Whispers

Louis tapped on the door a few times, swaying back and forth as he stood on the doorstep. It was cold outside, calling for a jean jacket. When she thought that Trystan was going to leave him standing in the cold, he heard the bolt turn in the door, opening it carefully and stepping aside to let Louis in.

As he stepped inside, he held out a single flower; it was a dried out, dead rose. He bit his lip as he presented it. Slowly using two fingers, Trystan took it from him. She held it, lifting her opposite hand to brush the dried, petal. “You have the strangest way of impressing girls.”

“It isn’t flower season,” he laughed, shrugging his shoulders. “And you wouldn’t like a typical rose. You’re too proud for that bullshit. So instead, I’m giving you this, because people dry out these roses to preserve their beauty.”

“Are you saying I need to dry up?”

“Will you just except the damn token of my affection, Trystan?”

For a moment, she stared at him. But a grin worked it’s way onto her face. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his for a short period of time. When she pulled away, she hit him in the nose with the dried rose. Her smile was wide, stretching across her face.

Trystan set the rose down in the kitchen. Two plates were sitting on the countertop, a sandwich and crisps on each. Louis gave a raise of his eyebrows, looking at Trystan up and down.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she smirked, sliding one of the plates over to him. She jumped on the counter, swinging her legs. “I was making one for myself and there were only two slices left after I used some. I felt bad leaving only two.”

The sandwich was filled with pepper jack cheese, thinly sliced buffalo chicken, and chips. It was by no means a fabulous sandwich in creativity or decorative, but it was good. And the crisps on the side topped it off.

Afterwards, they sat on the ground in the living room, playing scrabble. They were spelling out ridiculous words, laughing. Louis felt his eyes crinkle many times, sitting with Trystan.

“When do Rae and Harry get back?”

She placed a tile down. “They’re supposed to get back tomorrow afternoon. Do you miss your best mate ever?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “I was just asking a question. I’m glad they’re getting time away from the city. They have one of the most difficult, tumultuous relationships I have ever seen.”

“But at least their in love.”

“What do you mean?”

“Anyone can tell how absolutely in love they are. You hardly see two people so damn devoted to one another. And they’re so young. The way Harry looks at Rae? God it’s the way girl’s dream of being looked at.”

“Is that what you dream of?”

Trystan shrugged. “I dream of mattering to someone, really mattering. In such a way that when someone see’s something, they’re reminded of me, or just in a way that is different, that no one else thinks of me that way. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, I think. Do you know what I mean?” Louis shrugged one shoulder. “You’re a boy. I guess it’s different.”

“Everyone wants to matter, Trys.”

“Of course they do, but that isn’t what I mean.”

“I’m trying to understand here.”

She smiled a bit. “I know. The best way I can explain it is this way: when Harry wakes up, I bet you the first thing he thinks about is Rae. Where she is, if she’s okay. He would do anything for her. He doesn’t do everything for her, because she doesn’t let him. But it’s the knowing part, he understands that he would do whatever it takes to keep her.”

“I see.”

“No one has ever done that for me, you know? I’ve always been this casual thing.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry you’re listening to my dreams and desires. It’s just a weird subject for me.”

“You matter to me,” Louis said slowly. Trystan looked up at him, her mouth parting slightly. Louis was tracing circles in the carpet with his finger. “Is that enough? I think about you all the time. I always want to know you’re okay. Maybe I don’t look at you the way you want me to… but I look at you with all that I can, Trys.”

“I didn’t mean-"

“I know you didn’t mean it like that. I know you don’t know my feelings, you’re not psychic.” He smiled at her, and she started to return it. “You matter to me. A lot. When I wake up, I think of you and I wonder if you’re smiling already that day. When I sleep, I picture your eyes.”

“Really?”

“Yes, now let me be a sappy bastard for a moment, here.”

She gestured to him. “I know that I didn’t stand up for you against my parents. Honestly, it was because I didn’t know what to say. I had hoped and prayed that they would be pretentious assholes because I cared about you.”

“But…”

“But I don’t care what they think, honestly. When have I ever really been the perfect son? I throw parties at my house. I got mixed up with bad people for a while.” He shrugged. “The last thing I’m going to let them do is dictate my relationship with you. I love you too much for that.”

