Forever

I should have known better than to think that she’d just let it go. I fucked up as always and I could tell just by the look on her face that she was still hurt. I really had upset her and it made me angry at myself. She only swore when she was beyond furious, or so I’d learned, and I would bet that I was the only one to make her that upset. I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do. On top of that, I was pretty sure I scared the shit out of her with the whole immortality thing…but I just lost it. I regretted it because it was one more thing she knew was abnormal about me and I wanted to be the best possible boyfriend—how fucking weird was that to say—that I could be. By proving another reason why I was painfully different, I ruined shit further. To be honest, I didn’t expect any better from myself because I was and would forever be a ticking time bomb desperately waiting to explode. It was who I was born to be and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change the fact.

I just wish I could redo it all. When she offered to forget it and start over, I was ecstatic, but it was far too good to be true. She just didn’t want me to leave and she’d say anything to ensure that I stayed. I should have realized it at the time, but she’d caught me at one of my most vulnerable times and pounced. I understood that her ultimate desperation for me was because she loved me, but I was still increasingly pissed that she’d lied. Sure, she was trying, but I constantly saw as her gaze shifted when she looked at me. Her eyes held darkness, not light as I would have preferred. If she had just fucking let me try and make it up…

At the time I was thinking this, she was swishing her toes in the water, which she had so typically made a light shade of pink, and twiddling with my fingers mindlessly. I kept sneaking glances at her, my other hand anxiously tapping on the wood of the dock. She hadn’t talked much and it was honestly stressing me out. I hadn’t spoken to her in years and all I wanted was to hear her voice. If there was one thing I loved about her, it was the sound of her speech and the way she worded things. It was so elegant and well-thought out. It almost seemed like a scripted dialogue and it was so beautiful, especially in contrast to the way I casually slurred things. Even the tone of her voice shook me to the core. Despite her doll-like appearance, it was on the deeper side…I’d even go as far as to say it was lower than mine, and I was a man. Sexy was honestly the first word I could think of to call it. Of course, it was smooth and girlish in its own right…but I don’t know. I loved it.

Yet she nearly refused to even breathe in my direction. If I said something, she’d give me a short answer or kiss me once to avoid replying. Now, I could kiss her all day, but I loved her beyond that. I loved her more than life itself and you don’t kiss life or fuck it; you live it. You actively participate in every single aspect of it. Given the fact that I’d actually never truly lived my life—as cliché as it sounds—it was crucial to my well-being that she fucking allowed me in. She really was trying so hard, but it just wasn’t enough. I needed more.

“Do you just wanna talk about it?” I finally laid down the suggestion, well aware of the embarrassment that would go hand in hand with the discussion. At least it would mean she’d respond intelligently.

“About what?”

“Y’know…Everything. Like, I mean, what I did—”

“There is nothing to talk about. We’re happy now and that’s all that matters, remember?” she spoke in an almost monotone manner, staring blankly out to the endless water.

“Would you at least look at me? God, if you don’t even let me try, Marie—”

“It’s over!” she snapped. My dramatic mind took it as my dismissal for a moment, successfully crushing me to rubble, before she continued, “You will not do it again and you are mine now. Let it go. You are overreacting. I trust you fully and nothing has changed.”

I believed that, too. I knew she trusted me, but it was the pain in her eyes that made me fire back, “Clearly something has changed Marilyn. You say that you love me but you refuse to talk to me or even look at me! How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this? Happily?” She didn’t say anything. “Fuck that shit, I have been missing you so much it hurts and even though I’m finally here with you, I still miss you because you’ve completely checked out from me. Didn’t you miss me, too?”

“Don’t question my love for you,” she hissed. “I would do anything for you and you know that.”

“No, I don’t think I do. I just want you to fucking interact with me but you obviously won’t do that for-“

“How many?” she suddenly questioned, but it sounded more like a statement.

“What? I-I mean, why?”

“You want to talk about it so let’s talk. How many?”

“I…I don’t know.”

She scoffed and let go of my hand. I recoiled as if the action had burned my skin. “How do you expect me to settle for that? You can’t tell me anything, it seems! Now you don’t even know the number of women you’ve slept with? That horrifies me.”

