Wanderlust

It's been about a week since we have been brought into the safety of the Hanger. The place doesn't really have a name, people call it many different things. Some call it a safe haven, a home, I call it what it is.

My arm has been getting better almost everyday, but was no where near healed all the way. It had been difficult working in the fields with one arm, the stocks on the wheat were weak enough to swing the blade with one arm though after I had found a way too. Hannah had opened up more, proving to be more of a friend than I expected.

It had been a long day of working, not that I'm complaining. I liked the work, I liked keeping my mind from wandering off into dark places, into questions about my old life. When night came though, I was left unprotected. My dreams had quickly shifted from meaningless and airy to darker and unexpectedly, revealing. I would get little peaks at memories, all of them fruitless and held nothing more than a piece of me that I had been missing.

I curled my knees closer to my chest, my head sinking into the pillow as I let my muscles relax into the weight of the mattress. As exhausted as I had felt, everyone else was already asleep. The only person missing was, Jaden, who had stayed out to work on the Jeep with Bryant.

When I fell into my sleep after about an hour of trying, I woke with a start. A cool sweat slicking the back of my neck as I repeated over and over for them to stop. I remembered the nightmare but I realized that it was a memory, a memory that I had been waiting for to present itself. I was paralyzed with the deep awakening, not realizing that a hand was resting on my shoulder. My eyes rolled over to see Jaden looking at me with a concerned look.

“Are you alright? You were kicking in your sleep, and also talking.” I knew if I lied to him, he would know. I couldn't say everything was fine.

I brought my hands up to push back my knotted hair, as I wanted to be left alone with my thoughts at the moment. They were shaking and I realized I had been crying as well as I felt the droplets of tears that had gathered under my eyelids.

“It was just a nightmare, or a memory,” I paused, my voice was thick with sleep. “I can't—I don't know what it was.”

He looked like he was about to say something but his eyes widen as he grabbed my wrist, holding it into the small amount of light that lit the room. “You tore your wrist up, it's covered in scratches.”

“Oops?” I didn't know what to say to my unconscious self-harming I had done.

“Come on, we need to at least wipe the blood off.” He tugged at my wrist but I grunted, not wanting to move.

“It'll be fine, just let me go back to sleep.” I tore my wrist from his grasp, seeing the small amount of blood that had gathered from the scratching.

“You need to talk about it,” he kept his voice quiet as he saw Millie turn over in her bed. “You'll just dream about it again.”

“I'll talk about it with someone who gives a damn,” I whispered. “That person not being you.”

“Oh come on,” he protested a little. “I give a least a half a shit of whatever is going on with you, humor me at least?”

I could see his eyes glint, even in the dark. I relented, flinging the covers off me as I walked back to the bathroom. I could hear him following as I flicked the light on, shielding my eyes as I furiously tried not to look at my appearance in the mirror. I heard him shut the door behind us and I turned around before I had even gotten the water running.

“What are you doing?” I asked, my heartbeat hammering up a notch.

“We can't talk out there. I'll get sick of whispering,” he shrugged, walking over and lowering the toilet cover down to sit.

“I wasn't planning on going into detail about it,” I muttered softly to myself as I ran the cool water over my wrist, washing the dried blood off.

“You keep saying you're fine, Dahlia, but you're not. You don't talk about anything, you need too. Even I have to talk about stuff sometimes, I'd go insane if I didn't.” I glanced curiously over at him, seeing that he was being sincere about what he was telling me.

“My problems are my problems, not yours. Besides, I high doubt you want to hear more about your father's wrong doings. I can imagine it's irritating.” I shut the water off, drying my wrist with a small hand towel as I slid down the wall to sit on the floor.

“It can be but you made your problems everyone's problems when you joined. And besides, I don't respect the rules of privacy.” I knew it was a light jab at when he had lied to me about Millie wanting him to talk to me about what had happened at the lake.

“I'll tell you but don't go sharing with anyone. Marcus would get all huffy if he found out you heard about this before he did, even though he should be the first one hearing this.”

