Don't Fall Back

"I get that you're scared and that you've been hurt. But doing what is easy and safe is no way to live, and a life without passion and love is so far beneath what you deserve." -Kiersten White.

October 2014

Mia was thankful for her GPS. At least it guided her on the right highways and busy streets for the last four hours. She made a stop to the gas station halfway through when her tank was almost empty. It hadn't been her first time to the States, since she traveled with the team for all road games, but it was her first time driving on her own.

"Turn at the next exit." The lady's voice on the GPS directed her.

She could see the pinpoint hotel on the screen. She had booked a room online two days earlier all while packing her stuff from Lana's place. The best friends expressed their emotional goodbyes, and Mia promised that she would return in November for her downtown building's grand opening.

Leaving Toronto wasn't easy. She had to wipe away her tears every half hour, trying to settle with the fact that she spent the last 8 years there, and her entire lifetime in Ontario. She called her parents, explained as much as she could, and then went off to Buffalo with Kabby.

Mia waited for the couple holding hands to cross the road before she made the turn into the parking lot of Staybridge Suites. The main reason she signed for it was because it was the only decent priced hotel that allowed pets. When she stepped out of the car, a man in a uniform greeted her. She went inside up to the front desk.

"Hi, I called a few days ago and booked a room here." she said to the middle aged lady.

"Name please?"

"Mia Stone."

"Alright," she typed something on the keyboard while looking at the screen. "Your room number is 306. Jerry can help you with your items, if you need him." She handed her a key on a chain with a branded card.

Mia glanced back at the same man who was standing by the entrance doors. "Okay, thank you." She nodded.

The man took her suitcases and put them on a carrier, as she grabbed Kabby and her purse. They both headed up the elevator and down the hall.

"Thanks." she smiled by her temporary room.

Then she heard a cough behind her. The man stood there with his hands folded in front of him and he had an innocent smile on his face. He then held one palm out.

"Oh," she blinked. "Right, uh," she went through her purse and took out her red wallet. "I only have Canadian dollars.."

"That'll do."

She looked down again. She had the option of a toonie, a five, or a twenty. She cleared her throat and gave him a five.

"Have a nice day." he bowed.

She closed the door once he left and sighed. She knew she wouldn't be here for long. She just needed to pay for a safe place to rest until she could find an apartment. She let Kabby out of the pet carrier and he began searching around the unfamiliar room. Mia let herself fall on the comfy bed with her feet dangling off the side.

She sighed and stared up at the ceiling. She needed to eat dinner, she needed to get a job, she needed to find an apartment, she needed to calm down and get used to the new city. But what she truly wanted was to go home. A place that she couldn't even call home anymore because Colton had ruined it.

"Stop." she whispered aloud to herself and put her hands on her face. She tried to stop herself from thinking about him because it would lead to anger and sadness or even both at once.

Before she even remembered to change into her pajamas and slip under the covers, she drifted away into her sleep on top of the bed. When she woke up about eight hours later she stretched her arms out and rubbed her mascara stained eyes.

Mia took a hot shower and flipped on the T.V, searching for TSN until she realized that the channels were much different. She found the Buffalo Local News station, but settled for Fox Sports. The hotel wasn't too expensive, but it was nice enough to serve breakfast for the guests downstairs in the lobby.

She filled Kabby's bowl with his food, locked the door, and went down the hall in her jeans, Love Pink sweater, and damp hair in a messy bun. When the elevator doors opened down at the first floor, she looked around at the setting. An elderly woman was sitting across from an elderly man on the soft couches, a middle aged man and his son were standing by the coffee machine, and a group of ladies about Mia's age were grabbing fruit to place on their plates.

Mia looked at the tea bag options and chose camomile. She grabbed a red cup and poured the boiled water in. She added a blueberry muffin to her plate and took a seat one of the chairs by the window. She sighed and took a sip.

"Excuse me, sweetie, can I borrow this chair?" A woman with white hair and blue eyes asked her.

"Oh sure." Mia smiled.

"Were you waiting for someone?" she responded.

"No, I wasn't,"

"Oh, okay," she replied. "Henry is too lazy to get up and get his own wife a chair," she rolled her eyes and Mia glanced at the chuckling old man nearby.

Mia laughed lightly. "Men."

"Been married for almost 30 years to this thing." she added sweetly.

She gave her a faint smile. "Do you live here?"

"No, we're just visiting for a couple days. How about you?"

"I just moved here from Toronto. I'm looking for an apartment, actually."

Her husband with his Red Sox cap joined in. "Oh, well my buddy's daughter lives in one jus' down the street. I'd say she's about your age. She's a single mum with the cutest little girl. Her father owns the buildin', too."

"Oh really?" Mia replied.

"Yup. His name's Trevor Hopkins. I'll give you his number." He said, grabbing a pen from his inside jacket pocket and writing on a napkin. "You outta check it out."

"Thanks." she beamed, accepting the napkin that was handed to the man's wife.

"Take care now." The lady said, settling in the chair across from him that she had borrowed.

"You too!"

