Status: In progress but looking for feedback. The Prologue has been trimmed! More chapters coming soon :)
Always Anyways...
Madge's Advice
There were only two precious days with so much that needed to be handled. The first thing Kenrick did was to arrange that Madge immediately travel home to her manor. Not because I did not need her desperately, but the quicker she returned the quicker she could find a trusted maid to replace Lady Jess. Kenrick was more afraid to leave me unattended, but after an few hours of convincing that I could manage a week on my own, he agreed.
My time with Madge was even shorter, as she would leave as soon as the wagon could be packed. Kenrick gave us some privacy while he hurried to attend to those issues. But Madge paced the room anxious as I stood like a child waiting to be scolded. Her eyes continually settled on Lord Kenrick's banner that was carefully folded on top my bed. “Girl....you are playing a dangerous game.” She chided me keeping her voice low. I looked up at her as tears already pooled in my eyes, I did not dare play the fool with her and disagree. “I never wanted it to come to this Madge.” I whispered and Madge clucked at me. “Oh no? Look what has happened because of your actions. You must come to your senses and speak plainly!” That was one thing I did not feel able to do and Madge planted her feet, with her hands on her hips. “That ring will be the end of things. I remember that boy from the manor. He was your guard...he was the reason you were working like slave. Oh child, please listen to me. I say this for your own good, you cannot claim such a common union with him. Think of who you are!” I had only one defense, “But I love him.” Madge would not be swayed, “Jane!” she cried exasperated. “Is this your grief? Is this pain clouding your mind? You have started to grow stronger with each day and it soothes me so to see it. But this could be the end of all that growth. You are a noble Lady...You cannot just think of yourself but think of your lands and how they need you. Lord Kenrick is a noble match, a good man. Why will you not take his banner, if not for your own protection?? Give him something to believe!” I bit my lip and shook my head at her like a child, still fighting my own tears. As much as there was a piece of me that wanted to happily say yes, there was another that shouted just as loudly no.
Madge walked up to me, “How I wish I could stay...you need me more than ever. Oh you poor child, without a proper mother.” She rubbed my hair softly now. I leaned forward resting my head on her shoulder, exactly how I wished I could have done with my own mother, “I am so confused....” I finally admitted. She nodded at me, “I know child, how I know! It is all mixed in your eyes.” I could no longer deny it, for it was as clear as the sun in the sky. My heart was lost, twisted and confused. I thought I only wanted a good man who would love me with tenderness and sweetness. So many times I thought that was indeed what I wanted, yet I have already been proven so very wrong. In this moment, I felt as if I had everything to lose. Madge rocked me for a moment, as if I were a babe in her arms. “Child, I can leave you with only this. Both of these men, if either one truly has such love in their heart, will do anything that is needed to honour that love. They should stay at your side, despite how hard the life will become. And if it means walking away and leaving you to a better life, they will do it without hesitation. That is how you will know, because the one who genuinely loves you would sacrifice his own happiness for yours.” I nodded, hearing every word and committing it to the strongest of memory. I already knew why that banner rested on my bed, but I did not know why the ring hung around my neck. I feared either way my heart went it would be torn into shreds once again.
I watched as Madge rode away in the hot afternoon sun, and part of me wished to desperately run away with her. Kenrick escorted me back inside and asked that I remain in my chambers while he saw to the last business he needed for the day. I did not want to stress him further, so I kept myself alone in my bedchamber, trying to sort out the business of my heart. My fingers continually found the edges of his banner, rubbing over the strong embroidery thread that was raised against the smooth silk background. I wished I could divine my future, or at the very least be sent a sign from the great ancient gods that would show me the path. But no such answer came in my jumbled mind.
My time with Madge was even shorter, as she would leave as soon as the wagon could be packed. Kenrick gave us some privacy while he hurried to attend to those issues. But Madge paced the room anxious as I stood like a child waiting to be scolded. Her eyes continually settled on Lord Kenrick's banner that was carefully folded on top my bed. “Girl....you are playing a dangerous game.” She chided me keeping her voice low. I looked up at her as tears already pooled in my eyes, I did not dare play the fool with her and disagree. “I never wanted it to come to this Madge.” I whispered and Madge clucked at me. “Oh no? Look what has happened because of your actions. You must come to your senses and speak plainly!” That was one thing I did not feel able to do and Madge planted her feet, with her hands on her hips. “That ring will be the end of things. I remember that boy from the manor. He was your guard...he was the reason you were working like slave. Oh child, please listen to me. I say this for your own good, you cannot claim such a common union with him. Think of who you are!” I had only one defense, “But I love him.” Madge would not be swayed, “Jane!” she cried exasperated. “Is this your grief? Is this pain clouding your mind? You have started to grow stronger with each day and it soothes me so to see it. But this could be the end of all that growth. You are a noble Lady...You cannot just think of yourself but think of your lands and how they need you. Lord Kenrick is a noble match, a good man. Why will you not take his banner, if not for your own protection?? Give him something to believe!” I bit my lip and shook my head at her like a child, still fighting my own tears. As much as there was a piece of me that wanted to happily say yes, there was another that shouted just as loudly no.
Madge walked up to me, “How I wish I could stay...you need me more than ever. Oh you poor child, without a proper mother.” She rubbed my hair softly now. I leaned forward resting my head on her shoulder, exactly how I wished I could have done with my own mother, “I am so confused....” I finally admitted. She nodded at me, “I know child, how I know! It is all mixed in your eyes.” I could no longer deny it, for it was as clear as the sun in the sky. My heart was lost, twisted and confused. I thought I only wanted a good man who would love me with tenderness and sweetness. So many times I thought that was indeed what I wanted, yet I have already been proven so very wrong. In this moment, I felt as if I had everything to lose. Madge rocked me for a moment, as if I were a babe in her arms. “Child, I can leave you with only this. Both of these men, if either one truly has such love in their heart, will do anything that is needed to honour that love. They should stay at your side, despite how hard the life will become. And if it means walking away and leaving you to a better life, they will do it without hesitation. That is how you will know, because the one who genuinely loves you would sacrifice his own happiness for yours.” I nodded, hearing every word and committing it to the strongest of memory. I already knew why that banner rested on my bed, but I did not know why the ring hung around my neck. I feared either way my heart went it would be torn into shreds once again.
I watched as Madge rode away in the hot afternoon sun, and part of me wished to desperately run away with her. Kenrick escorted me back inside and asked that I remain in my chambers while he saw to the last business he needed for the day. I did not want to stress him further, so I kept myself alone in my bedchamber, trying to sort out the business of my heart. My fingers continually found the edges of his banner, rubbing over the strong embroidery thread that was raised against the smooth silk background. I wished I could divine my future, or at the very least be sent a sign from the great ancient gods that would show me the path. But no such answer came in my jumbled mind.