Forever

“No, babydoll, no…” I whispered. I never wanted her to see me like this and the shame I felt was enough to almost entirely kill my bloodlust.

I saw a single, delicious drop of crimson coat her pink lips just before everything went black.



Thankfully, yet laced with painful disappointment, I awoke from my dream; my sick fantasy turned into an even sicker nightmare. I felt my chest tighten.

But something felt weird…something was very, very off.

“Twitch?” came a precious sound, ringing out in the darkness as my eyes opened.

I panicked.

I’d recognize her voice anywhere. It changed, but it was still the same sweet sound as it had been all those years ago. It was the same one I’d heard only a few moments before in a dream state.

I tried to lift my hand, but it didn’t respond because it wasn’t my hand.

Oh God, no. Fuck. How is this possible? I was just in Nevada last night. How did I tether to her and travel like that? I’ve never done something like this before.

I wanted to respond to her. I wanted to tell her that everything I’d said to her in my…our dream was true, but I wasn’t allowed. I almost spoke up, allowing my desperately in-love side to take control of my actions for only a split second before I snapped out of it. I wasn’t even sure how any of this happened, but it did and it was bad enough that I even came back in the first place. I instantly locked myself away from her mentally. She couldn’t know I was there, yet I wasn’t able to bring myself to leave. I was paralyzed by the chain of events. After everything, this was absolutely the cruelest thing I could do to her, and myself, for that matter, but I couldn’t give a fuck about my feelings anymore. I’d never be able to forget this. She’d seen the monster that I was. If I hadn’t slipped up, perhaps I could’ve tried…I could’ve given in and attempted at being with her. But now, she knew me…and not the deceitful dreamboat she thought I was…but me…who I really was. I needed her to believe that it was only a nightmare. I’d blown any chances I’d had, which were few. I couldn’t afford to stay.

“I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU SELFISH BASTARD! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?” I cringed as she screamed, but the action was soon followed by utter shock. I wasn’t able to bear seeing my babydoll hurt and it was always my fault. I couldn’t comprehend the situation I was in. I understood where I was and what this meant, but my mind wasn’t functioning and I couldn’t think. There’s nothing I could do but hold back my pain and wait until she calmed down so I could leave easily. But I didn’t want to leave. Not for a second would I rather go back out there than stay with her...with my baby.

I watched in horror, through her watery eyes, of course, as she shot out of her bed and tore down every light on her walls, some of the wires sparking and shocking her fingertips. She didn’t seem to notice and sunk to the ground in sobs when she’d stripped the room to total darkness.

“I love you, Twitch. I love you so much…Why did you leave me? We’re supposed to be together. You said that the one you love isn't always good for you…So why did it matter? I don’t care what you are because you’re mine and I’ll always love you…”

Oh, fuck, I love you, too, Marie-baby. I love you, I love you, I love you! I cried out, almost forgetting I’d blocked myself off from her, I’d have killed you if I stayed, I could never allow you to get hurt. You are everything to me and I’m so sick of seeing you in pain because I’m such a fucking idiot.

I could feel myself breaking. I needed to leave. I had to or she would know. I was stealthy enough to sneak out of someone’s mind without them knowing, just as long as I stayed focused.

And I was losing focus by the second. It was now or never.

I collected myself and tried to gain the strength to remove myself.

It’s my babygirl, I can’t leave her! Why shouldn’t I be able to have a little while with her after all of
these years?

NO. Go now, you stupid fuck. Don’t slip up again. She CANNOT know.

And with that, I left…or tried to at least. But I screwed up. I lost concentration as I continued to hear her sobs. I might as well have manifested right in front of her face and walked out, tripping at the threshold of her door.

Such a fucking idiot.

Even with how terribly I messed up my grand exit—10 out of 10! Job well done, asshole!—I was able to pick a random location and travel to it straight from leaving her. Not too far, but at least in another state. Normally, I didn’t have the power to go such a length, but I seemed to be suddenly charged with it as my heart broke a hundred times over with every tear she shed, fully alert now that I had realized that I’d failed.

I was still dazed over everything when I found myself in an open field. I wasn’t sure where I ended up, but it didn’t really matter, just as long as it had enough distance from my Marie so that I didn’t fall to temptation.

