‹ Prequel: The "You're Not Fat" Campaign
Relearning Laura
Ella
I lay on my bed for a bit longer, staring at the ceiling. I'm not sure what to say or do to fix the tension between me and Skylar.
"Hey Laura." I jump, startled. Skylar is still facing the wall.
"Yeah?"
"Everyone says they're not sick here. But we are. We're really fucking sick and that's why we're here. It's scary to be here and it's difficult but I've seen people who leave and they're so much healthier and happier and it's worth it," she says. I sigh and roll onto my stomach, then look over at Skylar, who turns to face me.
"Are you always this positive?" I ask. She snorts and shakes her head.
"Not even close." She shoots me a calculating look. "Can I be honest for a minute?" I nod. "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. I've been here for three weeks and I'm still way below my weight range and it's disgusting. And then you come in here and you're a little twig girl and it's just incredible because I used to look like that. I used to be so god damn close to my goal and I never got there. I never fucking got there. And I hate myself for that." She kicks violently at her bedpost. "I weighed 82 pounds when I got admitted, Laura. 82 pounds. I'm up to 97.4 now and it's disgusting. Like, Jesus Christ. I haven't got an anorexic BMI anymore. I'm a failure." I bite hard on my lip. Are numbers thrown around this casually here all the time?
"What about you? What do you weigh?" Skylar asks. I stare hard at my hands and shrug.
"I don't know, they threw away my scale and they haven't weighed me yet," I mutter. There is a knock on the door.
"Laura!" It's David.
"Good luck, twig girl," Skylar says bitterly. She rolls over and hides under her quilt. I stand up and shuffle out of our room. David's waiting for me in the hallway, a clipboard in his hand. He leads me to an exam room and has me swap my clothes for a paper hospital robe, then checks my blood pressure and temperature. After writing everything down on his clipboard, David tells me to step backwards onto the scale. It clicks a few times, then David writes down the number oh god I need to know I need to know I need to know how much I weigh how fat have I gotten how horrible am I.
"Alright, Laura, you can head back to your room now. Dinner's at six," he says. I nod and shuffle back down the hall. As I walk back towards my and Skylar's room with my clothes tucked under my arm, a door opens and a girl with hair that is tangled and bright red comes into the hallway. We nearly collide, and she jumps backwards with a squeak of surprise. My stomach drops. This is going to be bad.
"I'm so sorry," the redhead says, extending a hand towards me. "Are you the new girl? You must be, wow, dumb question, sorry." She smiles. "I'm Ella." We shake hands quickly.
"Laura," I say softly, my voice cracking a little.
"You can come hang out in my room if you want," she offers. "Go grab Sky - isn't she the cutest? - and put some clothes on and then come chill until dinner!" Her smile is bright and genuine. I smile back. The girls that I've met so far are all really friendly, which is a relief.
"Sure, um, okay, that sounds fun," I tell her. Ella claps her hands and waves at me, then hurries over to the nurse's desk.
"Can I use the bathroom, Sandra?" I hear Ella ask. A few seconds later, she comes back down the hallway, a tall black woman wearing a Hope House shirt just behind her. Ella makes a face at me and waits by the closed door at the end of the hallway. The nurse unlocks the door and Ella slips inside. I smile at the nurse.
"Hi, honey," she says to me. "I'm Sandra. You're Laura, right?" I nod. Sandra smiles. "Great to have you here, darlin'. We'll take good care of you. Now go get some clothes on!" I dart into my and Skylar's room and close the door behind me. Skylar is still sprawled on her bed with her book. I put my clothes back on, then tell her about Ella's offer.
"Oh, ok, cool," Skylar says, marking her spot in her book and standing up. She stretches and her sweatshirt rides up, exposing her hipbone, which is crossed with hundreds of little scars. I look at my feet. There is a hole in the big toe of my right sock.
"Ready to go?" I nod and we leave our room.
Ella's room is right next door. Skylar knocks once. A girl with gigantic hazel eyes and wavy brown hair pokes her head out into the hallway.
"Hello hello!" she crows. "Do come in, my ladies." She opens the door all the way and ushers us inside. The room is the same size as mine and Skylar's, but it's set up differently, which makes it seem more cluttered. Art is plastered all over the pale green walls, adding to the cluttered appearance. Ella and a tall girl with pale blonde hair are sitting on the bed closest to the door.
"Skylar and Laura! So lovely to see you," Ella calls. Sky makes a face at her.
"Yeah, long time no see," she says with a smirk. The blonde girl giggles.
"What's it been, three whole hours since snack?" she replies. The she smiles at me. "I'm Alice, by the way."
"Laura," I tell her. Alice blows me a kiss, then leans her head on Ella's shoulder. They all seem so sweet and friendly. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. The brunette who let me and Skylar into the room introduces herself as Kathryn. There are a lot of names to remember. I sigh and hope I'll be able to manage.
After twenty minutes or so, there is a quick succession of raps on the door.
"Dinner, ladies!" Sandra calls. Silence drops over all of us. Alice buries her head in her hands and groans dramatically.
