Don't Fall Back

"I hope you live a life that you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." -F. Scott Fitzgerald

After the door shut behind him, and the last cool wind entered the room, Colton walked over to the couch, and sat down on the ground in front of it. He put his feet forward and listened to the wall clock tick in the silent house. He looked down at the key twirling between his fingers, remembering how he was sitting beside Mia on the kitchen island stools when he told her to move in with him.

Then he stared up at the ceiling with his front teeth biting down on his bottom lip and tried to hold in the stinging tears. He sighed and put his hand to his forehead. He could not believe what had just happened. It had only been five minutes since she walked out on him but he already felt the mere emptiness of losing something you need.

He wondered if telling her the truth would have even made a difference. It wouldn't change the fact that he cheated, but maybe at the very least she would have a bit of respect for him. He had waited for the right time and reality had caught up with him, and beat him to the finish line.

Friday, April 19th, 2013.

The nurse was typing things on the computer in front of her, and the place was almost silent as people in the waiting room watched time pass. Colton glanced at the empty aisles ahead, where the doctor offices were. He turned his head to the right only to see Mia sitting there, one leg crossed over the other, with a magazine on her lap, concentrated on what she was reading in the corner of the clinic.

He loosened up and walked over, and took the seat beside her. She didn't look up, until an arm brushed along her own. When she saw that it was Colton, she smiled weakly but she put in the most effort.

She finally felt at peace when his arm went around her shoulder on the edge of the chair, and she leaned closer to him. The pain under her breast was very minimal at the moment, as it had been almost all day. His chin rested softly on her head for a moment and then he dropped a kiss on her brown hair.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

She didn't say anything for a moment, she just kept quiet, looking ahead. "I should have told you."

"It's okay.." His voice was almost a whisper. He agreed, that she should have informed him about the pain she was feeling, and that he would have much rather heard it from her than Jordan or anyone else. But he was just thankful she was in his arms right then and there.

"Colton?"

"Yeah?" he replied.

"I don't want us to keep things from each other. Ever." Mia said softly with a sigh.

"We never will." he promised, his words echoing through both of their minds.

Colton brought his head up from inside his palms when he heard the front door dash open. He exhaled and looked back forward once again when he saw it was Tyler. The door closed behind him and he took steps towards his friend sitting on the floor.

Bozie watched him for a moment and then joined him. Both of their backs rested on the end of the sofa as they simply sat in silence. Tyler turned his head to the once strong, fearless fighter, and looked at how heartbroken his reddened eyes were. "I'm sorry, man."

He nodded slowly, not making eye-contact. After a few seconds he spoke back. "Did Lana tell you?"

"When I went over after the game she wasn't there, and then a while after, she and Mia both came. And she had her stuff." he said.

"Did she say anything?"

"She..um..yelled at me, a bit." he cleared his throat.

"How did she even find out?" Colton asked himself aloud, rubbing his forehead.

"A website.. pictures.." he answered quietly.

He sighed once more. "Fuck. I have to see what was written on there."

Tyler didn't reply. He recalled from earlier when Mia had screamed at him at Lana's place, calling him a pig, a terrible friend, a jack-ass, and 'one of them'. Then Lana asked him to leave for the night, and that she'd see him tomorrow.

"This is the worst thing that's happened to me in a very long time." His eyes were stinging, almost twitching at the sides.

Tyler reached over and patted his back. "I don't know what to say, but, you'll get through this.." He glanced up at the wall clock. "Have you showered since the game?"

"No.."

"Go freshen up." he told him.

"Yeah." he swallowed, and slowly brought himself up to his feet.

Tyler got up as well. "Call me or Kess if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

He sighed, giving his friend a sympathetic look. He went towards the front door and reached for the handle.

Colton spoke once more by the staircase. "She'll come back."

Bozie glanced over his shoulder and looked up at him.

"She will." he added, in denial, dropping his eyes to the ground by Tyler's feet. "She always will."

~

The next morning, Mia dried her face off with a clean towel, and looked at her reflection in the mirror over the sink. She put her hands on the edge and stared at the faucet. She watched the cold water run down and enter straight into the drain. It reminded her of herself at that point. She had escaped her lonely world only to collapse into a dark hole.

She sighed and shook her head at her own thoughts. She was losing her mind. She had barely gotten any sleep at night. She woke up sweating from nightmares four times, two hours apart, and it caused Lana to sleep beside her after the third.

Mia turned off the tap and left the bathroom in her leggings and blue V-neck. She led herself to the familiar living room, with beige furniture, a glass coffee table, and a striped cream and black colored rug by the flat screen TV on the wall. Lana came out of the kitchen with two red cups of steamy coffee, and a warm smile on her face.

"Morning." she said, wearing her navy blue skirt and unbuttoned suit jacket.

"Good morning." Mia replied.

She took the seat beside her and placed the cups down. "I wish I could call in sick, but the preparations are at an important stage right now for the building."

"No worries. Thank you for letting me stay, Lana. I really appreciate it."

"You can stay as long as you'd like." she told her. "Make yourself at home. Kabby as well."

She smiled lightly for the first time. "Thanks."

"So," she sipped her coffee and looked down at the liquid. "What are you going to do about your job?"

Mia sighed, bringing her knees to her chest and holding her coffee mug with two hands. "I'm going to quit. It's so.. unfair. To Randy and Jordan and Mr. Nonis. It's really embarrassing, too."

"I know.." she said quietly.

"I mean, they just promoted me in the off-season. It's sad that I have to do this again, especially on short notice--again." she remembered last year when she gave her job up to go to Ottawa.

"Are you going to call, or go see Randy?" she asked.

"I have to go see him. I wish I didn't have to, but it would be the most respectful option."