Because she knew now and even though she said she loved me no matter what—just recalling her words caused my stomach to churn and my heart to ache—I was still a monster and sooner or later she would snap out of her naïve admiration and see just how fucked up I was. And I was sure she knew that it was real, what we’d just experienced, nevermind that it was in a dream…It was her and I in our own little world. A world I had helped her build before destroying it singlehandedly. The smarter half of me was afraid of her understanding that I’d actually been there. If she didn’t realize it after I’d tripped up, she would be an imbecile…but she’s not. She’s smart and I’ve always been so proud of her. Never would I underestimate Marilyn Harper.

The other part of me was ecstatic about it all. She was aware that there was an us. We we’re something. We’d always been something, but not this kind of something. I just…I loved her so much. Even still, I had taken that something we had and ripped it to shreds. That’s why that half of me was the stupid one.

She knew I was a freak. The thought made me sick because she’d never think of me the same. Maybe she didn’t mind right away, but eventually it’d hit her that I was no good, that she needed someone else to crave.

And it hurt.

It hurt to think about my baby with another guy...or even having a friend in general that wasn’t me.

Whatever had happened that night was clearly born from my intense desire, more poignant than ever before. After the fact, I felt much more possessive of her, which I didn't know was even possible.

I had always wanted her. Always. When I left, she never set my mind free. She was constantly there, torturously comforting me. Perhaps I hadn’t wanted her sexually then…or maybe I did, I don’t fucking know. I wouldn’t put it past my disgusting self. But, anyway, I’d indulged in impure thoughts of her since I had my revelation of love, I guess you could call it, and I suppose the lust and need that had accumulated within me built a strong enough tie to grab onto and have her pull me back in.

But, as usual, I fucked it up.

When I’d recovered and woken up from my haze, for lack of a better way to put it, I found a road and flagged down the first ride I saw. It wasn’t hard, because I just grabbed the driver's mind and made them stop the car right in front of me. The window was rolled down so she could speak.

“Need a ride?”

I nodded and opened the door after it was unlocked, sitting down with a huff.

“Where you headed?” In her voice, I could hear her attempt to flirt and it pissed me off. That's a negative side to being like me: every fucking woman wanted me and I didn't want half of them. Well, now, I wanted none of them, but that's beside the point. It felt like I only ran into chicks and it got really annoying.

I ignored her sultry-ish tone and replied with, “Anywhere.”

“Well, I could take you into town if you’d like. That’s where I’m going. It’s about half an hour away.”

“That’s fine.”

Thankfully, she didn’t talk for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head, failing terribly. Once she did, the war in my mind had irritated me so much that I’d just like to tear her throat out so she couldn’t speak, “So, what were you doing on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere?”

“I was disposing of a body,” I said monotonously.

She laughed. What if I was fucking serious? I rolled my eyes when she continued, “Well, that’s a way to spend a Friday night…Or, rather a Saturday morning. The sun is just coming up.”

“Thanks for the obvious,” I state coldly, even though I was actually glad she told me what day it was. I didn’t pay much attention anymore. As cheesy as it sounds, nothing really mattered after I left Marie. I knew when years passed, but everything else just seemed like one, long painful day. I was still too much of a pussy to try and find a harbor again, so I had nothing to distract me from myself.

“You’re welcome,” she shot back with a playful smile.

“You talk a lot.”

“Oh sorry…” she got quiet and blushed profusely. This is when the guy is supposed to say ‘and I thought it was so cute’, right? Well, it wasn’t. If I wasn’t so tired and sucked dry of emotions, I would control her mind and tell her to shut the literal fuck up, but I wasn’t up to it. I’d have to hold onto it and by the time she’d get us into town...I mean...she wouldn’t get us to town. She’d be dead. It only takes, like, fifteen minutes for them to start boiling, so double that, she’d probably light on fire and she’d be a crisp before we even got close enough to anything.

I thought she’d officially stopped, but I was proven wrong, “So you never did tell me why you’re all the way out in the boondocks needing a lift.”

“Are you gonna be this annoying the entire ride?” I mumbled.

Unfortunately, my insult didn’t faze her, “Are you gonna play the ‘devil without a cause’ act the entire ride? Because honestly, it’s kinda hot.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm.”

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“I said stop the fucking car,” I seethed and she giggled, obeying. The second that she shifted into park, I commanded, “Get out.”

