The Cathedral Thief
Of Doubts, Jealousy and Obsessions
I started spying on him. Sneaking and following and hiding in corners, and all ugly things that I didn’t like doing. I swear I didn’t like doing that. I didn’t like the way it made me feel inside, like I was doing something wrong. Because I knew that it was wrong. I knew that I had no reasons to doubt Damien. He had always been exceptionally kind to me. I also knew that, on the other hand, I had all reasons to doubt Vernoux. I didn’t know anything of him, apart from the fact that he seemed to have a slightly obsessive personality and that some of his actions were clearly dubious. If I should have trusted one of them, it had to be Damien. And surely Damien was right when he advised me that I just had to ignore the police inspector, treat him as if he were not important, and pay no attention to his allegations.
I knew that that was the right thing to do.
And yet I wasn’t doing it. Yet I had started to follow the only friend that I had in this city. I had started to spy on him, to sneak behind him, unnoticed, when he left the house at the earliest of hours. And what for? Because I was… I don’t know. Jealous, perhaps. I was telling everything to Damien, but if there was one thing that Vernoux had made me realize, it was that Damien was not telling me much in return. He refused to talk about his past life, did not talk about what he was doing now either, and there were hours during which no one knew what he was doing. His absences, his unexplained absences, were what intrigued me most. I was jealous because I wanted all of Damien’s time to be mine. I wanted him to trust me when he so obviously didn’t. And therefore, I would not give up. I was going to discover what it was that he was hiding from me. If he didn’t want to tell me what his secret was, then I was going to steal it from him. No matter what.
For days, tailing after Damien didn’t bring anything. He just went about in the city, sold his drawings, bought material, saw people who were obviously not conspirators but simple merchants from whom he was buying whatever it was that he needed to practice his art. There was nothing to discover there. Damien’s days, when he was not with me, were as dull as mine were when I was not with him. I should have given up then. But in my guts I could feel that there was something more.
So if following Damien during the day didn’t bring any answer, then maybe following him during one of his nighttime excursion would tell me what was going on.
I knew that that was the right thing to do.
And yet I wasn’t doing it. Yet I had started to follow the only friend that I had in this city. I had started to spy on him, to sneak behind him, unnoticed, when he left the house at the earliest of hours. And what for? Because I was… I don’t know. Jealous, perhaps. I was telling everything to Damien, but if there was one thing that Vernoux had made me realize, it was that Damien was not telling me much in return. He refused to talk about his past life, did not talk about what he was doing now either, and there were hours during which no one knew what he was doing. His absences, his unexplained absences, were what intrigued me most. I was jealous because I wanted all of Damien’s time to be mine. I wanted him to trust me when he so obviously didn’t. And therefore, I would not give up. I was going to discover what it was that he was hiding from me. If he didn’t want to tell me what his secret was, then I was going to steal it from him. No matter what.
For days, tailing after Damien didn’t bring anything. He just went about in the city, sold his drawings, bought material, saw people who were obviously not conspirators but simple merchants from whom he was buying whatever it was that he needed to practice his art. There was nothing to discover there. Damien’s days, when he was not with me, were as dull as mine were when I was not with him. I should have given up then. But in my guts I could feel that there was something more.
So if following Damien during the day didn’t bring any answer, then maybe following him during one of his nighttime excursion would tell me what was going on.