Always Anyways...

It was deep into the night when something stirred me. There was nearly no moon, and the darkness was so thick it seeped through my windows and threatened to choke out any light. I curled up tighter, not wanting to be alone with so much unsettled and unknown. Perhaps it was his very essence that called to me, as I turned slowly toward the window. Even in the darkest shadows, I could see a form curled up in the windows gazing back at me. At first my eyes were unsure if I saw him or if it was just a dream. But as I blinked I was certain of his solid form. How he knew through the darkness that my eyes had settled on his shadow I do not know, “Sleep my dove, sleep for you are safe.” If my eyes did not already know that shadow above all others, his voice sealed the fact, “Taggart....” I whispered back to him, slowly lifting myself up as the realization of his presence sunk in. He simply nodded in return to me, ever silent and mysterious. How could he have come into my chamber with all the guards lining the hallways and Madge just outside my door? “Is Nicolito....” I did not even finish my sentence before he answered me, “He is still there, but safe. I swear it.” I nodded slowly, sitting up in my bed. “Taggart....” I repeated softly as my body suddenly sprung to life. I leapt from my bed and ran into his arms. Taggart pushed himself out of the window opening and grabbed me fiercely against him. Words were not needed as our lips met instantly, hungry for each other. I could not contain my emotions anymore as I found them matched, flowing through us both. My hands were curled into fists, tight around his traveling clothes. While Taggart's arms squeezed me tightly against his body, so tight I could almost not breath. But it was such relief to be held by him again, against his chest, feeling his heart pounding against my raging river of a heart. Our words were few and brief in between our kisses, words of relief, of joy and of the strong feelings that the distance had not robbed from us. My mind swayed under his pull and my body ached to be ever closer to him. Thoughts disappeared, there was only us as Taggart lifted me in his arms and brought me back to bed, our passion so desperate for each other. Clothing was pushed away and our bodies entwined, warm and soft against each other. I had never felt such heights before as his lips never left mine for longer then a few hurried words. The sun was nearly rising when I finally curled exhausted and shivering atop his bare chest, him holding me no less fiercely then when he first saw me. The last thing I remembered Taggart buried his face in my hair, kissing my head with one hand resting on the small of my back and the other cradling my face. Then I drifted into a wonderful comforted sleep wrapped up with him.

Something else stirred me and I immediately reached for Taggart. But I found my hand now empty, and when I lifted my head so was my bed with no sign of the man who has consumed my body, heart, and mind just hours before. I whimpered to myself, wishing above all that last night was not just a desperate dream. But my prayers were answered as something tugged unnaturally on my left hand. I shifted my arm and looked down in surprise. A golden ring, carved with ornate detail into the shining metal, was settled on one of my fingers. In between the ring and my finger, a golden chain hung down. I blinked as if it were magick, and pulled my hand closer. Indeed, I recognized this ring, It hung from that same gold chain around Taggart's neck just the night before, except then there were two matching carved rings nestled inside of each other, a thicker, wider ring fit for a man and the thinner, more delicate one that was now resting on my finger. The finger that has only held one ring previously, the ring of my former King. I gasped as the memory nearly lost in passion returned to me. Taggart had pulled me passionately against him, and whispered into my ear through moaning lips, “Be mine....Be my little dove, my heart forever.” My head lulled against his chest as my senses were quickly overpowered by the feel of his body, “Yes...I am yours, I will love you forever.” The memory seemed so clear, so vivid now, yet I could not remember the ring being placed on my finger.

I heard a slight noise and my head spun toward it. There stood Madge, looking at me with tight lips, “You need to awake child...and be dressed.” I was embarrassed to be found in such a way by her and covered myself with my blanket. She shook her head at me, “No, come child....you must be dressed right away,” and held out my dressing gown in front of her. Only now did I hear more voices on the other side of my bedchamber door, so I scrambled to her and quickly pulled the robe around me tightly. I could still feel the ring on my hand, as it weighed my hand unnatural in its newness. But I did not have time as my door quickly opened, and Kenrick stepped in. My eyes widened at the sight of him, as I found myself embarrassed and shy for I was unsure of what he knew. But at the same time, Kenrick looked haggard and exhausted, with pale skin and dark circles under his eyes, “Jane....I beg your forgiveness. I came as soon as I was able....” He bowed deeply before me but I was struck speechless and I deftly hid my hand. To my graces, Madge spoke for me, “My Lord, please rest for a moment and have a bite of food. The Princess had a long night and is just only now awoke.” Kenrick seemed to barely notice my condition, “I cannot good Lady. I must return to the side of the King. I came only to speak to my Princess.” Madge walked directly to him, taking him by the shoulders, “Son, you must sit before you collapse from exhaustion. Eat something.” She guided him out to the main chamber giving me a moment to gather myself.

Once again I looked down at my hand bearing a ring which held such significance in my heart, but would cause utter chaos in my life. My hands were shaking and I could not bring myself to remove it from my finger so soon. I squeezed my eyes closed, feeling sheer devastation of Taggart coming and leaving me so suddenly, with no indication of my brother's position and when they would ever return again. But to remove the ring struck me as a rejection of Taggart and betrayal of our love. Before I could even move, Madge returned and this time shook me by the shoulders. “Come to your senses child. You must remove that ring.” I looked up at her as tears poured from my eyes, “I love him....” Madge sighed deeply but would not be swayed, “I did not tell you not to love him. I say this to protect you. I say this with all the love a mother would have for a daughter. I beg you...you must remove that ring.” Of course she was right, I knew it all along, and clearly so did Taggart for he left the chain behind with me. Slowly I pulled the ring from my finger. The weight of the act dragged down my heart into deep waters, for I wished more than anything to keep it in that place and never remove it again. Madge put her warm hand against my face, trying to comfort me, “We can talk of this later and figure out a way. But now, your Lord Kenrick is outside and you need to set your mind straight again to the matters at hand.” Madge has never misguided me, nor has my faithful, honorable Lord Kenrick. My hands quickly clicked the necklace in place around my neck, tucking it underneath the neckline of my robe, before I hurried back outside to Kenrick.

