Wanderlust

Four Weeks Later

“Okay, so just look down the barrel and straight ahead. Don't think about hitting the target, just take aim.” I nodded at Constantine's advice as I head the rifle up again, doing as he said. I breathed a slow breath and pulled the trigger. I jumped at the sound and saw the target go unscathed for the umpteenth time. My side was sore still and I tried to not let it bother me, although it literally felt like a thorn in my side.

“This is useless,” I told him, lowering the rifle.

Constantine smiled, “You just need some practice, that's all. Besides, you're just getting your strength back. Once you gain some weight and get the proper nourishment, you'll be golden.”

“You think?” I asked, handing him the rifle.

“I can tell, you got something in you,” he wagged his finger at me and I could help but let a smile grow. Constantine has taken me under his wing, becoming a mentor that I never knew I could have. After Jaden had so graciously given me permission to stay, I had felt the need to step up and learn as much as I could. I only saw Millie and Constantine in my time in their little make shift infirmary but soon learned that there were two other people in this small group. There was Mila and Jay, who were both accepting of my arrival.

Mila was a tall, athletic girl. She was a little older than me and could pack a punch. I only knew so when her and Jaden squared off during what Millie says is a conditioning exercise. Everyone does it so that they keep in shape and are always ready. It happens in the mornings and everyone goes and does whatever it is they need to improve on. Mila obviously doesn't need to improve on her hand to hand combat but I could always see the secret victorious smile she gets if she wins a round with Jaden. Now I think she does it to improve her ego, not that it needed any improving in the first place. She's helpful though with my conditioning. I'm just learning to basic things, blocks and how to take a hit properly. Millie won't let me go off and let Mila see what I can do just on my own because I'm still technically injured and underweight. I'm basically like a duckling around here. I follow around and learn until I'm ready to go off on my own.

Jay is Mila's unofficial partner of sorts. They're always together, always talking, and always going off somewhere private. Millie tells me not to label them though, they're sensitive about it for a reason I'm not allowed to know yet. Jay isn't better at anything that anyone else, he isn't anything more that what he is. Him and Jaden talk all the time though and I'm under the impression that he's almost like a number two in the group. He's someone who keeps tabs on everyone, although there are only six of us total. He's nice enough, we don't talk often though and I think he's developing a bias against me because of Jaden, who still hasn't spoke more than a few sentences to me since I woke up.

It's been four weeks but I knew beyond the training I was in, being social isn't my forte yet. I can't keep a conversation going and if their a hint of trailing off, I get stressed. I know that everyone, Jaden excluded, tries but I found that I'm better on my own, like I had been for a year. If I could talk to anyone here for a long duration of time, it was Millie. Millie, I quickly learned, has this way about her, she can connect with anything. If she wanted to, she could strike up a friendship with a rock. I don't get bothered to often about my memories or what it was like waking up alone and with a sense of identity because it turns out, that it's a trigger of anxiety. I get tight in the chest and I feel like I being swallowed hole into a small space of paranoia. This unbelievable tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach, that morphs into a hard gut. I panic because I don't have closure and I don't have closure because I don't have any memories. It's a vicious circle.

I've stopped trying to remember who I was because even if I do remember, this is who I am now. I'm Dahlia, I'm not what ever my former self was. Millie or Constantine hasn't fully explained what they meant by me being privileged. I know they would if I asked but do I want to find out what that meant? The nation is in ruins and is being ruled by some totalitarian nut case. At least, that is what I was told. This man, Kruger, has a regime and this whole little part of the country quarantined off just from him and his successors. What is I was from there? That is the only privileged place that I knew of.

“You're going on a sweep,” I heard Jaden's voice cut into my thoughts. I pretended like he didn't startle me but I knew he didn't care either way if he did or didn't.

“A sweep?” I questioned, keeping my voice light.

“Make sure the area is clear. You're going with Constantine to the forest,” he shoved a rifle into my arms and I clamored to keep myself from dropping it. “Be back by sun down.”

He walked away, leaving me alone. I had wandered off close to the line of our settlement. It was perched up on a high cliff, almost like a mountain. The land was barren but I could pick out that we weren't far off from where I had been found. There was a cave the group slept in and as neanderthal as it sounds, they've modernized the place impressively. Everyone had a space to themselves, but with little privacy.