A dirty smile crawled on her face before she followed through. Slowly, I opened the door and lazily stepped onto the gravel under my sneakers.

I really wasn’t up for bullshit because I was a whole mixture of negative emotions and I had zero patience with her. So when I turned to see her standing idle on the opposite side of the car, wary of what to do next, I merely waved my hand to signal her toward me.

She nearly skipped into my open arms. However, instead of holding her, I wrapped my arm around her head, gripped her chin and jerked it to the side, causing her neck to snap violently. Carelessly, I tossed her to the side, thankful we were still out in the middle of nowhere and no one saw. I didn’t wanna deal with the law today.

I drove away without a thought. I figured I’d find something if I just kept going straight. It took only a couple minutes of the open road before I could see some sort of community in the distance.

Feeling like I was in desperate need of a smoke, I reached into the inside pocket of my leather jacket to grab one of the few cigarettes I had left and a lighter. Driving the car with my knee for a moment, I lit up.

I stared on with an expressionless face as the entirety of my inner workings crumbled like the ashes at the end of the cancer stick between my lips, resulting in a toxic release of depression and self-hatred.

Soon enough, I suddenly drove the car to the side of the road, breaking down. I rested my forehead against the steering wheel, lightly hitting it a few times. I didn’t even know what I was crying about, exactly; there were so many things that could have caused me to act like that and every single one of them revolved around Marilyn. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I’d taken such a shift over the years of just knowing she exists that I wasn’t even sure who I was. It felt like my soul was cracking and the only thing to fix it was something I’d never have.

I couldn’t fathom my affection for her. Every inch of me was in dire need of the girl who had reshaped my entire outlook on life. I remembered being excited about her impending murder, but that was before I truly knew what it was like to live without her love. And even then I was ashamed of how I felt.

It was so, so wrong, but when I had some of her blood earlier, the flavor was the most addictive I’d ever experienced. I don’t think it was because she had special blood, maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but it was most likely just because everything was a million times better if it had to do with her.

If I got the chance, I’d probably want to taste it a second time. That scared me, but perhaps she’d be okay with it…?

No, that was fucking stupid. She wouldn’t allow that. Fuckin’ weird. I was disgusting to even consider it.

Why did she love me, anyway? I was disturbed and evil. What about me did she find to be worth anything? I didn’t like a single thing about myself. I used to be so conceited and sure that I was some kinda god or whatever...but I was so far from and it took me way too long to notice. I was fucked-up. I was a demon. Nobody wanted a fucking demon.

I knew Marilyn didn’t actually want me, either. I deceived her into having feelings for me, I was sure of it.

I sat up to glare out at the road, tears still streaming down my face. I really needed to stop being such a goddamn cry baby. I wasn’t weak. The last thing I needed was for someone to think I was weak. Especially Marilyn.

Oh shit. I’d already cried in front of her only a few hours before.

Dammit, you fucking pussy!

I scolded myself internally for a while, squeezing my eyes shut to stop them from watering. It took longer than I was willing to admit for me to calm down even just a bit.

My eyes stung when I opened them again and I sniffled. I dried up my cheeks with my arm, as my jacket sleeves had been rolled up to my elbows. As I wiped my nose, I noticed the cigarette still burning between my fingers. A sensation I was uncomfortably used to washed over me just before I gracefully flipped the small, white cylinder around and immediately pressed it against my tanned forearm. I cried out in pain followed by a demented chuckle as I focused on the feeling of the embers as they scorched my skin.

Too soon for my liking, it died out. Desperate for another release, I fumbled for my lighter. By the time I’d gotten it out, I expected my last wound to have already healed, but it hadn’t, which was surprising. Though, I couldn’t complain. Actually, it made me excited. I flicked the lighter and held it against the small burn, hissing through my teeth and curling my lips.

I shifted the flame to different patches of skin on my arms until the pain from it had subsided and it was left only as a pretty sight.

I decided to cease and enjoy the art I had created on my own body.

It was frightening how delighted I was that the scalding had not disappeared yet. I relished in the sting it left behind. That is something I’d never felt before, as my immortality prevented me from having even a little injury.

A peculiar idea crossed my mind then. I couldn’t help but get turned on when I pictured Marilyn making art on me, too. She’d never do it, but if she wanted to hurt me, I’d gladly oblige. I deserved it.

