Wanderlust

It was bright when I woke up. I was no longer in pain and something felt different about me, I felt lighter somehow. My eyes snapped opened, adjusting to my surroundings. I was in a room, a very gray and white based room at that. I was in a small bed, multiple blankets covered me. I was alone and I didn't think to look down at myself. Once I did, my eyes widened and flickered all over my clean skin. I had thought I was just really tan but it turns out, dirt must have ingrained itself into my skin over time. I could see my fingernails clearly and my skin didn't feel stiff and sticky anymore. It was clean, with the exception of small scratches and scabs that have yet to heal. My hand rose to my hair and as soon as I felt the soft texture, I ran my fingers through the curls over and over again. I have never been able to do that. My hair wasn't caked with dirt or leaves anymore and it was shorter, much shorter. It fell to the base of my neck, that's probably what felt different about me. I didn't feel heavy anymore, I felt light.

The metal clad door to my right swung open and the soprano voiced girl greeted me with a smile. All of my curiosity stopped when I realized how strange this place was, to not be outside. I felt a little trapped and paranoid. I felt a little wild to be honest.

She took a seat at the foot of my bed and sighed, “Hi, I'm Millie.” I looked at her apprehensively, not knowing what to say. “Do you have a name?”

I felt anxious, panicky almost at such a simple question. I shook my head quickly and averted my eyes. Her face twisted in confusion and she turned her whole body towards me. “You don't know your name?” I heard her ask, a twinge of pity leaking through her words.

“I-I don't,” I started, my throat raspy, “know.” I didn't know how to explain it. How do I tell someone I don't know anything about my life? I don't know anything but what I've learned about myself in the last year?

She studied me for a minute before replying, “You don't know?” I stared at her and started to pick at my nails nervously before she gaped in realization, “You don't know who you are, do you?”

My eyes snapped up to hers and sympathy oozed from every non-verbal cue she could give me. I shook my head, feeling quite foolish. I felt the need to say something though, a million questions are probably flying through her head at the moment. “I don't remember who I am or who I was. I woke up in the middle of the forest a year ago and had to learn how to fend for myself.”

She nodded, understanding more. “Am I the first person you've talked to? Have you been by yourself this whole time?” I nodded and she tightened her lips into a worried glance. She stood from the bed, looking a little at loss of words. “I will be right back.”

I stared after her as she left me alone. I sat up in the bed more, my side protesting me to stay down but I couldn't do that. I felt the need to assess everything and anything. This is a sensory overload, perceiving things that I felt I haven't seen in a long time. I knew what things were without explanation, it was very confusing.

The door swung open again, this time Millie entered with the old, broad man that I had seen before I passed out. Millie lingered behind him though and the man walked up and pulled up a chair beside my bed. I instinctively scooted back from the close proximity but he stayed put. I gulped down some nerves, trying not look as frightened as I felt.

“This is Constantine, he's the closest we have to medical staff around here,” Millie piped up, standing at the foot of my bed. Constantine, what an odd name.

“Constantine, like the Roman leader who legalized Christianity?” I blurted out, and my eyes went wide for a second. How did I know that?

Constantine tilted his head at my reaction, “Yes, indeed.” I nodded mutely so I didn't say any other strange things. “What is your first memory?”

I thought back to when I woke up on the forest floor, practically naked and shaking. I remember feeling wet and soggy, like I had been immersed into the ground around me from being in one spot for so long. I was sore, and blank. “Waking up in the forest alone.”

“That's it?” He asked, looking like he expected more but I nodded. “Do you go by any name that you remember?”

I looked down at my hands, they didn't look like my own. They were so clean, I felt whole being clean. It was a strange feeling. I thought back to the Dahlia flower, how it wasn't where it belonged but it fit right where it was in its current state. I was like that here. I didn't belong here, I didn't know these surroundings. Yet though, I fit with these other people because I'm like them, I'm human. “You can call me, Dahlia.”

“Dahlia,” he repeated back, “like the flower.” I smiled lightly and nodded, knowing that if and when I was to be called by that, it would take forever to respond too.

“I hope you don't mind that we cut your hair and cleaned the dirt off of you,” Millie started suddenly, looking sheepish, “you were just so dirty and we couldn't really get you back to good health if you looked like you lived in a swamp for a year.”

I smiled, “I feel much better, thank you,” I answered quietly. Millie smirked a little but it faded as their was a knock on the door. She jogged over to it and I could feel Constantine's gaze on me, probably studying me closely. Millie was murmuring to someone on the other side of the door before she closed it and sighed.

“Dahlia, I know this is difficult for you, I can't imagine what this has been like for you. We have questions though,” Millie looked to Constantine and back to me, “on how aware you are of the state of the nation.”

I cocked my head to the side, thinking and knowing that there was a nuclear war and people were going crazy but that's all I knew so instead of answering, I just shrugged my shoulders and Millie chewed her lip a little, looking stressed. Her and Constantine shared a similar looked and Constantine nodded swiftly.

“I know that there's a war, I know that people are on edge,” I spit out, thinking that maybe they'll have no use for me if I didn't know anything.