"Yeah.." she licked her lips.

"The boys don't practice until tomorrow, though. And I don't want to see--him--tomorrow. Or any of the ones who were at the club, for that matter. So I'll call Randy today and meet up somewhere." she explained. "And give him my keys and stuff."

Lana put her hand on her knee. "Do the right thing."

Mia nodded, before she went off to work. She was left alone in silence once again. Kabby was napping upstairs, the T.V was off, the windows were closed. She sighed. It was almost noon.

She took her phone out and forced herself to press the contact number after rehearsing the speech in her head several times.

"Hello?" Carlyle answered the phone.

"H-Hi." she stuttered. "It's Mia Stone."

"Hi'ya, how's everything?" he asked.

She inhaled a shaky breath and looked up at the ceiling. She wanted to just rant about how everything sucked and everyone ruined everything and left her with nothing. "Fine. I, uh, was wondering if I.. could speak to you in person today."

"Alright. Work related? Jordan's here as well."

"Um, yeah."

"How about my office at the ACC?" he asked. "In half an hour, or so?"

"Great."

"Okay, see you then." he responded before hanging up.

She sighed deeply and put her iPhone down. She closed her eyes momentarily. She got up, put her brown leather jacket on with a circular red scarf and went out the door. She locked her friend's house with the spare temporary key.

Mia grabbed the handbag in her car that held her work uniform along with other items. When she arrived at the Leafs arena, she just sat still in the car seat and stared at the beautiful building which would fill with loyal, passionate fans. So, she brought herself into the ACC and walked down to the hallway after swiping her ID through the slot.

She knocked on the 'Head Coach' door, and waited. She could see a shadowy figure come closer. "Mia," he smiled at her, and welcomed her in. She sat down on the leather seat across from his chair behind his desk. Jordan also gave her a kind look beside her.

Randy folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward. "So."

She sighed, holding her purse with two hands. "Randy I.. I don't even know where to start."

He scratched his ear and looked at Jordan. "This is about.. the article, right?"

She looked up at him. "Um.."

"Jord informed me when you went home early last night." he explained. "I'm sorry that happened."

"Y-Yeah." she almost choked on her spit.

"I'm going to have a talk with the group about social media again." he added, shaking his head. "Plus, just because it's pre-season, doesn't make it okay to part-ayy that hard. Or whatever you kids call it."

Mia spoke again. "Thank you for the opportunity you gave me, and for the lovely promotion.. but I have to resign."

There was no shock on Randy's face, just a hint of disappointment that made her stomach hurt. He grabbed a pen from the cup by his hand and just played with it on the desk. He cleared his throat. "I understand."

"I'm so sorry." she looked at him and Jordan repeatedly. "This is so rude, and disrespectful of me to stand down without notifying you. If I had known--what I know now--I would have written out a--"

Randy put his hand up, and she paused. "It's okay. I figured this would happen. At least.. it's the pre-season and there's time."

She was quiet. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she took her uniform out of her purse, along with her I.D card, MCC keys, ACC keys, and medal nametag. She placed it on the small side table separating her from Jordan.

"I'm sorry." she repeated.

Randy came from around his desk and reached his hand out. She accepted his handshake and he looked her in the eye. "We're going to miss you."

"Me too. A lot. I've wanted this job for as long as I can remember, and you are the best boss I could ever ask for." she said sadly.

He gave her a weak brief smile and let go. She then shook Jordan's hand as well. "Thanks for teaching me everything I needed to know."

He chuckled lightly. "If you ever need a reference, you've got us, alright?"

"Thank you." she beamed.

Mia looked at both of them once more when she put her purse over her shoulder. "G'bye, guys." She headed for the door, and just as she was about to walk out, Randy spoke.

"Good luck."

She glanced back, trying to hold back from crying, and bowed her head. She then made it all the way out to the parking lot and waited until she was in the driver's seat to collapse. She cried against the steering wheel for countless minutes. She pulled her phone out of her purse and checked that she had a text from April.

April Reimer: Hey girl, are u okay? Text me if u want to talk..

She sighed and texted her back, accepting the offer. They made the quick plan to meet by the bridge that separated Mia's old neighborhood from her's. It was near a small park for dog walkers, bird watchers, and joggers. In the Summer, they would go running together near the water. Mia parked by the empty visitor's space and waited on the bridge, as people passed her.

She glanced down at her phone, and then looked back up to see April in the distance waving at her. She was a tight black track suit, her hair in a straightened ponytail, and walking Optimus on a leash.

"Hey," Mia hugged her.

"Hi," April said, pulling back and eying her carefully. "Let's sit." They walked down the arched bridge and headed to the bench in the shaded area.

"How are you?" she asked.

She shrugged helplessly. "Could be better." She sighed. "I don't know where to go.."

"What do you mean?"

"I just quit.. And.. I'm staying at Lana's currently but.."

"Oh no, don't move." she furrowed her eyebrows.

"I don't want to, but I have to. I need a fresh start. Somewhere new." she swallowed. "And it sucks. I went to Ottawa over a year ago..but..that wouldn't be new to me at all. It would just remind me of him even more."

She sighed. "Where are you thinking?"

"I don't know." she stared forward at the grassy park. "I'm thinking somewhere in the States. Somewhere close, but not too close." She bit her bottom lip. "Buffalo, maybe."

"Oh."

"How did you find out?"

"Elisha heard from Dion..and she told me."

Mia nodded, leaning down to pet Optimus with one hand. It hadn't even been 24 hours since she and Colton split up, but everyone already knew. "Buffalo."

"Do they even have Tim Horton's?" April replied, earning a chuckle from her.

"I'll just have to do without." she responded.