I Hate Everything About You

“I don’t think so. Turn around,” he instructed. I frowned, but did so anyway, my backside open to him.

In an instant, I felt his mouth on me. I gasped as I bucked back into him and he immediately placed his hands on either side of my ass, holding me to him as his tongue delved inside of me. I could hardly hold myself up anymore, so I laid my head on the mattress as I clenched the blankets between my hands to avoid digging my nails into my palms.

I was becoming a moaning mess, letting Eros know that everything he was doing was right. I felt him pull away and I whimpered, looking back to him.

“Brace yourself, Josephine,” he said. Eros had dominated me for years, but that one command, promising pleasure, was enough to make my pussy drip with anticipation. “Face the headboard.” I pushed myself back up and kept my eyes on the headboard, every nerve of my body alert to his touch.

I jumped when I felt the tip of his penis run along my slit, teasing me. I instinctively pushed back into him, but he placed a hand on a cheek and held me still before sheathing himself within me. He slowly pushed into me completely, causing me to moan with the full feeling I was experiencing.

Slowly, he began to move in me, gripping my hips gingerly.

“Goddd…” I moaned, bowing my head. Eros ran his hand along my spine and gripped my shoulder and pulled me up so I was against his chest. He trailed his right hand to my breasts and kneaded one while his left found its way to my clit and my head fell back against his shoulder. He began to gently rub my swollen nub, his rough hands feeling like heaven against my smooth skin while he continued to move in and out of me. I moaned a little louder as Eros bowed his head to kiss and lavish my neck with his tongue, running it along the side of my neck and into the crevice of my collarbone with my arm wrapped around his head. He kissed my lips before pushing me back down to rest on all fours as he picked up pace. I looked at him over my shoulder and, as fate would have it, his hand came down across my right butt cheek. I bucked away in shock and looked back to him, sadness in my eyes. I thought it was going to be different. He noticed it and immediately slowed down, rubbing where a hand print was forming gently.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he apologized between thrusts. I nodded and pulled away from him. He was upset with me, but I climbed off the bed, walked around to him and put my hands on his chest before pushing him down to lie on his back. He pushed himself farther up the bed and I crawled in after him. He ran his hands over me as I made my way up his body to straddle his powerful thighs, hovering over his hard penis. I took it in my hand and eased him into me, sighing as I sat on him and taking him to the hilt.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping my hips hard. I put my hands on his and rubbed them, hoping to ease him so that, just maybe, he wouldn’t leave bruises this time. He loosened them and directed me to ride him. I moved slowly, my hands on his chest as I rocked on him. His hands fell to his side and he was taking shallow breaths, so I knew that he was close. I took him completely and began to grind our hips together, twisting his manhood inside of me and his eyes flew open, blazing. He cupped my ass in his strong hands and kneaded it, eventually pulling me up a little and plowing into me. I leaned forward, my lips next to his ear and I knew that, at this point, it was inevitable: Eros was going to take me as hard as he could until he released. I dug my nails into his shoulders as I felt my own release building and breathed into his ear, moaning.

“Come on, baby. Come for me,” he ushered as his balls smacked against me. I cried out, digging my nails in deeper, drawing blood and my walls began to tighten around him. He reached between us and began to toy with my nub yet again and I lost all control, exploding around him before collapsing on his chest. He continued to move inside of me and I could feel him pulsing as he slowed and he pulled out just before he climaxed. I could feel the warm liquid spill onto my body as well as his, but I could barely move. Eros laughed gently between deep, satisfied breaths, running his hand over my skin as I shook gently.

“Not a bad idea, sweetheart. We should do that more often.”

“Mmm,” I purred, running my palm across his neck and over his chest. He rolled me off of him and he stood up, making his way to the bathroom. I heard the water running as I stretched and he returned gliding a damp towel over his sweaty body. He walked over to me and did the same to me, making sure to wipe away his ejaculate carefully before making his way back to the bathroom and throwing the towel in a basket. He returned, climbing into bed, folding his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

“It’s times like these I wished I smoked,” he mused. I opened my eyes and looked at him, contemplating everything that had just transpired. I sighed and pull the blanket over me, snuggling into the pillow next to him. “What’s wrong?” he questioned, opening an eye.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” I replied, glancing to look at him cautiously, pushing a hand underneath the pillow.

