Always Anyways...

The room felt hot, there was rough fabric against my cheek and my face itched with wetness. I felt someone pressing against my forehead, and when I tried to brush them away my hand felt weak and heavy. “Child…child…relax now. Try to relax.” I heard a familiar voice mumble to me. I did not want to open my eyes, and as soon as I did I regretted it. The room was too bright and I squeezed them back closed again. “Shhh…no more crying,” I heard the voice say again. Crying? I could hear no crying…in fact I heard no other sounds but the voice. My chest ached with the weight of 20 sacks of flour and I could only focus on keeping my breathe steady. “Child…calm yourself! Try to calm!” Once again the voice pleaded with me. I tried my eyes again, and this time the brightness was not as overwhelming. I saw a round head, fuzzy and out of focus. The pleasant face drew near and I knew her, it took a moment before I mumbled, “Madge…” in recognition. She smiled quickly, “Yes, I am here now. I want you to try and calm yourself. Stop crying…and stop struggling.” I was so confused, “I…am…not…” Madge stayed close and wiped my face down again, “Yes…you are. Calm yourself, or you will be overcome again.” In my confusion, I stammered and Madge sat away from me as she talked to others. What others were in the room? Where was this place? Something was brought to my lips and I knew the smell. I knew I did not want the contents. The cool metal touched my lips and was being tipped toward me, “Drink this child…try to drink.” As soon as a single sour drop reached my tongue, my body sprung to life in resistance. That terrible tonic from the Mages was something I swore to never let cross my lips again. I lashed out with my arms, knocking the cup far away from my mouth, and I could hear the metal clanging on the floor. My voice returned and I screamed, screamed the only name I knew would answer me, “KENRICK!” I tried to move away from my captures but a million hands reached out and pulled me back, pinning me down hard. I continued to scream and thrash like a wild animal before I saw Madge’s face again. “Child….damn it. Stop this! You must come to your senses!! You must listen to my words!!”

I focused on her face, “Madge, help me!” I pleaded with her and she nodded firmly, “I am, now stop fighting,” and at her command I did. “Now you need to calm down,” she stated and I relaxed calmly on my back, blinking up at her. Once I followed her directions, she growled at those around her, “Release the Princess!” The hands were suddenly gone and it was just her and I again. She smiled at me sadly and I smiled in return. “Do you have your wits about you now?” I could only nod in response. Madge sighed, “Good, now sit up and I will get you to the bed.” With her help, I was able to move to my feet and lay down on a small bed. “Where am I?” I whimpered, suddenly feeling frail and weak. Madge sat at my bedside, “This is Lady Jess’ room…do you remember what happened?” I shook my head no. Madge sighed, “You called for your guards…and they rushed into the room. You were screaming and Lord Kenrick had his sword drawn on Lady Jess. Do you remember any of this??” As soon as she spoke the words, a heavy sob escaped my lips, “Make it all go away…” Madge looked confused, “Child, what has happened? What is going on? This is not like you.” I could not speak of it anymore, “Please…please make it go away.” Madge looked at me a moment longer before she nodded, “Aye child…I will.” Some nameless guard carried my back to my bedchamber and rested me carefully on the bed. The room was left dark, save for the fire. The windows were opened to allow a breeze. All I wanted was to lie in bed and never move again. Madge sat faithfully at my side, rubbing my head softly. Neither of us spoke, and the silence soothed me.

My beautiful peace was torn in shreds when a little while later my door was forced open. Madge quickly stood to her feet, “My Lord, you cannot be in here. The Princess is ….” The harsh voice came back, “Spare me her woes Lady. I am in a foul mood. And I will forgive your ignorance as you will call me Prince.” Madge folded her hands tight in front of her, “My Prince, The Princess Regent is in a very delicate position.” I looked dreadfully toward the voice. My brother, Princes Eadgar appeared at the side of my bed, “Hello baby sister….” He greeted me coolly as I only blinked back silently. He folded his arms, shaking his head in disdain, “Do you taint and destroy everything you touch? Are you this cursed little sister?” His every word was a knife in my chest, and the fact that he could not even use my name was an insult..the name I bore of my mother. The mother he loved dearly and mourned still, could never bear the disgrace of having her name owned by one such as me. “I am not,” my voice was weak but determined. He just peered at me, “Sit up and at least address me as an adult. Stop screaming and crying like a child.” I did as he stated, not because he wished it, because I wished to look him in the eye as an equal. “Woman have the sense to be gone from this room,” he ordered Madge without removing his eyes from me. Madge glared at him and shook her head, “With all respect my Prince, I cannot leave my Lady.” His head moved toward her slowly, like a predator who has been stalking his prey. “You are that peasant woman, who my sister gifted a foolish title on, are you not? I have heard of your good fortune in the wake of my confused sister. But do not let my sister’s idiocy trick you into thinking we are equal. Remove yourself from this room or I will remove you by force.” Madge planted her feet firm, and her chin would not lower. Neither did she respond nor move.