Millie turned and looked halfheartedly appreciative of my knowledge, “That's the least of it, Dahlia.” She continued to the door and left Constantine alone. We sat in silence. I stared at my hands and he stared at the wall ahead of him.

“What's it like? Not having any memories?” He asked, catching me off guard. He probably was curious, I know I would be.

I slowly looked over to him and thought of how to describe it. “It's like seeing static on a television, I suppose. There's something beyond it, there's a picture but there's nothing to see. It's strange and lonely..scary,” I trailed off quietly, thinking of how alone I am most of the time.

The door swung open and I could hear Millie arguing with someone, a stern, familiar voice. She entered the room, her nostrils flared and behind her he followed. It was him, the jade eyed man in all his glory. At least that's the air he carried with him, a sense of entitlement. His stare bore right through me, like I was invisible. He held no sympathy in his look, only authority.

“Dahlia,” Millie started, seeming hesitant, “can you please tell us all you know about the war?”

I looked between everyone, feeling some anxiety creeping up around me. I wasn't use to being around this many people, let alone talking to this many people. “I—I don't know much,” I mumbled, “I know that there's a nuclear war just by the burns that are on most of the people when they would attack me. I know that people aren't right in the head. I don't know.” My voice came out meek and quiet, my fingers intertwining together nervously.

“You have no recollection of how the war started? What about your family, are they dead? What of where you come from?” The green eyed man asked directly to me.

“Jaden!” Millie scolded, looking apologetic. The was his name, Jaden. How utterly fitting.

“No, I don't know where my family is or if their dead. I've come to terms that they probably are,” I answered, feeling that old pain in my chest I felt when I first woke. “I don't know where I'm from.”

He nodded and started to pace around the room and Millie widen her eyes irritably at Jaden, who sighed and continued to ask questions. “What use would we have with you?”

I shifted uncomfortably in the bed, not liking the attitude of Jaden. “That's for you to decide,” I answered, feeling pressure to give them something of value but I lacked that terribly.

“Stand up,” he ordered and Millie nudged him harshly and he threw her a sharp look. “I need to see the condition she is in,” he snapped at her.

I suddenly felt a new emotion of annoyance creep up on me; is this how he is all the time? I swung my legs over the bed and Constantine, who has been silent the whole time, gave me a helping hand. I stood on shaky legs, like a fawn standing for the first time. My side ached terribly as Jaden walked over to me and stood in front of me. I could make out the stubble on his face, the darker dirty blond highlights in his hair from the sun. There was no denying that this man was attractive, to bad it's being taken for granted on someone so cold.

He circled me like a prey and I stood still, not wanting to seem weaker than I was. I caught a glimpse of Millie, who stood with her arms crossed and kept shifting her weight from foot to foot. His hand clasped around my upper arm and I heard him sigh. He backed up and looked me up and down. I felt extremely self-conscious at the look, never having someone look at me this way that I could remember.

“She's skinny,” Jaden said as if I wasn't there, “weak.” His tone was dismissive and I felt a surge of anger boil up inside of me. I didn't like they way he addressed me.

“I am not,” I snapped, my voice was low and I meant it for my ears only. I saw the visible perk of his ears though and I regretted it immediately.

“You are,” He spoke the words almost individually, stepping closer to me. “You don't know anything, you are insignificant to my problems right now.” I narrowed my widen eyes at him as Millie came up behind him, looking uneasy. “Turn her loose,” he ordered, turning away from me. I couldn't go back out there. I just couldn't.

My hand came up to stop him, and before my hand could even reach him, he turned back. He grabbed my hand and I struggled to get it free but with no avail, startled that he sensed the movement. He was right, I'm weak. His stern look faltered a little when his thumb rubbed over the scar on the inside of my wrist. I never pay attention to it because it was there when I woke up, I don't know how I got it. There was nothing exceptional about it. It was just a scar, height in width than it's length. He twisted my wrist closer and dropped it, backing away.

“She's outside territory,” he muttered to Millie, running a hand through his hair. Millie came up and grabbed my wrist, her eyes widening.

“Do you know how you got this scar?” She asked carefully but quickly. I shook my head no, wishing that I had at least some memories so I knew what the hell they were talking about.

“You're scar is the mark of...privileged people,” Constantine started looking at the scar over Millie's shoulder, “you were important somewhere, sweetheart.”

I stared down at the scar, my fingers touching it lightly. “I don't remember how I got this, I swear. I thought it was just a scar.”

“She or someone must have cut out her tracker, that's why she's still here. They can't track her,” Jaden spoke to Constantine, ignoring my statement.

“She isn't dangerous, Jaden. She's resourceful, she lived in the forest on her own for a year, that has to mean something.” Millie raised her eyebrows, looking at him like she held something over him.

Jaden and Millie shared silent looks to each other, like they were communicating before Jaden relaxed his stance only slightly. “She's your responsibility. If she causes any trouble or falls behind, it's on you and she's out.” Jaden threw me a nasty glance as he stalked out of the room, leaving me extremely confused by the situation I was in.

Millie practically skipped over to me and grabbed my hands in her own, “Don't worry, we'll take good care of you here.” I couldn't help but smile at the prospect. I nodded in contentment. She would keep that promise, I trusted she would.