Grade 8

Niall wasn't going to let Lena stay down about Lucy. He got on her bus that night instead of his own. He knew leaving her alone would be bad news giving her an opportunity to hurt herself.

"We're watching the Harry Potter movies from start to finish." He said already putting the first one in. "There is nothing in this world Harry Potter can't fix."

Lena sat back lifting her comforter up to her chin. They were in the lounge area of the bus with Lena's rather large comforter shared between them. While she had wanted a nice quiet drive to Perth time to dwell on her impending departure the next day.

"I can believe it." She mumbled. "Everyone needs a little magic in their life."

Niall settled into the couch next to her pulling the comforter up to his armpit. "It's a requirement to say the lines along with the movie."

Lena looked at him eyebrow raised. "Did you think I wouldn't do that?"

Niall grinned. "Good."

A few hours later and they were in the thick of the third movie. Sirius Black in animagus form had just dragged poor Ron down the Womping Willows trunk. Lena was watching the screen with so much intensity Niall was sure she was going to pass out from the strain it had to have been putting on her eyes. They hadn't spoken since they started their marathon, save for when they would recite their favorite lines and Lena would explain some deeper meaning to what was going on. Just as Harry and Hermione walked into the room Ron had been taken to Niall paused the movie the screen stalling on the menacing figure seemingly out to get Harry.

"What are you doing?" Lena asked rounding on Niall. "You can't just pause the movie during one of the most important parts, you dick!"

"Sorry." Niall said rolling his eyes. "I can't do this anymore. We need to talk."

Lena frowned her eyes shifting back to the screen. "No. We need to finish watching these movies."

"Lena." Niall groaned. He turned so that he was facing her fully. "We need to talk about what you're doing to your self."

"No we don't." Lena took the remote from him pushing the play button. "Now shut up please."

Niall sighed taking the remote out of her unwilling hand. "We really do."

"What is there to say?" Lena asked eyes wide with panic. "I'm hurting myself. Alright? Are you happy now that I've admitted it? I can't handle this anymore so I'm taking it out on myself! Is everything suddenly fucking fixed now that I've said it out loud? No!"

Niall reeled back slightly at her outburst. "Lena-"

"No you want me to talk? Fine!" Lena ran a hand through her hair catching it on the tangles of her lackluster hair. "I'm not fucking ok! I'm broken! Utterly and completely broken! I don't even know what to do with myself anymore! And it's all his fault for making me fall for him like I have! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can barely fucking breath anymore!"

Niall waited out her rage until she was done talking looking like she had just ran a marathon with her face red and chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Feel better?"

"Fuck you."

Niall closed his eyes for a moment trying to compose something to say to her. "What he did to you is terrible, but what you're doing to yourself is worse. Letting this - this darkness take over is going to kill you, if you don't kill yourself first."

"I know." Lena whispered. Her head fell back against the wall with a satisfying thud. She went to repeat the action but Niall pulled her to him before she could. His hand cupped the back of her neck as their foreheads touched. It was one of those intimate moments that should have been shared between two lovers not two best friends and yet it was comforting. She placed her hands on his chest the steady beating of his heart under her palm calming her down significantly.

"I don't want you to keep hurting yourself." Niall's words were quiet as they stayed in their embrace. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

Lena pulled away her hands dropping back to her own lap. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Niall sighed. "Let's get back to the movie, yeah?"

Lena nodded setting back under the comfort of her comforter. Her head came to rest on Niall's shoulder while his arm held her close to him. The movie was again playing but now Lena could only think about what would happen when Niall did lose her. She was willingly leaving him without giving him any warning.

By the time the credits for the eighth movie were rolling they had been in Perth for hours. Declining food in favor of finishing the series in its entirety. This was mostly Lena's doing as she knew they would not have the chance to finish it another time. Niall was ready to eat anything by the end as he rushed off the bus in search of food. Lena was slower to go into the hotel after him. Luckily most of the fans had yet to find them and the ones that had were appeased by a simple wave. Once inside the hotel Lena took the elevator alone up to their floor she had her mind set on a hot shower and hopefully some sleep before her long flight home. She exited the elevator Niall was walking out of a room with a sour look on his face.

"We have to get room service." He complained. "Everyone else has ate."

"I think I'm going to go to bed actually." Lena said glancing at her awaiting room door.

"We have to finish our night together." Niall pouted.

Lena sighed giving him a nod. "Let me change first?"

"Sure I'll order the food." Niall happily went to his room while Lena continued to hers.

Once behind the closed doors she let out a long breath. She had to keep it together for now until she could finally be alone for long then a few minutes. It was going to be a lot harder to go through with her plan of leaving with Niall clinging on to her more then usual. It was like he knew what she was thinking. With a final deep breath she moved away from the door going to her suitcase to find something to change into. Grabbing the first pair of long gym shorts she could find and a t-shirt she was pretty sure belong to one of the boys. She carefully packed away her clothes from the day and pulled out the outfit she had chosen for the plane ride.

