Always Anyways...

And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean

But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

When you came to me, you came to me with such powerful emotions. It was ugly business that brought you before me, words you confided to me as Lady of the castle. It was a position that could often be so very much bittersweet. I steeled myself and for a moment I sat at the head and listened, offering what I could to you. Most importantly offering understanding. Yet amidst the inky business before us, came an answer. An answer to one of my very own questions, and I understood you more then before. With that understanding, actually came another fragment of peace. I had felt a shift inside you that scared me, a shift I did not know the cause for. Among the business of being the Lady, the answer was delivered like another precious gift from you. My fears settled and I knew soon we would have our time alone to speak.

As you darkened my doorway, I drew you in closely. I felt all the words and emotions bubble up in my heart, and could barely speak them. But I did and as they tumbled from my lips so jumbled and mashed, you listened with a smile. Oh my fears of telling you those thoughts and admitting my dreams to you! But you did not judge, you did not resist...you opened your arms and welcomed it all in. All of me. I was held against you tenderly and safe there. I rested my head against your chest and felt your warmth surround me.

It has been so long since I was able to speak freely with you, able to speak my true heart...able to admit how much my love had grown in your absence. It was almost astonishing to me when I admitted that you had completely filled my heart and it was now spilling over. I told you how I wished so very many things and I heard them echoed back. You spoke to me, explaining to me all the worries and fears I had been battling alone. We shared them together, and they faded like myst to the morning sun. You promised to share in this time with me, so that we could live these precious days together. Knowing how rare they were. We daydreamed about a time that we would truly be together. When we would walk openly in the fields, my hand inside yours, your colours surrounding my shoulders. It made us smile as we filled the dark hours with our love...our shared love. A love that cannot be denied anymore.

Then I listened as you shared one of your dreams with me. A dream that made me see stars, and feel as if I was floating away, carried gently by your dream. Just when I thought your words could not get more powerful, you offered even more. You completed the dream with such a beautiful image of honest and true love..an image that you offered out to me. The surge of emotions, knowing how truly you could love me brought tears. Tears for many reasons, on many levels. Tears for myself, knowing my King does not see me that way. Tears for myself, knowing what I could have with you if we were both brave enough. Tears for us, knowing how much we are losing because we are not together. Aye...bittersweet to be Lady of my King's castle.

Our night was long and wonderful together. But the sunlight threatened my windows and took you from my arms. Even when you left, what remained with me was your love and the peace you gave to my heart. It has carried me all day. Today, as you were away with your duties, a flash of coloured fabric caught my eye, peeking out from a doorway. My hands reached out nervously at first, for who would see the Lady doing what is not of her station. When the door opened, among all the other banners, stood one of yours. It was but pieces, torn perhaps in battle, left there to be mended that you might carry it again. It was a temptation I could not resist. I tore off a corner of your coloured banner and hid it in my hand. How I felt as if I was stealing...stealing from my own kingdom, how silly! I felt unworthy, unworthy of taking a memory of you so ill-gotten. Dishonourable like a thief but the only theft was from you. I refused to believe you would deny me so silly a trinket. I held it in my hand, treasuring this small piece of you that I dared not even have. That I dared not let my King ever see.

Later as you bowed before me with business to present, I showed you in that fleeting moment the small treasure that I clutched so tenderly. You answered me with one of your most loving smiles and with a nod. We did not need more words then that, I knew then there was no dishonour in what I had done. I knew that you would grant me even more if I but only asked. I do not want more, I want only you.

Tonight I will hold this treasure close with me in the hopes that you again darken my doorway. I have even more beautiful hopes of another night spent so close and connected to you. A night of your eyes looking back into mine and your whispers in my ear. I look forward to another night of my dreams becoming ever more of shape and body. I look forward to another night of being only yours. Mayhaps....one day....it will be no dream, but real.

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life