Grade 8

The last show in Adelaide was two hours away there was a rush of people in and out of rooms. There were boys in every state of dress running around the small room One Direction was using as a dressing room. Lena was warming up her voice as she waited for Niall to get dressed so they could hang out before the show. Louis was chasing Harry around because he took Louis' shoe from him. Lena wasn't paying any attention to them as she warmed up.

"Lena can I talk to you?"

Luke was waiting for her by the door. "Yeah of course."

Lena went to walk over to him but Harry cut in front of her bumping into her enough to make her stumble backwards. She sent a glare his way and that's when it happened. Louis tackled Harry.

Everything moved in slow motion when Louis tackled Harry. Lena watched unable to move as they fell right into her open guitar case. There was a sickening sound of wood breaking and then silence. It was so silent it was as if everyone thought any sound would make the situation worse. Just as quickly as it had happened Harry was pushing Louis off of him his face contorted into a look of pain. Lena couldn't move as were they had been now sat a broken Lucy.

"Shit." Harry kept repeating his hands racking though his hair. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

"Lena." Lou reached a hand out ready to catch Lena if need be.

Harry picked up the broken in half neck a sick feeling washing over him. "Shit."

Lena walked over to Harry in a daze. Her precious Lucy. Her poor, fragile, Lucy was gone. Taking the neck from Harry's hands to feel the soft wood in her hand made it more real it wasn't an illusion.

"Lena. I'm so sorry."

"Me too." Louis for once looked remorseful. "We can buy you a new one?"

"I don't want a new one." Lena whispered. She was having a hard time not crying in front of everyone. "I want Lucy fixed."

"Lena, it isn't fixable." Niall tried to tell her delicately. "Lucy can't come back from this."

Lena turned around fierce gaze falling on the blonde Irishman. "Don't say that."

"It's true." Niall insisted. He took a step towards her hands out stretched. "If we go right now we can have a new one before the show starts."

"I have to go." Lena was out of the room before anyone could say anything to her.

"What the hell is wrong with ya!" Niall rounded on Harry once Lena was gone.

"We didn't mean to." Louis spoke up. "It was an accident."

"It's bad enough you've fucked up her life, now you have to ruin one of her most prized possessions." Niall continued as if Louis hadn't spoken.

"Niall, he didn't men to." Liam put a hand on his friends arm. "Lay off him."

"You need to find away to fix this." Niall pointed a finger at Harry. "I have to make sure she isn't doing anything stupid."

Lena made her way to her dressing room as she walked she dug her phone out of her pocket calling the one person who could calm her down.

"Mom?" She sobbed.

"Lena what's wrong?" Her mom asked urgently. "Lena?"

"Lucy broke!" Lena was now in the middle of a full blown panic attack. Her breathing was labored as she tried to fill her lungs. Tears continued to fall without any sign of stopping.

"Honey you need to calm down."

"I can't!" Lena leaned against the wall next to her feeling light headed her breathing was still such a chore. "What will I do?"

"First you need to calm down. Just focus on breathing." Cynthia instructed. "Now you will get a new guitar and everything will be fine."

"But nothing's fine!" Lena cried. She had taken a few deep breaths successfully getting her breathing back to normal until the next big problem hit her. "Mom I want to come home."

"Then come home."

"I can't just leave that's the fucking problem!" Lena could feel the tightening in her chest again. "I have to go."

Lena hung up before her mom could say anymore. She took a couple more deep breaths which calmed her down enough to walk slowly back to her dressing room. She passed the catering room finding it empty but her eyes still landed on the object she should have been avoiding. Before anyone could see her she grabbed it putting it in her pocket and was out of the room.



Harry made it back in time with a new guitar before Lena's set. It was obvious something was off with her she was unusually quiet before going on stage. Harry watched her set from side stage and his heart broken even more watching her on stage. She didn't have that same presence she normally had. She wasn't connecting with the fans and she wasn't as lively as she normally was.

Once her set was done Harry quickly went backstage again. He followed after her quickly retreating back. He made it to her door just as she was about to close it barely having time to wedge his boot in.

"What-" Lena looked startled as she took a step back giving Harry enough time to sneak in. "What are you doing?"

"Lena let me see your legs."

Harry kept his back against the door keeping her from running away from him. From his questions; because he knew she would try.

Lena shook her head backing up. "Why?"

"You know why." Harry growled. "Now show me your legs."

"Get out of here Harry." Lena walked as far as she could before her back hit the wall. It put a good few feet between her and Harry but that wasn't nearly enough.

"Not until you show me your legs."

Lena shook her head eyes wide. Harry knew, he just knew, she had been hurting herself again and now seeing how terrified she looked at his request he was right. He took a step forward making Lena push herself further into the wall.

"Why?" He breathed mouth twisting into a frown. "Why would you do this again?"

"Stop." Lena shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this."

"We're going to talk about this." He was just inches away from her. Close enough he could see how terrified she really was to show him. "Lena, please just show me."

Lena shook her head again. "Don't make me do that."

Harry looked at her his brow furrowed. He wouldn't make her, he already knew what she was hiding.

"Why do you suddenly care?"

The question hung between them a dark cloud taking up the space between them. She looked so vulnerable in front of him that Harry just shook his head unable to do much more.

"Why do I suddenly matter?" Lena asked again. "I don't know what you're even doing here."

"I care about you, that's why."

Lena made a noise of disbelief. "You care about me? What a lie."

She had a new intensity in her eyes replacing the terror she had had about showing Harry her scared and scabbed legs. She was furious it had her seeing red. She pushed against Harry's chest making him take an unsteady step back.

"You're such a fucking liar." She growled. "You don't give a damn about me!"

"How could you say that?" Harry asked stunned.

"How can you say you care about me after using me!" Lena shouted her face turning a brilliant shade of red. "I was just someone to keep you company until Alexis came around! How is thy caring about me?"

"I'm sorry." Harry's tone was pleading. "I know how I handle things wasn't right. I did use you and I will never forgive myself for that; but things have changed."

"Nothing's changed." Lena interrupted him. "Leave me alone. Please just let me live my life. I don't need you coming here and disrupting everything."

"I never meant to disrupt anything."

Harry looked down at his feet ashamed. The realization that his time with Lena had come to an end slowly dawning on him. It was time he moved forward without her he had ruined his chance and this want one of those situations he could get a second chance at. That much was clear.

"I'll leave you alone." He finally said taking a step back. "If that's what you really want."

"It is."

"Alright."

This time it was Harry's turn to walk away while Lena watched. Telling Harry to get out of her life was supposed to get rid of some of the weight on her shoulders. It felt heavier now. The only thing that could elevate some of the pressure was the stinging of a sharp object slicing into flesh. And that's just what happened.

She undid her jeans pushing them down far enough to see the tan flesh of her thighs. Picking up the steak knife she had swiped from catering she brought the sharp end to her leg adding pressure until that familiar pain swept over her; the knife made a clean line across her thigh blood pooling instantly, a single drop running off her leg to the floor. Just like that she could breath again the weight in her shoulders lessening enough for now to at least make it through the night. She quickly grabbed a tissue cleaning up the blood and pulling her jeans back up. When she looked in the mirror she couldn't recognize the person looking back at her. She had lost the color in her cheeks and her hair fell in lifeless curls. The usual sparkle in her eyes was gone replaced by a sadness she had only seen after Danny died.

Something needed to change. There was only one things that she could do now to hopefully come back from this hole she had fallen into. She had to go home.