Niall was all smiles when he opened the door for her. He had changed out of his clothes looking comfortable in a pair of sweats low on his hips, he had forgone a shirt this time.

"Is that my shirt?" he asked.

Lena looked down at the shirt she wore. "I don't know it was in my suitcase."

"Eh, I don't really care." Niall shrugged. "Come in food should be here soon."

Lena followed him further into the room. Niall had already thrown the room into dismay when he had hurriedly dug through his suitcase. Lena fell on to the bed suddenly exhausted but she knew her mind wouldn't shut down long enough to catch any sleep.

Niall sat down next to her flipping through channels. "What should we watch?"

"I don't care." Lena sighed eyes closed.

Niall glanced at her then his eyes catching sight of the shorts she wore. He couldn't help himself as his hand reached out to the end of Lena's shorts. She didn't move when he slowly pushed the fabric up revealing more of her leg until her thigh was visible. There in plain sight was the evidence of what had been going on. Some of the lines were scabbed over and some were still a bright red. Calloused fingers met the soft flesh of her leg tracing a red line. A shiver ran down Lena's body her eyes snapping open when Niall's fingers stilled.

"Do they hurt?"

"Not really."

"Does it hurt when you do it?"

"That's kind of the point."

Niall put his whole hand over the cuts. "I don't understand how someone can do that."

Lena sat up on her elbows looking down at the spot Niall's hand rested. "I don't either really. It just kind of happened."

"Harry was the cause this time?" Niall asked looking at her for the answer.

"Yes and no." Lena sighed. "I'm always going to want to do it. Certain stuff just triggers it worse then others."

"Are you going to stop?" Niall pulled her shorts back into place.

"I'm going to try."

Room service came then interrupting their talk and Niall was too hungry to bring it up again. Lena ate small bites of the food Niall had gotten; it looked like he had gotten one of everything on the menu. It was nearing midnight and Niall had ate himself into a coma. Lena set about pushing the cart of half eaten food into the hall and shutting off lights before climbing into the bed next to Niall.

"Goodnight Lena." Niall said through a yawn. "We'll go to breakfast tomorrow."

"Sounds great, Ni." Lena whispered tears prickling at her eyes. "Goodnight Niall."

She couldn't tell Niall that she would be leaving in just a few hours, long before he woke up. It would be too hard to say goodbye's, they would all try to stop her. She curled into Niall getting in as much time with him as possible before their friendship came to a sudden end.

Two hours later Niall was snoring loudly in Lena's ear. The clock next to the bed indicated it was just past two in the morning. Slowly and carefully Lena removed Niall's arm from around her to sneak out of the bed. He didn't even stir as she clambered out of the bed and out of his room. She made it safely into her own room where her bags were already packed and waiting for the flight home. Paul came to her room minutes later to escort her to the car that would take her to the airport.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked as they stood in the silent elevator.

"Positive." Lena mumbled closing her eyes as her head fell back against the wall.

Paul didn't say anything else until they were at the car. "Have a safe flight, kiddo."

Lena hugged Paul tight not sure if or when she would see him again. "Thank you for everything."

"Of course." He said hugging her back. "You better let me know when you've made it home."

She agreed giving one last forced smile before turning away to get in the car. She didn't want him to see her cry; to know this was breaking her heart to do. She knew when the boys woke up they would be curious as to where she was and then they would be angry. Angry that she left. Angry that they didn't get a goodbye. Angry that she did this behind their backs. Just angry at her.



Lena walked out of the airport her eye searching for the two people she had been dying to see. Then she heard it, the unmistakable squeal of delight could only come from one person.

"Lena!" She was brought into a hug before she had time to register her mom and Rich coming at her. Rich had his strong arms circled around his two girls. "I'm so happy your home!"

There was happy tears after that from the two woman. Clarissa looked her daughter over not finding any physical markings on her but she could tell emotionally she was far from ok. It was going to be a long journey to bring her back to them again but they did it once; they could do it again.

"Let's get you home." She said moving a price of Lena's hair from in front of her eyes. "You look exhausted."

"I am." Lena agreed. "Jetlag is a bitch."

Clarissa looked at her again eyes scanning her some more. "You'll be ok now."

"I know." Lena glanced down at her feet. "I just need some time."

"Alright." Clarissa hugged her again. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I love you too."

In the car Lena turned her phone on instantly being bombarded by messages, text and voicemail going crazy. There were too many to ever look at from the boys, both Australian and British, a few from Lou and even some from Sam. Lena couldn't bring herself to open any of them they were all deleted instantly. She couldn't handle what they could possibly have to say.

She wanted to put them behind her now. Move on with her life without them. It was time to really get help.