“I don’t expect you to settle for it, baby. I’m just asking you to face it so I can try and fix it,” I murmured, ashamed by the truth of her words.

My heart skipped a beat when she reached out to hold my hand again; her eyes never leaving mine. The mere gesture of stroking my knuckles with her thumb caused my mind to start sprinting even faster than my blood until they were both violently stopped by her soft-spoken, yet incredibly harsh words, “It’s just so disgusting.”

Broken, I felt my eyes flutter as I slumped and let out a heavy breath. It was when I directed my vision downwards with a nod that I was released from her intensely sad stare. “I’m sorry.” However, it wasn’t long before I missed the dull blue of her bambi eyes and had to look back to pacify my hopelessness.

She held my pleading gaze for what seemed like forever before whispering words that shattered my heart more than anything she’d said so far, and that meant a hell of a lot, “I don’t even know who you are.”

Shocked, my eyes grew wide before I opened my mouth to convince her that she was wrong. “You do, Marilyn! You do know me. I’ve never been more myself around anybody other than you. I really do love you and I’d never lie to you!”

“You’ve lied to me before.”

“No, I haven’t. Can you even think of a time when I didn’t admit to what I’d done? I skip around topics, but never, in all the words I’ve spoken to you, did I lie.”

Her blank facial expression told me that she heard what I said and was considering it. “That’s just as bad as lying. My heart is yours and I’m absolutely devoted to you…it just hurts that you can’t find it in yourself to share your past with me.” Her eyes began to water. “You do all these crazy, impossible things without explanation and it’s messing with me!”

“Marie,” I lifted her chin gently, “I want to tell you, all right? I’m not keeping things from you because it’s fun. I’m protecting you. I’ve told you this a thousand times, but I left because I am a danger; I honestly am and that’s why I can’t apologize enough for falling in love with you because no matter how hard you could try to get me out of the picture should something ever go wrong, I will always come back. I’ve accepted that and in doing so, I realize how important it is to keep you in the dark when it comes to the side of me that is just best that you never see. All you need to know about that Twitch is that he loves you just as much as the one sitting with you now. He loves you so fucking much.”

“But-”

“Babygirl, I’m not trying to manipulate you or anything, but if you doubt me and keep asking questions, I’ll be forced to leave and whether I’ll actually be able to return in that case depends on how much you know. I’m not supposed to be with you and I’m not allowed to love you but I care about you to the point that I don’t give a single shit about what would happen to me if I got caught…but you, that’s another story altogether. So long as you have faith and leave the rest to me, I’ll make sure we never get in trouble. The less you know, the less dangerous our situation is. Do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“Can you actually promise me this time you won’t push me for answers anymore? I’ll tell you what I can, but everything else is off limits.”

“I’m just not sure I’m comfortable with all of this.”

“Would you rather I left?” my voice spoke in a grave hush. I felt bad for exploiting her devotion, but I just couldn’t risk anything more. If she continued to press, there would be no doubt of my breaking eventually and we couldn’t have that.

Her eyes widened and she moved closer to me. She replied quickly, “No! No…I can’t live without you again.”

I smiled meekly at her before breathing, “C’mere, princess.” I truly did feel like an asshole for taking advantage of her inexperience…but I refused to use any mind tricks on her, as I would usually do with a headstrong woman. She seemed far more opinionated than she was as a child, naturally, and I adored it, but she also lacked much of a backbone when it came to me and I maliciously abused that. I did what had to be done.

She instantly crawled into my lap after I’d situated myself a bit farther from the dock’s edge so I could hold her easier. Every nerve in my body lit on fire as she curled into me. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you did what you did…but we are different people and I think that’s what makes us fit so well. Some people have no shame in sleeping around, and I’m just not one of those people. So, of course the idea of you being with someone else—and many someone elses at that—affects me greatly. But I mean, I truly believe you’re my soul mate and I know you won’t up and leave for other women.”

“Never,” I cut in eagerly, pining for her forgiveness.

