C'est la Mort

Caris sat on the edge of the pool, her legs dangling in the water that was warmed due to the still hot Arizona sun. She leaned her head back, letting the rays of the sun fall onto her pale skin. Her brown hair was covered on top by a sun hat and she wore a light blue bathing suit. Despite it being November, it was still in the eighties in Tempe, which was part of the reason she loved Arizona so much.

Tim invited her over that day. Max, Eric, Jimmy, and Peter were all there, too. It had been about two weeks since Caris had her trip with John and it had been two weeks since she'd talked to him. It wasn't that she didn't want talk to him, because she did, she just didn't know what to say or how to say it. John had attempted to contact her, but she didn't answer.

The boys were leaving for their tour the next morning. The only one that would be left was Eric, but he was moving the following week, so she agreed to help him pack up. Since it was the last night before tour, there was going to be a party. It didn't start for hours, but Caris, Max, Eric, Jimmy, Peter, and Tim all decided to make it a pool day. She packed a bag to take to Tim's, planning on staying the night there also. She was excited for it, just not too excited to see John, who was sure to be there later on in the night.

Peter was smiling as he swam up to Caris. He touched her leg, which caught her attention. She looked down, greeting the heavily tattooed blonde with a smile.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I love the brown hair, Car," he told her.

"Thanks Peter," she replied, then slid down into the water to cool herself off. "Are you excited for the tour?"

He shrugged. "I'd be more excited if you were coming and helping me with merchandise sales again. You know how crazy it can get," he reminded. "And it was fun to have you there to talk to."

The last tour, when The Maine toured with A Rocket to the Moon, Caris had joined to spend time with Nick, and also to help Peter out. Since they spent a lot of time together, setting up and breaking down the table, and actually selling the merchandise, they had gotten very close.

"I know, but I can't. I need to... get my life together. I need to figure out how to fix myself... but without all of you guys. It's the only way I know how to fix it all."

He pulled her into a hug, trying not get her hair wet, since he knew she hated that. "You're a strong girl," Peter murmured. "I know you'll survive this. You'll be okay again. But if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

"I know, thank you," she said.

For the next couple hours, they stayed in the pool. It was beginning to get dark by the time they all decided to start getting ready for the party. Caris went to the extra bedroom where she was staying that night after saying she was going to shower and get ready. It was a quick shower, trying to get ready as soon as she could since she knew most people would be getting there soon.

She let her brown hair stay down in it's natural wave and she applied the usual amount of makeup she always wore. Caris dressed in a gray shirt that had a large American flag on it, a pair of leggings, and her combat boots. To finish her outfit off, she threw on a beanie over her hair. By the time she was done, she could hear everyone in the house already starting the party.

There were many people in the living room already. The girlfriends of the guys were there, more guys from the 8123 office were there, along with more tour people. The boys and Jess from The Summer Set along with Justin Richards were there, standing with Lex and Loren, who Caris was surprised to see since they just had their baby. It looked like John was the only one missing.

Once everyone finished greeting each other, beer pong tables were set up, the counter was ready for flip cup, and the bottles were all already broken into. Caris laughed as she looked around, happy to be around all those people that she considered family.

She was standing with Tessa, talking about how they were going to miss the boys when they were gone. Tessa glanced up, nodding her head at the kitchen. "John just walked in. Are you going to talk to him?"

"I will later... not right now."

Throughout the night, Caris could see John looking at her. She knew he wanted to talk to her, but she also knew that he wouldn't come up to her unless he knew she wanted to. He looked so sad and sullen, like he hadn't slept much. Jared had told her that was true, that he hadn't been sleeping much because he was so upset with himself.

It was close to two when she knew that John was drunk. He was stumbling, much more than usual. Caris wondered what all he had drunken because she hadn't seem him drink too much.

As he walked towards the kitchen, he knocked into the wall, which was what caused Caris to walk over to him. She grabbed his arm lightly, trying to steady him. At the touch, John looked over, smiling at the smaller girl. He grabbed her hips, pulling her closer to him.

"Caris, you're next to me," he slurred, blinking his eyes rapidly.

He almost tripped again, on absolutely nothing, and Caris put her hands on his chest. "John, maybe you should lay down for a bit? Or at least drink some water?"

"I... I- I'm sorry Caris. I'm... I'm sorry for being such a, such an asshole in California," he said slowly. "I did not... didn't mean any of it. I love you, Caris."

With each word he spoke, John's voice got louder, which attracted the attention of others around them. It was all their friends, who were honestly very interested in the conversation since they all knew about the fight about them.

His hands reached to touch and Caris grabbed his hands, trying to get him to be quiet. "We can talk about this later, but please, let's just get you some water, okay?"

"I love you," he continued. "I - I need... need you in my, my life, baby. I'm sorry. I never... never wanted to fight with y-you, Car. I love you," he repeated, saying he loved her over and over again.

Suddenly, Caris was aware of the eyes on her and John. Her cheeks began to flush slightly while she let go of John's hand. She got a bottle of water from the kitchen, then went back to John. Her hand grabbed one of his again and she led him down the hall to the extra bedroom in Tim's house where she was planning on sleeping.

She sat John down on the bed, then handed him the water. Without being stubborn surprisingly, John began to drink it slowly. Caris sat next to him.

"You always take care of me," he mumbled while twisting the cap back on the water bottle.

