C'est la Mort

Caris kept to herself as she walked into the venue. She ignored the whispers of the girls who knew who she was. They all knew Nick was engaged and of course, they all knew he had died. There were several of them, arriving early and hoping to see the boys at some point.

Peter met her at the door, being the only one she told that she was coming to visit and surprise John. He grinned as he hugged her, saying it was good to see her. A couple of the girls called out to Peter, and he just waved at them before allowing Caris to walk into the backstage door.

He told her of the tour so far, as they walked down the long hallway to get to the room the boys were all in. Caris smiled, then told him of her trip to Braintree and how it was nice to see Nick's family, then her continued impulsive decision to go visit the tour, rather than go straight back home.

She knew she had to get a job once she got back home. While she and Nick had had quite a bit of money saved up, she needed something to fill her days with, or else she knew she'd fall back into her depression, especially since no one was there to check in on her.

When she spotted John, his back was to her. He was talking to Kennedy, who spotted her. A smile grew on his lips, but Caris held her finger to her lips. Kennedy's eyes flickered back to John, continuing their conversation. Quietly, she crept up behind John.

Kennedy, trying to hide his grin, put his finger to his chin. "So have you talked to Caris today?" he asked.

John sighed. "No... I tried calling her earlier but her phone was off. I'm worried about her. I've barely talked to her since she's been visiting Nick's family and I'm scared she's going to change her mind about wanting to be with me."

Caris frowned. She glanced at Kennedy, who also had a frown on his face. She made a motion to tell John to turn around. "What would you do if I told you she was right behind you?"

John scoffed. "Whatever, Ken."

"Hi John," Caris said.

He whipped around, his eyes wide as saucers. "Caris!" he beamed. She grinned as he wrapped her up in his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Surprising you, obviously. I've missed you."

Kennedy smiled before turning on his heels to walk off. John grabbed her hand and pulled her with him, leading her down a short hallway. He opened a door, pulled them in, then shut the door. She opened her mouth to speak, but John pressed his lips to hers, keeping her words in. He snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her body to his. His hands picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as her body stayed pressed against the door.

This was the most passionate they had been together. Sure, they had bathed together, but their kisses so far had only been short pecks. Being this close with John scared Caris when she previously thought of it. But in the moment, the only thing on her mind was getting John's skin on hers.

John's lips left hers and they trailed to her neck, kissing and nipping at the skin. It had only been a couple weeks that they had been apart, but to both, it felt like years. Caris gasped as John pushed his hips into hers.

He pulled her from the door and carried her to the couch, where he sat her down. She reached up, pulling John's shirt from his body. She sat up on her knees and kissed John again. The want in Caris's body felt so new and different. It was nothing like she'd felt with Nick. And even though that scared her, she didn't want to stop.

"John," she murmured as his fingers slipped to her shorts.

He hummed against her lips. Caris pulled away to lift her shirt over her own head, then she reached for John's belt buckle. They were moving quickly, like it would end at any moment. It only took a couple seconds for both of their pants to be removed. And it only took a few more for John's hands to slip into her underwear.

It had been so long since Caris had been touched that way. She felt overwhelmed, but in the best way possible. Her body was giving into John as his fingers worked inside of her. His mouth trailed kisses down her body and once her underwear was removed, his mouth replaced his fingers.

She felt like she was on cloud nine. Her fingers tangled in John's hair and she wanted nothing more than for him to indulge in her. After a moment, she pulled him up to her and kissed him. Her hands slid down his boxers and she pushed them onto the ground. John groaned as her hand brushed passed his length.

He hovered himself over her. "I love you," he murmured.

Caris nodded and pushed her hips up, needing to feel all of John inside of her. "I love you," she managed to say. John smiled at her. "Jesus, John."

He smirked as he lowered himself into her. Pure ecstasy took over both their bodies.

It was short lived, though, due to the knock on the door. "John, man, quit making out with Caris and get out here. We need you, it's an emergency."

"Fuck," John groaned. "Just a minute," he called out, trying to sound normal as possible.

"Now," Tim said.

Caris threw her head back in annoyance. "John," she said.

He continued with Caris, his lips falling back to her neck. She grabbed onto his back, willing him to just hurry. Tim knocked on the door and John gritted his teeth. He called to John again, telling him now.

"Fine, Jesus Tim," John called back. He looked down at Caris. "I'm so sorry, baby."