She let out a breathy laugh at hearing my quick agreement so that I could feel the warmness of her exhalation against my neck. The rush of air shot a shiver down my spine. “And I also understand that you are my boyfriend and that you love me, not them.”

Looking to make up for my shady ways, I attempted to lift that negativity still lingering on her small body by dropping my head so that my lips were by her forehead and purring, “You’re right. I love you more than anything in the world. I will tell you every day so that you’ll never forget how much.” She snuggled closer at my words, so I continued, again wanting to ease her mind. “And those women, baby? They were nothing. I was weak and I acted so carelessly because I am an idiot.” For a moment, I felt lost for words because I didn’t know what to say to her. Finally, I spilled, “You really do mean everything to me, Marie. I don’t know why but there is something special about you that I’m addicted to. I fucking worship you. Please give me another chance to prove it.”

She tilted her head up to meet my eyes and I pecked her lips in a flash before she smiled. With her sweet accent, she drawled, “I’m willing to give it a go as long as you remember that I have a lot to forgive you for.”

“And I will work to make up for it all.”

After that, a thought hit me: obsession was not love. I wasn’t truly doubting her, but I was beginning to really question the depths of what she felt for me. I understood what it was that I held for her since love was the only foreign feeling to me and even if I wasn’t sure, I’d know the unusual feeling would have to be love because there honestly was no other option. But for her, well…I knew how I affected people. I was a sin. I made people sin. It was my job and my nature. That’s why it was so easy for me to manipulate others. As a thought in the back of my mind, the idea of her love being forced was a gnawing thing that hadn’t actually come to the forefront until recently. I knew then what I needed to do.

Without warning, I forced us awake, my body soon materializing beside hers. She’d rolled onto her stomach in her sleep so I was met with the sight of her back. As she blinked a few times, registering, I ran my hand along her spine, silently analyzing her nightgown. The fabric was a dulled silk, almost leathery to the touch and despite the fact that it was precisely the one I saw in my dream, I had to admit that there was something strangely sexy about it. The dress wasn’t fitted or anything, in fact it was completely shapeless, much like an actual babydoll’s clothes, but it was short enough to tease me excruciatingly as well as it’s unrevealing neckline that made me want to tear the thing straight off. This was especially increased considering the show I received earlier of exactly what I would find if I did. All the same, I had not woken her for sex or anything of the sort. That would just have to wait.

When I’d first touched her she jumped but soon allowed me to carry on as she woke up before I ordered, “Go get dressed, babygirl.”

That’s when she turned to look at me. It was evident that she was still a bit struck by the fact that she could legitimately see me. To be fair, I was just as taken aback when I laid my eyes on her. It was extremely odd to have that ability. “Huh?”

“You heard me,” I stated and hopped out of the bed with a smile on my face, holding the drapery away as if to encourage her up even faster. I was ready to go.

After a moment of her sleepy protests and generally meandering pace, she emerged from the covers and excused herself to take a shower. Once again, she asked me what felt like fifty times if I would still be there when she got out. I didn’t blame her, but I also was quite bothered by it as well. Where would I even go anymore?

Because of this, it was expected that she took the fastest shower humanly possible and nearly slipped when she threw the door back open to make sure I had kept to my word (giving me a small heart attack…or phantom heart attack, rather, as my heart was not properly beating at that point in time to attack in the first place).

While I liked seeing her in a towel, it was far too tempting and I was relieved when she was at last picking out clothes after I told her to wear something she’d be comfortable in. Keeping my ultimate goal in mind, I flopped onto my back against her circular bed so that I couldn’t watch as she changed into the oddly sexy light pink pair of shorts and the sleeveless, white button-up she’d chosen. Surely she’d left both closet doors wide open so that I would see, but if I was going to do this the right way, allowing myself to perv out was not the logical choice. Nevertheless, I craned my neck up a bit later to peek just as she was fastening her bra, but she caught me and laughed. I was satisfied all the same.

Soon enough, she stepped out with an elated grin on her round face and spoke, causing me to jerk my head up again, “Can you remove the tags, please? I decided to wear some new things.”

