Always Anyways...

When I awoke, there was light coming from outside the tent, but I could not tell what time of day it was. My father was sitting at my bedside and when my eyes opened, he smiled and murmured, "Hello Jane." I blinked back at him, my head feeling fuzzy and confused. He waved at someone who handed him a rag, and he wiped down my forehead. "Tell me how you are feeling?" My voice hesitated but it finally came, "Where am I?" I asked quietly. He smiled warmly, "You are in a tent at the royal camp. All is well and safe here. As soon as the healers say you are able to withstand travel, I will be taking you back to the royal castle." I nodded absentmindedly, because I was trying to remember something that I felt was very important. My father looked back, and healers came into my view, "I believe my King the Princess is suffering from the stress of her trauma. We will need more time with her." My father nodded, "Whatever it takes, see that she is well again." I gazed at the healers unfocused when I saw them taking out another dark vile of liquid. I remembered enough to know that I did not want that elixir again. I tossed my head in refusal, and the healers grew more insistent.

That's when his name came to my lips. “Taggart?? Taggart!!” I cried out for him desperately, taking the wrist of the healer who was holding the vile. My father stood up to get out of their way, when I heard him turn to someone in the background, “Who is my daughter asking for?” A low voice answered, “I believe she is calling for the assassin who was her protector.” I struggled to see my father again, “Father...” I called for him, as my voice cracked. He immediately came back to my side, shooing away the healers for the moment, “What is it my daughter? You need to only ask.” He rubbed my hair and his touch calmed me down. I was quiet for a while, as my thoughts came back slowly, and I cursed not being able to remember. My mind was a jumbled mess of emotions, feelings and confusion. I curled up against my Father, placing my head in his lap. He continued to rub my head, “Daughter, what is wrong? What is making you feel this way?” I cried quietly against his leg, “Where is he?? Why is he not here? I need him!” My father stumbled confused and I heard someone mumble in his ear, “Perhaps she is calling for her guards? Her knights?” My father looked back down at me, “Daughter, who is missing? Tell me? Is it your guards?” I peeked back up at his eyes, “Yes...yes...” He smiled slightly, “Do you mean your rescuer, Lord Gannon?” Hearing his name brought a huge wave of emotion and I could barely contain it in my chest, “Yes!” I choked out. I saw my father's smile fade as his lips got tight. Someone spoke for him, “It would not be best to tell her. We should see that she sleeps.” At the mere mention of his name, my body surged together with forced strength and I sat up from my father's lap. “Lord Gannon....I must see him. You must send him to me,” I insisted this time. My father looked back at me and waved everyone back from my bedside. He gazed into my eyes, “Jane, Lord Gannon is no more. He died in service of your rescue.”

When my father did not hesitate with the news, I did not hesitate with my reaction. I wailed out in sorrow, my worse fear coming true. I scrambled up to my feet, spinning around wildly as I wailed, “Where is he?!! Where is Lord Gannon!!” I shouted at all the faces who just watched me in shocked bewilderment. “Bring me to LORD GANNON!” I screamed sounding like a mad woman as faces just stared without moving. My father was the only one who moved, standing up and holding out his hand, “Come daughter, I will take you to him,” he said simply. I took my father's hand and he led me out of my tent, into the wintery afternoon. He led me through the royal camp, and all eyes lifted up at our odd procession. Finally he pulled back the flap of a simple tent and motioned for me to go inside.

I stepped in and saw rows of bodies, quiet, still bodies, laying honorably with their swords resting atop their chests. They were all stained red with blood, and some of their bodies were missing parts. The only reaction I had was to scan each face intently until I saw the one I was searching for. Lord Gannon's body rested on a stretcher, his chest plate a swirling mix of blood and ash. His face had streaks of soot as well, and his hair was standing all haphazardly. His gloved hands were tightly clutching around the hilt of his sword which was caked thick with dried blood. My feet moved me to his side before I fell to my knees. It could only be a nightmare, I tried to tell myself so I gently reached out to caress his face. His skin was rough and cold, there was no warmth to be felt. This was reality and I was very much awake. His eyes were closed peacefully, and I wanting nothing more then for them to open and gaze upon me once more. I remember the last time I saw his eyes. They held such relief as he watched me disappear through a broken window before washing over again with determination to see me safe.

A sob escaped my lips as I leaned down over his face, “No...no....how could this be?” I whispered to him and my tears dripped down, sliding over his face leaving dark streaks. “Gannon, no....no come back!” I pleaded. Still there was no answer so my lips pressed tightly against his, willing my kiss to breath back life into his lungs. I tasted only the bitter ash. I rubbed back his hair, smoothing it as it should be, “No Gannon....no...” I laid my head against his chest and cried out all my heart contained. I lost all sense of time or place, of light or sound, of temperature or hunger. I was fully consumed with my grief. All my hopes and dreams, all my wishes for life were held in the eyes of this impossible man. A man I would never claim as my own...A man who wanted only to be near me...A man who showed me there could be another world waiting for me. My rescuer, my savior...who now lay silent againstme. There could be no end to my sorrow. I clung to his scent, to the touch of his skin, and feeling of when his lips pressed back against mine. I feared I would never be consoled in my lifetime. Finally I felt hands on my shoulders, “Come daughter....that is enough grief for one day.” I refused to be moved and clung to his tunic with steel fists. “Come daughter...before you grow sick and join him in the graves. Come, I beg you!” My father's voice grew urgent. I curled closer to Gannon's body burying my face in his neck. “Do not take him from me....leave me!” I begged desperately.

I heard a voice speak back to my father, “Let me try, my King.” A hand gently reached out, rubbing the back of my head, “My Princess, dearest Princess, I beg that you come away from my cousin. He is no longer here. This is only a shell.” I knew this voice, I knew this voice well and I finally looked out. Lord Kenrick was there, his own cheeks wet with tears. “He died with his honour, he died defending his king. He died loving these lands.” He murmured back to me. Kenrick placed his hand atop Gannon's, “Dearest Cousin, we will see that you are not forgotten. But remembered for all you have done.” I gazed at Gannon's face, “How can he be gone? How can he leave me?” Kenrick looked at me sorrowful, “I am sorry my Princess. I am sorry he failed you.” I shook my head, “Never, he never failed me. He saved me from a fate worse then death. It is I who failed him. When he was always so brave and strong, I failed him and let him stay behind.” Kenrick placed his hand atop mine, “No...you inspired him. Your strength inspired him, as you have inspired all of us.” I blinked at Kenrick, as more sobs escaped my lips, “You swore to serve me...bring him back! I command it.” Despite my pathetic request, Kenrick looked at me earnestly, “If I could call to God, and demand that he take my life instead, I would. I would for you, my Princess.” He curled my fingers inside his hand, and I realized how warm he felt. It brought a tiny flutter of soothing to my heart. Kenrick slowly reached across, gently gathering me in his arms. “Let Lord Gannon rest, and soon we will see he is given a proper farewell. But now we must go and tend to other things.” As he pulled me close, I realized I was shivering and Lord Kenrick was so warm. He wrapped his furred cloak around me and my head lulled against his shoulder. He nodded to my father, and soon I was returned to my tent.

As Lord Kenrick laid me down, healers and mages surrounded me again. “No...no!! Wait!!” I cried out. Lord Kenrick's face appeared through the chaos, “Rest now my Princess. I will be guarding you tonight. There is nothing to fear.” My fingers struggled to reach for him, and he pushed forward, curling my hand back inside his own. Once again the dark vile was at my lips. This time my body gave into its demands and I slipped down deep.