I’d always been very dominating; it was in my nature. Even so, the thought of submitting to her made my eyes flutter and my breath speed up. I’d do it without her even having to ask.

I was paralyzed just by the thought that the Marilyn, the beautiful, sexy Marilyn of my dreams, was the actual Marilyn. It wasn’t reality, but I’d almost banged her…had I not slipped up, we’d still have been holding each other.

The realization pissed me off. We could have been fucking.

And I sure as hell wanted to fuck her, especially after I’d touched her, heard her...tasted her. I’d treat her good, too. I’d give it to her nice and slow. She was obviously a virgin yet, which made it even hotter. Even still, I’d be sure to stay tender and shit, at least until she got comfortable. Once she got used to me, I’d continue to be as much of a gentleman as I could for a little while longer before I’d just let her have it. She was a creature of seduction just by existing, in my mind. Not to mention, what I felt of her ass was definitely pleasing. I didn’t get a proper feel of them, but her tits looked great, too. They were kinda small, but in that sexy, girly way. It was awful, but I loved them the way they were because if they were any bigger, she would seem and look less like my little baby. Something about her youth gave me a thrill. It wasn’t a thrill in the sense that I felt younger or anything, because I obviously never fucked girls my age, but rather that Marie was young, pure and it was totally forbidden. It was hot.

Just my thoughts started to arouse me.

Damn, I’d fuck my little babydoll right.

In the end, I’m glad I left when I did six years ago, because if I had developed these feelings around her, I honestly wouldn’t be able to control my desire. Well, I still couldn’t, but at least I wasn’t trying to screw a young girl, for fuck’s sake. Normally, my kind wouldn't give a single shit, but when it came to her, my past morals didn't matter. She made me feel so much cleaner than I truly was.

Despite all of this, running away made seeing her again so much sexier. As horrible as everything turned out, my most selfish side had a hard time feeling any remorse for our shared dream. I knew what she looked like now, how she sounded, how she moved, how she felt…It was more than a treat to have that experience while it lasted.

Just imagine how fucking amazing my thoughts of her would be now!

If only I’d gotten inside of her. Then I’d really know how to dream.

I bet she was tight. How could she not be?

I wanted to feel her like that so badly. I wanted to show her just how much I loved her. I’m not good at much, but I’m great at sex and that was really the only way I knew how to show someone that I cared. I’d never been in love before. I had no clue what to do and I was just as new at it as Marie was when it came to actual, heart-felt passion. I just had the advantage of being stellar between the sheets, y’know? But as poignant as my sexual drive for her was, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d fucked a virgin. Sure, I fucked some of my harbors, but they were all older and had experienced it prior to meeting me. Marie was the first in which had met me at a young age that I’d ever been attracted to. I needed her before I lost my damn mind.

What if I hurt her? It was supposed to hurt, right?

I’d already hurt her enough…but losing one’s virginity was the good kinda pain, I thought. I mean, like, the kind where it was all worth it in the end because it was with someone you loved and you were sharing something with them that you could never get back…but there was no regret in giving it to them because, at least, at the time, they were your heart and soul. Naturally, you’d want to give them your body, too. A girl shouldn’t just hand that out to anyone.

At least not my babydoll. I couldn’t say that I actually gave a fuck about what other girls did with it.
Because, when it came down to Marie, she needed someone who knew how to love her. She needed someone to hold her and tell her how beautiful she was; she needed somebody to do it right.

Only I could do that. No one could love her as much as I did.

The thought of any other man having the honor of taking that from her was angering.

She was mine and no one else could have her. They couldn’t even lay a hand on her. If they did, I’d break it or even better, cut it the fuck off. They couldn’t please her like me, or take care of her the way she deserved to be taken care of. None of them were worthy enough. Well, I wasn’t either, but at least she wanted me.

And if she wanted me, I’d give myself to her.

I was going to be her first and only.

We were going to be together and I was going to fuck her so good that I would be the only thing she’d ever desire, the only thing she thought about and the only thing she loved.

Absolutely NO ONE could love her like I could.

I jerked the car into drive and stepped on the gas, my twisted thoughts buzzing about in my skull.

I needed her and she needed me.

I wasn’t going to make us wait any longer than we had to.

She was going to be mine, no matter what.