Wanderlust

I sat in a chair in the middle of, Marcus’s, room. Millie currently was brushing through my hair, getting ready to cut it. While the sleeping remedy was working, I preferred to have my hair shorter so I didn’t have to wash it as much. As gross as it did seem sometimes, it made life easier. Besides, I wanted to conserve as much as I could and I could eliminated a few five minutes showers I could help it.

“How short?” Millie ask as I felt the blade of the scissors press against the back of my head.

“The usual I suppose, actually watch what you’re doing this time. You almost took my ear off last time.” I poked some fun at her expense, knowing that’d she’d never really take my ear off.

“That was one time and I caught myself right before I cut,” she jested as she wet my hair down a little.

Marcus came from the bathroom, reading through some papers that had multiple scribbles on them. He sat on his bed, muttering to himself as his hands felt around the back of his head. He had been busier lately, he wouldn’t tell me with what though.

“You going to tell me what you’re working on?” I hopefully spoke up and he looked up briefly to smile.

“Not a chance, you’d hate it.” His smile still stayed on his face but I could tell by his expression that I would hate whatever it was he was working on.

“Please? Life is so boring, it’d be nice to be angry at something,” I prodded, but I could heard Millie contain what ever sarcastic comment to herself.

“Say’s the girl who see’s dead people on the regular,” Marcus teased and I fumed.

“They’re not dead,” I reminded, “maybe missing or somewhere else but not dead.”

“Sure.” He brushed off as he got up off his bed, heading over to the door. “I’ll see you two later.”

He left without waiting for an answer and I grew more serious about what he was working on. It had been occupying his days for a little over a week now. At first I asked just to bother him but now I actually wanted to know.

“You have any ideas what he’s working on?” I asked, Millie, as she positioned my head downward.

“Not a clue but I think you should stay out of it,” she chimed as she cut off a chunk of hair.

“Why? I’m going to find out eventually.” I looked down at the ground and saw the long strands of hair lying at my feet but the funny thing is those long strands are shorter than average length hair. “Millie, how short are you cutting my hair?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Millie,” I told her warningly, almost getting up from the chair.

“Just hush,” she stopped cutting. “You’ll thank me later, it’ll look good.”

“It better,” I sighed, leaning back in the chair.

When she finished, I looked in the mirror in Marcus’s bathroom. It was short, like pixie cut short. I looked like a child and the cut made my fair look smaller in proportions. Millie obviously wasn’t a professional at cutting hair so some parts were uneven. I bit my tongue, secretly cursing her for this but I smiled saying it wasn’t as bad as I originally thought it would be.

“I know you hate it,” she laughed. “Your face is like an open book.”

She didn’t seem offended by my distain for my haircut but instead amused. She wouldn’t be laughing if it was her hair. I knew she was trying to help behind the fact that it would just look good. I knew she cut it short so if I did have a nightmare, it’d be harder to pull out short hair. The bad side is that the air is more thin and snappy, I would be freezing when winter came around in full swing if it hadn’t already.

I searched Marcus’s things to find a hat of some sort. I was going to help, Hanna, today in the field. I found a wool cap that I slid on over my newly chopped hair. Millie gave me a pointed look when I walked past her, seeing that I had covered up her handy work.

“It doesn’t look that bad.” She set the scissors on the counter after she had washed them.

“No, but its freezing.” I reminded her, opening Marcus’s door.
“Yeah, sure!” I heard her call sarcastically as I shut the door behind me. I let a small smile slip on my face as I walked down the hall.

My fingers kept scratching at the edges of the cap, the wool was itchy as I should of thought. The air was cold though, if I wasn’t already half way to the field, I’d go and get a heavier sweater to wear. The ground even felt frozen beneath my shoes, and it occurred to me that maybe the ground was to frozen to dig into today.

“Hanna!” I hollered, seeing her small frame jump a little.

She narrowed her eyes, “Don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry,” I apologized quickly. “Are you planting or harvesting today.”

She shrugged her shoulders, “The ground is cold. I happens sometimes during the winter and some of the pipes are frozen so we can’t waste the water on the plants here. I was just going to leave it for today and come back tomorrow.”