A smirk crept onto my face and I gently hooked my fingers under her waistband to drag her close to me. I made quick work of the paper and plastic, especially enjoying the task of ripping off the one on the back of her high waist shorts. Of course I didn’t want to think about her like a sex item, but fucking god her ass, though. Fighting the urge to touch it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. As she stood between my legs at the edge of the bed, her back pockets were just below eye level for me. Kill me now, I thought. How would I ever be able to have that much self-restraint?

Thankfully, she saved me the trouble and diverted my attention. Her doe eyes sparkled when she spun to look down at me. “Would you French braid my hair as well? Can you still do that? I always loved it so much.”

I pursed my lips, “I don’t know if I remember how but I’ll just go for it.” The last thing I wanted was to disappoint her, so I figured I could at least give it a few shots.

When I moved back towards her pillows, she positioned herself in front of me as she used to. Indeed, it took me several shameful attempts of which made her laugh at me before I triumphantly succeeded in securing her wet hair into one plait and tying it off at the end. It was natural instinct to slip my arms around her torso and pull her close. Resting my chin against her shoulder, I sighed and kissed her newly exposed neck, still damp with excess water from her blonde hair as her soft hands wrapped around my forearms.

"So what's this all about?" Marie asked.

Silence was suspended in the air for a moment until I answered simply, "I'm going to make you fall in love with me."

Protest against my statement caused her to pivot and meet my eyes. Her lips opened and before a sound could come out I kissed them hard. I really couldn't stop doing that. When we finally broke apart, she began anyway. "Twitch, I do love you. What are you getting at?"

This time around, I gave nothing away. I didn't know how to answer her or what would be best. Instead, I dodged the subject. "All right, beautiful, lets head out, yeah?"

Her face contorted in the slightest as suspicion swept over. Despite this, she obliged when I nudged her just a bit, girlishly giggling as I gave her ass a smack after she'd done so. And fuck did that feel good. For a second, my thoughts were consumed by my desire to touch her until she broke the silence. "Will you at least give me the pleasure of knowing where we're going?"

"You tell me, princess. I'll take you anywhere you want to go."

"Are we even able to leave? I think my parents are home. It’s only three o’ clock."

"They may or may not be. Either way, I can get us out of here easily."

She put her hands on her hips. “How? They aren’t easily swayed.”

“We’ll see about that,” I stated boldly, pulling her dainty fingers from her side and wrapping them in mine. Unafraid, I pulled her out into the hallway and looked around. Faint voices drifted from below and caused an idea to spark in my head. “Y’know what? Let’s tell them.” She gave me a confused look. “I’m your boyfriend, am I not? I’m gonna take you out on a date like any other guy would. Then it’ll be easier for us to deal with them in the future. We won’t have to sneak or anything.”

“Twitch—”

“C’mon, it’ll be easier than you think,” I grinned, starting to tow her towards the stairs. Before we were in earshot of anyone, however, she pulled me back into her room.

“Twitchy, I don’t want to,” she informed me quietly. I was going to speak further in attempt to change her mind, but her soft fingers against my chest silenced me. “I kind of like keeping you to myself. I mean, we’ll do it eventually, but for now, I want you to be my little secret.” Her touch moved from flattening the zipper on my hoodie to resting against my cheek as she snickered, “I don’t want to share you in any way.”

“Oh…Ok.” I was a bit disappointed, but I understood and allowed her to have control of the situation. It was her family after all.

“I can just tell them I’m going to the library or to see Father Terrance.” I tensed. Father? A Pastor? “I’ll tell them that. They would let me spend the night in the church if I wanted; they adore him so much.” I made no response known as her eyes lit up. “This will work so well! I can take you to go meet him and we can tell him he’s our cover up!”

“W-Won’t he be a little hesitant, given that he’s a man of God and all?” I couldn’t explain how I felt about her being friends with a pastor and talking about taking me to meet the guy. What the hell was I gonna do?

“Sure, but he’s already keeping a lot of my secrets and he knows how much you mean to me-”

“You told him about me?” I asked, taken aback.