Madge’s strength gave me strength, and I sat up completely in bed, “Do not use your crown to bully all those around you Eddy…it is so childish.” His head whipped back toward me, as a smile crept through his lips. “Childish….shall we speak of childish ways little sister? Why did I have guards running into my offices today? Why are there reports of the Princess screaming her head off? Why did the Privy Councillor attempt to behead a servant girl? Why do I currently have a properly titled Lord and a maidservant with generational family ties to this house locked in their respective chambers?” Before I could answer he leaned down closer to me, his voice growing louder with each word until he was screaming, “Why is my castle in such disruption over you!!!” I bore his anger without flinching, and narrowed me eyes at him, “Do not raise your voice to me.” His hands tightened into angered balls, “I am the crowned prince of this castle, and you are my father’s most beloved mistake. Your curse will not continue unchecked in this land. There will be a day this land is rid of one such as you. You ruin trade, you ruin alliances, you waste money, time and resources, you stir endless battles and cost of lives of important men. For what?? For you??!” He gestured at me with disgust. “For some spoiled little brat my father turned into a Queen, only to lift your skirts like a whore to the first man who would look at you?” I corrected him without fail, “For a man who loved me.” Eadgar nearly choked, “Love?! You blind, deaf, dumb idiot…you think that peasant loved you?!! He nearly strangled you to death with his bare hands! He did not love you, that twisted game he played with you was not love. Do you know what he loved? He loved your power, your wealth and your crown but never you!” We had never spoken so plainly of this time, of the man who took my heart and my hand away from my King. I would not justify anything more, for my heart knew what my heart knew. A man such as Eadgar could never understand.

My brother did his best to control his temper and paced over to the window, staring out for a moment. Madge looked over at me, and her silent presence did more for me then she realized. I slowly slid from my bed, standing on my feet, preparing for my brother’s next onslaught. Before I could find the words he spun around striding toward me, “I have heard of some silly rumor that the Privy Councillor is claiming you are being poisoned. Is that what this is all about??” I answered, “I was poisoned...with bitter herbs. But the reason for this is still not known.” Eadgar cackled in my face, “Bitter herbs? Bitter herbs?? Are they killing you with kindness??” He threw up his hands in utter frustration, “I thank the gods every day that they blessed you with a barren womb. It is only fitting!” I took the insult like a blow to the chest, I thought this secret was mine alone. But Eadgar is the cruelest of them all, always knowing exactly when and where to strike. “Did you not think I knew?? Did you not think your King reported this suspicion to my father? You were married too young to have not born a child little sister. The whole kingdom knows you are worthless.”

My anger rose so fast and so surprisingly, that I slapped his face before I realized what my hand was attempting. It seemed that this time I was the one who caught him off guard as my hand hit his cheek firmly. But he lashed out and grabbed me by the neck, squeezing slowly, “You little bitch,” he snarled. I whimpered for a moment before I was able to mumble back, “Release your hand, or I will call for the guards. Father would not like this.” He was quick to release me with a shove, sending me tumbling back several steps. “Father....always calling for Father,” he taunted. Something I was forced to do since a young child, when Eadgar would sneak into my nursery and find cruel ways to taunt, tease or hurt me. I still remember the time he lied well enough to have one of my nannies punished and sent from the castle. So I resorted with my favorite insult, “Still mad that you can never been so beloved by Father?” He shook his finger at me in anger, and I knew he was reaching the edge of his patience with me. This was a dance we had done many years.

“There is one way to solve this little problem...I will find them all guilty. Hang your maid, your servants, and the Privy Councillor. Then the threat is resolved.” The very idea stunned me and I could only blink back at him, “No...” I mumbled through trembling lips. “Guards!!” He ordered immediately and I heard boot steps pouring down the hall. “No....NO!” I lunged for him, quickly sinking to my knees as I grabbed for his sleeve. “Do not do this....I beg you!” As the guards appeared in the doorway, Eadgar looked down at me with a dark smile, as he raised his hand to the soldiers, “Leave us.” Without question, they backed out closing the door again. Eadgar turned to face me, taking my chin in his hand, “Silence this issue and do not interrupt my castle again. Father is an old man and I am the crowned Prince. It would serve you well to remember these facts, for I have many ideas how you can best serve your people. Many ideas indeed.”

He had won and I could only nod. Eadgar blinked at me for a moment before releasing my face, and wiping the hand on his cloak. “If only you died instead of her,” he mumbled more to himself then me, and spun around leaving my chamber as abruptly as he came. Once he was gone, Madge rushed toward me, throwing her arms around my shoulder, “Child...oh you poor child...” I was empty, no emotions came. It was an abuse I knew well, and the numbness came just as quick as all the years before. I wanted to fly away, float away on the wind and never return here. How happy the castle would be, the land would rejoice, finally the curse of Jane lifted. The best I had ever done was to serve the endless wasted and empty years at the side of my King. Now I am worthless, loved only by an old man with waning days ahead of him.

Madge was talking to me, but I was lost in my own thoughts. Finally she shook me hard and I looked at her. “Child! You are Princess Regent. You possess great power in this castle, now it is time you wield it. Before someone else does it for you.” I nodded before telling Madge everything that I remember before I fainted. She is the only one left I trust, the only one who genuinely cares for me for no reason other than who I am without my crown. Madge bit her lip, “This is more than a simple misunderstanding. This is personal...personal against you. Lord Kenrick was swept into the wake.” This set inside my mind, as my thoughts spun around and around. I nodded to her as I paced the floor, occasionally stopping to gaze out the window. All the facts shuffled and reordered in my mind, all that I had heard and all that my heart knew was true. When it finally settled, my mind saw one clear pathway that connected all this together. My heart sunk when it seemed so clear and obvious how this happened. I already knew exactly who would wish to see me suffer, wish to see me silenced, and do anything to tear Kenrick from me.