Sequel: Rendering Flames
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Wanderlust

Twenty Five

”Marcus, you're scaring me. What's the matter?” I asked him as I dragged him from the dining hall.

“It's nothing. I can tell you later,” he fussed, fiddling with his tie.

“No, tell me now. You've been quiet all day, it's worrying me.” I made him look at me when I realized he wasn't making eye contact with me.

“You love me right? You think of me like your brother, no matter what?” His voice was shaky and soon my hands took on his mannerisms as they dropped from his face.

“Course,” I whispered. “Marcus, seriously—,”

“I'm gay,” he sputtered. His hand clamped over his mouth, shaking his head quickly.

I tilted my head, blinking several times. “Wha—what—Marcus, are you kidding me?”

“No,” he breathed out through his fingers. “Please, Dahlia, I had to tell someone. You're the only person I could tell.”

I stood in thought, leaning against the wall as I thought about the repercussions of if this got out. I wouldn't tell anyone but what if someone would find out? I shuttered at the thought.

I pulled him into a hug, “You have nothing to fear, you're secret is safe with me.”

He seemed to move into jelly in my embrace, clinging on to me as I heard him shake a sob out. “I've denied it for so long. Charlie, he would kill me if he knew I told you.”

“Charlie?” I yanked him off me, thinking of who he was. I knew him, I went to school with him didn't I?

“Yeah, you know, Charlie.” Marcus sniffled and I laughed.

“Charlie? Shit, Marcus, you did good!” I coaxed a small smile out of him as I saw his cheeks deepen in color.

“You're alright with it? You're are going to go and tell anyone?” He asked, worry still in his eyes.

“Did you tell anyone that it was me that dumped super glue in Bethany Keebler's shampoo at conditioning camp two summers ago when she sabotaged my final exam to get ahead and I had to take that course over because of it?” It was also the first time my Father had hit me, Marcus didn't know that though.

“Never,” he chuckled, sniffling. “She'd murder, she really probably would. It took months for her hair to grow back.”

“Then I'm not telling anyone this,” I encouraged, giving him one final hug. “Let's get back, they're probably wanting pictures of us in these horrendous outfits.”


My eyes opened slowly, my body relaxed at the absence of another nightmare. I had a headache, my eyes were dry for the first time in days though. Everyone had stopped talking to me out of respect, Jaden still talked to me though. He wasn't lying when he said he didn't have privacy boundaries, he never bothered me about my nightmares though. Come to think of it, he was the only one who didn't try to coax them out of me.

I got up from my bed, momentarily stretching before I walked down the hall to change out of my night clothes. The dark bags were still under my eyes when I looked in the mirror, also seeing that my hands had dirt seeping into the pores almost permanently. I quickly changed, wanting to find Marcus right away.

Jay, Jaden, and Millie were still sleeping and I rushed passed their slumped figures quickly. The door jammed against my foot with a quiet bang but it didn't go without Jaden rolling over and staring at me with tired eyes.

“Where are you off too?” I barely understood him.

“No where important. Sorry for waking you,” I quietly told him, slipping out the door.

I was halfway down the hall when the door swung open, Jaden stumbling out as he kicked his shoe on. “Dahlia, wait.”

I turned, surprised to see him making an effort to catch me. I turned waiting with my hands in the pockets of my heavy jacket. The weather had slowly been getting cooler, winter must be coming.

“We need to talk,” he patted his disheveled hair down. “How are your nightmares? Are they still bothering you?”

I rolled my eyes, “It's none of your business. Tell, Millie, to butt out.”

“It's not her asking, it's just me.” He seemed to wake up suddenly.

“Jaden, really, I'll be fine. I'm dealing with it.” I averted my eyes, feeling the prospect of telling him about another violent memory displeasing.

“You shouldn't be dealing with it alone. You know you can talk to us, right?” I saw no signs of sarcasm in his expression, only truth.

“I'm fine, thanks. They're going away, slowly, but they are.” I cleared my throat.

“Is Kruger part of them again?” I knew then there was an ulterior motive behind his questions now.

“No, just my parents.” I looked down to my feet, twisting the sole of my shoe into the dirt.