“Well, yeah. He’s really my only friend and I needed to tell someone. Did you not want me to?”

No, you should never have told a fucking pastor about me. “Nah, baby it’s fine. I just…Do I have to meet him?”

“I’d really like it if you did, Twitch.” Unintentionally, she gave me a puppy-dog look and I knew that, for her, I’d have to deal with it.

I nodded and in return, her lips quickly fell on mine, making me smile. Anything was worth it when it came to her. I kissed her once more and turned, walking to one of her windows and opening it.

“What are you doing?”

I’d already put one leg out as I replied, “Well, I can’t just waltz past your parents, can I?”

“But I live on the top floor; you’ll hurt yourself, baby.” A strong wave of contentment rippled my body internally when she referred to me as her baby. She’d done it once before, in the dream, but I wasn’t in the right state of mind to process it. Nevertheless, I gave her a look then as to say I’d be fine.

After I’d done so, I regretted it, though. The hesitant expression on her face morphed to one of mute horror and fear and I could practically see the images playing in her eyes: my stupid display in her dream. I was tempted to hit myself. Jesus fucking Christ. Of course I’d be all right because even if I did get a little bruised up, it’d heal right away anyhow. My soul dropped and I returned her gaze shamefully. “I’ll be outside,” I spoke just above a whisper before swinging my other shoe out.

“Could you at least go from the balcony?” Her tone was not much different than mine.

“Love, I’d have to actually jump if I did that. This way, I can just climb down. I’m quite agile, y’know.”

The corners of her pretty lips pulled up daintily, but it did not reach her dark eyes. “All right…Stay down there; I’ll come get you when I’m out.”

As I said I would, I made it seem like I was carefully making my way down until she’d shut the window. Once I was sure she was out of sight, I let go and landed lithely on my feet. It took at least five more stories to give me even a scratch. I sat patiently on the grass as I waited.

It didn’t take long for her to run around to the side of her house, where I was, and almost fall into my lap. At first, I thought she was crying, but by hearing the precious hiccup sound she always made when she laughed I was proven incorrect in my assumptions. Due to how she landed when she practically dived on me, her face was against my thigh, which I admit made something of mine a bit excited at her proximity as she giggled uncontrollably.

I couldn’t help my chuckling when I gently stroked her hair to calm her down. “What are you laughing about, girl?”

In a flash, she placed her hands on each of my legs and straightened them so she met me eye to eye. “That was so exciting!”

“What was?”

“Lying to my parents! Oh my goodness I was so scared, but they fell for it, baby,” there it was again, “they fell for it!” Right then her lips crashed against mine for an extended kiss. When she pulled away, she grinned in an unintentionally sexy way. “Thank you.”

I raised a brow and let my hands rest on her waist to pull her closer. “What the hell are you thanking me for?”

In order to clarify, her face scrunched up like she was trying to be ferocious, but she looked more like a kitten attempting to snarl. “For making me a rebel!”

“That made you happy?” She nodded eagerly. “Well, if that’s the case, you’ll be a fucking criminal when I’m done with you.” Playfully, I nipped just under her jaw before gently kissing the skin. Elated by the giggle that bubbled from her throat, I smiled and turned up the intensity. Even still, I had not forgotten my overall goal and the boundaries I set.

A voice from the front of the house thankfully broke us apart so I didn’t have to. “Marilyn? Have you left?”

“No, mother, I am still here!”

“You forgot your sunscreen!” At her mother’s words, Marie blushed profusely and looked at me before scrambling to her feet and sprinting away. When she returned, she held a brown tube of Banana Boat sun lotion in her small hand, looking flustered by the hold up.

Without asking anything, I stood and she instantaneously began to tug me toward a sleek, white Cadillac sitting dormant in the garage shed.

I whistled, but kept it quiet enough as not to attract the attention of her family. “Is this your car?”

In response, she added a hop to her step, turning her head around to nod and smile. When we reached the vehicle and she had sat her sunscreen down, she quickly popped herself on the hood and, to my surprise, roughly grabbed my collar to pull me against her. I watched greedily as she bit her full lip paired with that fucking sexy smirk of hers.

