Status: (active / also on mcrfanfiction)
On the Edge
IX
"Here you go!" Anas said over the crowd as she handed me a drink.
"Thanks!" I said with a nod. I peered over the cup as I took a sip. Your brother, Owen, was about to take the stage as his rap persona Hop Hobson. We stood toward the back of the venue, allowing his fans to crowd the floor. Surprisingly, about three hundred kids showed up to see him.
Anas handed you a drink before she turned to face the stage. "I always knew you had a thing for my brother." You told her as you swirled the straw around the cup.
"Was it that obvious?" Anas questioned.
"Well, yeah." You rolled your eyes before taking a drink. "Gosh, I need about four more drinks to get that image of you two naked out of my mind."
"Slow down babe," I said, giving you a wink as I took your cup. "You've already had quite a few." You scrunched up your nose as I took a sip of your drink. I chuckled at how drunk you already were and handed it back. "No wonder why you've already had four of those, that shit is good."
"Exactly." You stated, giving me a fake glare. I shook my head with a smirk, causing you to giggle.
You took another drink as the lights on the stage began to dim. The crowd erupted into cheers before Owen ran out on stage. "The fuck is up, Philly!" He yelled into the microphone.
You laughed at your brother as the music began. I found myself nodding my head to the smooth beat that boomed through the venue. He began rapping, his voice just as smooth as the music. "Wow." I mouthed as I turned to you. "He's actually pretty good."
"Don't tell him that." You scoffed with another roll of your eyes. I bit my bottom lip, trying to hide the smirk that was growing. I wanted to kiss you right then and there, but it wasn't the right time.
But when was the right time?
Is there ever a right time?
I've never been so pressed on someone before. I was trying hard not to fuck up any chance I had with you. I was used to just doing things spontaneously with girls. If I wanted to kiss them, I'd kiss them. If I wanted them to come home with me, I'd find a way to make it happen. With you, I over thought every little thing. I thought twice-even three times before saying something to you. I thought four times before doing something. This was all new to me.
I found myself staring at you. Your eyes were fixated on your younger brother as he jumped around on stage. The lights illuminated your face to the beat, giving your flawless pale skin a bit of color. Fuck it, I thought. Fuck thinking.
You felt my gaze upon your beautiful face which caused you to turn to me. You had an expression of drunken confusion plastered across your face. I gave you a quick grin which you returned with a smirk. "Why are you staring at-"
Your sentence was cut short as you noticed me lean in toward you. You stepped back abruptly, looking at me in utter confusion once more. "Uh-" I chuckled nervously as I took a step back. I hoped you were too drunk to notice I was trying to kiss you. I eagerly tried to calm my nerves. "I- I have to use the bathroom." I said, gripping onto my cup a bit tighter.
"I do too." You spoke up as I began to step away. I watched you sit your cup on the floor next to Anas before taking your place next to me. You followed me through the venue to the restrooms, which were by the front doors.
"After you." I said, motioning my arm out toward the door.
You looked deeply into my eyes before cupping my face in your hands. My lips were pulled against yours quicker than I could process what just happened. Startled, I dropped my beer to the floor. I felt the liquid seep into my torn sneakers. The thought of my soggy shoes was pushed aside as I found my arms wrapping around your waist. You bit my bottom lip and pulled away as my jaw hung low. I let out a groan with my lip still between your teeth and pushed you against the wall.
You rested your head against the wall, exposing your neck. I pressed my lips against your warm skin, gently nibbling at it. A soft moan came from your eager lips as you took a handful of my hair in your hand. You yanked my head back by tugging on my hair roughly. Your liquor stained lips were against mine once more.
I deepened the kiss as I ran my hand through your hair, pulling you closer to me. You moaned into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around me. Your lips parted from mine, only to be pressed firmly against my neck. I tilted my head back, letting out a deep groan once I felt your teeth against my skin. I hoisted you up against the wall as you wrapped your legs around my waist. My hips dug into yours as I pushed you against the wall harder.