She sighed and nodded. "It's fine."

It was like her senses came flooding back to her. She looked down at the situation and guilt crashed down on her. John handed her her clothes and he carefully watched her as they got dressed.

"Caris," he murmured, "don't overthink this. Don't feel guilty, okay? We didn't do anything wrong."

She nodded again as she slipped the shirt over her head. Her mind was racing. She couldn't believe she had gotten so caught up with John. She couldn't believe she allowed it to go so far. That scared the hell out of her. How could one person make her feel so many things?

John sat next to her, ignoring as Tim knocked again. "Will you be okay?"

Once again, she nodded. "I'm fine. Just go, I'll be out in a second. I just need to... I need to relax my mind."

"Okay," John murmured. He kissed her and then opened the door, following Tim back to the main room.

Caris could hear them talking about equipment malfunctioning but she couldn't stop thinking about what just happened with John. She glanced at her hand, but remember she didn't have her ring anymore. All she could think of was how she had betrayed Nick, at least that's how she felt.

She grabbed her phone and clicked on Eric's name, praying he would answer. After a couple rings, he did.

"Thank God. Eric, I don't know what happened," she murmured.

"What do you mean?"

Caris sighed. "John and I just kind of... had sex."

Eric laughed. "Kind of? How do you kind of do that?"

"Well we barely started and then Tim pounded on the door, saying they needed John for an emergency. But that's not the point... I feel like I... like I-"

"Betrayed Nick?" he asked softly. When she didn't respond, Eric let out a breath. "You didn't betray him. Nick is... Nick is gone, Car. He would want you to be happy. And he'd be happy that you're finding happiness with John."

She ran her hand over her face. "Okay... you're right. Thank you, Eric."

They talked for a few more minutes before hanging up. Caris made sure she was composed and then walked out to find everyone. They were all standing around an amp, trying to figure out what was wrong with it. John glanced at Caris and gave her a small smile. He held his hand out for her and she walked over to take it.

"You okay?" he asked.

Nodding, Caris smiled back. "I'm fine... I was talking to Eric. What's wrong over here?"

Pat sighed. "The amp won't work. This is our last one because we never got a new one after the other broke during the last tour. We can't figure out what's wrong with it."

"Can I look at it?" Caris asked softly. Everyone gave her a weird look. "Nick um... Nick showed me. He made me learn how to take one apart and rebuild it."

Everyone nodded slowly. They all took a step back, watching as she knelt down next to it. She took the screwdriver from Garrett and opened up a wiring panel on the bottom left. It was one that Nick showed her was the main issue a lot of the time. There were several wires tangled tightly in there and if the amp was tossed around, one could easily get unplugged or the wire could get shaven. Caris silent wished for it to just be unplugged, because while she knew how to replaced the shaved wire, she doubted the guys had extra wire for it.

Her fingers plucked around the wires to the back of the box and she suddenly grinned. "Ah ha," she murmured, finding the cause of the issue. "It's a small box that holds a lot of the wiring. It's all packed in there and if the amp gets tossed around carelessly, they come unplugged easily because they pull on each other," she explained.

It took a second for her small fingers to maneuver the wire back to its correct slot, but she did. She screwed the cover back on and then put the main cover back on. Everyone watched in amazement as she sat it upright and turned it on. When she stood back up and turned around, they were all smiling at her.

"You're a life saver, Car," Pat cheered, reaching forward to hug her.

"Seriously, you are," Tim chimed in.

"Thank you, Nick Santino!" Garrett said loudly. A few looks were shot towards Caris to see if she was okay, but she just smiled.

John stepped forward, kissing her head. "That was great," he told her.

She shrugged. "It was no problem. Nick always made me learn that stuff. Repairing amps, restringing guitars, wiring lighting, anything and everything having to do with instruments or the tour set up."

He nodded. Once everyone dispersed again, he glanced down at her. "Do you want to talk about earlier?"

"Oh no," she told him. "I'm fine, I promise. I uh, I talked to Eric and I promise it's okay."

"Eric?"

"I freaked out... for like half a second." John gave her a concerned look, but she reached up to cup his cheeks in her hands. "I liked it, John, I did. I just... It's kind of been awhile and the last person was Nick and I got overwhelmed. If it happens again, I'll be more than okay."

John smirked. "If? If it happens again."

With a giggle, Caris nodded. "When it happens again," she corrected.