Shit, it was so hard to believe this was the same little girl as I was with six years prior.

How she had brought me close left me between her legs as her hands sat limply on my shoulders. It was so easy for her to completely entrance me, for I had almost instantly lost myself in the delectability of her lips and her trench-deep blue eyes. She took advantage of my stupefied state and pulled me in so our noses gently touched. “We don’t have to go anywhere, you know. I can think of a few different ways that you could make me love you,” she said lowly, in an almost mocking manner, as I knew she still didn’t understand why I was trying to get her heart. Catching her sexual innuendo, I moaned just before she cut the sound off with a kiss to my lips.

I have to admit, however, that something felt wrong. She seemed too comfortable around me…too ready to allow me to do as I pleased with her. I was caught off guard at the force she had behind her actions; I just felt she should’ve been far more conscious around me. She was so ready for me. Not just sexually, but in general. That doesn’t mean her attempts at sensuality were up to par with what I think she was going for, but they sure as hell worked on me. I think the quiver and hesitance in her voice made it all that much more irresistible. Even her kisses were virginal and unpracticed, but they still flew me over the moon with more satisfaction than any experienced woman I’d had before.

Even still, the entire situation was a slight bit unsettling. Plus, the more she pushed, the harder it would be for me to restrain myself and it was crucial that I abstained. Not only was I going to make her first time the absolute best it could possibly be, but I was also nervous. Beyond nervous. I didn’t want to hurt her and I was actually frightened at what could happen.

Because of my thoughts, I pulled away from her sweet, minty lips. Reluctantly so, but I still did it. In protest, she laid back in a flash, spreading her legs further. If I was uncomfortable before, then I was inconsolable right then. Eyes wide and surprised, my gaze analyzed her submissive and blatantly suggestive position. Without thinking, I ran my hands up her soft thighs. With every move I made, it became clearer how weak I felt. I’m not sure if it was just my nerves or whatever, but I don’t think I could even pick up a feather if I tried.

Air passed my lips shakily as a million thoughts ran through my head. She looked so beautiful and she was laid out before me on a silver platter, practically. On her car, though? With her home in sight? I couldn’t. But she began to squirm a bit, eager for me to touch her more, and all I wanted was to please her. Would just a little taste be so bad? I thought as felt her inner thighs, my mind transfixed by the beautiful thing that was just between them, We’d both be happy and no one would get hurt…It’s only a taste.

Thankfully, my rational side took back control and I closed my eyes as if to wash away the sight. There was no way in hell I’d fuck her (in any sense of the word) on her car with the garage door wide open. Shit, we were about to go meet a pastor. I’m sure he’d just adore me if I brought her to him smelling like sex. Besides, her insatiability continued to gnaw at my insides. It just wasn’t right.

“Twitch?” her voice spoke through the darkness of my closed lids. It was then that I could truly hear the Marilyn I was used to; the shy, quiet girl of whom I had been accustomed had peeked through in her uncertainty. It was only a glimmer yet, but at least it wasn’t the totally forthright and sexy thing I’d just encountered.

“Babygirl, not here.” I opened my eyes to see her watching me intently. “Not here.”

“We could go inside-”

“Your family is inside.”

“Yes, but I bet I could be quiet. We could even get in the shower because I think that’s something people do and I’m sure it would muffle any noise-”

“Just-Marilyn, not now, okay?” I said sharply, but I was fully aware of the hurt that she then tried to mask.

“W-Why?”

“I’m not ready and neither are you.”

She sat up then with a look of fire in her eyes. Yet, the fire did not translate into her words, as despite their fierce meaning, she had not placed any bite behind them. “You’re in no place to tell me when I’m ready. And you, of all people, should be more than ready.” The sentence was bitter, but she seemed more wounded than angry, which broke my heart.

I didn’t know what to say to her, so I backed away and headed to the driver’s side, silently holding my hand out for her key. She stared at my palm for a moment before sliding off the hood with an almost shameful look on her pretty face and handing me her keychain. “Wait,” I caught her wrist and pulled her back to me for a quick peck to her lips, “I love you.”

