Wanderlust

My bare feet slapped against the dirt floor of the Hanger, Millie following after me in a flurry. My hands hung loose at my sides as my mind raced after Millie’s little confession. My teeth we clamped together in a constricted way amid my confusion.

“I just wanted to cheer you up!” Millie walked in front of my, walking backwards as she tried to slow me down. “Please, he will kill me if he found out what I told you.”

“Cart,” I warned her weakly, not being fazed by her words.

She turned quickly, apologizing to the woman pushing the cart full of clothing around us. Millie tried again to talk some sense into me but I just wanted the truth. I was too tired and uncaring to wonder if I should respect his privacy of his thoughts and feelings.

“Dahlia,” Millie stopped me, not allowing me step around her. “I know this must be kind of a stunner to you but I’m begging you, don’t harass him over it.”

“It’s not like I’m going to corner him and ask him to bare his soul, I just want answers.” I tried stepping around her again but she held a pleading look.

“Dahlia,” Millie anxiously warned.

“Did you really expect me to just absorb this information like anything else?” I ridiculed her slightly. “Besides, he’s always mad at you. What makes this so different?”

“What’s different is that his pride and trust is being threatened,” Millie uneasily told me. “You know how shut in he can get.”

“I don’t care,” I fumed under her stare. “He didn’t ever once respect my privacy, he doesn’t get that luxury if it’s in his case now.”

She stuttered for words as I brushed past her, walking past the rows of vehicles until I spotted him working with Jay on some supped up truck. They didn’t even see me approaching as they were hovered over a crinkled piece of paper on the hood. Before I could bust out what ever accusing sentence I could muster, Millie took head and spoke up quickly.

“Hey!” She called almost to energetically.

I saw Jay look up frantically at the sudden appearance but relaxed as he saw Millie and I standing off to the side. Jaden grunted a response before erasing some worked out equation on the paper hastily, rewriting different numbers this time.

“What are you guys doing down here?” Jay looked to Millie, noticing me with her. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I’m feeling fine,” I shot quickly, earning Jay to start towards me in an attempt to wrangle me back to the room. “I need to talk to, Jaden.”

Jay stopped his advancements and Jaden glanced at me for only a second before letting out a irritated, stagnant breath. “Why?”

“Because,” I started in a torn lie, “I saw something.”

“You saw something?” He questioned, tucking the pencil behind his ear as he peered up at me. “As in like another hallucination?”

“Yes,” I lied through my teeth.

Millie’s voice just broke through her lips when, Jaden, turned completely to shoo Jay and her away. “Give us a minute, yeah?”

“Wait,” Millie’s voice was bothered but Jaden gave her a wide eyed warning as Jay looked back at us.

He waited until Jay had successfully gotten Millie away and turned his full attention to me. I felt guilty suddenly, and maybe a twinge nervous. There was no doubt he would be feeling patronized by my bait I set out for him.

“What did you see?” He asked me in an earnest way that made me double over in my decision making of getting his confession out of him.

“Nothing,” I cleared my throat nervously. “I lied so I’d get you alone without having to say why.”

“So you saw nothing?” He deadpanned, “why would you lie about something like that? You know that’s the main source of everyone’s worry.”

“I was talking to, Millie, and she told me something and now that I’m actually talking about it, I don’t know if I should be asking you this,” I confessed, my throat going dry.

“Well, you’ve already done the damage to get Jay and Millie away,” he dug at me aggregately. “By all means, ask away.”

I clasped my hands in front of me as I began to gesture with them even before I had started talking. “She was trying to cheer me up, that’s all, but really she just made me really confused.”

Jaden took this as a sign that this wasn’t going to be a quick conversation and turned to lean against the truck, facing the rest of the work space surrounding us. He crossed his arms, waiting for me to continue to a place I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go to.

“She told me that you watch me in my sleep and that while I wasn’t working with, Hanna, that you went and helped her out in my place. And while she didn’t say anything specifically, she did say that you do a lot of things for me behind my back to help me out and I can’t help but wonder her Jaden if you’re I guess, feelings, for me go beyond what normally a friend feels.” I held my breath, my face flushing madly as I saw him swallow harshly.

“I’m going to kill her,” he stifled under his breath. “She was telling the truth, I do help you out more than I probably should because I care about you, Dahlia. But I don’t have those so called, feelings, for you.”

I felt myself almost being crushed by embarrassment, a surprising disappointment that I wasn’t expecting. “Oh, god. Okay.”

Jaden was clearly feeling awkward about this conversation and now I was feeling it too. He quickly stood at a tall stance from the truck, hesitantly placing his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t doubt though that I don’t care about you, alright? We all care about you.”

”Yeah, I just realized though that I wanted you to care for me more though.” I wanted to say but instead, I just meekly nodded. “Sorry, I guess I let my mind run away on this.”

“Don’t be,” Jaden smiled tightly, patting me shoulder as he turned back to the paper on the truck.

I looked and saw Millie almost bouncing in her place as I started back over to her, seeing Jay side eying her odd nervousness. I reached her but didn’t stop as I passed her. Jay said something but I ignored it in my hazed confusion.

I didn’t realize that I would feel embarrassed or even rejected feeling after that. I didn’t know that maybe, just maybe, I could have those feelings that I just accused Jaden of having. My hair pricked upright on the back of my neck at the thought, my stomach turned in itself as I mentally cursed myself for being such an idiot.

“What happened?” Millie asked for what was probably the dozen time.

“Well, I should warn you that your brother is going to kill you,” I paused in my attempt to get away from her. “He doesn’t feel in whatever way you think he does, Millie. And now, I’m having the exact opposite effect of what I wanted; embarrassment.”

“What?” She stopped me with a puzzled look on her face. “No, he’s just lying.”

“Millie,” I whine slighted. “I’m embarrassed because now I’m confused. I wasn’t planning on being practically rejected today and now I’m more stressed out that I should. I get that you were just trying to cheer me up but in all honesty, continuously trying to level with you brother is tiring.”

“I’m sorry, I definitely thought this was going to go somewhere completely different,” she told me a little jadedly.

“Don’t worry about it,” I smiled distantly. “I’m going to go take a nap.”

“Yeah sure,” she let me walk past her.

I hugged my arms around me as I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. When I opened them, I saw Lily walking towards me in the crowd of people. For the first time in a while, she wasn’t a worry in my mind. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the appearance and as quickly as she appeared, she disappeared. She wasn’t there and she wasn’t my reality but my unexpected hidden feelings for, Jaden, were and I was going to do everything I could not to deal with them.