“Oh, well then I guess I have nothing to do today,” I trailed, trying to think of something to do. “There’s no food to be taken to the Market?”

“I’ll take care of it,” she pursed her lips, and I noticed her expression was more sour than usual.

“Okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I smiled nicely to her but her face stayed flat.

“Sure,” she nodded, heaving up a crate of carrots and walking off without another word.

She usually is grouchy but today she was moodier. I knew Hanna well enough to know not to ask questions about her or why she is the way she is. I don’t see her talking to many other people except for when she’s telling them that they’re cutting the wheat grain wrong.

I decided against laying around in bed for the rest of the day. For now, at least, I would just go and see what Mila was up to. She usually was helping with cleaning guns, or teaching people some hand-on-hand combat. She had yet to help me move past mediocre and help me aim a gun better, I was best at throwing knives though. It was oddly relaxing and stress relieving and now a days I could really use that.

“What brings you over here?” She smiled, walking up to me as she holster a small handheld gun.

“Hanna didn’t need help today so I thought I’d stop by and throw knives at things.” I walked past the handful of people around me, most just roughing around, other’s talking lowly to one another as they dismantled various guns.

“Should I tell everyone to clear the area?” She joked but led me over to the end of the aisles and rows of training areas. “We have few different things you could throw at, we have the wooden block with no target, the wooden block with targets, and the massive log tied to a rope that you can swing to help with your moving target practice.”

“Oh, well I don’t want to hurt anyone and risk embarrassment so I’ll just stick with the wooden blocks for now,” I looked over the knives.

“You remember the different throws I showed you? I don’t mind going over them again if you don’t remember,” she offered and I could tell she was bored and needed something to do.

“Tell me if my no spin throw is still spot on?” I asked, giving her something to keep her busy.

“Sure!” She settled and leaned on the wall of the Hanger to the right of me as I positioned my footing.

“How far away is that block?” I wondered aloud and saw Mila smirk out of the corner of my eye.

“Twenty feet give or take, we can move it closer if you’d like.” I gave her an unamused look, knowing fully well how much I missed the mark when learning the first time.

I gripped the knife, giving it a nice throw down the aisle, and watched it stick itself a few inches off to the side of the center. “Good?”

“Yeah,” she nodded but came up to me, “but you need to keep your thumb off the edge of the knife so your grip isn’t so tight, it’ll help when you release it.”

“I always do that,” I mumbled to myself mostly, getting comfortable as Mila walked off.

I looked over to see Jay talking to her, a hesitant look playing on his face. It vanished into a stony look as Mila placed her hands on her hips and I assumed it was another one of their arguments but them Mila turned and I saw her eyes brimming with tears. I set my knife down on the ledge and was about to say something when Jay stopped me.

“You should go talk to, Constantine.” I knew whatever it was Jay just told Mila, he wanted to handle it one his own.

I quietly made my way towards the vehicle compound where he usually was with Jaden and Jay. I wondered if this hand anything to do with what Marcus wouldn’t tell me about this morning. Mila rarely let herself be upset publicly and I knew whatever it was, she was not okay with at all.

I spotted Constantine halfway through the Market, seeing Jaden leaving. My eyes followed him a little longer than necessary as I caught up with, Constantine.

“Hey!” I called over the crowd of the Market, catching his attention. “Jay said I should come and talk to you about something?”

“Yeah,” he rubbed the scruff forming on his chin. “Marcus received word that Kruger launched chemical bombs along the upper west coast. Now, it’s odd that he would do that considering that he takes up a large portion of the upper coast but it’ll drive the more southern population our direction, toward his territory. Marcus thinks that it’s part of his expansion that he’s bombing out the towns that are still standing. If people reach this area, it’ll be harder to hide. He’ll probably weed out any remaining populations so he can build more.”

“Well, how are we going to deal with that?” I asked, not understanding why Mila would be on the brink of crying.

“Marcus wants to deploy and try to bring in some surrounding groups that he knows of but it means that we’d be searching closer to Kruger’s territory and that means there’s potential that we wouldn’t return if he has more of his authorities south of his border.”

