Always Anyways...

The following morning became like one of many, so many that I began to lose count. I was awoken to Taggart unlocking my door, and stirring me awake by relighting the fire, building it bright and strong so that its warmth would coax me from bed. He would leave behind a plate of bread and cheese, that I could eat quietly while I waited for Madge. She would come in late morning, after she had served the men a warm breakfast.

At first, we started on my new gowns, in reality left overs that we attempted to make to my Prince's wishes. We started with the only blue gown found, and Madge did her best to make it suitable. The lady of the manor before me was clearly a larger woman, and also taller. So Madge started by gathering the sides with simple pleats before she worked on hemming the edges in front so that I did not trip over the gown. I had her leave the back's long, so that there would be less work. We quickly started on another dress, and as she sewed one, I worked on sewing the other. It was pleasant enough work, and my hands are steady for good straight stitches. Her company kept my strength going in absence of Taggart's companionship.

That first evening, Madge helped me dress in my blue gown, complete with a recovered sash, and a covering over my hair, I almost recognized the girl looking back in the mirror. There was a glimmer of the Queen I used to be. But indeed there was sadness in my eyes and a tightness in my smile that betrayed how my happiness was little more then forced. I hugged her tightly, "Thank you" I murmured to her. As always she just nodded and bid me her usual departure greeting, "I will see you tomorrow child, but I will pray for you tonight."

As I went down to Alaric wearing my new dress, his eyes widened with approval, "Greetings my Princess, you are a sight." I bowed low before him, "I am glad that you are pleased my Prince." He took my hand and kissed the back of it, the first time he has shown me any such advances. I wanted to withdraw, but I let my hand linger as he led me to my chair, and I sat down. He passed me a mug of ale, and the night carried on as always. Once we had eaten, he looked back toward me, "I have another gift for you tonight Princess Snow Fox." I smiled at him simply, "My Prince honors me with such kindness." He motioned to Taggart who walked toward me and offered out a velvet pouch. I took the pouch and spilled the contents into my hand. The heaviness dropped against my palm, and I saw a thick chain which had a medallion hanging. I spun it around and noticed a family crest that I guessed could only belong to Prince Alaric. I looked up at him and he motioned to me, "Please, it would please me to see this around your neck." I did as he wished and he reached out to admire it once it was there. "My family's crest, so that there is no mistake who you are, and that you are to be my future bride." I nodded back to him, "Have you sent word of the news to my father?" He smiled widely, and I could not help but feel cold by it, "I did indeed and I urged him to make a quick reply." I forced a smile in return, "I do hope the winter weather does not delay things." Alaric roughly sat back against his chair, "Indeed, as do I." He went back to brooding and sipping endless cups of ale. I took an unusual second cup of ale myself that night, if only to steal my nerves further. The chain around my neck felt as heavy as a noose, and I could swear it was harder to breath. As has become the routine, Alaric dismissed me to my bedchambers once I struggled to stay awake. I began to dread the night that he might try to follow me in his drunken state. My final moments each night were attempting to linger as long as I could in the dark hallway with Taggart. But each night he would always bid me to sleep without stepping inside.

So became my life, day after day. The days were empty and lonely. I felt little kindness with the exception of Madge who was true and good to me each day, no matter of Alaric's moods. By the time we were finished, I had 5 dresses to please Alaric, but there was no doubt that the blue one was his favorite. Once the dresses were completed, I found reasons I needed Madge so that I could have her company and her companionship. Alaric never questioned this and seemed to allow me this luxury. As the days turned into weeks, I worried over the answer from my father. Surely a slow answer was not one in haste, and Taggart gave me no sign as to what might be coming from my father's mind.

Finally I could not bear the silence, and Alaric's growing ill-tempered moods. As Taggart walked me to my chamber one night, I turned back toward him, "Taggart, it seems my fire has gone out. Could you relight it for me?" Taggart tilted his head and nodded, "Of course Princess." Once he entered inside, he quickly turned to me closing the door tight, as my fire burned without trouble. "Why have you asked me inside?" he murmured. I took his hand quickly, "Is there no word from my father? No word from Nicolito or Woolsey? Lord Gannon? Anything??" Taggart pursed his lips, "It would not be good for you to know. Then you cannot give yourself away." I squeezed his hand, "Please Taggart, I beg you! Does my father contemplate giving me to this man??" He shook his head, "I have not been told that Jane, no." I sighed deeply, "Then why does he linger? Why does he not come here with an army to claim me?" Taggart shook his head, "Jane, it is not that simple. He cannot risk open war against Alaric and his father." My lip quivered a little, "I am not worth that...." my voice trailed off. Taggart quickly took my face, "Do not say that Jane, do not even think that!" I nuzzled back against his hands, whispering, "I miss you Taggart...so much." He kissed the top of my head, "You are doing fine, and Alaric is happy with you. That is most important right now." I laid my hand against his chest, "Did you not hear me? I miss you," I whispered with more urgency. "Aye, I heard you Jane. But we must be careful." He kissed my head one more time before he quickly walked out of the room. I did not even have a chance to say more before the soft click of the lock. My tiny moment with Taggart made me long for him even more, it was maddening.