Louis’ mouth popped shut. He had realized to what extent his words had meant, and even though he was attempting to be honest, he had not realized that he loved Trystan until he had said it, until it had come out because his feelings were talking, not his mind.

Trystan shifted, cocking her head to the side. Her lips were open slightly and then she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. She looked shocked. “Please tell me you aren’t saying that because you think it’s what I want to hear.”

“When have I ever indulged in you?”

She bowed her head before looking up. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his briefly. “I love you too.”

Smiling at one another, they both paused, looking at one another. “That was so unromantic,” Louis muttered, shaking his head. Trystan followed suit, laughing. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. Everyone has this fixation that being in love has to be romantic, or that it has to be said in a special way. I’m pretty sure the phrase itself is romantic enough.”

“Well said.” Louis leaned in and kissed her again. “Well said.”

*

“Silly Lily,” Rae teased, pulling the blankets on her bed up to Lily’s chin. Lily was next to Rae, holding one side of the Cinderella book. Rae held the other, reading the words on the page, and pointing out the pictures. “Glass shoes are not the best kind of shoes.”

“I still want glass shoes.”

“Of course you do. Because you’re Lily.”

“Can I put that on my Christmas list?”

“Before or after the puppy?”

Lily formed a thin line with her mouth. “Before.”

“Whatever you say, little dove.”

Lily leaned into Rae. Her blonde curls pressed against Rae’s skin. Rae wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her tight. The clock on the dresser read that it was nine at night. It was close to Lily’s bedtime, seeing as they were all leaving in the morning. Signs of leaving showed, such as the suit cases neatly stacked next to the entrance of the door.

Downstairs, Harry was in the billiards room, playing pool with the other men. Rae had about as much as a chance of hitting the cue ball as Harry becoming a master painter; they could dream it. So she sat upstairs with Lily in her pajamas, reading her a story and watching Disney Chanel.

Yawning, she leaned back. Lily’s eyes were half-lidded, her mouth slightly slack. Rae smiled, brushing a single blonde curl out of Lily’s face. Within a few minutes, Lily closed her eyes, hiding the blue underneath the lids. Rae was content to sit there for a while.

Somewhere between waiting for Harry to come upstairs and knowing she had to take Lily to her room, Rae dozed off. Her head lolled gently to the side, becoming too heavy for her to hold. She slept lightly, and only for but a few minutes went the sound of a vibrating phone on the dresser woke her.

Rae started for a minute before gently peeling Lily off her side, gently setting the little girl on the bed. She raised an eyebrow when Lily didn’t even budge, too far into sleep. It was an amazing thing, how easily children could sleep. Rae would have given a thousand dollars if she could learn to sleep like that.

The phone stopped ringing before Rae could get there, but it started up again just as she reached it. It was Harry’s, his mother’s name flashing across the phone, making Rae smile. Harry had kept in contact with his mother the entire trip, which was improvement.

Rather than let it hit voicemail again, Rae answered quickly. “Hi, it’s Rae. Harry is downstairs, I’ll take the phone-"

“Rae.”

The girl hesitated. She was mid-step towards the door. Something in her voice was wrong. It was too high of an octave. Rae knew from personal experience that when her voice went up an octave, it was because she was trying not to cry.

“Is everything alright?” A sob was heard on the other end of the line. Rae’s heart began thudding and she felt sick as adrenaline pushed through her veins. “Deborah?”

Deborah’s voice cracked as she spoke to Rae over the phone. Rae listened, hand flying up to her mouth to cover it in case she let out a noise that would disturb Lily. She nodded before saying a few things to Harry’s mother, and finally hung up the phone.

A single tear ran down Rae’s face and she wiped it quickly. She pressed the cold glass of the phone to her mouth. Rae took a breath. It was shallow, and sounded shaky. Setting the phone down, she went down stairs, following the sound of Harry’s laughter. She tried to focus on the laughter, to let it fill her up for the few seconds it would take for her to go to the door.

Sticking her head in, all the men looked at her, greeting her. She smiled. It felt tight. “Hi. Harry, can you come here for a second?” he smiled, his big smile, flashing his perfectly straight teeth. He walked out into the hall, shoving his hands in his pocket, looking at her with interest. “We have to go home.”

“What?”

“It’s a family emergency.”

He furrowed his brows. “All of your family is right here.”

“I didn’t say it was my family emergency.”