Always Anyways...

It was all a dream within a dream. My days were filled with the responsibilities of a proper Lady-in-waiting. There was always work to see the castle maintained and I did not mind it. The rest of my time was filled with gentle activities of sowing, reading or church, a quiet and peaceful existence at the side of my Lady. With the weather warming, we began taking adventures outside, either in the gardens or in nearby fields. No Lords watching over our heads meant the days were our own and we found ways to fill them with happy enjoyment. I have see my Lady laugh again, as her spirits brightened.

Her body healed, her memories dulled and for her the nightmares faded into the darkness, but not for me. During the day, I lived a day of tender existence and at night, demons continued to stalk after and haunt me. I was alone in suffering through them. Some days I felt I would finally be free of them, but then I would be proven so very wrong. The demons melded together, of my former King, my former Lord and Lord Tiernan. They were all one concoction of darkness, hatred, abandonment and pain. They robbed my mind of any peace that was found there. They robbed my night of sleep filling it only with darkness. They stole away tiny pieces of my heart, just as I reclaimed them, so my heart continued to remain unwhole.

Yet there were nights that my mind wondered, and I remembered the angel in the darkness that came to me in my worst hours. I dared not seek out Taggart the farrier because I know it was not my place to do so. Nor was it his....the job given to him by my brother was to remain in the background and see that I was protected. He was some of the few protectors I knew, so I did not wish to force him away because I sought solace and companionship.

There was only one soul that could help ease the burdens in my mind, my brother, my Nicolito. His comforts came from knowing my heart and mind so well...no man has known me as Nicolito does. I doubt no man ever will. I received a scroll from him, telling me that his business continued far from Lord Tiernan's land. Despite not saying it, I knew it would be long before I saw him again. He did not tell me himself in the scroll but I heard rumors among the other nobles in court that it was possible he might take a bride. The news saddened me, for I have never had to share Nicolito with another woman, only war and the duties of my father. To lose him in that fashion would truly make me alone.

It was the night after the scroll, perhaps in desperation, that I broke my promise to the farrier and could not bare suffocating in my chamber another second. I dressed simply, and took my black cloak before I headed down to the stables. It was so late, so I did not even bother to wake the stable boy. I simply slipped the bridle over my horse's head, gently eased him out of the stall before I flipped up onto his back without a saddle. He danced, perhaps surprised at my late visit. But he settled quickly and I urged him out of the stables. I flew through the guard's doorway without a single word and out into the night. We rode for what seemed like hours in the darkness, in and out of trees, through the forests.

But as I crossed a small stream, a few moments later, a second splash caught my ear. I knew there was another behind me, and with the soft forest ground I had not heard it before. The moon was full, but did not penetrate deep enough into the forest. I am well trained rider and was prepared to face whatever was behind me. I doubled back, coming to the same stream again. Instead this time, I stopped, letting the water gently bubble over my horse's hooves. With the darkness of the forest, my follower could not know that I stopped until they reached the very end of the tree line, and by then it was too late. I could see the outline and they were exposed. In my strongest voice, I called out to them, "Who goes there?! Why do you follow me!!" My one hand took the reigns as the other rested on the small dagger at my thigh. I heard a gentle sigh as the rider eased his horse out of the shadows and right up to the stream. "You should not be riding so unescorted Princess." I was nearly certain I knew the voice but I commanded anyway, "Show yourself...remove your hood." The rider did as he was instructed and I was in fact right. Taggart was there mounted before me.

"Taggart," I said and the higher pitch of my voice could have very well given away my thoughts. "Aye my Princess..." He responded and slowly moved his horse a few steps closer, "You promised, You promised me...no midnight rides. I took you for a woman of your word." His words oddly made me feel ashamed, and as the moon's glow shone silver on his face, I could see his displeasure. At this point, I slowly pushed back my own hood, "Do not feel such a way with me, my nights are dark and haunted. I could not breath in my chambers. I needed an escape." He shifted in his saddle, his eyes carefully scanning, "I understand that feeling well my Princess. But you promised me. You test the very edge of my abilities sometimes." For some reason the choice of his words struck me and my mind began to wander a little. When I hesitated in response, he continued, "Please, you have been riding for nearly three hours, the sun will be rising soon and I would like to see you back safely inside the castle when it does." I nodded to him, and the next question came before I even realized, "How did you manage to follow me...so quickly and so close. And do not tell me because you are a good rider, for that is clear." I saw a small yet sad smile cross his lips, "This is what I do my Princess. Long have I been at your brother's side and he knows my talents well. That is why I am here now with you, acting the farrier. My Lord knew best where to place me." His comment struck me even more odd, for it was not the response I would expect of a Lord or a Knight. I could only nod and he motioned with his hand, pointing, "The castle is that way, will you do me the respect of following me back?" I nodded to him without hesitation, "Yes...." He nodded and turned his horse in the right direction.

It was not long before we reached the castle, and I could see the fires on the walls before me. "This is where I leave you my Princess, but I will see you again inside." I tilted my head, "You are not coming with me??" He shook his head as he pulled up his hood, "You left alone, and you must go back alone. Don't worry, there is one of us on the walls tonight. You will be safe. They are looking for your return." I was confused as he began to turn his horse, "Taggart....wait!" He looked back, "Do not worry. Just go back inside the castle. I have my own way in." And with that he kicked his horse and rode back out into the darkness.

I did as instructed and rode straight back to the stables. But this time I woke the stable boy, so that he could properly tend to my horse. He was most surprised to see me but did his duties well. However I was determined, and I stayed in the stables as the daybreak came, then as the sun rose and began to shine into the stables. The stable boy was confused why I waited. I began to pace through the stalls, rubbing the noses of horses that were awake. However it was almost two hours, by my guess, until I saw Taggart again. In he walked, dressed as a farrier with his bucket of tools. I could see as his eyes wrinkled, he was surprised to see me still there, but otherwise showed no sign of it. He walked right past me, bowing as he did, "My Princess..." He went straight to work, pulling out a horse and then his tools. I watched for a moment but he kept his back to me and did not recognize me any other way. I felt torn about this, and I paused for another moment until I finally left the stables and returned to my chambers. I would be late in tending to my lady.

I felt like the entire night was nothing but a dream...a dream which only left me feeling no more peace then before.