Christine Daee

No matter what I said, I was never able to describe his voice. His voice was something you would hear only from an angel. That beautiful miracle that was his voice, the brilliance of his mind, the dignity that he carried himself with, the murderous hands that so softly caressed the ivory keys of that ebony piano in his candle-lit lair... I was seeing a demon's face on the body of a man…a devil disguising himself as an angel and yet his voice was like a forbidden melody to my ears.

‘’No second thoughts.’’ He whispered softly before he added, ‘’in your mind you've already succumbed to me. You are here with me because you have decided.’’

And I had, as I stood frozen watching him and listening to him as I remembered the first time he had crept into my life. My father sent me my Angel of Music and I had felt the magic of his soft whispering voice that seemed to come from everywhere, yet nowhere at once. I still felt my heart as well as my soul and my very own body betraying me while I responded as I always did. And again, I wanted to run towards him and lose myself in the opium of his voice…the smoke-filled tendrils of his obsessive love which clung to me in a bittersweet memory. It made me forget everything that had happened…the blood, the terror, the death...and even Raoul.

I found myself singing, urged on by his eyes that glittered behind his mask as the song gave me power and allowed me to seek out help. He approached me and his gloved hand reached out for mine, and I responded again, yet unwillingly. Everyone was watching the opera and their facial expressions were bordering on ecstasy. I would have been completely under his thrall too because he was intoxicating. Every movement, every gesture, every heavy breath laden with the sweetness of his song... I knew he loved me with a love which could surpass even death if it was possible. He would never let me go and he would keep me in a euphoric cage of Hell's music, keeping me bound to him forever in the darkness. I would never ever escape him.

Since my beloved father died, the phantom of the opera was all I ever dreamed of. All I've struggled to be, the angel of music that I longed to be. I was wretched, ungrateful and unfaithful to my angel who gave me so much more than I could have ever gained on my own. I was a selfish child but still, I wanted the dream even though I was unwilling to pay the price.

I felt his breath and his grip on my mind again. He wasn’t an angel, but a devil. He had to be a devil even though he was my…everything. All I was and all I am is because of him. He was the man who inspired my voice and he only asked for his love to be returned. It was such a little thing to ask for, to love him…to be his wife till death do us part...

And yet I felt disgust every time I looked at him. I wasn’t able to love him because even though he was perfect the way he was, there were times he wasn’t. Every time he stopped singing, an image of his distorted face haunted my mind. A pause in his song, and I remembered the part of his face I wanted to forget. The blue veins running underneath his skin and his deep-set eyes that I longed to look into and love, yet I wasn’t able to. But most of all, I was afraid.

If I ever lost him, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sing the way I used to. At the opera the audience, the people are slaves to our voices when we were on stage. My voice, trained by him, had been used on stage. We were one, as the song melded together and we were one voice.

We were one…one body and one soul. He was pleading with me. My angel didn’t have to be down on his knees for me to know. I thought I could learn to love him. I thought I could learn to live in the darkness with him, to love him fully and accept his face as it was, to forget everything and just fall into my addiction of him.

And yet, every single time he touched me, I felt myself loathing him but still I was so deeply in love with him that it scared me. He killed without a thought, murdering all that was good... I knew I wouldn’t be able to refuse him and yet I wish I was able to do it.

‘’Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...’’ Erik licked his lips anxiously. He knew that I would reject him but he also knew that I loved him and that I would do anything for him if it weren't for the fact that I wasn’t able to stand him. He kept singing and as I heard his voice, many different thoughts played hide and seek in my mind.

I closed my eyes to him trying to forget all about him but his grip on my hand brought me back to reality. I was a horrible person and I knew it as he stood there looking at me. The face hidden behind the mask never had the love of his mother and my love for him was more for his voice than for him as a person. I was still grateful though for the beautiful gift he gave me.

‘’Say you want me with you, here beside you...’’ His voice filled with emotions so strong that I could taste the tears on my cheeks. I wasn’t able to stand the sight of him and that was the reason why I couldn’t be his.

Even if I was blind and just listened to his voice, I wouldn’t be able to stand him. I would feel the need to touch him, to be able to feel those pianist's hands, touch his face... and it disgusted me wanting him when I knew I couldn’t stand the hidden face behind the mask. The ugliness of his face wasn’t something I was able to forget even though I was able to accept his dark soul which was destined for Hell. I was so sorry but I wasn’t able to accept all of him.

‘’Christine! That's all I ask of—‘’

And then, I wrenched off his mask in one motion and the spell was broken. He looked at me with such a hurt expression on that hideous face of his that made me feel an incredible amount of shame. The crowd assaulted him with words like ‘monster’ and that was when I felt what he felt. The stage was his cage and he was a freak to be gaped at.

And there I was…once again waking up from that dream that haunted my dreams. I still remembered what followed next. I was saying sorry again and again because I loved him and I needed him, yet I wasn’t able to accept him completely. I didn’t have the courage to love him.

He looked at me enraged and in mere seconds, his cloak was around us. When his face come close to mine, I screamed and then we fell down... down into his kingdom of kind darkness, where no one would ever see his face…where I was the only for him to save him and yet I left him.