Constantine avoided making eye contact with me as he saw that I caught on to his wording. “When you say, we, you mean as in?”

“Marcus, Jaden, Jay, and I. Plus, other of men that volunteered for this.”

Now I understood why Mila was upset, they were practically volunteering for war. “How’s Millie taking this?”

“Jaden went to tell her now but you and I both know she’ll take this the hardest. Poor girl and Jaden haven’t ever been without each other. And then you know how Mila is, Jay will have a tough time for her. We weren’t concerned much about you until you questioned how Jaden felt and—,”

“No, please don’t bring that up,” I cut him off. “What needs to be done is going to be done and my stupid insecurities don’t matter at a time like this.”

“Dahlia,” Constantine lowered his voice, “you I both know that they do matter and that you should address them before we leave.”

“When do you leave?” I questioned, knowing that Constantine didn’t usually try and meddle much in my personal business.

“Tomorrow.” His face almost cringe as my eyes widened for the slightest of seconds.

“Tomorrow? Why didn’t anyone tell us about this earlier?” I snapped, completely understanding why Marcus said I wouldn’t like whatever it was.

“We weren’t positive if we would have enough people and if we even wanted to attempt this but surely you understand that these people are already on the verge of death and we have the responsibility of helping them if we can,” Constantine scolded quietly.

“Well, how long is this for?” Again, I saw the resistance of telling me appear on his face.

“At least three months, depending on how bad it is out there.” He shifted his weight as I repressed my sudden anger.

“And you’re expecting us to be okay with this?” I huffed, wanting to fiddle with something. My hands itching to mess with my hair until I remembered I didn’t have much anymore.

“No, but we’re expecting you to at least support us. Don’t have us leave on a bad note when we have an unpredictable return.”

“Why can’t we go with you?” I would, actually, we all should.

“Dahlia, you know exactly why you can’t go. Besides, it’s dangerous to bring loved one with you. It’s harder to keep focused and moving if people are worrying about each other along the way.”

“So we’d be too emotional for it?” I let a slip of my anger show.

“You know what I’m saying,” he told me calmly. “You know that it’s best this way.”

Aside from what was going on now, I knew that if I wasn’t taking it completely well that Millie definitely wasn’t. I muttered to Constantine that we’d finish talking about this later, I just needed to cool down. I quickly walked down the hall until I stood outside the door. I could hear the Millie’s shouts of discontent through the door, so I decided to wait.

“What if someone from his territory see’s you? What if they recognize you, Jaden! They have to know what you look like,” Millie shouted at him.

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” I heard Jaden’s muffled answer come through the thin door.

“You’re risking the only family I have left, which is you, to save stranger’s you don’t even know. They could be dead when you get there. Jaden, you can’t do this.” I could hear her choked sobs through her plea and I knew there’d be a good amount of recovery time to get over this once they left.

“Millie, these people could be losing their families to. What makes us more important than them? There isn’t anything. I’m doing this whether you like it or not and I’d like for you to at least support me on this,” he requested as I pressed my back against the door frame.

“You wouldn’t get my support on this even if you told me two years ahead of time, Jaden. If you’re okay to risk your life for this, then you have to be willing to risk our commitment to protect each other over this.”

“Millie,” Jaden sighed loudly.

I heard footsteps stride over to the door, swinging it open as I stood up straight. Jaden quietly looked to me as I looked to Millie, whose eyes were rimmed with red. She stood idly by the door, waiting for Jaden to leave. He passed by me without a word and walked out the door. Instead of Millie staying here, she shut the door behind them. I would let them have their privacy if I could help it so I went and sat on my bed.

A few minutes later, Millie came through the door. Her always bright and optimistic atmosphere was clouded and replaced with undeniable dread. She shuffled over and sat next to me, not saying anything for several minutes before a sob broke through her emotionless face.

I took her up in a hug as she rested her chin on my shoulder, her tears dripping down onto my arm. “Everything will be alright, Millie.”

“No, it won’t,” she sobbed. “Everything is going to change, I can feel it.”

I wouldn’t admit it to her then, but I knew what she was feeling. Nothing ever stayed constant for us and I knew with almost certainty that this change wouldn’t be for the better.