“Just talk,” I leaned his elbows onto his knees intently, waiting.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I second guessed myself but continued anyways. “I was in a room similar to where I was when I was shocked, it was smaller and had more metal in it. I was handcuffed to the table and I remember how dark it was except for the light bulb above me. Your father wasn't there but I knew it was Kruger's orders to have my tracker removed. I also suspect that he told who ever it was that removed it, not to do it gently. The man who removed it was small, squirmy almost but held this really dark energy around him. He had small eyes but a trout like mouth, he was hideous. He didn't say anything and I just sat there, a part of me feeling numb for some reason. He pulled out this small blade, something I had never seen before. It had serrated edges on both sides, it was about three inches long. I didn't get any pain killers, he just stabbed me without warning. The pain, it was worse than being shot, I can tell you that much. He pretty much sawed through the skin,” I gestured to my wrist, feeling like it would hurt if I looked down at it in mock pain.

“I saw a thin metal wire and in the mist of all the pain and blood, I could feel the tug of the tracker. They implant them in your when you're born and they grow with you. He connected the wire to something, I can't really remember what it looked like but it sent a small shock through my arm. And for the slightest second, I felt nothing. It was it was like it had shocked the nerve and then all at once, brought it back to life. The wire unraveled and he yanked it out, a small green chip connected to the end. He then stitched my wrist up, lazily I might add, and pour some disinfectant on it. After that, I can't remember anything. I'm assuming it was before I had lost my memories but it's blurry.”

“You said a name in your dream, I couldn't understand it. Do you remember?” Jaden was for some reason careful with his words.

“No, I don't remember any names.” My finger ran over my jagged scar. He stayed silent, no returning any answer. “Why are you being nice to me? I mean, you always don't care about this stuff.”

He looked put off by my accusation, twisting his mouth into a slight frown. “I—I don't know. We're not in hostile environment anymore, I guess it would hurt to make some friends.”

“Friends?” I smiled, almost laughing a little.

“Don't.” He warned, a short statement with an empty meaning.
There was more silence between us as I thought up a question that surely would ruin the good vibe that was going between us. I asked anyways, curiosity taking me over. “Does, Marcus, know that you're Kruger's son?”

His eyes snapped up to mine, walled and glazed over at the mention of his estranged father but to my surprise, that glaze melted away. “No, I'm afraid of what he might say.”

I licked my dry lips, messing with my hair as I readied myself to listen to his own ghosts. “He would listen before acting.”

“You can't know that for sure, you don't even know him anymore,” Jaden bargained. While his point was more than true, I just knew Marcus would listen.

“He'll listen, I know he would. The longer you wait though, the more suspicious it would seem that you wouldn't tell him, it's not exactly a small thing to keep hidden.” I gnawed on the inside of my cheek as I watched him maul over the thought.

“I'll do it tomorrow then.” He seemed unsure of himself, and instinctively, I made a foolish offer.

“I can go with you if you'd like? You stayed with me when he told me about my background.” I knew the words were too much as soon as they left.

“I don't need your help, Dahlia.” I watched as he got up to his feet, giving me a stern look. He was being stubborn, cut off. He was being what I knew he was and that was alright.

I nodded, looking down at my enclosed hands. My wrist wasn't red anymore and the dried blood was gone, like it had just been part of the nightmare. I thought, Jaden, had left me but I caught his eye as I saw him clench his jaw indecision.

“Thank you though,” the words sounded foreign coming from him. “You don't need to be dragged into anything if he doesn't take to it well.”

“You didn't need to listen to me but your did,” I got up to my feet, brushing my hair over my shoulder. “It's part of being a friend, Jaden. You're allowed to let your friends get dragged into something if they want to.”

He stared at me a little perplexed, obviously not knowing how to handle having someone going out of their way to help him besides Millie. For once, I felt like the confident one, the one who knew what they were doing.

“Goodnight,” I told him silently, walking past him and into the dark hallway. I didn't wait for a reply as I walked back, ready to face the nightmares that would visit me again.