Wanderlust

“Hey, darlin’,” I heard Constantine greet me as I opened my eyes.

I was in my bed, my eyes adjusting to all the pairs of eyes staring at me. “What happened?”

“You passed out,” Jay spoke up, side glancing to everyone. “We were talking and you passed out, Constantine came and helped out.”

“You were unresponsive,” he sighed and held up a bottle of pills. “Rosa came and checked you out when, Marcus, came by to see you. Thankfully, you’re okay. How have you been sleeping lately?”

“Fine,” I lied through my teeth, feeling the pressure to tell the truth.

“Dahlia, please be honest,” Jay told me. I knew he knew that I definitely wasn’t sleeping well last night.

“Not good,” I told them a little more quietly. “I’ve been having nightmares a lot, I remembered things about Lily. I’m not fine, happy?”

“Rosa thought that and gave us these,” Constantine drew my attention to the pills in his hand. Except, they weren’t pills but tiny balls of dried up leafs. “We don’t have a lot of medication for whatever it is that is wrong with you, I don’t know the details of it. Rosa, made these for you though. They will knock you out so hard you won’t know where you are in the morning, it’ll most likely be a dreamless sleep or you just won’t remember anything because of the relaxing properties in it.”

I took one of the little balls from his hand, “Do I just swallow it like this?”

“It works like a tea. Just get some hot water and let it dissolve and you’re golden. She did say that it tastes like death though but you’ll be happy you drank all of it in the end.” Constantine took the ball from my hand and dropped it back into the bottle.

“Okay, let me take one,” I told him eagerly.

Constantine looked at the others and Mila sat on my bed, “It’s nine o’clock in the morning, Dahlia.”

“Oh,” I sighed, feeling exhausted.

“Maybe it’s best you just lay low today though,” Millie offered up to my more sullen mood. “You work yourself too hard with so little sleep.”

“Maybe you’re right,” I agreed unsurely. “What would I do all day without working?”

“I’m sure Marcus will come by and visit again. In the time until then, you should probably get something to eat.” It was the first time Jaden had spoken up, I had just taken notice him keeping his distance behind Millie.

“Alright,” I nodded, swinging my legs off my bed. I reached for my boots and started to tug them on when I looked up and saw no one had moved yet. “You can leave, you know? I’m not going to pass out again.”

“You were burning up though, Dahlia. We’re a little weary to leave you alone today.” Jay’s twitched and I knew he would be the most nervous out of the all of them.

“I’ll be fine,” I stood up, ignoring the immensely heavy feeling come over me and down to my feet. I wanted to fall over but stood still, thinking that if I took it slowly I’d get better.

“Christ, how about you just sew your mouth shut and tattoo it on your forehead,” Jaden busted out suddenly.

“Excuse me?” I was a little offended by his words.

“You’re always saying you’re fine, Dahlia.” He stepped in front of Millie who just glided out of the way willingly, “I’m done being nice about this. You’re not fine, you’re sick and you’re ignoring it. It’s unhealthy and stupid.”

“I don’t want to concern you guys,” I spoke calmly. “Seriously, if you’re worried I can see Rosa today.”

“You’re missing the point.” His jaw hardened, twitching slightly as he continued to scold me, “you’re not telling any of us when you’re not feel good, when you’re having a bad day. Do we have to find you wandering around the Hanger again in the middle of the night having a hallucinations to convince you that you’re anything but fine?”

“I don’t know when it’s happening,” I defended quickly. “It’s hardly something I want to announce too.”

“I don’t care,” Jaden tossed his arms up and I looked to Millie, wondering why he was being so animated about this.

“Jaden,” Millie started but he shook his head frustrated and storm out of the room, leaving an awkward silence.

I stood quietly, unsure what to saw as I thought about what he said. Maybe I was being unfair about his, I should be more honest with them. “I’m sorry, he’s right.”

“No, Dahlia. Don’t listen to him, if you want to keep this to yourself you can,” Mila reassured me but I could see it one her face that she was just being nice.

“No, I need to stop being so stubborn.” I felt small again, being pushed a little too close to the edge.

“Sometimes being stubborn is the only way to protect ourselves,” Mila told me in a quieter voice and I saw Jay’s eyes flicker over to her. A fraction of understanding coming across his features.

“Yeah but everyone has been so honest with me about their past but who am I to withhold my story?” It dawned on me how frustrating this must be for them.

“We’d like a little bit more than what you’re giving us,” Constantine cleared his throat. “You hide yourself away from us, we don’t know what’s going on until pretty much what Jaden said, we find you huddled on the bathroom floor.”

I nodded, feeling embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Millie started. “I’ll stay with you today.”

I looked up to her, “Yeah?”

“It’s been awhile since I’ve talked to you and I can’t stab my fingers with sewing needles again, I’ll get an infection.” I looked down and her hands and noticed the small bandages wrapped around her fingers.

“Okay.” I sighed, looking to everyone else as they all started to go their own ways.

I watched Jay take Mila out of the room, something already brewing past his lips as he let Constantine leave ahead of them after giving me a sturdy pad on the back. Mille kicked her shoes off and sat down on my bed, patting the space next to her. I repeated her actions and sat down beside her.

“So what now?” I asked her, crossing my legs.

“Oh, I have things to tell you.” She smiled almost wickedly, “something you should know by now, even if the timing isn’t right.”