Always Anyways...

The last half of the trip passed as quiet as the first. Prince Alaric stayed silenced, and since my Father did not come to address me personally, I took this as a sign that nothing more needed to be said. I felt confident that he would never give my hand to Alaric if I did not wish it, and there would never be a day that I would give myself to such a man willingly. The morning we were due to arrive at the royal castle, the maids fussed over my preparations for the day. My Father wanted me dressed in a fine gown, with a crown on my head and a thick fur around my shoulders. It appeared that he wanted my return to the castle to be one of a great reunion and welcome home. Lord Kenrick told me that he even heard of preparations being made for a feast in my honour. I feared this feast would receive mixed feelings for I was not yet highly thought of among the court, regardless the message was clear. No one could deny that my Father still prized and loved me as his only daughter. I resisted nothing, and dressed in dark blue to match the royal colours once again.

As always Lord Kenrick carefully loaded me into my carriage, and watched over every detail to ensure my ride was comfortable. I smiled at him softly as he checked the coals and asked, “Are you happy to be returning to the city my Lord?” He smiled back at me, “I am, if nothing else but to be in a warm soft bed again.” I nodded to him and he firmly shut the door before I watched him mount his stead alongside my carriage. It was late afternoon when we finally rode through the main city gates. People quickly crowded the streets, curiously watching, shouting excited and waving at the regiment and royal carriages. Most of the regiment broke off here, and headed toward the barracks along the western wall. The smaller royal caravan, along with the funeral wagon, continued on through the city toward the castle proper. When we pushed through the narrow castle gates, I could see people rushing out anxious from all doors. There was a crowd of noble families, ladies of the court and young children all anxious to see their loved ones returned. I recognized only a very few faces, for it has been such a very long time since I was in my father's court.

My carriage slowed to a halt and I watched as Lord Kenrick dismounted slowly. A soft gasp went through the royal crowd as the funeral wagon pulled to a stop behind me. I was confused when Lord Kenrick hesitated at his horse, staring at his saddle as if there was something special about it. He lifted his eyes, looking up at me through my carriage window and motioned for me to wait there. It was clear there was other business that was to be attended before coming to fetch me from my carriage. Kenrick slowly turned before walking toward a small group of woman standing together on the side. They cried out in relief to see Kenrick, and an older one threw her arms around his neck. I realized quickly that this was his family, and no doubt the woman hugging him tightly was his mother. Lady Adelle. Their faces had the same shape, and her mouth smiled as I have seen Kenrick's lips smile hundreds of times before. I suddenly became drawn to this scene, for I knew what fate lied ahead for these woman. I watched like a wizard gazing into his crystal ball and could not take my eyes off of them. It seemed only fitting that I see each and every moment of their upcoming grief, for I was most certainly the cause of it all.

There was a young girl, who looked barely 20 standing just behind Lady Adelle, and in her arms was a tiny bundle of a baby. My eyes locked on her as she stared almost desperately at Kenrick. As each second ticked by, she searched the face of every knight in the crowd before looking back at Kenrick. When his eyes finally locked on hers, she held her baby even tighter against her chest. I could not hear Kenrick's words, as he spoke them soft and gentle. But the girl's mouth widened until I heard her cry out in agony. The other women in the group began to sob as well and they quickly encircled the young mother. I saw the sadness and heartbreak spread from woman to woman, and tears flowed down each check. Gannon's young wife pressed their baby tight against her chest, sobbing as she slowly sunk down to her knees. The other women, both young and old rushed to console her, comfort her grief and help her. Lord Kenrick motioned to the funeral wagon, as the bodies were now carefully being unloaded so they could be prepared for their families to bury.

However, there was one woman in the group, an older woman who hugged against Lady Adelle in her grief. She looked at the tightly wrapped bodies before her eyes darted to my carriage. Her mouth was set in anger, and her eyes flared with the pain of losing someone she loved dearly. Her face had a similar shape as Lady Adelle, but her hair had more gray and her skin more years. It became clear that she must be Gannon's mother, Lady Celeste, as the woman would not be consoled. I saw her spew something angrily, motioning with her hand. But Lord Kenrick was quick to shake his head, putting his hands on her shoulders in comfort. Lady Celeste shrugged off her nephew, and attacked back at him with more angry words. Still Lord Kenrick shook his head firmly, arguing with her. Lady Celeste rebuffed him once again as she wiped away tears from her face. This time her voice grew loud, loud enough that I could hear her, “It IS her fault....that girl! That stupid girl!! She is to blame for my son's death!! She is a curse to this Kingdom!!” Kenrick stiffened and leaned toward her, speaking strongly, “Enough!! You speak against the Princess!” Lady Celeste took a few steps toward my carriage, but Kenrick stepped in her way, “A curse you are!! A curse!!” She shouted toward me. I shuttered at her words, for I could not say she was wrong. The pain of Gannon's death still ached in my heart, and a part of me wished I could mourn with them. But I knew I had no place. Kenrick spoke loudly, “Never speak those words again!! Take her inside!” he motioned to the group of women. They all began to gather Gannon's wife and help her inside, Lady Celeste glared at my carriage a moment more before she spun angrily and went inside as well.

It was then that Kenrick turned and walked toward my carriage with his head hanging. He opened the door and stepped inside, “I am sorry you waited for me my Princess.” I shifted into his arms as he lifted me up, “You do not have to apologize. The news you bore to your family was more important. His mother is right to blame me.” He shook his head, “No, no she was not. Her grief has taken hold of her mind, and you are the easiest target.” I nodded simply feeling numb as he lifted me out of the carriage, carrying me inside. I could not help myself, and I buried my face into Kenrick's neck. Not out of shyness, but out of embarrassment for what I have caused his family. As he carried me through the halls of the castle, I whispered in his ear, “Thank you for defending me before your own family.” He murmured back, “I swore an oath of loyalty to you Jane, the past events make that no less worthy. My oath will always hold true, no matter what.” Servants quickly scrambled to open the door and prepare the room as Kenrick laid me down in a large soft feather bed. “I am not sure I am worthy of such loyalty, but I am no less grateful for it.” I said to him softly. He smiled at me sadly, “You are worth it, perhaps one day you will believe that again.”

Servants hurried to make me comfortable so that I might rest and Lord Kenrick remained in the room, leaning against the doorway just watching. I was too heartsick to eat, and wanted only to lay my head down in peace. “Kenrick?” I called him back to my bedside, and he came immediately, “What do you need?” he asked concerned. I reached out, squeezing his hand, “Go down and see that Gannon's body is handled with care and treated with the highest honour as if it was the king himself. I want any and all preparations done for him first, so that his family may bury him as soon as they are ready.” He nodded, “Thank you my Princess. I will not be long.” He kissed my hand before heading out and I dismissed everyone from my chamber. Once I was alone, I cried quietly into my pillow, mostly from my grief over the loss of Gannon, but also for the guilt I would always carry over his death. I clutched his medallion in my hand, and wished in vane a million times more that I had not allowed Gannon to be left behind.