In the cascade of intense kisses, I lost my balance. I found myself stumbling against the bathroom door, struggling to keep you in my arms. I caught my balance and pulled you up closer to me. I hastily pushed you against the door. Suddenly, we were stumbling backward into the dirty venue bathrooms. Our lips never parted as the stall caught our tumble.
"Frank," You moaned breathlessly as I thrusted my hips against yours. You were squeezed between my rough embrace and the stall. Your head rested against the dirty surface as I bit your neck. Your eyes were closed in pure pleasure as I began running a hand up your shirt.
"Hmm." I hummed against your ear, kissing your lips once more.
"Nn-not- here." You managed between kisses.
Concerned, I pulled away to look at you. You extended your legs, allowing yourself to stand. You smiled at me. "Just-not here." You repeated as you took my hand and led me out of the bathroom.
-
"You're a tease." I chuckled softly as I sat on my bed. I rested my head against my shoulder, keeping the phone against my ear as I began to roll a blunt.
"What are you talking about?!" You asked, voice full of sarcastic shock.
"You know what I'm talking about." I said slyly, mentioning our bathroom incident that happened a few days before.
"Psh." You scoffed. Even through the phone, I could tell you were trying to hold back laughter.
"You're a silly one." I smirked, bringing the blunt wrap to my lips to seal it.
You giggled then paused for a moment, allowing the background noise from your apartment to be clearly heard. "Hey babe, one sec. My brother just walked through the door."
"Okay." I said, bringing the blunt to my lips. I lit up and inhaled the green goodness into my lungs. I exhaled slowly, sending smoke through my bedroom.
"Mom called." I heard Owen speak. "The family is having some cook out this weekend and she wants us to come. I know it's short notice but she was wondering if you and I could make it."
"Yeah, I'll take off work." The tone of your voice changed from energetic and quirky to full of sympathy and sadness. There was a moment of silence before I heard a gentle sigh. "Sorry about that." You said softly.
"That's fine babe." I said, taking another hit of the blunt.
"Did you hear that?" You asked. "I may not be able to see you this weekend."
"I understand." I said. "You can see me any time you're here. It'll be good to go visit your family."
"I know," you gave another sigh. "But it's not the same."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, with you I'm so carefree and full of happiness. When I go back home to Maryland, it just feels empty..." You trailed off. "Y'know, with my cousin not there. This weekend will be the two month anniversary of his death."
"I know," I said softly. The blunt hung lazily between my fingers as I articulated the words to say. "Your cousin is always there watching over you, though. He's with spiritually now; not physically."
"You always know the right things to say." You said, your voice lightening up a bit.
"No, I don't." I chuckled slightly. "But you'll see him again one day. And I hope it gives you comfort that when you pass, he'll be standing right next to you to guide you to your new life." I paused, allowing you to have a moment to speak. When I heard no response, I continued on. "'Cause if you think about it, death is just life without a body."
"I never thought of it that way." You pondered. "I didn't know you were religious."
"I'm not religious." I smiled. "I'm just a firm believer in spirit."
This was the first time we spoke of your cousin since the night you stayed at my place a month ago. The shock and sadness of your cousins death was still fresh on your mind that night I held you in my arms for the first time. Within this past month, I could tell you were grieving less and becoming more understanding of his passing. I was the cause of your happiness, and I thanked the universe for putting me in your life to get you through these tough times.
"You have a beautiful soul, Frank." You spoke softly. I blushed and looked to the floor, unsure how to respond. "You have no idea how happy you've made me since the moment we met."
"You deserve it." I simply said.
I knew a small smile painted across your lips and you hummed softly at my response. "Well babe," you started. "I should go call out of work for the weekend and let my mom know I'm coming down."
"Okay," I said in agreement. "I don't want to keep you on here for too much longer then." I chuckled.
"Yeah," You agreed with a slight giggle before falling silent. The silence was broken as you spoke once more. "I'll miss you." You said sweetly.
"I'll miss you too, sweetheart." I said. "Try to have some fun for me."
"I'll try."
-
Frank shook his head, wishing he could take his own advice. He looked up to the sky with furrowed brows. "Why." Was all he could manage through his raspy dry throat. "Why her." He pleaded.
