Sequel: Rendering Flames
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Wanderlust

Thirty Five

The first night after they had left, I was kept up my Millie’s sobs. The next morning the red splotches of the broken blood vessels around her eyes became permanent, trying to squeeze the reality of everything through her sockets was a vast attempt into the void of nothing changing, nothing returning for the time being. She wanted to be comforted, to be held and contacted. But the two weeks later she stopped trying, stopped crying. All she did was lay in bed and granted, Mila and I did the same thing some days. Some days we didn’t want to move, we were quiet and thoughtless. But eventually, we knew we had to move on or at least try to. There was no point in letting ourselves fall into a pit of despair. Millie didn’t see it that way though, she had let herself go in to deep.

“Millie, it’s been a month, you really need to leave this place.” I stood over her bed, looking down at a stiff shell of worry of stress, someone happy and glowing use to occupy that space.

“I have been out of this place,” she muttered. “I left when I said goodbye and a few other times.”

“Going outside the door to sit down doesn’t count, I mean actually doing something with yourself.” I yanked the covers off her. Her legs shot up under her, curling into herself deeply.

“Leave me alone, Dahlia. Can’t you see that you’re pissing me off?” She rolled over, her back to me.

“I’m trying to get some other reaction out of you besides a sigh or blank stare,” I started, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “I know you’re worried and I know you miss him. But Millie, he would want you to continue on with whatever it is that you need be doing right now. He wouldn’t like it for you to keep laying here day in and day out staring off into space and snapping at Mila and me.”

“I’d rather Mila was here, she wouldn’t be pestering me.”

“Yeah, well she’s not because she’s lost her cause to battle with you. She’s continuing on, I’m continuing on. You need to get up and do something productive, going into this depressive hole isn’t going to help you later down the road.”
Millie sat up quickly, her hair sticking out in odd directions. “Dahlia, you don’t understand, okay? You don’t get it, you couldn’t possibly understand the emotional state I am in. You don’t have a family, you don’t have that connection and love for someone other than yourself.”

I got up, my hands landing on my hips as I clicked my tongue irritably. “Okay, two things Millie. I do have a family, Marcus, and he’s out there too. And, you’re being selfish. You don’t think that Mila and I aren’t under the emotional stress that you’re under? You don’t think that we worry constantly about whether or not Jay has been blown up by some bomb or that maybe Constantine was shot down or worse, captured? You need to do some serious reevaluating on who you consider your family. You still have some right here but you won’t if you keep acting so selfishly.”

Millie stared at me, a deep frown on her face by my honest words but I didn’t regret them in the least. “You don’t even remember Marcus, Dahlia. You don’t even remember what it’s like to have a family.”

“You’re right I don’t and obviously I’m under the wrong impression on what it means to have a family or friends or anyone for that matter that cares for me as I much as I do for them. Yeah, I’m oblivion with no retention for memories. I don’t feel, I don’t have nightmares about my family, who I do remember by the way being beaten by my father. Or my mother, giving me the only loving expression and care that I for some reason feels like a rarity in my past life. When you’re done being selfish and so distastefully bitchy, come find us.”

I left without another word, done trying with her. Millie wore her emotions on her sleeve but now they were moving under the surface. I ran my hands over each other in a stressed manner, walking towards the crop. Hanna had been there less, but I could already see her working today. When I approached, she wordlessly nodded to me. I didn’t feel like talking much either and quickly started harvesting the last of the stocks of corn that were growing for the season.

It was getting much colder and fast, snow had started to fall through the open portion of the Hanger’s roof. We’d shut it close soon for the winter.

“Hey, Dahlia,” I heard a familiar voice off to the side.

I looked up and saw Bryant, surprised to see him in this area. “Hi, Bryant. Surprised to see you here.”

“Hanna wanted the extra muscle to move the corn and grain. I’m flatter that she asked for my help, I feel like I’ve been accepted now.” He smiled playfully, looking over to a sweat ridden Hanna. Something had to be bothering her but I knew better than to pry.

“I still wonder if she likes me or not, she doesn’t give much off the surface.” I stopped briefly, wiping the dirt form my hands.