It wasn't much later until Mia thought deeply about the suggestion. She figured she might as well give it a shot. Plus, she hadn't even gone out to explore. It was almost noon when she drove out of the parking lot and followed the directions on the napkin. It led her to a 10 story white building with cemented flower pots and two entrance doors.

She walked into the lobby and found the office door labelled 'Main Office' and knocked three times. It opened to a gray-haired, kind looking man who greeted her. Trevor directed her to one of the available one-bed-rooms on the fourth floor, with a marble countered kitchen, balcony, and overall nice sized place. She could live with the price, as well. She just had one question.

"Are pets allowed here?" she asked.

"Yes, but as long as they don't make noise. We have some dog owners here but they are little and don't bark too loud." he answered.

"Okay, sounds good to me." she nodded.

"So, what do you think?"

What she was truly thinking about was how small it was compared to Colton's practical mansion, and how undecorated it was compared to her own place, and how the neighborhood was so unfamiliar compared to her parent's house in Kingston. But it was a fresh start she had to be willing to take, and an opportunity she didn't want to give up.

'I'll take it." she forced a grin.

~

The next day marked the 96 hour mark since Mia walked out the front door, and he was struggling. Colton failed at following instructions at practice due to the lack of energy he had in him. Rather than eating healthy and resting, he was drinking and moping around in the silent house.

When the whistle signaled the end of the skate, and the pre-season schedule, he didn't know whether to feel relieved because he'd be going home, or depressed because he'd be going there without her.

"Rest well the next few nights, boys." Randy said behind them as they walked off the ice. "The 6th seems far away but it's only 6 days away."

"Thanks coach. I'll mark that on my calendar." Naz said sarcastically, earning a laugh from some of the nearby teammates.

"I'll mark you as a scratch, kid." Randy shot back, giggling.

Colton quickly got dressed without talking to anyone, drove himself home, parked alone in the driveway, and unlocked the house. He took out the half full bottle of whiskey, dropped two cubes of ice in a glass, and poured the liquid.

He went into the living room and sat down on the couch, placing it on the table, putting his elbows on his knees and his heated face in his cold palms. He took long sips and short breaks. He felt pure emptiness; every time he remembered something they had done or said, it was like a tug on his chest reminding him of the current reality.

Worst of all, he had absolutely no way of getting back to her. He tried calling, only to find out that she had blocked his number. Though he had very little contact with anyone, Tyler had told him that she wasn't at Lana's place and that was all he knew. And of course Colton believed he was lying or hiding something and he avoided him and Phil and Frazer and anyone who tried to tell him to move on. He just couldn't take it.

He gulped down the alcohol again, and placed the cold glass to his cheek. He closed his tired eyelids. The last four days consisted of him waking up to nothing beside him. The first day, he could barely sleep without her body pressed up against his. The second day, he slept and slept for over ten hours and woke up only to see that the 'nightmare' wasn't over. The third and fourth day, he got up and headed straight for the alcohol cabinet. And it was eating him.

He slammed the glass back down on the table, picked up his car keys, and went out the door. He drove to Lana's house and parked on the curb. He also noticed Tyler's Audi in the driveway. He rang the doorbell and waited impatiently.

Lana's expression changed from gentle to annoyed as soon as she saw him. "Yes?"

"Tell me." he blurted out. "I need to know where she is."

"No! What on Earth makes you think I'd tell you?" she responded.

"Lana, you don't understand."

"No, you don't understand. You can't act as if she made a mistake or that it was a huge misunderstanding. She read it and saw the pictures, alright? Stop acting like saying a simple sorry would make her come back to you." she crossed her arms angrily.

Tyler came up behind her and saw his friend standing on the steps. "Hey."

Colton ignored him, still mad because he wouldn't tell him where she went. "We can work things out. You can't do this to me, Lana. I get that you're being the protective best friend but we were in a serious relationship and--"

"And you cheated." she interrupted. She had never once argued with him but now she had no respect left. It was even difficult forgiving Tyler for not telling her earlier, and she was still punishing him for it.

"I didn't know what I was doing." he looked down at the ground.

She shook her head and walked back inside, shutting the door in his face. He sighed heavily and walked to his car. He heard quick footsteps behind him and turned to see Tyler.

"Why have you been ignoring me lately?" he asked, with his hands in his pockets and his eyebrows scrunched down to his sad eyes.

His fingers ran through his messy hair. He hadn't showered in days. That would have been fine for some people who stay clean either way, but after a preseason game and a team practice, the smell and grease is horrifying. "She already told you didn't, she? You just promised her you wouldn't tell me?"

"Dude, I swear to fucking God, I don't know." Bozie put his hands up in surrender. "If I knew, I'd let you know and I'd help you with what ever you need in order to get her back. But I have no idea."

Colton sighed and opened his car door. Tyler spoke again, "Look, if you want to contact her, I'll try to convince Lana to mail her a letter or something for you."

He studied his innocent expression for a moment. "Okay."

"Alright." he exhaled. "And stop cutting everyone off, man. You haven't hung out with any of us since it happened."

His head shook as he stared at the road ahead. "You wouldn't understand."

"Maybe not," he shrugged gently. "But this isn't you."

Colton got in the driver's seat and started the car. "Whatever."