I Hate Everything About You

“I think you do.” I sighed. “You care for him. In fact, I think you love him. No matter how much he hurts you or beats you, there’s a part of you that can’t leave him.” We stopped at a large pair of double doors, of which, Damien opened the right hand one. He put his hand gently on my elbow as he led me inside.

“Damien…”

“Don’t try to lie. I can see your thoughts, remember? I know how you feel about him and I know how you feel about feeling this way.” He led me to a small bench under a large willow tree that was illuminated by small Christmas lights. I took a look around the warm, dim courtyard, breathing the scent of the flowers in deeply.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Josephine. It happens. People fall in love, mortals and demons alike, and sometimes it’s with the wrong person.”

“I hate myself for it, Damien. I always thought I’d be with Cayden or alone. I deserve better than a man, or demon, like Eros.”

“You absolutely do, love. But you’re stuck.” That lone statement shattered my heart and I completely broke down, falling into Damien’s arms as I sobbed into his shoulder. He held me close and ran his hand through my hair and down my back soothingly, cooing in my ear in an attempt to calm me down.

“It’s alright, my dear. You will survive this, as you’ve been surviving for the past 15 years. You lived through here and the half dozen other demons that have put you through hell. Talk to him, Josie.”

“He won’t listen to me! He would never believe me and he’d go back to being the same old Eros.”

“Maybe he won’t. You never know until you try.” He stood up, his hand lingering on my shoulder. I looked up to him, tears still streaming down my face, taking my make-up with them. I sniffled.

“But, Damien…”

“Just think about it, Josie. Ring me when you want to come back.” With that, he walked away. I tried to protest, but he never looked back at me and continued through the double doors. I sighed and looked up into the branches of the willow, thinking about where my life had gone since being a servant of Damien’s at the young age of nine. My heart was pounding and I tried to steady it by breathing deeply and evenly.

I was probably in the garden for half an hour to forty-five minutes before I felt well enough to rejoin the men. Hades only knew if Eros had even shown up yet or not and if he had, well, it was only a matter of time before we were at it each other’s throat’s again, arguing and fighting, leading to yet another beating from him.

Damien, I thought as loud as I could, projecting my inner voice to him.

Coming, my dear, he replied. Even after years of telepathic communication with the demon, I still shuddered each time we spoke.

Within minutes, Damien was in the courtyard and at my side.

“You’re ready?”

“Yes.” He smiled and took my hand, the red, raised skin on the back of his hand brushing over my own skin. I instinctively tried to pull away from the rough skin I had always feared. He held onto me a little tighter, making sure that I couldn’t get away from him.

“Still afraid of me, eh, love?” he asked, gently pulling me along behind him.

“I’ll always be afraid of you, Damien. No matter what’s said or done for the rest of eternity, there will always be a part of me that fears you.”

“Like there’s always going to be a part of you that loves Eros, yeah?” I scowled at his back, refusing to answer. He threw a smirk over his shoulder and we entered the common room where we’d originally left Cayden and Zane. Cayden now stood by the roaring fire, bourbon in hand, swirling it clockwise slightly while Zane lounged in the same corner of the couch he was in when I left.

“Have a nice meditation, sweetheart?” Zane asked me, well on his way to intoxication. I crinkled my nose and turned away from him, making my way to Cayden instead. Damien sat in his armchair as I looked up into Cayden’s eyes, or tried to.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked quietly. Damien and Zane began talking about something, leaving Cayden and I to ourselves. Cayden’s gaze finally met my own and I could instantly tell that something was seriously bothering him.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed the bruises around your neck, Josie.” My chin dropped as I found sudden interest in the wood floor, not wanting to talk to Cayden about Eros’ abuse. “He’s still doing it?”

“He always will. It’s in his nature to hurt things, people, women. I wish I could change him, make him stop hurting me, but it’s not going to happen any time soon. It’s going to take more than just my begging to get him to stop.”

“My begging?”

“That’s not funny, Cayden,” I told him seriously, narrowing my eyes at him. His pained expression didn’t change and I could tell then that he wasn’t kidding at all. “Cayden, don’t. If you do, he’ll just get even angrier with me, and I know you don’t want that at all.”