“You’re lying to me. Tell me.” I looked at him as he rolled onto his side and looked deep into my eyes, searching my soul until he found what it was that had me upset. “You hate yourself?” Eros’ mindreading was impeccable because no matter how hard I tried to hide my true feelings from him, he was able to find them about 98% of the time.

“I wake up every morning hating who I am, hating the person that I’ve become simply because of the erroneous choices I’ve made in my life. I’ve accepted the fact that I have to live with those choices, as they’ve made me the person I am today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t loathe it with every fiber of my being. I’ve accepted failure more than I should have, I didn’t push myself the way that I should have and I know now that there’s nothing I can do to change what’s been done. It’s in the past and metaphorically written in stone. We can’t erase, the past, we can’t undo what’s been done just to change the person we are today. The choices I’ve made with you, with Cayden, with Damien, those are the things that have made my life a living hell. I haven’t been able to live a ‘normal’ life because I strayed too far from home as a child. If only I’d stayed where my mother told me to, I would be a different person. If I had listened to her, I would still have a mother, she would still think me alive.”

“You wouldn’t have to serve me, is that what you’re saying?”

“Not entirely.”

“But that’s part of it.” Eros was pissed off again. He had asked. It was his fault that he wanted to know. Now he knew and I could tell that the fury was building inside of him, itching to be released. I sighed and rolled onto my back, running my hands through my hair as I looked at the ceiling through the four-post bed, racking my brain for something to say to ease his anger, but nothing was coming to mind. I started to mentally prepare myself for a beating as the energy in the room became more and more charged with his rage. He sat up, still naked, on the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands, his fingers gripping the back of it. I trailed my eyes over his shoulder tattoos and down his sleeves and in the moment, I realized that everything Damien had said to me was absolutely true.

I wanted to hate Eros, I needed to hate Eros completely, but in the end, I knew, deep down, that I never truly could, no matter how much I wanted to, needed to, desired to. The mortal in me knew that if I didn’t leave him somehow, I’d die by his hand. However, the woman in me knew that if I left him, it’d destroy him and I couldn’t do that to him, no matter how often he did it to me. I knew that I was one of those women you read about, the ones that are beaten and abused and know that they deserve so much better, but they can’t leave their abuser because they are far too much in love with them, in love with the person that we know they can be, the one that they have shown us on countless occasions. I hated myself for being that woman, but I didn’t know how to change it, or even change him. I was lying to myself if I thought I could change him, to be honest. Eros had been alive for hundreds, thousands of years, and one mortal woman wouldn’t be able to undo that kind of damage, that long period of characterization.

Once again, I found myself stuck. There was nothing I could do, no matter who I talked to and no matter how much I tried to help Eros be a better man.

“You can’t change me, Josephine,” he finally muttered. I could tell, without even looking at him, that his eyes were closed and his was trying to control his anger.

“I know,” I replied sadly, my eyes traveling over the room, attempting to avoid even having to look at his body.

“But you want to.” Eros was very good at turning what would normally be questions into direct statements.

“I just want you to be a better man, be sweeter and more gentle and kind than you usually are. I know the kind of person you can be, I know the kind of chivalry you’re capable of, Eros. I want you to do this for you, not just for me.”

“I’m a demon, Josie. How the fuck do you expect me to change that?”

“I don’t want you to change your demonic ways completely. I just wish you didn’t bring it home, bring it upon me, hurt me, rape me.”

“You want me to be more like Cayden.”

“I didn’t say that,” I retaliated, sitting up against the headboard.

“You didn’t have to, Josie! I’m not an idiot, like you seem to think that I am.”

“Eros, I—“ I tried to cut him off.

“Don’t you dare. You think I won’t know? Think I won’t find out about the things that you say or do while I’m gone? I will always know. Cayden is weak and his mind is easily manipulated to give into me and tell me everything I need to know.”

“Eros, please,” I begged. He snapped his head back to look at me and I could see the fire burning in his eyes, the aggravation and the rage, the wrath and the ire that had been building for the past few minutes. I flinched, but didn’t make a move away from him because I knew that if I did that, he’d surely hit me. He moved toward me swiftly, like the snake that he was, to hover over me.

“I am Eros, I am demon, I am death. Nothing you say or do will ever change that, Josephine. Do you understand? Nothing. No matter how much you beg and plead and threaten, you’re mine. Forever. And don’t even think about killing yourself. I can just bring you right back.”

“What?"