Frank was unsure of who he was talking to but felt as if someone was listening. "I know I've never spoken to you, God. But please, just bring her back." He choked up before looking to the cold pavement.
"Or take me." He said softly, with his head hung in remorse.
His eyes closed as Frank focused on his breathing. He felt hit chest rise and fall as he breathed deeply. He felt the warmth from his salty tears fall down his cheek as he sniffled. He wiped the tear with his sleeve, just as his phone began to vibrate in his jacket pocket.
Frank gritted his teeth as he saw the name flashing on the caller I.D. He knew he needed to answer the phone. He knew Gerard was worried by now, since Sabrina was calling him. He knew they couldn't help him. He believed there was no help for him. You were the only thing he wanted. You were what he needed.
Debating whether or not to chuck the phone over the bridge, Frank felt another jolt of vibration. He let out a sigh, dialing the number to his voice-mail.
"You have 2 new messages and 5 saved messages. First new message." Frank listened to the recording as he prepared himself to hear the frantic voices of his friends.
"Hey sweetie," Sabrina's soft voice spoke through the phone. "You're in this alone. You know we are all here for you. Especially Gerard. Please give us a call and let us know you're okay." She sighed with a frown. "I'll be thinking of you."
"End of message. Second new message." Sabrina's voice was replaced by heavy breathing.
"Frank!" Gerard's voice shouted into the phone. There was a moment of silence before Frank heard him catch his breath. "Frank," His voice cracked which cause more tears to form in Frank's eyes. "Please..." Gerard pleaded. His voice was full of desperation. There was a scuffle of noise before the message ended.
"End of message. First saved message."
"Hey baby!" Your sweet voice met Franks ears, instantly sending him into a complete state of grief. "I'm calling just to let you know I'm thinking about you. I love you."
"End of message. Second saved message."
Frank dropped his phone to the cold pavement of the Benjamin Franklin Bridge as he began to sob. He covered his face in his tattooed hands and rested his elbows against the railing. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably as he gasped for air through his cries.
"Why." He cried as he felt his heart break.
"Thanks!" I said with a nod. I peered over the cup as I took a sip. Your brother, Owen, was about to take the stage as his rap persona Hop Hobson. We stood toward the back of the venue, allowing his fans to crowd the floor. Surprisingly, about three hundred kids showed up to see him.
Anas handed you a drink before she turned to face the stage. "I always knew you had a thing for my brother." You told her as you swirled the straw around the cup.
"Was it that obvious?" Anas questioned.
"Well, yeah." You rolled your eyes before taking a drink. "Gosh, I need about four more drinks to get that image of you two naked out of my mind."
"Slow down babe," I said, giving you a wink as I took your cup. "You've already had quite a few." You scrunched up your nose as I took a sip of your drink. I chuckled at how drunk you already were and handed it back. "No wonder why you've already had four of those, that shit is good."
"Exactly." You stated, giving me a fake glare. I shook my head with a smirk, causing you to giggle.
You took another drink as the lights on the stage began to dim. The crowd erupted into cheers before Owen ran out on stage. "The fuck is up, Philly!" He yelled into the microphone.
You laughed at your brother as the music began. I found myself nodding my head to the smooth beat that boomed through the venue. He began rapping, his voice just as smooth as the music. "Wow." I mouthed as I turned to you. "He's actually pretty good."
"Don't tell him that." You scoffed with another roll of your eyes. I bit my bottom lip, trying to hide the smirk that was growing. I wanted to kiss you right then and there, but it wasn't the right time.
But when was the right time?
Is there ever a right time?
I've never been so pressed on someone before. I was trying hard not to fuck up any chance I had with you. I was used to just doing things spontaneously with girls. If I wanted to kiss them, I'd kiss them. If I wanted them to come home with me, I'd find a way to make it happen. With you, I over thought every little thing. I thought twice-even three times before saying something to you. I thought four times before doing something. This was all new to me.
I found myself staring at you. Your eyes were fixated on your younger brother as he jumped around on stage. The lights illuminated your face to the beat, giving your flawless pale skin a bit of color. Fuck it, I thought. Fuck thinking.