Her fingers reached up to run through his hair. "Of course I do," she said back while letting her fingers fall to graze his cheek. "Why did you drink so much? You usually know your limits."

"It was... it was hard," he slurred out. "Seeing you but not - not being able to... to touch your or t-talk to you. You look so - so beautiful, I wanted t-to tell you. I missed you."

John reached out to touch her waist, which she allowed, despite the fact that she was still upset with him and herself. "You should lay down," she suggested.

He didn't disagree so Caris took that as a good sign. She pulled the gray beanie from his head, pulled off his jacket, and told him to slip off his pants and shirt. Once he was undressed, Caris pulled the blanket down so he could get in the bed.

"Will you lay with me?" he asked.

Instead of saying no like she knew she should have, Caris nodded. She undressed herself, then slipped on John's white shirt, which fell to her thighs. John pulled her into his arms once she crawled in. He kissed her head, wrapped his arms around her, and said goodnight.

~

Caris woke up alone the next morning. There was no sign of John in the room, which made her sigh loudly while putting her hands on her head. Part of her expected this. The other part expected him to still be there, though. She put on her leggings, but didn't bother to change her shirt once she pulled her body from the bed. From the hallway, she could hear voices from the kitchen, where she figured everyone was.

It was almost noon, so the tour bus would be leaving in the next hour. As she thought about that, Caris grew sad and upset. It was becoming too real for her. The boys from The Maine, Peter, Tim, Max, and Eric were all in the kitchen. They were sitting around in various spots, mostly drinking coffee.

"Hey good morning, sleepy head," Peter greeted once he saw Caris walk in. He immediately turned around to get her a cup of coffee, which she thanked him for as she began to sip the hot liquid.

They all fell into conversation for the next half hour. Tim was the one who started the moving. He said he had to check to make sure everything was packed before the bus arrived. After that, everyone else began to check their bags. Finally, it was just Caris and John left in the kitchen.

"Do you want your shirt back?" she asked.

John shook his head. "Keep it. You look better in it."

Caris nodded slowly. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged as he walked closer to her. His hands fell to her waist. The touch was such a sensation to Caris. She shut her eyes and he trailed his hands up. His mouth fell to her neck, kissing the skin there. "I'm going to miss you so much," he murmured.

"John," she murmured, swallowing.

"I love you, Caris. Fuck, I love you so much."

She opened her eyes as he pulled away from her neck. His hands lowered back to her hips, their eyes meeting. "I love you, too," she whispered. John's eyes widened significantly. His jaw fell slightly agape.

His slacked jaw turned into a grin. John picked her up by her waist and Caris giggled as John spun her. "Say it again," he said.

"I love you, you big idiot." He put her down and kissed her head. "But you're still not forgiven. I'm still very angry with you."

John shook his head as he continued to grin. "I'm just so happy to hear you say those words."

He had a grin on his face, which made Caris instantly feel awful. She knew what she was about to do and say. She knew it would hurt him. The happiness radiating off of John was about to be destroyed.

"I think we should... take a break while you're on tour," Caris murmured softly after a moment.

His happiness shut down immediately. John stood in amazement. He was completely bewildered by her suggestion. "I don't... I don't understand. Why? I mean, we're finally okay again and now you want to just stop that? You can't just... just tell me that you love me and then say we need a break from us before there's even a legitimate 'us' formed."

"I need to try and fix myself... without all of you. I need to be okay again. I have to learn to live on my own without someone being my rock. It's the only way I'll be able to give myself fully to you, John, and I want to do that more than anything."

He shook his head the whole time she spoke, still trying to figure out how to process that information and how to respond. "I don't like it," he said quietly. With a sigh, he placed his hand on her cheek. "But I understand where you're coming from."

"John, five minutes," they both heard Max yell from the other room.

"I don't want to leave you," John told her.

She let her body fall into his. "I don't want you to."

Only a few minutes later, Caris was standing outside of Tim's house. He was allowing her to use the house whenever she wanted while they were gone, so she figured that she would stay awhile to clean up from the previous night. She was saying goodbye to them all, with tear filled eyes.

"You're going to be okay," Garrett told her with his hands on her cheeks. "You're going to survive. Just remember that we love you so much and you can come visit us whenever you want to."

"Thanks, Gary," she murmured as they hugged.

Everyone began to load everything as she said goodbye to John. He had his arms wrapped around her tight, but she didn't care. He had his sunglasses on, but Caris could tell that he had slightly watered eyes. She smiled at that, knowing that he would miss her.

"We're going to be fine," he whispered to her. "When I get home, we can be together and be happy. You take this time for yourself and don't worry about me at all."

"Same here, don't worry about me. You do your tour thing and we'll talk about us when you get back."

He looked down at her, his lips pressed together. "I want to kiss you, but I think it will make it that much harder."

"I don't care," she told him. "Kiss me goodbye, John."

He didn't have to be told twice.

John placed his lips on hers happily. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he kissed her. It was a short kiss, but one they were both pleased with. "I love you, Caris Neel."

"I love you, too, John."

Everyone around them was obviously confused as they watched the couple. None of them had been informed of what happened in the kitchen just minutes earlier. But it didn't matter at that point. They were all just so happy for their two friends.

"I'll see you soon," Caris said.

Nodding, John pecked her lips one last time. "See you soon, baby."