Status: Chaptered (In-Progress)

Last Hope

Finding Hope

January 16th
[It's always this nagging feeling. The feeling that you're going to break any second; that someone is going to say something, or something is going to happen and something inside you is going to snap. You become almost two people; one person when you're with people, pretending to be okay, and another person when you're on your own, who you really are. You live life like you're waiting for an event, for something to happen, you go around pretending, then on the night when you're alone you pour and cry your heart out to no one. It gets tiring, then again, every task is a chore to do when you feel like you have no purpose anymore. It's a scary thought, to think that you wouldn't care if you died tomorrow, most people are terrified when faced with the idea of death, but you are indifferent to it. People say you need to get help, that you're not normal. Fuck them. Yeah, you may need help if you want to get better, but what if you're okay with being empty inside? With only feeling things in front of people for the sake of saving face? With dying? They shouldn't get to decide what is 'normal', normal is whatever you feel is normal, not what others define it as. I feel like i'm someone different to everyone else and a terrible mess to myself. Dreaming when I sleep is my only escape; making up alternate realities that i'd prefer my life to be like, but it only makes waking harder. Having to leave that reality behind and coming back to the real one. Maybe i'm making things harder for myself than they need to be, but I can't help how I feel. Some may say i'm overreacting but everyone feels differently and what is a big deal to someone may not be to someone else. There are days where I just sit and stare off into space, with a song playing in the background, and feel nothing for an hour. I tend to do that a lot lately.]

Jack looked up from the page where words were blurred with tear drops. He placed the page in his bag and stood up from where he was sat.
“I need to talk to him” he said.
“I don't think that's a good idea Jack, he's not in any place to talk right now” Cassadee said, she was sat on the foot of the bed next to Rian.
“She's right dude, he's unstable at the moment, I don't think he can handle talking about what you want to” Rian agreed.
“Look, I don't care what you guys think, he needs someone with him right now okay, he said to me that he'll work to become better, and how can I expect him to do all that work by himself with no help? If you guys aren't going to be there for him then I will” Jack started to walk toward the door, Rian stood up and grabbed his upper arm; stopping him.
“We're here for him okay? We just don't want to overwhelm him, if we all go in talking to him about getting better it'll just remind him of why he's in there in the first place which will make things worse, and that is the last thing anyone wants.”Rian released his arm, stepping back to stand beside Cassadee.
“I know, i'm not talking to him to make him worse, it's to help him. I understand where you are coming from, I just don't agree with it, there isn't anything you can say to stop me from seeing him” Jack replied. Cassadee nodded, Rian held his hands up in surrender.
“Fine, I concede, i'm not going to try and stop you if you are set on seeing him. No time like the present right?” Rian gestured to the door “Go see him” he finished with a smile.

* * *

Jack knocked on the door to Alex's room in the hospital.
“Come in” Alex answered. Jack opened the door, stepped inside the room and closed it behind him. He leant back against the door, smiling at Alex who was sitting cross-legged on his bed drawing in a sketch book.
“Hey” Alex said quietly.
“Hey” Jack repeated.
“Come sit down” Alex said, patting the space next to him. Jack crossed the room, closing the distance between them, and sat down next to Alex.
“I came to talk to you” Jack said, pulling out the page he read earlier and handing it to Alex. Alex put his pencil in the spine of the sketch book and closed it and took the page from Jack.
“Where did you get this?” he asked.
“It was on your desk, Rian, Cassadee and I were cleaning your room and I didn't mean to read it but some words caught my eye and I couldn't stop reading. I'm sorry” Jack answered.
“This is what you came to talk to me about? Why?” Alex asked. Jack grabbed Alex's free hand and entwined their fingers, Alex tried to pull away but Jack gripped tighter; with his other hand he turned Alex's head so they were looking at each other.
“I'm sorry for reading it, and I came here to talk to you about it because I don't want you to struggle with getting better on your own, i'm here next to you through all of it” Jack said. Alex squeezed their joined hands, sighing he turned so his body was facing Jack's.
“So...what about it did you want to talk about?” Alex said, putting down the page and twisting his other hand in the front of Jack's shirt.
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I hope this is okay, I was in the mood for writing and didn't really have this chapter planned, it sort of just happened. I hope this sort of makes up for the shortness of last chapter.
Comments and feedback are appreciated!