You felt my gaze upon your beautiful face which caused you to turn to me. You had an expression of drunken confusion plastered across your face. I gave you a quick grin which you returned with a smirk. "Why are you staring at-"
Your sentence was cut short as you noticed me lean in toward you. You stepped back abruptly, looking at me in utter confusion once more. "Uh-" I chuckled nervously as I took a step back. I hoped you were too drunk to notice I was trying to kiss you. I eagerly tried to calm my nerves. "I- I have to use the bathroom." I said, gripping onto my cup a bit tighter.
"I do too." You spoke up as I began to step away. I watched you sit your cup on the floor next to Anas before taking your place next to me. You followed me through the venue to the restrooms, which were by the front doors.
"After you." I said, motioning my arm out toward the door.
You looked deeply into my eyes before cupping my face in your hands. My lips were pulled against yours quicker than I could process what just happened. Startled, I dropped my beer to the floor. I felt the liquid seep into my torn sneakers. The thought of my soggy shoes was pushed aside as I found my arms wrapping around your waist. You bit my bottom lip and pulled away as my jaw hung low. I let out a groan with my lip still between your teeth and pushed you against the wall.
You rested your head against the wall, exposing your neck. I pressed my lips against your warm skin, gently nibbling at it. A soft moan came from your eager lips as you took a handful of my hair in your hand. You yanked my head back by tugging on my hair roughly. Your liquor stained lips were against mine once more.
I deepened the kiss as I ran my hand through your hair, pulling you closer to me. You moaned into the kiss as you wrapped your arms around me. Your lips parted from mine, only to be pressed firmly against my neck. I tilted my head back, letting out a deep groan once I felt your teeth against my skin. I hoisted you up against the wall as you wrapped your legs around my waist. My hips dug into yours as I pushed you against the wall harder.
In the cascade of intense kisses, I lost my balance. I found myself stumbling against the bathroom door, struggling to keep you in my arms. I caught my balance and pulled you up closer to me. I hastily pushed you against the door. Suddenly, we were stumbling backward into the dirty venue bathrooms. Our lips never parted as the stall caught our tumble.
"Frank," You moaned breathlessly as I thrusted my hips against yours. You were squeezed between my rough embrace and the stall. Your head rested against the dirty surface as I bit your neck. Your eyes were closed in pure pleasure as I began running a hand up your shirt.
"Hmm." I hummed against your ear, kissing your lips once more.
"Nn-not- here." You managed between kisses.
Concerned, I pulled away to look at you. You extended your legs, allowing yourself to stand. You smiled at me. "Just-not here." You repeated as you took my hand and led me out of the bathroom.
-
"You're a tease." I chuckled softly as I sat on my bed. I rested my head against my shoulder, keeping the phone against my ear as I began to roll a blunt.
"What are you talking about?!" You asked, voice full of sarcastic shock.
"You know what I'm talking about." I said slyly, mentioning our bathroom incident that happened a few days before.
"Psh." You scoffed. Even through the phone, I could tell you were trying to hold back laughter.
"You're a silly one." I smirked, bringing the blunt wrap to my lips to seal it.
You giggled then paused for a moment, allowing the background noise from your apartment to be clearly heard. "Hey babe, one sec. My brother just walked through the door."
"Okay." I said, bringing the blunt to my lips. I lit up and inhaled the green goodness into my lungs. I exhaled slowly, sending smoke through my bedroom.
"Mom called." I heard Owen speak. "The family is having some cook out this weekend and she wants us to come. I know it's short notice but she was wondering if you and I could make it."
"Yeah, I'll take off work." The tone of your voice changed from energetic and quirky to full of sympathy and sadness. There was a moment of silence before I heard a gentle sigh. "Sorry about that." You said softly.
"That's fine babe." I said, taking another hit of the blunt.
"Did you hear that?" You asked. "I may not be able to see you this weekend."
"I understand." I said. "You can see me any time you're here. It'll be good to go visit your family."