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My poor Kenrick looked defeated and broken as he waited, gazing out a window. His shoulders hung and his head appeared too heavy for his body. I walked up to him, sliding a hand gently across his back, “My brave Lord Kenrick...what has burdened you so?” As I shifted around in front of him, I could see his eyes dark with exhaustion and fears. It was very unusual to see him in such a way, “Jane...I have news. News from Taggart.” He said in the most careful of whispers. I nodded and looked up at Madge, “Clear my chamber, I wish to speak with my Privy Councillor alone.” Madge knew it was serious and cleared out every maidservant and guard.

Once we were alone, Kenrick sighed deeply, “This news pains me to tell you, even worse I am unsure of how I can use it to help our cause.” I nodded, reaching my hand out for the chair in front of me trying to steady my nerves for what would come, to weigh down a man such as him meant it must be terrible. Kenrick ran his hand over his face, and then returned it to the hilt of his sword. “The news from Taggart is grave. He has been at your brother's side for nearly two months. First of all, he claims that your brother's wife will never be able to bear a child. Not because she is unable, but Taggart claims she is sick as if possessed by demons. Your brother's wife is often locked in her emptied chambers for her own well being as she will thrash and fight anyone near her for no reason. She refuses to eat food or speak sense. And worse, her attendants must imbue her with enough wine that she will hold still enough for your brother to lie with her and attempt a child.” I squeezed my eyes closed at such news. I could only imagine the misery of my poor brother, little more then a captive and forced to be married to a woman so unfit as a wife.

I willed my strength to remain, for I knew there was more. Kenrick quickly continued, “If that news was not enough, Taggart insists that the message from your father never reached their shores. It never arrived nor was delivered to their King, Alaric's father.” I shook my head, “That cannot be....my father would never risk Nicolito with such treachery.” Kenrick shook his head, “The message was never received and that box and its contents were a warning. A warning that if the Kings' Agreement is not upheld, that he will insist there be another way their agreement is fulfilled.” When his eyes settled on my face, I knew exactly what he meant. “As it stands Alaric has no fault in his father's eyes. He was simply doing what his father wished by securing you, while they waited for what they knew was a near impossible outcome.” It was now that my resolve was tested, yet in this moment so many things made sense. Alaric's insistence that I was his bride, Eadgar's threats against me, Taggart's sudden return, followed by the pledge and his ring. I was a mere pawn in a larger game. Not only was I unsure of my brother's safety, but I now worried about my own fate in the hands of my father. Was my father blind to the possibilities or did he possess a solution I was unable to see? The mere thoughts of it swayed me and I quickly sat myself down in a chair. Would my father truly betray me? Did I just trade Alaric's prison for one of my father's? Were his words about choosing my own destiny simply to sooth my feelings while he waited to see if Nicolous could do what we now knew could be impossible. I bit my lip for in my heart it was hard to accept that my father could treat me so cruelly.

“Kenrick? But what happened to the message?? It should have bought us time, and secured more safety for Nicolous.” He nodded in agreement, “I cannot say my Lady, but I fear your brother Eadgar may have a hand in it.” I shook my head as if trying to shake the pieces of this puzzle back into place. “I must focus on Nicolous first. I must know how we can get him away from that horrible place.” Kenrick looked at me, “I wish it were that simple Jane. If it were not from Taggart's own lips, I would have not believed such a message on paper.” I gazed into his eyes, hoping desperately that he had an answer to such a quandary. “And what of my father? What discussions were held at this news?” He sighed, “So many ideas were tossed back and forth, but no consensus much less a decision from your father. We broke late into the night and I hurried to meet Taggart at our preordained location. Then I guarded your door myself during the early light. Discussions are to resume this morning, but I wanted to attend to you first and give you the current news.” I could not help but wonder if the reason Kenrick watched my door himself was to keep Taggart at a distance. I was even more worried if he indeed knew of my secret visitor last night, let alone how our time was spent. Yet Kenrick had never been one to feign ignorance with me and I believed he was truly unknowing. I walked over to him and rubbed his face, “You are taxing yourself unnecessarily. You have not even slept!”

Kenrick stepped away from me, shaking his head, “It is of no matter, this issue is too important to ignore. I am glad Taggart has reappeared because his help might be crucial right now.” I could not resist, “Then he will stay here?” Kenrick shook his head again, “I do not believe it. Taggart is anxious to return to Nicolous, and if necessity and opportunity arise, he will sneak him across the sea back to your father. He warned me that it will take quite a sum of money.” I nodded hurriedly, “Give him whatever he asks for! It is for Nicolous!” Kenrick smiled sadly, “Of course Jane....” He crossed back toward me, stopping before taking my hand softly, “I want you to know that I would do anything...anything required to keep you safe.” I squeezed his hand in return, “I have never doubted that...not once.” We remained there for a few moments, in the quiet of my chambers before I spoke again, “I need to be dressed, for I am coming to my Father's meetings this morning. I want to hear firsthand what is being discussed. I am after all Princess Regent.” Kenrick bowed slightly, “I would be happy to escort you....what ever my Lady wishes.” I could see a small hidden smile on his face that he approved.