"Hysterical," Sandra deadpans. "Come on." We trudge out of Ella and Kathryn's room and follow Sandra down to the second floor.
"Hey Laura." I jump, startled. Skylar is still facing the wall.
"Yeah?"
"Everyone says they're not sick here. But we are. We're really fucking sick and that's why we're here. It's scary to be here and it's difficult but I've seen people who leave and they're so much healthier and happier and it's worth it," she says. I sigh and roll onto my stomach, then look over at Skylar, who turns to face me.
"Are you always this positive?" I ask. She snorts and shakes her head.
"Not even close." She shoots me a calculating look. "Can I be honest for a minute?" I nod. "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. I've been here for three weeks and I'm still way below my weight range and it's disgusting. And then you come in here and you're a little twig girl and it's just incredible because I used to look like that. I used to be so god damn close to my goal and I never got there. I never fucking got there. And I hate myself for that." She kicks violently at her bedpost. "I weighed 82 pounds when I got admitted, Laura. 82 pounds. I'm up to 97.4 now and it's disgusting. Like, Jesus Christ. I haven't got an anorexic BMI anymore. I'm a failure." I bite hard on my lip. Are numbers thrown around this casually here all the time?
"What about you? What do you weigh?" Skylar asks. I stare hard at my hands and shrug.
"I don't know, they threw away my scale and they haven't weighed me yet," I mutter. There is a knock on the door.
"Laura!" It's David.
"Good luck, twig girl," Skylar says bitterly. She rolls over and hides under her quilt. I stand up and shuffle out of our room. David's waiting for me in the hallway, a clipboard in his hand. He leads me to an exam room and has me swap my clothes for a paper hospital robe, then checks my blood pressure and temperature. After writing everything down on his clipboard, David tells me to step backwards onto the scale. It clicks a few times, then David writes down the number oh god I need to know I need to know I need to know how much I weigh how fat have I gotten how horrible am I.
"Alright, Laura, you can head back to your room now. Dinner's at six," he says. I nod and shuffle back down the hall. As I walk back towards my and Skylar's room with my clothes tucked under my arm, a door opens and a girl with hair that is tangled and bright red comes into the hallway. We nearly collide, and she jumps backwards with a squeak of surprise. My stomach drops. This is going to be bad.
"I'm so sorry," the redhead says, extending a hand towards me. "Are you the new girl? You must be, wow, dumb question, sorry." She smiles. "I'm Ella." We shake hands quickly.
"Laura," I say softly, my voice cracking a little.
"You can come hang out in my room if you want," she offers. "Go grab Sky - isn't she the cutest? - and put some clothes on and then come chill until dinner!" Her smile is bright and genuine. I smile back. The girls that I've met so far are all really friendly, which is a relief.
"Sure, um, okay, that sounds fun," I tell her. Ella claps her hands and waves at me, then hurries over to the nurse's desk.
"Can I use the bathroom, Sandra?" I hear Ella ask. A few seconds later, she comes back down the hallway, a tall black woman wearing a Hope House shirt just behind her. Ella makes a face at me and waits by the closed door at the end of the hallway. The nurse unlocks the door and Ella slips inside. I smile at the nurse.
"Hi, honey," she says to me. "I'm Sandra. You're Laura, right?" I nod. Sandra smiles. "Great to have you here, darlin'. We'll take good care of you. Now go get some clothes on!" I dart into my and Skylar's room and close the door behind me. Skylar is still sprawled on her bed with her book. I put my clothes back on, then tell her about Ella's offer.
"Oh, ok, cool," Skylar says, marking her spot in her book and standing up. She stretches and her sweatshirt rides up, exposing her hipbone, which is crossed with hundreds of little scars. I look at my feet. There is a hole in the big toe of my right sock.
"Ready to go?" I nod and we leave our room.
Ella's room is right next door. Skylar knocks once. A girl with gigantic hazel eyes and wavy brown hair pokes her head out into the hallway.
"Hello hello!" she crows. "Do come in, my ladies." She opens the door all the way and ushers us inside. The room is the same size as mine and Skylar's, but it's set up differently, which makes it seem more cluttered. Art is plastered all over the pale green walls, adding to the cluttered appearance. Ella and a tall girl with pale blonde hair are sitting on the bed closest to the door.
"Skylar and Laura! So lovely to see you," Ella calls. Sky makes a face at her.
"Yeah, long time no see," she says with a smirk. The blonde girl giggles.
"What's it been, three whole hours since snack?" she replies. The she smiles at me. "I'm Alice, by the way."
"Laura," I tell her. Alice blows me a kiss, then leans her head on Ella's shoulder. They all seem so sweet and friendly. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. The brunette who let me and Skylar into the room introduces herself as Kathryn. There are a lot of names to remember. I sigh and hope I'll be able to manage.
After twenty minutes or so, there is a quick succession of raps on the door.
"Dinner, ladies!" Sandra calls. Silence drops over all of us. Alice buries her head in her hands and groans dramatically.
"Hysterical," Sandra deadpans. "Come on." We trudge out of Ella and Kathryn's room and follow Sandra down to the second floor.