"I know," you gave another sigh. "But it's not the same."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, with you I'm so carefree and full of happiness. When I go back home to Maryland, it just feels empty..." You trailed off. "Y'know, with my cousin not there. This weekend will be the two month anniversary of his death."
"I know," I said softly. The blunt hung lazily between my fingers as I articulated the words to say. "Your cousin is always there watching over you, though. He's with spiritually now; not physically."
"You always know the right things to say." You said, your voice lightening up a bit.
"No, I don't." I chuckled slightly. "But you'll see him again one day. And I hope it gives you comfort that when you pass, he'll be standing right next to you to guide you to your new life." I paused, allowing you to have a moment to speak. When I heard no response, I continued on. "'Cause if you think about it, death is just life without a body."
"I never thought of it that way." You pondered. "I didn't know you were religious."
"I'm not religious." I smiled. "I'm just a firm believer in spirit."
This was the first time we spoke of your cousin since the night you stayed at my place a month ago. The shock and sadness of your cousins death was still fresh on your mind that night I held you in my arms for the first time. Within this past month, I could tell you were grieving less and becoming more understanding of his passing. I was the cause of your happiness, and I thanked the universe for putting me in your life to get you through these tough times.
"You have a beautiful soul, Frank." You spoke softly. I blushed and looked to the floor, unsure how to respond. "You have no idea how happy you've made me since the moment we met."
"You deserve it." I simply said.
I knew a small smile painted across your lips and you hummed softly at my response. "Well babe," you started. "I should go call out of work for the weekend and let my mom know I'm coming down."
"Okay," I said in agreement. "I don't want to keep you on here for too much longer then." I chuckled.
"Yeah," You agreed with a slight giggle before falling silent. The silence was broken as you spoke once more. "I'll miss you." You said sweetly.
"I'll miss you too, sweetheart." I said. "Try to have some fun for me."
"I'll try."
-
Frank shook his head, wishing he could take his own advice. He looked up to the sky with furrowed brows. "Why." Was all he could manage through his raspy dry throat. "Why her." He pleaded.
Frank was unsure of who he was talking to but felt as if someone was listening. "I know I've never spoken to you, God. But please, just bring her back." He choked up before looking to the cold pavement.
"Or take me." He said softly, with his head hung in remorse.
His eyes closed as Frank focused on his breathing. He felt hit chest rise and fall as he breathed deeply. He felt the warmth from his salty tears fall down his cheek as he sniffled. He wiped the tear with his sleeve, just as his phone began to vibrate in his jacket pocket.
Frank gritted his teeth as he saw the name flashing on the caller I.D. He knew he needed to answer the phone. He knew Gerard was worried by now, since Sabrina was calling him. He knew they couldn't help him. He believed there was no help for him. You were the only thing he wanted. You were what he needed.
Debating whether or not to chuck the phone over the bridge, Frank felt another jolt of vibration. He let out a sigh, dialing the number to his voice-mail.
"You have 2 new messages and 5 saved messages. First new message." Frank listened to the recording as he prepared himself to hear the frantic voices of his friends.
"Hey sweetie," Sabrina's soft voice spoke through the phone. "You're in this alone. You know we are all here for you. Especially Gerard. Please give us a call and let us know you're okay." She sighed with a frown. "I'll be thinking of you."
"End of message. Second new message." Sabrina's voice was replaced by heavy breathing.
"Frank!" Gerard's voice shouted into the phone. There was a moment of silence before Frank heard him catch his breath. "Frank," His voice cracked which cause more tears to form in Frank's eyes. "Please..." Gerard pleaded. His voice was full of desperation. There was a scuffle of noise before the message ended.
"End of message. First saved message."
"Hey baby!" Your sweet voice met Franks ears, instantly sending him into a complete state of grief. "I'm calling just to let you know I'm thinking about you. I love you."
"End of message. Second saved message."
Frank dropped his phone to the cold pavement of the Benjamin Franklin Bridge as he began to sob. He covered his face in his tattooed hands and rested his elbows against the railing. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably as he gasped for air through his cries.
"Why." He cried as he felt his heart break.