Forever

"Hey, Twitchy, have you ever wondered what stars dream about?" I asked, gazing up into the night sky of my dream world.

"I haven't, babydoll, but that's a great question to ask them. What do you think they dream about?" I felt his chest rumble against my cheek as he responded, running his fingers through my hair.

"Maybe they dream about...the clouds? Do you think so?"

"I think you're right, I'll bet they do dream about the clouds. What do they dream about them?"

I thought for a moment, and I felt Twitch put one hand behind his head. "I think one of the stars is in love with a cloud. But they can never really be together, only on the cloudy nights when she can shield their love from the world."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Why they love each other or why that's the only time they can be together?"

"How about both? I want to know more about the cloud and the star."

"Okay, well they're in love because they are just alike, as they are the most beautiful parts of the sky. People watch clouds just as much they stargaze...yet they're opposites, as they are separated by night and day...but sometimes that's where the best love comes from."

"It is. Sometimes the person you love is not good for you, no matter if you're made for one another."

"Exactly! The star and the cloud are destined to be together, but the nature of their relationship is tragic...beyond their control."

"So, you never told me why she has to hide them."

"Oh! Yes, thank you for reminding me, Twitchy. Well, the world doesn't understand them is why. No body understands why they love each other, lots of people think it's wrong, y'know..."

"Yes, I think I understand that," he answered quietly, "I feel sorry for them...I'm sure the star wishes he could provide her with more than he can give her, and show her just how much she means to him."

A content silence followed until I murmured, "I love you, Twitchy."

"And I love you, Marilyn."



"Marie! Hurry up, child! We'll be late for our reservation!" my mother called up the elaborate staircase that curved into a beige marble foyer.

"Coming, Mama!" I hollered back, tying up my hair in a white bow.

"You look lovely, babydoll," Twitch told me, "the dress is perfect on you."

"Aw, thank you Twitchy!" I answered, not failing to notice the melancholy tone to his words. Brushing it off, I smoothed out a few folds in my ivory shirt-waist gown. I opened my door and bounded down the steps.

"There's my little girl! Now, put on your shoes and let's head out, shall we? We wouldn't want to miss out on a good dinner!"

As she asked, I slid on the shiny, white Mary-Janes over my equally white, lace-trimmed socks.

I grasped my mother's hand and she and I walked out to the family's Rolls Royce, to find my daddy and little brother, Lucas, waiting for us. Once in the car, we began the half-hour drive to our unknown destination, well, unknown to me anyhow.

We pulled into the Red Lobster, and I couldn't help my squealing, "This is the best birthday ever!" It really was, too. Not only was I turning eleven, but it was also Twitchy and I's two year anniversary! Be that as it may, I also noticed that Twitch had not yet mentioned it. I was hoping he hadn't forgotten...But how could he possibly forget when he practically lived in my mind? Even still, he had not said a word on it.

In fact, I don't recall him saying any words. He had been deathly silent since he praised my outfit, whilst we were still at home.

We'd been seated and had just ordered our food when a very sensitive topic was brought up. "How has your anxiety been, honey? We haven't talked about it in a while." my mother asked cheerfully.

"I haven't had an attack for weeks," I replied, "and I've been feeling well."

"That's great to hear!" my father grinned proudly, as if I had met expectations.

It annoyed me.

Ever since the school nurse had contacted them when I'd had my first episode, they had treated me differently. Worse, in my opinion.

I'd always been their tiny china doll. They'd dress me and work me to be the ideal child. I felt as if I qualified, but seeing as they thought my anxiety was a huge imperfection, I no longer satisfied them.

Though, when it came to how they treated me normally, I wasn't much bothered by it. I appreciated that they wanted what was best for me and in all fairness, I loved the clothes they put me in. It's just the fact that they'd begun to baby me, as if I were some sick child who was much too weak to face the world. They hadn't even taken me to church lately, instead, my mother stayed behind to read the Bible to me. Twitch was always absent for that...