“Also true,” he nodded, rubbing the beard that he had grown. “How have you been?”

I knew what he meant, have you gone insane since your only sane connection to yourself has left? Are you depressed? “I’m good,” I shrugged, readying myself to lie easily to him. “Millie, Mila and I are all just trying to support each other through this.”

“Last time I saw Millie she look pretty upset, I’m glad she’s doing better. She and Jaden seemed close.”

Close enough to cause an emotional breakdown. “As close as siblings usually are now a days, I suppose. She’s planning on returning to help make more clothing for winter soon or at least the oncoming full winter compared to what ever this is.”

I could see the interest leave his face as we soon started talking about the weather. I honestly wasn’t interested in talking much either, I just wanted to escape social conversions into just physical work, something to get rid of my stress and worry.

I politely smiled as he made his way over to dump the crate of crop he had gathered. My smile faded as soon as he left. I was going to get tired of pretending everything was alright soon, I didn’t know how many more lies and secrets I could keep about my well being.

With all the stress I was under, I finished harvesting quicker than anticipated. I waved to Hanna as I walked from the crop, wanting to change out of my dirty clothes. I wordlessly approached the room door, entering without a glance over to Millie. Sure I was mad at her but I mostly didn’t want to deal with her moodiness anymore.
I grabbed a new shirt off the pile of clothes I had strewn in front of my bed. I kicked my boots off, itching at a strange sensation on my forearm. I shut the door behind me, pulling my shirt off over my hand. I feeling a warmness leaking down my arm and I groaned when I saw I had cut myself again while harvesting. I did all the time with the sharp shears I worked with.

I easily started to rinse the blood from my arm, calmly watching the reddened water wash down the drain. I felt in a trance, now watching drops of blood drip onto the sink. I looked up in the mirror, seeing blood smoothly seep from my nostrils. I wiped it away, quickly and almost obsessively, smearing the blood from my nose and arm. I looked at myself in the mirror, hearing a ghosting whisper coming from the back of my mind.

You’ll only be beautiful Evanna when the blood is drained from your dead corpse and your nerves fried to a crisp.

I snapped out of it when a jolt from my temples painfully throbbed. I grabbed at my head, keeping my mouth shut as I quietly writhed in pain.

Why now? Why this, how? I let a scream slip past my lips as I felt more blood pass out my nose and onto covered chest.

I didn’t understand, was this a hallucination? I looked down and saw that the blood wasn’t smeared on me, instead, the blood bleeding from my arm stayed collected there. The blood from my nose remained contained, dripping down my chin and neck. I felt insane suddenly, mindless as my brain seemed to be clawing for a way out.

The bathroom door opened, an almost lazily concerned Millie peering in until she saw the sight in front of her. I saw a flicker of my mother in front of me, the same words coming from her mouth as they did back when I saved Millie.

Be safe, sweetheart.” Her face flattened quickly, “Or it’ll be the death of both of us.”

“Dahlia!” Millie shook me back to reality, her eyes wild with fear. “What’s happening to you?”

I saw my hand reach up to Millie’s cheek, the blood from the cut on my arm now stained my hands. I felt the familiar slip coming into my head, the exit it desperately needed to put the fire out.

“Kill me,” I uttered quietly, wanting to be put out of my misery. And I was, I was sent into an endless space, the only escape it seemed I had left.
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Oh shit, it's been a while hasn't it? *sigh* And I lost two subscribers. *winces* I never like to see that but I don't blame them.

Endless apologies, I'm so sorry. I'm sure most of you understand that school, work, and sleep are top priority. And I really had no idea what to write. I couldn't stick to a filler but I didn't want anything major to happen. I'm already set on the sequel and know how I'm going to end this story but getting there is the problem. But, I will try and update more frequently if I can but school is really riding my ass right now. So please please just hang in there and stay with me, I promise with my life depending on it I will finish this story all the way.

Anyways, thanks for the new recs! I really appreciate it even though I probably don't deserve them.

If you want to leave a encouraging comment that this chapter didn't totally suck ass that'd be great. Otherwise, until next time my loyal and patient subscribers.

Avec l'amour

-Mel