Ocean Avenue

I sit and look out to the ocean, I look at this place, all I see is you, I remember you so vividly, the way your long blonde hair would float in the breeze, the way your blue eyes told me what your heart thought, do you remember the conversations we would have here? You would tell me about your fairytale wedding and I would wish to be your groom, you would talk about taking your crush to the prom, and I would dream of taking you , we would sit there till the sun went down, talking about our lives, did you ever relies how right it felt? Did you ever hear the comments, people walking past and commenting on how cute young love is?

We grew up, and still, every Friday night, we would meet in the same place, and if we weren’t at school the next week, every one knew it was raining out that past Friday, out of all those years, we only failed to meet 3 times, once when your grandma died, and we went away to the funeral, then it was the prom, and the Friday after that, I was laying on my bed, after attempting suicide, when I didn’t show, you came looking for me, you saved my life that night. But you were also why I tried to end it all. Knowing you were there, but I couldn’t have you in every single way. You asked why I tried, and I said it was because I missed mum, who just days before, you had held my hand as we buried her, you held me as I cried watching the cancer become mum, I don’t know if you know, but just before she passed, she hugged me, and said to me “I see the love you have for her, marry her son, I know she your one, ask Grace to marry you son”
I never did make her proud, I was to scared you would say you didn’t feel the same way, that you would walk away, and I would be left with out the love of my life, and my best friend.

I still come here every Friday, and sit here from 7 - 12, I hope and prey you come back one day, but why would you? After what I did? After you told me you had slept with him, I called you a whore. But you weren’t, I just wanted your first, your only, your forever to be with me, I was saving myself for you.
If I could find you, every thing would be ok, only your words would heal this heart, your touch and kisses would make it explode from shear happiness. I need you, I know you don’t need me, but I can dream huh? And that I do, almost every night, you crowd my dreams, I cant say I wish you didn’t, because my hope and dreams get me by,

I remember when you said you were going to college away from home, you said we could still do this sometimes, sure not every Friday, but some times, when you where home, and sure the first few times you where home, we did, ill never forget that weekend you came home, and it was like you had forgotten about me, how could you forget? After all those years, you forget? I don’t think you forgot, I just think you ignored, that or he told you, you couldn’t see me. I know your not sitting with me this Friday night, but I look up at the stars and the moon. I cant help but wonder if your looking up at the same night stars, and thinking the same thing. “what could have been?”

the sand next to me moves, I look over, and blink, my minds playing tricks on me, because I swear your sitting next to me, I look up at the stars and the moon, its almost as if its smiling at me, I look again and your still there, I want to reach out and touch you, but I’m frightened that you wont be real, nothing more than a figment of my imagination, I sit here and breath in and out, I tell my heart to keep going, but as you speak, I swear it stops “after all these years, your sill here on a Friday night?”
you ask. “I didn’t know what else to do” I tell, you take a breath in before speaking again “James, I look at that moon every Friday, and wonder where you are, wondering if your thinking of me” I turn and look at you “every Friday Gracie, every single Friday” I see a tear fall, but as I go to wipe it away, you push my hand away “why was I so blind James?” more tears fall “why did it take me going away to college to realise you are my everything?” I’m not sure I heard you right “you James Ellis are what make me smile” you reach up and run your thumb over my lips “your heart keeps mine beating” you run your fingers over my chest, scattering goose bums everywhere “and your eyes, that tell me you have been in love with me for years” you say looking into my eyes. “but most of all, my heart” you let more tears fall “my heart tells me I‘ve been a fool, because I Grace Marshal, love you” you finish. I sit there dumbfounded for a minute or two, before leaning over, connecting our lips for the kiss that made my heart explode.