I didn't see why I needed to be cared for so delicately. I'd heard that anxiety disorders were common, so why was I any different?

"Hopefully, you'll be well enough to start in your new school soon," Mom mused, "I know how much you loved it. You'll still be entering the sixth grade, you know, as you've kept your studies up well with the tutor," I nodded.

My father added on, "Not to mention, you haven't been twitching much...That's a good sign!"

"She still twitches though, Daddy. She's been doing it all day," Luke pointed out.

"Son, she's been doing fine, let's not embarrass her."

"You know I'm right here, don't you?" I interrupted.

"You know you're still weird, don't you?" Luke fired back, with a surprising amount of force coming from a nine-year-old.

That's when I realized Twitch was gone. He'd left me on my birthday, of all days.

If he had been there, he would have voiced his opinion on Luke's comment...But nothing. No sounds other than the clinking of other people forks and gentle conversations nearby.

"Lucas! She is no such thing! You will apologize to your sister right this instant!" Mother scolded.

"Sorry, Marie, you're not weird," he spoke earnestly, but the damage had already been done.

Twitch had disappeared.

Without telling me or indicating anything.

I did my best to stay as calm as possible so I didn't have an episode at dinner, but Lord know's I was distraught.

Our meal went by slowly and painfully, as I was constantly reminded of his absence.

When the waiters and waitresses came out to sing me a happy birthday and give me a complimentary dessert, I smiled, but inside I was torn. Among the many voices, I did not hear the one that really mattered.

I opened my presents and thanked them with false excitement; I only wanted to go home. So when I did finally get to the safety of my bedroom with the excuse of feeling sick, I flopped onto my big bed after changing into a Barbie pajama set.

I couldn't help my tears as I succumbed to my anxiety.

I cried myself to sleep a few hours later.



I was standing alone in our field, observing the dark, void night sky when I heard the tall grass rustling behind me unevenly, as if someone were stumbling. "Oh, there y'are, babydoll," came his voice, "I'been lookin' for'ya, y'know," I could hardly decipher his words, they were so slurred together. I didn't respond. "Hellooo, earth t'baby? I'talking t'you!"

"Oh really? You were talking to little old me with all the OTHER PEOPLE AROUND US." I hissed sarcastically.

"Woah, well 'scuse me, yer highness," he retorted, "Didn't mean t'get yer diaper in a bunch... Fuckin' baby. I's gone fer, like, an hour."

"Shut up."

"What did y'say t'me?"

"I said shut up, idiot."

"The fuck? What I ever do t'you?"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" I began to sob in anger.

"C'mon Princess, I didn't mean t-"

"Don't talk to me. I don't want you near me." I choked

"Y'don't mean that." he tried to convince me, wrapping his arms around me. I was short enough that I could duck under them and push him away forcefully. He'd just made it much worse.

He smelled distinctly of women's perfume, sweat, and alcohol. I even picked up an odd skunk-like scent...Why would he smell like a skunk? No matter, it was clear what he'd left me to go do.

And I was broken-hearted.

"I do mean that. Go away. Go drink more, have...sex or whatever you like to do. I don't care. Just leave me alone." I sniffled.

"Marie, s'not that big'a deal."

"No, it's not! You are absolutely right! I guess my BIRTHDAY is nothing special to you! It's just another day! You'd rather go fool around then celebrate our anniversary!" I began to run away.

"Shit...Shit, shit, shit. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, baby-girl! I- I" I heard him trying to catch up with me.

It seemed as if the grass continued forever, and I eventually just gave up, collapsing on the flower-ridden ground. It didn't take long for Twitch to reach me, panting and falling to his knees to meet my level, grabbing my waist to hold my back to him. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that t'you. Please, please forgive me."

Submitting to the weight of my need for him, I let him rock me gently, gripping his arms to show him that we were okay.

I was still hurt, but he'd been forgiven.

As always.