“I love you, as well, Twitchy.”

No you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t, I internally corrected, hopping into the car and watching as she grabbed the sunscreen off of the hood and getting in the passenger seat.

Wordlessly, I drove the vehicle off of her property, trying to remember how I got there from town the night before That was the only time I’d allow myself into her mind. I just needed directions to her house. Eventually, I began to recall the direct path. I could tell she was wondering how I knew, but she didn’t bother to ask, which I was grateful of. Instead she quietly kept to herself, the only sound in the car being the slight squirting noise of the Banana Boat lotion tube.

I kept sneaking glances between her and the road. I watched as she put her feet onto the dash and applied the cream to her right leg. “Why do you have to wear sunscreen?”

A little smile broke out on her face when she replied, “Unlike some people,” she poked my arm, “I don’t have tanned skin and my fair complexion doesn’t take sunlight very well. I’m way too pale.”

“You’re not that pale. I mean you are, but you have a golden tint to your skin.” I shot her a flirtatious look from the corner of my eye, “Like milk and honey.”

She laughed, and I loved the sound. “My whole family has got tan skin but me.”

“Why’s that?”

“I hardly go outside.”

For obvious reasons, her statement made me a bit sad. I hated to think of her being so lonely and cooped up. I would almost rather she hung out with other guys than—no, that’s not true. I’m too selfish for that.

She said nothing more and squeezed the green tea scented cream onto her left leg. Figuring it wouldn’t be too dirty and it would at least pacify some of the sexual tension, I reached over and cut her off before she rubbed it in. I heard her gasp lightly when my hand connected with the cold substance and her warm skin. Eyes on the road, I smeared it on her thigh at a slow, calculated pace. My blood began to race as I could feel her eyes on me, head lolled to the side.

When I had finally finished in coating the entirety of her leg, I left my hand to rest on her soft skin. Her fingers gently dropped over mine. “I wonder if this is ever going to feel real.”

“What are you talking about, princess?”

“You,” she stated bluntly. “You came out of nowhere and it’s almost like it hasn’t hit me yet. Like, I’m waiting for realization, but I don’t know if it’ll ever come. You don’t seem…substantial.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I have been thinking the same thing about you.” I stole a glance at her to smile, lacing our fingers together. “So have you decided what you wanna do today?”

“Let’s just go into town and spend the day doing nothing in particular.”

I grinned wider. “You got it, babydoll.”

“But you’ve gotta meet the pastor first. He’ll love you.”

Knowing he’d in no way even like me, I nodded stiffly, forcing the smile to stay on my face. “You’ll need to give me directions.”

“You sure I can’t just drive?”

“Yes. You won’t have to do a single ounce of work today. Hell, I will fucking carry you around that’s how serious I am.”

“Fine,” she giggled and rolled her eyes. Contently holding hands, we made our way to the church with the help of Marilyn’s occasional guidance, laughing when I would almost make a wrong turn or she would stumble over her words. Overall, I was just thankful to sense that the air around us was no longer so thick with lust, successfully loosening the oxygen so we didn’t suffocate.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot surrounding three sides of the church, our silliness had relaxed me noticeably. Nonetheless, when I stepped out of the car all of my nerves tensed up in unpleasant anticipation.

Based from her encouraging smile as she led me to the front doors, she must’ve noticed my resistance. I actually began to shake as I scaled the three large steps leading to the rounded entrance. The simple, yet contrasting ornate sculpture was a false beauty that held one of my worst enemies within its confines and I was in no rush to dive headfirst into the building. I allowed her to drag me so that I didn’t fall subject to my own free will of running away. Wincing as I set one sneaker inside, I found that it wasn’t a painful experience. The aroma was suppressive to me above others, but nothing stung like my skin had when I went to that cathedral twenty some years ago.

“Father? Are you here?” Marie called out, her voice echoing off the acoustic walls and pews.

“Marilyn! My child, it’s been too long. Is that you?” A male voice responded excitedly before poking his head around a corner of a hallway off to the right of the altar.