“Your nightmares are about your parents?” His surprise made me look up at him. “Shouldn't you ask, Marcus, about them if you're having nightmares about them?”

“There's not much to ask, it's pretty clear how they are.” I quickly told him. “It's fine, it's not like I'm around them anymore.”

He stayed quiet, his arms crossed as he seemed to study me. It made me uncomfortable so I started walking back from him. “It's okay if you're not fine, Dahlia. None of us ever are.”

“Yeah, I'm starting to realize that now.” I weakly nodded, turning away to go around the corner.

I eased through the small crowd of people that had started to fill up the Market area, hoping that I could catch, Marcus, before he headed out. I couldn't talk about this publicly, we didn't need another incident. I knocked on his door once I got there, waiting patiently as he opened it. He instantly smile but it faded when he saw my unsmiling complexion.

“What's the matter? Are you having more nightmares?” He let me set inside and I didn't make a move to sit down just yet.

“Not exactly,” I started. “I've been remembering a lot lately. I'm just going to ask you straight off, how much are you keeping from me?”

He seemed bewildered by my blunt questioning but went of and sipping the cut of water he had sitting on his table. “Only the bad things.”

“That seems to be a lot,” I picked out. “I'm remembering things about my parents, Marcus. How unhappy was I exactly?”

He messaged his temples and sighed, gesturing for me to sit. “Evanna, you don't understand how unfair things were. There's a lot of things about your life that I don't want to tell you because before all of this, you were angry. You were just angry at everything and it wasn't you and I don't want that again.”

“I have nothing to be angry at if I can't point it somewhere. So far, I've gathered what you've told me. I have those memories now but it's not enough, I need to know more.” I cooled down, letting him think.

“Towards the end of everything, you were bitter to say the least. Things were falling apart at home, Charlie and I were starting to have problems. Riots started happening further south and people were getting killed again. You had to many expectations and it's killed you. You cared about those people, about my relationship, but you also cared immensely about your family. You still have that loyalty about you, that hasn't changed but it can be the death of you. These nightmares you're having about your parents, don't let them sculpt who they were all the time.”

“My Father though, he hit me. I have a pretty clear picture of how he was.” I brought my legs up under me more comfortably.

“I knew he would hit you, although you'd never tell me the full extent of it. I just know that you're Mother and you are two in the same. She had fear though and she let it control her, you eventually got over yours and stood up to your Father. That was when you were disowned and everything happened. When you were younger and impressionable, your Father was very loving. There's a lot to your life that only you know, Evanna. I can only tell you so much about yourself before it's done.”

He patted my knee before getting up, tossing a jacket on. “I remember when you came out, at that thing. We were dressed really nice, I dumped super glue into some poor girls shampoo.”

Marcus looked up to the ceiling and chuckled heavily, “That poor girl deserved it. Keep your chin up, yeah?”

“I'll try,” I smiled convincingly.

I was expecting, Marcus, to be keeping things from me but of course he hadn't. It had been wrong to assume something like that, it would had been better to assume what has been going on this whole time. I was a stranger to myself, I was a blank slate and slowly I was being covered with secrets and memories. I could be protecting myself from something, I could be lying to myself, who knows why there are gaps forming. Maybe the nightmares were a blessing in disguise. Maybe Kruger had done me a favor, maybe losing my memories was the blessing instead.
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Whoa, hey, so I updated! I got a itch to write so I did. I'm going to give everyone a head's up and tell you guys ahead of time that the updates may slow down when school starts back up again. I forgot to mention it in the last update so I'm tell you now. It's just really until I get a feel for how the semester is going to be but school is really my absolute top priority this year because my GPA needs to be at least a 3.0 for the nursing school I'm applying to and math is such a bitch to deal with so it will be a battle.

Thank you for those who subscribed and the very lovely comment I got! I did update again but you can tell me happy birthday again (just kidding).

Anyways, much to everyone's waiting and pleading, I can official say that I have decided what is going to happen with Jaden and Dahlia. I won't tell you because that would just ruin it but I guess you'll just have to read and keep your fingers crossed that something happens. Even though if something were to happen, it wouldn't be for awhile. These are fragile souls I'm dealing with here.

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