A Loss of Love

Today was the one year anniversary of his disappearance. One year ago, the day the dreams died and the day he ran. He said he'd never leave, he promised he'd stay with us for as long as possible. I guess his definition of possible was different to mine. I still think he'll walk through our front door, smiling and laughing before calling me over to him, so we could be ourselves. Just us, the two of us, the scene haired due, he'd call us. I remember the day he ran away. He came in, no smile or laugh, no jokes or recounts of his day, just said hi before going into our room to lie down.

"I'm just going for a sleep," he said, before walking in there and closing the door.

I knew something was wrong when I heard the lock click into place. He just needs some time alone, I thought to myself, as soon and he's collected his thoughts he'll be back to normal and we'd spend the rest of the evening alone together. I sat on the lounge, our lounge, for two hours, waiting for him to come back down.

I got edgy when suddenly, after ten minutes, the noise in our room stopped. I'll go check on him, I thought, he'll probably come out with an angelic smile plastered to his face before making a smart remark and laugh it off with me. I waited twenty minutes more before I ringed my hands and got off our lounge, walking through the hallway to our room.

Something inside me wanted wanted me to believe he was just playing a joke on me, but the rest of me disagreed. I knocked three times before waiting. Nothing moved around, nobody got up to answer it and no voice came through the door.

"Jack open up," I said calmly before becoming frantic.

"Babe open the door!" I shouted before knocking on the door harder and faster.

I looked at the door knob before wrapping my shaking fingers around the brass, jiggling it around. I gave up on the door knob five minutes later before starting to slam myself against the door. Bang, bang, bang, it responded to my body hitting against it. I saw a baseball bat in the guest room before running to get it. I picked it up and sprinted back before bashing the metal against the wood.

Why won't he open up? The joke's gone to far, something must've happened to him, to my love, to my one and only, I thought before the bat finally made a hole in the door. I kept hitting at the sides of the hole, slowly making it bigger. I dropped the bat when the hole looked large enough. I crawled my way through before looking around our room.

It was eerily quiet and felt oddly cold. I looked over to the desk, our desk, where a piece of paper lay face down. I had noticed it out of the corner of my eye before rushing over, holding it delicately in my hands before beginning to read it. I felt hot tears prick the corners of my eyes as I read it.

Dear Alex,
if you find this note it means I'm gone. I'm sorry I did it, but everything was going downhill for me, and I didn't want to drag you down with me. You were my one and only, my reminder that creativity runs deep like secrets, so I've decided to start over.

I'm sorry if I've left unanswered questions, but now you know why I liked the name for our band. Now I really am part of All Time Low, now that I've hit mine. Maybe we'll meet each other again, but if we don't, understand that I was always yours.
Forever and ever babe, Jack.

I walked over to our bed and sat down. This bed will never be the same. My life, our life, our relationship, will never be the same. I got off our bed and looked out our window and saw a rope made of our belts hanging down. I sighed and picked up my phone. I dialed his number. It rang for two minutes before I shut my phone. He has his phone but refuses to answer it, to answer to me, to his friends and family. I called Zack and explained what had happened.

"I'm coming over now, stay right there," he said before hanging up.

I heard my phone start the song I miss you by Blink 182, telling me Jack was calling. I answered straight away before hearing crying from the other end.

"Jack? Hon, it's okay, come home, I'll help sort it out with you. Please come home, I'm missing your smile already," I said to him.

He sighed before saying I was his one and only and always would be. I felt tears cascade down my cheeks, softly saying forever and ever babe before he hung up. My knees went weak as I dropped to the ground, my head pounding, my eyes red and my cheeks wet. I crawled over to his side of the bed, burying my head into the pillow, inhaling the essence of what he smelled like.

I sighed and closed my eyes before opening them one last time. In that small glance, I thought I saw him, smiling at me before climbing out the window and down the belts again. Goodbye angel, I heard someone whisper in my ear before I got back to sleep, into dreams of memories and a place where we were together again.