Always Anyways...

I have been erased from my King's halls. My name banned and forbidden. My image stripped from portraits. The flags of my house no longer fly on the ramparts and adorn the walls. The colours of my family are refused in the courts of my King. My crest shattered in the streets as I become completely forgotten and cast aside.

There are days it still shocks me. When I see a glimpse of my former castle from afar. To see how quickly I have been erased, discarded and forgotten. The once beloved and prized Lady, now more lowly then a penniless orphan. How has it all come to this? Why would my King not fight? How could he turn his back on me after all his words and all his promises to me? Words have lost their meaning to me....words are empty and hollow. Promises and pledges are but words, with no purpose. There was a time that I held to them so strongly, but those days have left me. Pledges last as long as they linger on one's lips...and even on the lips of my new Knight.

Oh my love...my Knight and the Lord who claims my heart. I still reside in your halls, and while our days are not easy, our connection grows deeper. You risk the anger of my King while I risk repercussion from my actions. Despite it all, there are others who look to seek me for selfish reasons, but without love. I am a Lady in name only. My title and my young face brings them curiously, not knowing the circumstances with my King or my new Lord. What a position I find myself in!

How I long to be free....to finally be free of my King. Free to be claimed openly by you. Free to openly claim you as the Lord of my Heart.

You took me by carriage to visit the lands of my family. Yet the trip was bittersweet. It had been so long, my faded memories made our travel difficult. As a Lady with no Lord, I have nothing to offer my former lands. There is little I can do to fix my lands. They are difficult and frustrating. They are overrun, with so much to improve. My lands felt uncomfortable and almost foreign to me, and I was embarrassed to feel that way in front of you. I left my lands in tears, knowing that you may never wish to return there, seeing my lands the way you did.

Despite it all, you promised to return again soon. And this time you promised not just to visit my lands, but to stand at my side before my family and my Father. You are willing to stand before the whole court, hold my hand in yours, and bear the brunt of their Lord's reactions. For I have turned my back on my King and claimed one such as you, which might bring great shame to my Father. The heart wants what it wants...and I dare not argue. I know that you far outshine the honor of my King and the goodness you carry surrounds me with love. Yet might the shame be all mine...might all the whispers of how I am a lovesick fool come to pass? Aye. But you pledged to stand before my father soon, and claim our love, For now all those dark figures of doubt are wrong.

Oh sweet day! How you make all the rest pale in comparison! There is joy in my chest today... a flutter of excitement that is beginning to take flight. For you have arranged for me, the Lady of your heart, to be presented to the court. No longer am I just a face in the crowd, or a treasured companion. No longer will the ladies of court whisper and calculate who the mystery is. While it is known that I am prized, the depth and breath of it all has been carefully hidden....from the courts and from your honourable family.

You will whisk me away in a white carriage toward your father's noble lands. Lands where the mountains scrape the clouds and the air is crisp and cold. Under new furs and warm at your side, you will take the first step. You will lead me in, bring me forth before your father's court and present me to him. You will claim me as your love and your lady. You will stand before them with all the complicated choice that it is. They know my King and they will know what we have done in the name of love. And we will be called to face it.

I believe they will understand. They will have patience to know that this is a love not easily found, and not easily ignored. It is not a love that is passive and small...it is not a love that is all roses and fairies. It has been tough, tear-stained and a struggle. I have suffered for this love and we have both been at risk. Together we still stand, the sweet breeze of the summer has faded and the bitter winds of the winters have come. We have not been moved, despite how fears and demons haunt our minds. Our love continues to burn, lighting the great darkness.

So many fears....so many doubts. Will I ever be worth your love? Will our love survive eternally? Will my fears ever die a final death and leave me in peace? Will our struggles lessen and be replaced with true happiness. Why has the fates brought us together? What great purpose do we serve united? Will our love only make us stronger? Will I be the Lady of your lands and once again stand with pride? Will you stand strong as a King among your own people or be torn from me in the battlefield? So many questions plague my sleep. For now I hush them, like a child who bucks the evening sleep. I gently caress them until they lay down quietly and rest. For only then can my mind calm and my heart has a chance to dance.

Dance o little heart....dance and be merry if only for a moment. Dance and believe in love again. Make me believe in the dream...carry me away to happiness I long for. Be free and dance o little heart once again.