Status: In progress but looking for feedback. The Prologue has been trimmed! More chapters coming soon :)
Always Anyways...
An unwanted goodbye
When my eyes opened again, it was to the sensation of my head gently being rubbed and a warm breath against the skin of my neck. I smiled softly and murmured, "You stayed...." as my eyes turned toward the direction of the hand. But much to my surprise, it was Lord Gannon who was kneeling at my bedside. He smiled back sadly, "I think you were dreaming Jane...." he whispered to me. Panicked, my eyes quickly skirted around the room but in the morning light the rest of my sleeping section was empty and Taggart was once again gone. Slowly I looked at Lord Gannon and shrunk back slightly from his hand. He sighed sadly and withdrew it, "My squire told me this morning that you were found....why did you not send for me??" He asked with an edge of urgency in his voice. My eyes drifted away from his close face, "I was safe....my men kept me safe." He shook his head slightly, "You were in great danger. You were lucky, not safe." I sighed deeply because in essence I knew he was right.
A silence fell between us and Lord Gannon reached for my hand, "I beg that you would look upon me with those eyes again. The gentle feeling they once held...I miss it Jane, I crave it." I did not resist his touch, for I too missed it. But alas I knew in my heart there was only one answer for us. I slowly lifted my chin to look at him, "Those eyes were for a man I clearly did not know...or at least, I did not know your station." His tone grew urgent, "I did all this for you. I came for you, to serve you, to be in your presence like I have always wished. This chance was so precious to me." He pressed my hand against his face, "I crave you like I crave the sun....and my time with you was so short, so fleeting." His words were putting cracks in my resolve, "I know...yet again how I wish the dream could be true. But it cannot." Lord Gannon reached for me and I did not resist any more. I curled up against his chest, warm and tender, burying my face in his shoulder. How he smelled of dark musk, leather and fresh dirt! For a moment, I felt as if I had found my heart's home. His hand rubbed the back of my head as we remained entwined there. This was my final moment, my last luxury with a man I could never claim as my heart's own. It would have been such a quiet and simple life, the Lady of a Lord that I in turn made a Prince. A good piece of land in my father's kingdom. A noble and righteous match where I could have lived until I died gray in my bed. There was such utter sadness that weighed down my heart as if it was being dragged under the deepest ocean. So much did I wish such a dream could one day be mine, but once again I know this dream does not belong to me. Just as this man does not belong to me. Another wears his colours and another sits at his right side. I am nothing more then a wish of his young heart that will forever and always be denied.
"Why?" I heard my lips whisper as my voice cracked with emotion. He pulled back from me only to grab my face in his hands, "Ask anything of me and I will do it." I blinked back at him and even though my resolve was weakened, I could not bring such ill upon someone who did not deserve it. "Gannon...I cannot." He pressed his forehead against mine, "And I love you even more for it." I felt my eyes well with tears and before a cry could escape my lips, he pressed his own deeply and desperately against them. My body instantly responded as my arms surged around his neck, pulling myself tightly against his chest. The kiss made me dizzy and I felt as if I was falling, yet held firmly at the same time. It felt never-ending, but of course it did.
A single tear rolled down my face, "This can never happen again," I managed to mumble. Not so much because my honour would forsake me, but I did not feel my heart could withstand walking away from him many more times. "I know that is not your wish, but I will never deny you," he mumbled back. I searched his eyes, as if trying to remember all the details I had just began to commit to memory. I felt as if he was doing the same and yet again I never wanted this moment to end. But it did as he slowly shifted away from me, gently putting me back on my bed. "Gannon...I...." He smiled sadly and shook his head. At that moment he seemed so fragile, that if I spoke the wrong words it could crumble him into a million pieces. "I know Jane...I know," he said. As he started to step back, I felt my body urging him closer. Finally he stopped and bowed before me, "It had been an honour to be in your service my Princess." It was a goodbye without saying the words. "The kingdom is the one who is honoured to be served by such a noble Lord." I echoed back so well trained by my father. Without a second of hesitation, or a final look between us, Lord Gannon exited my tent and I did not see him again.
