Always Anyways...

The days began to blur together. A giant mesh of working with endless piles of scrolls and reports. Aryness, Evandar and Gregor were my only constants. Evandar and Gregor helped me feel safe even in Kenrick's absence as there has never been a moment when one of their faces were not there when I needed them. Aryness has grown ever more trustworthy, clearly reaching for the heights of Madge herself. The work was endless, as there was never a moment that the castle, the city, or its people ever really slept. And while the work continued, I continued in my devotion to the work. I rarely took any time away from the Regency. The only exceptions were when my presence was needed at one of the royals stores or dockside, and of course my visit to Lord Gannon's crypt each early Sunday morning. No more tears came after my first visit without Kenrick. My time was somber, and reflective, as I prayed to his memory asking for the same things...the return of all that I loved. I always felt he was listening, and there was a small comfort in being near to him.

While the people and actions around me were constant, their individual lives were the only music in the background of my endless working days. I began to notice the schedule between Evandar and Gregor. Evandar seemed to like working during evening and having the early morning hours free, for when he returned in the afternoon he had the smell of the woods. Often I would see him resharpening his hunting knife that was always tucked in his belt. Gregor however was usually off during the evenings, for when he returned I could hear him humming tavern tunes quietly to himself. Despite her devotion, Aryness looked forward to her day off, even if she was reluctant to leave me for a few hours. It never escaped my notice that she would dress in her archery dress, complete with bracers, bow, and quiver then walk out into the forests. While her quiver always came back a little emptier, I knew her purse must be a little fuller by a few more coins.

As the days passed, there was still no word from Lord Kenrick, Nicolito or Alaric's father. I tried to find peace with this in my heart, but it never came. My nightmares would return each time, each different yet the same. Watching the loves of my heart being torn away from me in horrible ways. There was nothing that could ease that fear, not Gannon, not Madge, not drink or herbs. Only the finale of this endless wait would make that demon leave. While time began to chip away at my memories, I had little to repair them with. I would often find myself opening my chest, to run my fingers absentmindedly over Kenrick's banner. Or I would sit at the window twisting Taggart's ring around on the chain. As my solitude grew, my boldness grew. One day I took Lord Kenrick's banner from its hiding place, boldly draping it atop the chest itself. One night I took Taggart's ring from the chain, placing it back on its proper finger. When I realized that my third finger also fit the ring, albeit a little snug, I never put the ring back on its chain again. Yet despite how I gathered my memories and treasures around me, peace did not come.

Then one day, unannounced and unexpected, my father arrived at my office doors. It sent everyone into a flustered panick, but my father waved all of that away. “I am just a father coming to see his daughter,” he said with an easy smile. I put down my quill, standing from my desk, “Greetings father!” He opened his arms to me and I hurried around to hug him. “Oh my beautiful daughter...you look more and more like your mother each day. It comforts me so much to see her face in you.” He took my face in his hands, adoring me for a moment. “But I did not bring you back home, to see your face even less then when you lived days away in another kingdom,” he chided me. I sighed deeply, “I look only to serve you well Father...to do right by your kingdom and your people.” He nodded quickly, “Of course you do! You do...you work harder then the men I pay to do this work!” I tilted my head, “There is more work then you realize Father.” He took my hands, patting them reassuringly, “Come, sit with me...take a break.” I could not resist looking back at my desk for a moment before I joined him in the seats at the fireplace. Aryness lingered unsure in the background but I gave her reassuring smile.

My father looked in the fire for a moment before looking back at me, “It would please me if you would attend court more. Perhaps if just for dinners.” I blinked at him as he already knew why, “But father, you know I am not well received in court.” He sighed, “And you never will be if you hide in your chambers, and have every meal brought in by your servants.” I nodded, “I know what you are saying, but I am trying to do right and cause you less issues. I felt if I stayed in the background there was little fault anyone could find with me.” He shook his head, “That is where you are wrong my child. They will find fault with you no matter what you did. I thought by now that would be a lesson you already learned. As a noble, even of royal blood, you are never without fault. Not even the priests and the nuns are thought of as so.” I looked down at my hands, having little argument with his logic. But I knew there was more at stake here.

He leaned forward taking my hand, “Child, I am growing older. Some would already say I am an old man. I will not rule this kingdom forever. It is time you came forward...continue serving the kingdom and let the people know you as more then just their Princess.” I squeezed his hand, “But I am just your youngest daughter, I will never have your throne. As much as this is my home, my time here will only be fleeting.” I did not often speak so frankly with my father, but I felt this conversation warranted such talk. However my father's mind was in another place as he raised his eyebrows, “Is this your way of telling me there is a possibility of a suitor?” I blushed bright red, “Father...” He moved even closer, “Yes?” he said with such hope in his voice. While I looked down and saw Taggart's ring glittering on my hand, I had no choice but to lie to my father, “There are no suitors.” He sighed and his disappointment was obvious, “Well...one day there will be. Besides, it could be a Lord from our own Kingdom, and then this would be your residence until your old age.” If he was trying to divine out a possible match between Kenrick and I, as nothing was certain I did not feel right to let his hopes grow in that direction either. “Doubtful Father...my dark past is well known here.” Again he sighed disappointed, “I am just saying, time changes the hearts and minds of all men...” I nodded and gazed back into the fires. But he clearly would not relent, “There are a few Lords from other lands that will be coming to court soon. Perhaps some new faces might intrigue you. If nothing else, come because it makes me happy. Come and sit at my left side and dine with your Father while we are still able.” When our eyes met again, I could see such love in them, “I will....Father, I promise.” He nodded and was finally content. He stood up, kissing the top of my head, “I do not want to take up too much of your time. I will keep the seat open for you, for when you decide to join me.” I smiled at him sadly as he stepped from the room as quietly as he came, sending me back to my work.