“But, Josephine, you must know that you—“

“If you say ‘deserve better’, so help me Lucifer, I’m going to cut your throat,” Zane threatened, glaring over to Cayden from the sofa. He was so hungry, I could tell, because he always acted like a drunken asshole when he needed to feed.

“Excuse me?” Cayden replied angrily, advancing toward him, seeming to challenge him.

“You fucking heard me, you insolent prick. Like she doesn’t know she deserves better than a demon beating the shit out of her every fucking night and fucking her whenever he wants to. She knows, man. But neither she nor you nor I can do anything about it. The best she can do is maybe try to fucking talk to him, but it’s not gonna do a damn bit of good because Eros is a dick and a womanizer and he’s powerful. The only one who could maybe stop him or change him is Damien.”

We were stunned. Well, Cayden and I were—Damien didn’t seem to be fazed by Zane’s outburst at all. I was so engrossed with Zane that I didn’t notice Eros at the door until he cleared his throat. My head snapped in his direction and my eyes widened while Cayden stepped away from me and Zane simply slouched further in the sofa.

“You should go feed, Zane. It’s obvious you need it. Go,” Eros commanded. He may or may not have been giving Zane permission, but Zane got up anyhow and stormed out of the house, short of slamming the door. Eros looked over to Cayden and myself and I couldn’t look away from him. I knew that he was furious, but on the outside, he was calm and collected. His gaze moved to Damien, who was watching him cautiously, and smiled, making his way to his friend.

“Damien. So good to see you. Thank you for allowing us to stay here for a while,” he said seriously, shaking Damien’s hand.

“It’s my pleasure, Eros. Would you like a drink tonight?”

“I think not tonight, my friend.” He looked to Cayden and I again and I could see the fire burning in his eyes. Cayden must have seen it too, because he moved to stand in front of me. “Oh, come now, Cayden. She’s had a rough day, don’t you think? Perhaps it’s time for her to go to bed.”

“Just because you take her to the bedroom doesn’t mean she’s going to sleep,” Cayden growled, getting closer to him, looking up into Eros’ mocking blue eyes. Eros let out a menacing laugh and looked over to me.

“You chose a terrible bodyguard, baby,” he remarked, his gaze snaking back to meet Cayden’s unwavering one. “I could break you in half in a heartbeat, Cayden. I’d watch my fucking mouth if I were you. Josephine.” He held his hand out to me. I looked from his hand to Cayden’s face, which was begging me not to go with Eros, then looked to my master, whose eyes were boring into mine, practically telling me that if I didn’t go with him, there would be hell to pay.

“I’m sorry, Cayden,” I murmured as I moved forward and took Eros’ hand. He pulled me in close to his side and smirked wickedly at Cayden.

“Jo,” he whimpered. I felt tears stinging at my eyes and I couldn’t look at him anymore, so I turned away from his morose face and pushed my own into Eros’ side.

“Good girl,” Eros praised me. I could hear the condescending smile in his voice, causing me to push my face deeper into him. The last thing I wanted to see was Cayden’s hurt face looking into Eros’ arrogant one. “I think it’s time we got some rest, hmm?” I nodded my head and he turned, pulling me along. We passed Damien and I paused, placing my hand on his forearm.

“Thank you, Damien. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, Josephine. It’s my pleasure. Sleep well.” I could sense the underlying concern in his voice, which meant that Eros would pick up on it too.

“Thank you. Good night.”

“Good night. Eros.”

“Good night, Damien,” Eros replied. He pulled me out of the room and, as tempted as I was to turn back and look at Cayden, I followed him as he led me up the winding staircase, down a better lit hallway until we stopped at a room with double mahogany doors. He opened the left one and ushered me in, tapping my butt gently as I walked by him. I paused in the middle of the room as I heard him close the door and felt him enter the room and walk around me, trailing his hand around my around my body. My eyes fell on him as he took off his shirt, his muscles rippling under his taut skin.

“Still miss Cayden?” He was furious, but I didn’t answer. He turned and faced me, standing inches in front of me, close enough for me to feel his body heat. “Still afraid of me? So frightened that you want to leave me for Cayden? Talking things over with your old master, the same bastard how gave you up when you came of age, like it’s going to make anything better?”

Nothing good can come from this, I thought.