quickly shifted your vision down to the vinyls. I tried to say something, but I couldn't even make a sound. I was still frozen. The girl that I couldn't stop thinking about night after night was standing right before me and I couldn't even speak. I hurried, trying to get my nervous thoughts together. But before I worked up enough courage to speak up, you were making your way out of my presence.

You had recognized me. You recognized me as the guy that left you that night. You recognized me as that asshole who ran off with some drunk girl rather than help out an innocent one. But most importantly, you recognized me. You recognized me and you fell asleep thinking about me that night.