Forever

I looked around at the large club as the smallest girl dragged me through the crowded, dark room. I was getting slightly overwhelmed at how the three ladies I was with kept blatantly fighting over me. But who was I kidding? I would never turn down an invite to bone three girls. Like, are you fucking joking? That's the goddamned jackpot.

Though, I would be lying if I said I didn't have a bad feeling about my judgement. I'd been practicing with self restraint over the last four or so years, and I was pretty sure that I could do it, but I'd only drilled one girl at a time...Well, no--I'd had plenty of "gang bangs", but not recently, I meant to say. It's just that three was a bit more of a challenge when I was trying to contain myself.

But I guessed if I messed up, then fuck it, right?

And on top of that, one of the girls had just left to go get her fucking drugs. It was close to impossible for me to make it through that night without jacking something up.

Anyway, the little one led me upstairs into a bar area, pushing me down on a chair and instantly hopping on my lap.

"Hey! No fair, Em!" the blonde cried out.

"Ha! Ha!" she tauntingly laughed, "I got him!"

"No, you fucking didn't, you whore."

"Uh, who's he holding right now? Me, not you, Renee!" I laughed at their bickering, a fag hanging loosely out of my mouth as I lit it.

"Guys, I got the stuff," the red-haired girl from before cut in and told us with a sexy sway of her hips as she entered the room.

"Shit, Jane! Where the fuck did you snag that much?" Em squealed as her friend lifted the bag of white powder in her hand.

"It's not hard," she rolled her eyes and as Renee walked up to help her with the supplies.

"Isn't your dad gonna throw a fit? I know you don't make enough money to pay for that by yourself," she asked.

"Fuck, he wouldn't notice if I took out 100k. He's got so much fucking money he'd probably give it to me if I asked. You know that, too."

"How about you just bring that damn thing over here and share, huh?" Em, who still in my lap, suggested in a snotty tone. I rubbed her thigh and smiled at her. I liked a girl who knew what she wanted. She pressed her lips to mine in a sloppy kiss as Jane set up some lines.

When she moved her lips to my neck, I watched with dead eyes and puffing at the cigarette as the little mirror went around. A realization had run through my mind and I couldn't shake it.

I hadn't thought about Marie in at least six hours. I mean, let's be honest...the longest I could last without a thought of her was maybe twenty minutes, at most. Six hours was quite the difference. I started to feel sick and wanted to push the girl off of me, but chose otherwise, for the sake of not having to deal with explaining why.

"Hey, baby, you want some?" Renee, who sat beside me, offered and held out the glass with a few lines already made up.

That was so not enough. I told her so and she just laughed and poured more of the enticing powder on to it. Her dainty hand slipped and too much came out, almost twice the size as it was previously, "Ah shit. Well, I'll just cut it and you can--"

"I'll do it all," I said quickly, interrupting her.

"What?" she looked at me like I had two heads.

"I said, 'I'll do it all'," I stated, only thinking about the fact that it could help me ignore my pain. I put out my cig in the nearest ashtray.

"Are you fucking psychotic?" she laughed, shaking her head.

"Maybe. Just give me the fucking thing, will you?" I snapped.

She realized I was dead serious and her face was washed over with concern, "Honey, if you do this at once, it'll knock you cold."

That's the point... "Trust me, I've done worse and lived through it. I'll be fine," I reassured, part of me hoping that my words would be a lie...but I knew they were the absolute truth. I couldn't die. I wanted to die. I really did. I wanted to fucking die.

But I didn't get what I wanted; what I wanted, I didn't deserve.

I deserved to burn in Hell, just like anyone else.

I surely didn't deserve my little princess and I had no right to want her...but I still continued to need her and I always would.

And for that, I would make myself pay.

Over the past four years, I had become the epitome of masochism. I chased after punishment like a ghost, groping for it, trying to catch up, but always finding myself short. Nothing was ever enough. No matter what I did to myself. For once in my life, I almost yearned to have one of my anxiety attacks, but they never came.

So, with my thoughts as dark as charcoal, I grabbed the paper straw and Em held the mirror for me as I snorted up the mixture of cocaine and heroin. The distinct bite of the white powder shocked me as I inhaled it. I sniffed a few times to make sure I got it all in and shook my head as the high was quick to take over. Em snatched the straw from me and took the rest before passing it back to Jane.

They did a few more lines, but I didn't need a single gram higher. I had taken, like, a mountain already so...y'know.

Renee sighed and leaned back against the table leg, resting a small hand on my calf. Normally, by then, I'd be playing around a bit more, but even when Jane crawled onto the curved booth to kneel behind me and suck on my neck, I hardly noticed. The coke did nothing. My heart was aching and I felt like shit. I didn't want to be there anymore, but I stayed anyway, too unhappy to act on much.