“I have someone I’d like you to meet,” she spoke innocently, not noticing how the room tightened when his gaze met mine. It was as if a single glace from him stole through my soul and to my sins. He seemed slightly horrified but regained his composure to approach us as if to show he doubted his assumptions. I didn’t like how quickly he caught onto me, but I can’t say I was surprised.

“And who is this young man?” Strained, his eyes attempted to lock with mine despite my severe intensity. I wasn’t glaring at him or anything, but I knew my presence was greatly unsettling and it struck him with fear which pleased me more than I can say. A glimmer in his pupils betrayed his hidden curiosity, though.

“Father, this is, uh, Twitch.”

Shocked understanding crossed his features. “T-Twitch. So he has returned to you?”

Marilyn turned her head to me then and placed her fingers against my cheek so that I met her smile. “Yes, he has.”

Allowing the corners of my mouth to turn up a bit, I squeezed her fingers, still entwined with mine.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” He extended his hand stiffly to me. “Marilyn has had nothing but good things to say.”

I only stared bleakly at his polite gesture. There was not a single cell in my body that desired to touch this man. I’d never touched a holy man before. The only time I’d come in contact with one was years back when I’d fucked some priest’s daughter. He was extremely pissed and tried to get me, but I shot him before he could even breathe my air. So, naturally, I was cautious to accept this Father Terrance’s hand.

I hadn’t realized how long it was that I stared at his palm before Marilyn nudged me, lowly saying, “Twitch, shake his hand. Be polite.” She’d awoken me from a trance and when I looked at her, I could see the disapproval in her beautiful eyes. That alone was enough of a kick to make me touch this man; I would do anything to make her proud of me. Regardless, I was unguarded to find her expression turned to one of light worry. It pissed me off that I must have displayed some amount of fright so that she would notice.

The pastor was clearly considering putting his hand down, but stayed firm whilst I reached out for him at last, shaking, not only from nerves, but from some anger. His existence began to irk me.

Whatever I had expected, it wasn’t what I got. The millisecond I wrapped my fingers around his, it’s as if scalding hot holy water had been poured onto my skin. Due to my lack of warning, I let out a cry of pain. Both he and Marie had jumped from the surprise as I instantly scurried back a few feet, cradling my throbbing hand as it steamed.

His ugly fucking brown eyes stared dumbly and directly into my own when Marie hurried to my side. I finally broke from his gaze with a hiss as she pulled my pain-riddled hand into hers; unraveling the tight fist I’d made to reveal excessive burns. The action caused me to bite my lip so that I wouldn’t scream.

“Oh goodness, we should get you to the hospital. Pastor…A-are you all right?”

It was then that he analyzed his hand as well. “Heavens!” he exclaimed. His skin was not as damaged, but it had obviously been scalded in the slightest.

“Did you not feel it when it happened?” Marie asked.

“Not at all; hardly do I feel it now, even.”

“What the fuck?” I spat, his lack of pain infuriating to me.

Annoyingly, Marie tried to justify my outrage. “I’m sorry, Father, excuse his language. He’s just suffering.” For the first time in my life, I shoved her away out of disgust, scoffing. How could she just brush me off like that? Wasn’t I the one she was dating? Shouldn’t she be apologizing to me because he injured my hand? I wanted all of her attention and she didn’t give it to me, especially when I needed it. I stormed out before I hurt anyone. I was known to hurt people when I was mad…But that’s just it! That son of a bitch had just shook hands with the Deadly Sin of Wrath incarnate without so much as a gasp and I was the one to burn. And maybe it was because he was holy, but the wound was not healing fast enough. It was all I could do not to break the goddamn building to the ground because fuck knows I had the ability, especially when fueled with so much rage.

I dropped myself onto the curb, but my legs felt weak in that position, as if they were trying to tell me that I should be moving. I can’t say that my mind disagreed all that much. It was only a matter of time before Marie came out to see me, but I didn’t want her to. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t been with her for even twenty-four hours and I just couldn’t stop fucking up.

I stood. Maybe this was a sign I wasn’t ready to be with her. Perhaps I just needed a little more time.