Always Anyways...

My very next thought was the feeling of someone's hand rubbing down my face with a cool rag. Instincts made me scramble up and I saw Taggart slowly withdraw from me, giving me some space, "Shh now.....Jane, calm yourself." My head quickly spun and I was anything but calm. My panic was still near and rising, so much so that I could not even put thoughts into words. "Jane!....Jane!!" He raised his voice as if trying to get my attention. I quickly looked at him and he took my shoulders tightly. "Jane....calm yourself!" He repeated again, and I felt like a wild horse that wanted only to buck. "I do not want to marry him!!" I finally sputtered out of my own lips. He just nodded and I threw his hands off my shoulders, "I do not want to marry that beast!!" I said louder and tried to scramble off the bed. Taggart anticipated my move and lunged for me, pinning me down carefully on the bed. "Jane, calm yourself before you black out again. Jane, MY Jane...listen to me!" he tried to catch my eyes as he increased his weight against me. "No! NO!!" I started to thrash with no rationality left in my mind.

I felt a sting of a slap against my cheek. It stunned me quiet and Taggart was nearly nose to nose with me, "Stop Jane, and listen to me." I blinked at him empty and he shook his head sadly, "I am sorry I struck you. I did not like that feeling, but I need you to calm down. I need you to listen to me." Instead of the overwhelming urge to run as fast as I could, all I could feel was the burn of tears in my eyes. Quickly they spilled over and ran down my face, "Do not let that animal take me Taggart." I mumbled pathetically. Taggart let go of me with one hand, and rubbed away the tears, "I won't...I swear to you that I won't." I looked back at him, "I would throw myself from the walls rather then bear him a son. Anyone but him." Taggart pursed his lips looking angry, "I will never let you do that Jane, never!" I started to sob, "Then you must find a way to free me. Taggart, you brought me here. I trust you....now you must save me from this. You are the only one." Taggart was silent for a moment before he leaned down and rubbed the top of my head gently, "My Jane...sometimes you are so strong, carrying with you the determination and strength of a true Queen. Then there are these private moments where doubt and fear creeps in and steals all that from you. Why do you continue to doubt your own strength? Why do you doubt that you can save yourself from this? Do you not realize that you do not even need me?" His words were so clear, so shocking that I could only listen.

I murmured back to him, "How can you know these things about me?" He smiled sadly, "Because I listen, and I have watched you more times then you ever knew. I see you Jane, I see the true Jane. The gentle soul who suffers against the cage she finds herself bound to. But my little dove, do you not know that you can fly free, and soar high above all those who would cage you in their windows? You have always had the power, now you must harness it." I was silent as he continued to rub my head, "I want you to hear my words, and truly believe them. I see the doubt already in your eyes. But of this I am sure, for I can see the real heart of any man. That is my true talent, Nicolito knows this. Words rarely serve me, but this is one of those times that words need to be spoken so that you hear the truth for the first time." His hold on me grew soft and tender, and I started to relax. Finally I curled up in his arms, which he allowed me for a moment before he withdrew, leaving me resting on the bed as he stood up.

"I will come back later but now I want you to rest and think about what I have said. Prepare yourself for tonight with your Prince." I watched him leave and lock me safely inside my chambers. I cried to myself for a while before I absently gazed out my bright windows. I may not be allowed outside, but the windows were a vast improvement from where I was being held before. When Madge came to me finally, I cried in her arms before she too coaxed me onward, helped me freshen up before braiding my hair as I sat at the fireplace. "Now child, be brave and strong. Your Lord has already commanded that I find you new gowns. He does not care for this one anymore. Luckily, the Lady of this house before you left several things behind. We may have luck getting them to fit you." I looked up into her eyes, "I am so glad that you are here, you have done so much for me already." She just nodded back as she finished my hair. Then off she went to the kitchens to finish the stew for the men's dinner. Taggart was back soon and took stock of me when he walked in. "You look better...even a little stronger. Are you ready Jane?" I nodded to him and soon we were walking back to the dining hall, but this time not to serve, but to sit at the side of Alaric.

The dining hall was as rowdy as ever, but there was a chair placed in front of the fireplace at Alaric's side that was saved for me. Taggart escorted me in and Alaric caught my eyes as soon as I entered. I bowed low before him, "My Prince, greetings." He nodded to me and motioned for me to sit beside him. He passed me a mug of ale, "For you, Princess." I do not normally drink ale, but I did so tonight to keep him happy. Alaric soon called out, "Beremud!!" The man slowly came over, his face bright purple and blue from his beaten just this morning. "Bring my future bride her dinner," Alaric ordered him. Beremud looked at me through a swollen eye, "Yes my Prince." he said simply before heading off to do just that. He returned quickly with a large plate of stew and fresh bread. I ate and Alaric just drank quietly at my side.

Finally he looked over, "Princess Snow Fox, I have a gift for you. I have ordered more dresses to be found for you. Blue is the main color of my family's crest, so see what can be done about that. I do not care for this black dress anymore." I looked over at him, "My Lord, I have worn black because of a personal creed." His eyes slowly shifted toward me in a scowl, "I do not care. It does not please me to look at you like that." I hesitated in my response and Alaric turned his face toward me, "Or I can rip that offensive thing off you and leave you with nothing to wear if you prefer." I quickly shook my head, "Iwill work with my maid, as you wish my Prince." He nodded, "Blue then," and that was the final word on the matter. I was so glad that Taggart was near us, watching over the room. My eyes shifted toward him and he glanced back at me with a nod. Luckily my cup was barely filled because my hand was shaking, and I did what I could to steady it.

It was a long night of sitting quietly, as the men were their rowdy selves, and Alaric brooded over his endless mug of ale. I struggled to stay awake and at one point Alaric reached over and clasped his hand over my arm. "I bid you a good night Princess." I startled awake as Alaric turned toward Taggart, "Take my future bride back to her chamber safely." Taggart nodded to his command and I bowed before Alaric, glad to be dismissed. Once I was back to my chamber, I spun around to face Taggart, "Are you to be my guard still? Do you watch over me at night?" Taggart nodded, "I do, but from outside in the hallway. Alaric does not want me inside your chamber during the night unless requested." In my heart, I was greatly saddened. For sleeping in Taggart's arms was one of my few content moments of the day. Despite my feelings, I knew nothing could be done about it. I lingered at the door, and finally Taggart flashed a quick smile, "Good night my Princess." I searched his eyes, wishing there was something I could do to stay longer, "Good night Taggart." I walked inside; the fire was still blazing and the chamber was warm. The door closed softly and I heard the gently click of the lock as it slid into place. I leaned against the door for a moment, wanting to stay as close to Taggart as I could. But finally I curled up in bed, trying to keep my mind clear of darkness and worry while spinning Taggart's words around and around in my head. Could I control my own situation? Could I find a way out of this position with Alaric? Or will my Father chose instead to see me married off in the name of peace? Can Nicolito do anything to protect me in this new land despite what fate befalls me? While all these answers remained unanswered, my heart was gently aching for Taggart, and to feel his warmth and listen to his soft heart beat as I drifted off to sleep.