That same day Lord Kenrick did not hesitate in gathering supplies and making preparations. A mere several hours later, after a quick and simply goodbye from Woolsey, I was safely tucked into my carriage to began the long two day ride back to Lord Tiernan's castle. Little was said to me but something odd did catch my attention. Lord Kenrick asked specifically for my royal sash before I stepped into the carriage. I obliged him and he nodded before helping me sit down inside. I don't think he knew that I saw him tossing the sash into a nearby fire, which seemed to have other colours of my father burning as well. Before I could ask, the carriage lurched as we began our journey home.
A silence fell between us and Lord Gannon reached for my hand, "I beg that you would look upon me with those eyes again. The gentle feeling they once held...I miss it Jane, I crave it." I did not resist his touch, for I too missed it. But alas I knew in my heart there was only one answer for us. I slowly lifted my chin to look at him, "Those eyes were for a man I clearly did not know...or at least, I did not know your station." His tone grew urgent, "I did all this for you. I came for you, to serve you, to be in your presence like I have always wished. This chance was so precious to me." He pressed my hand against his face, "I crave you like I crave the sun....and my time with you was so short, so fleeting." His words were putting cracks in my resolve, "I know...yet again how I wish the dream could be true. But it cannot." Lord Gannon reached for me and I did not resist any more. I curled up against his chest, warm and tender, burying my face in his shoulder. How he smelled of dark musk, leather and fresh dirt! For a moment, I felt as if I had found my heart's home. His hand rubbed the back of my head as we remained entwined there. This was my final moment, my last luxury with a man I could never claim as my heart's own. It would have been such a quiet and simple life, the Lady of a Lord that I in turn made a Prince. A good piece of land in my father's kingdom. A noble and righteous match where I could have lived until I died gray in my bed. There was such utter sadness that weighed down my heart as if it was being dragged under the deepest ocean. So much did I wish such a dream could one day be mine, but once again I know this dream does not belong to me. Just as this man does not belong to me. Another wears his colours and another sits at his right side. I am nothing more then a wish of his young heart that will forever and always be denied.
"Why?" I heard my lips whisper as my voice cracked with emotion. He pulled back from me only to grab my face in his hands, "Ask anything of me and I will do it." I blinked back at him and even though my resolve was weakened, I could not bring such ill upon someone who did not deserve it. "Gannon...I cannot." He pressed his forehead against mine, "And I love you even more for it." I felt my eyes well with tears and before a cry could escape my lips, he pressed his own deeply and desperately against them. My body instantly responded as my arms surged around his neck, pulling myself tightly against his chest. The kiss made me dizzy and I felt as if I was falling, yet held firmly at the same time. It felt never-ending, but of course it did.
A single tear rolled down my face, "This can never happen again," I managed to mumble. Not so much because my honour would forsake me, but I did not feel my heart could withstand walking away from him many more times. "I know that is not your wish, but I will never deny you," he mumbled back. I searched his eyes, as if trying to remember all the details I had just began to commit to memory. I felt as if he was doing the same and yet again I never wanted this moment to end. But it did as he slowly shifted away from me, gently putting me back on my bed. "Gannon...I...." He smiled sadly and shook his head. At that moment he seemed so fragile, that if I spoke the wrong words it could crumble him into a million pieces. "I know Jane...I know," he said. As he started to step back, I felt my body urging him closer. Finally he stopped and bowed before me, "It had been an honour to be in your service my Princess." It was a goodbye without saying the words. "The kingdom is the one who is honoured to be served by such a noble Lord." I echoed back so well trained by my father. Without a second of hesitation, or a final look between us, Lord Gannon exited my tent and I did not see him again.
That same day Lord Kenrick did not hesitate in gathering supplies and making preparations. A mere several hours later, after a quick and simply goodbye from Woolsey, I was safely tucked into my carriage to began the long two day ride back to Lord Tiernan's castle. Little was said to me but something odd did catch my attention. Lord Kenrick asked specifically for my royal sash before I stepped into the carriage. I obliged him and he nodded before helping me sit down inside. I don't think he knew that I saw him tossing the sash into a nearby fire, which seemed to have other colours of my father burning as well. Before I could ask, the carriage lurched as we began our journey home.