"You got somethin' harder?" I asked quietly as Em started to rub my chest.

I felt Jane's hot breath against my ear as she nipped it, easing my mind a little bit as my thoughts began to fog with lust once again, "I've always got something harder," she then placed a soft kiss to my jaw, "Are you sure you need anything more in your system, though?"

I turned my head to grin at her, "Babe, there's a lot I need in my system."

The three burst into giggles. It wasn't even funny, yet it seemed that I could make any girl blush by saying something as stupid as that.

"Well, I got some sunshine on me if you'd like some of that..."

"That should work," my mouth almost watered at the thought of acid, I wanted it badly, "Where is it?"

"You'll have to find it," she challenged, then dropped her voice low, "I had to hide it in order to get past those bouncers."

The other two snickered. Acting quickly out of excitement and need to clear my sorrowful mind, I pushed Em off of me before flipping around and pinning Jane down to the red leather of the booth.

Just as I began necking her, she tsked at me, "Not yet, pretty boy. Where you'll have to look, we need a bit more privacy," her voice was sensual, but still had a nasally, Texas twang.

I took no time of hesitation to pick her up and drag her behind me to the bathrooms, forgetting about the other ladies entirely.

After we'd entered and I'd locked the door behind us, I pressed her up against the cracked, tile wall, immediately touching the space between her thighs, hoping to feel something in her undergarments. As expected, I did.

I dropped to my knees in order to push up her mini skirt and grab the thin fabric of her thong. Slowly, I slid it to the side, revealing her wet pussy and making my dick freak out with its insane sex drive. By pulling it away from her womanhood, a small, silver package, of what I assumed to be pills, was revealed. I snatched the corner poking out from under her fabric with my front teeth, gently tugging it out. I licked her once for good measure. I stood back up before her, removing the plastic from my mouth and licking her juices off of it alluringly. Groaning with satisfaction, she gripped the tiny thing and tore it open, a few pills dropping into her hand. She stuck one on her tongue. I thought she was going to give me one, but she only drooped her eyes a bit as it began it's gradual melting process. To my pleasant surprise, she lightly coaxed my mouth open against hers as she transferred the tiny thing onto my waiting tongue.

It didn't take long for us to catch the high and see psychedelic colors and shapes. I felt alive and happy...kinda? It didn't even matter because I was pretty much blinded by pure lust, as it was.

The lights flickered rhythmically as she turned the tables and held me tight to the wall of the dingy bathroom. I moaned when she started nipping at my neck and grinding her hips against mine. As she did so, I went down the list of things I needed to remember in order to control myself. I was doing pretty well so far.

Her hands gripped at my t-shirt as mine sneaked down to get a feel of her tight ass. She didn't waste any time slithering down to kneel and reach for my zipper before yanking it open. She teased me by licking the cotton-covered tip through my boxers. By that time, I was so hard that it hurt to wait anymore, so I gripped her auburn hair and released myself from the constricting underwear before guiding her toward my dick.

She giggled with excitement and I grew hotter at the sound. Soon enough, she was dragging her tongue up the underside and I growled at the contact.

We met eyes as she pulled away to smirk, "You like that, huh?"

"Fuck yeah," I breathed.

"Then you'll really like this," her hazel orbs locked with mine as she shoved me into her mouth.

The ecstasy I felt from having any sort of actual sexual interaction outside of dreams was immense. See, dreams were subdued; nothing like the real thing. This was the first time a woman had really touched me in about five years, the last time being when I cheated on Marie.

Because that is exactly what I did, no matter if we weren't in a relationship, I cheated on her. I belonged to her and was devoted to her, so me fucking around with other women was disgusting and wrong. It still was disgusting and wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to stop the chick sucking me off when I thought of Marie because it felt so damn good.

So I just closed my eyes and pretended I wasn't so fucked up for a moment. Or tried to, at least.

I felt her little moan vibrate against me after a few euphoric moments and my eyes shot back open to see her still looking at me with lust.

But she was different.

Her hair was blonde now, longer and shinier and her irises...

They were the same dull blue as the girl that plagued my mind for years, leaving my heart sore and my mind reeling at just the thought of her.

I gave her a mystified and ecstatic smile and she pushed my cock farther between her pink lips, drowning out my building tears of shock and utter delight, sending me into nothing short of a delirium from bliss.

My mind saw what it saw, but I didn't really comprehend the fact that I was supposedly receiving a blowjob from my babygirl. I didn't realize how improbable and preposterous of an idea it was. My brain just boiled over with happiness that she was there and I was getting some.

I craned my neck up in pleasure, gazing at the ceiling as I combed my fingers through her soft tresses. My lids fell shut again when she eased me as deep in as possible. I cried out, unthinkingly, "Fuck! Oh, fuck, Marilyn. Don't stop..."

Against my libidinous desires, she ripped herself away, "What the fuck did you just call me?" Confused and disoriented, my vision shifted down to find a redhead rather than a blonde holding my shaft in her hand expectantly, "Like what the literal fuck? I don't mind being a slut in a bathroom, but I'd rather you fucking didn't picture me as someone else while I'm blowing you, thanks," she roughly put my dick back in my pants.

She stood and glared at me as I just stared back with glazed eyes, "Huh?" was my only response.

Suddenly, a sharp sting met my cheek and I blinked a few times as I processed the red-faced girl before me, "Let this 'Marilyn' know I think she's really unfortunate to be involved with a bastard like you."

Marilyn? I was thinking about Marilyn? Shit, my mind was so jumbled at that moment I could hardly recall the last 24 hours. On top of that, my vision was freaked and confusing from the drug. Then I felt the throb of my arousal and I remembered the plump lips that I had just felt on my sensitive skin and recognized them from when I kissed the exact same pair five years ago in Marilyn's bedroom. My heart dropped at the realization that I'd been fantasizing about a little girl. I didn't even notice the redhead, I had already forgotten her name, leave because I was so caught up in my shame. I slid down the wall as a horrified expression plastered itself on my face.

I mean, she didn't seem eleven, and she did appear to be older, but that didn't mean it wasn't revolting for me to be thinking about her like that. She was so pure and beautiful and...

Goddammit!

She was at least sixteen now and...fuck.

I wondered if she'd moved on. Was she with guys now? Did she sleep around? Was she chaste? I wondered what it would be like if I kissed her now. I wondered if she had nice tits and if her ass filled out.

I mentally slapped myself for even going to that. However, my cock said otherwise and screamed for attention as the idea of her curves turned me on even more.

Hesitantly, but still needy, I slowly sneaked my hand in my boxers and began to stroke my begging erection. I sighed as it eased the pain in the slightest, but something was still missing. I was pretty sure of what it was, but I was too nervous to act on it. As a feeble attempt to stop myself from thinking about my sweet forbidden fruit, I tried to picture another woman, but her hair kept turning blonde. I couldn't run away from the thought of Marie.

I couldn't.

And I also couldn't ignore the persistent requests from my lower half.

Feeling weak and disgusting, I allowed her to inhabit my mind and take me off to paradise.



I threw pebbles into the water with a blank expression. I was so guilty for what I had done not an hour before in that fucking restroom that I wanted to push myself off of the bridge I sat on.

But another thought kept me from doing so: it felt fucking amazing at the time to imagine being with her like that. Actually, as I pouted there on the rusted, red bridge, it still felt fucking awesome...I was just distraught at my positive feelings toward the sickening act I'd recently committed.

I even had the urge to do it again and again and again and again.

She was just so perfect, so otherworldly to me that I couldn't help it.

I mean, I did love her...that I knew to be a fact. She was an angel and I was just some lowlife who loved her with all his heart. I loved how smart she was, how she always doodled when she was deep in thought, how her blonde hair blew in the wind...I loved her voice, her smell...her warmth...her skin...her body

You sick, perverted fuck! I scolded my fond thoughts.

But was I that sick? She was the only person I've loved outside of my family, and even then, my passion toward her was far stronger than it was for my kin. Like I'd said before...I never cried, yet she was able to bring me to hysteria with tears just from hearing her name. She was my everything and it didn't take much more than a bat of her eyelashes for her to weasel her way into my heart. That had to stand for something. My affection for her was always agonizingly powerful, but it only grew more and more as the days passed. She was so sweet and caring, so loving and accepting of me. Sure, my other harbors loved me, but Marie was different. It's like somewhere, deep inside, she knew I was a monster, yet she still wanted me. And I know she craved for me to be more than just a friend, it radiated off of her like sunlight and I went to it like a moth to a flame. Before her, I hadn't realized how much I missed having someone love me like she did. Scratch that, I forgot how much I missed having a requited love. I've been loved by thousands upon thousands of people, but not once did I love them back. And I loved Marie. God, did I fucking love Marie. Maybe I didn't know how endless my passion was then, but I knew now. Besides, there was something so...sexy about her and denying it didn't do me any favors. I'd been in denial for so long about everything, and it seemed that I finally understood something after it had festered in me for years.

I had fallen head-over-fucking-heels for Marilyn Victoria Harper.