I turned and walked back to the cave to find Constantine. I spotted him clipping a belt on, various knives and weapons hanging off it. I stared at it curiously, wondering why he is so heavily armed. I then noticed that everyone had a belt on and had various weapons, which made go form curious to confused.

“Do I get one of those?” I asked Constantine quietly so the others wouldn't hear. He seemed to remember something as he knelt down next to his bed and dug around in the pile of stuff that had accumulated over time.

“Here,” he stood up and handed me a belt, having almost the same weapons on it. “We wear these because we never know what we're going to run into. Sometimes were get lunatics that want to kill us and ever so rarely we run into a soldier, the enemy. We kill them on the spot,” he told me seriously as he ended the sentence.

I nodded and carefully took the belt from him, clipping it around my waist. It hung a little loose on me but I knew once I gained some weight I would be okay. “Are you sure that I should be going on this sweep with you? I mean, I can barely shoot a gun, let alone hold one.” I told him as I swung the rifle over my shoulders, letting it rest heavily on my back.

“Personally, I think you need all the rest you can get. You should be keeping your activity light but Jaden, the kid is in charge and as you can gather, he's a little intense. It's best just to listen to him and comply, otherwise he can get..more intense,” he told me lowly. I glance over at Jaden whose face was screwed in concentration as he cleaned his gun.

“Why is he like that? So intense and mean.” I stared over at him as I asked the question and Constantine didn't answer, making me look back to him. He was in thought and I realized that it was none of my business. “I'm sorry, I don't have the right to know that yet.” I felt the anxiety rest its hand on my heart.

“No, no. It's tough to explain and I don't even have the right to tell you. What you're asking is uncharted territory, it's a tricky question.” He reassured me, squeezing my shoulder lightly. I felt the anxiety fizzle out and I nodded, following him out of the cave.

“We'll take the jeep, the one that we picked you up in, if you can remember. It's the best ride we have the terrain, half of the sweep will be on foot though,” he explained as we approached the Jeep and tossed his gun into the back seat. I turned mine around across my chest and kept it close to me as I slid into the passenger seat. Without another word, he started the Jeep and we took off.

I would be lying if I wasn't afraid for my life as Constantine swerved the Jeep around the confines of the forest. Trees and branches felt like they were inches away from my face as we sped past them. Half of the time I had my eyes squeezed shut and tried not to think about rolling down a ravine and into a fiery death.

“We're here,” Constantine called over the engine as he put the Jeep to a halt. I stiffly climbed out of the Jeep and waited for Constantine's instructions. “Alright,” he started, pulling out pieces of red cloth, “we always mark our trail. There's no sense in doing a sweep if we get lost. We have several trails set up already so we don't have to create a new one with each sweep, but on days like today when we are exploring new areas, we nail these to the tree.”

He hovered a nail over the red fabric and I briefly wondered want he was going to use to hammer the nail into place. I shrieked when he started pounding the end of his .21 Caliber against the nail.

“What are you doing?!” I panicked, already visualizing the gun going off and shooting one of us.

He smirked, “The safety is on, darlin'.”

I grimaced, “Famous last words.”

His smirk grew at my response as I followed him deeper into the forest. He would stop every once in a while and nail and new piece of the fabric up and I would stand back at a safe distance, his words not giving me any comfort. It wasn't until I hadn't seen any signs of life for nearly an hour that I spoke up.

“What do we even do on these sweeps? There's nothing out here,” I asked, silently reminiscing in the smell of nature. I hadn't known that I would miss it.

“Supplies, fire wood, food, and the occasional injured person,” he quipped, stepping over a fallen tree.

“Do you guys find others like me?” I asked, following his lead.

“No, you're the first one that hasn't been crazy or part of the regime. I'm surprised Jaden let you stay, we don't like the risks that come with a group like ours.”

“What risks?” I asked, not remembering being told that there were risks in being in this group.

“We aren't liked, to put it simply. I guess you could call us revolutionaries of sorts, we all want the freedom and good that used to define this nation, we're willing to fight for it. We don't come across many people who want to help us and it's a risk allowing you into our group.” I nodded quietly, it made sense but I only thought of more questions.

“Why would people frown upon that? It seems good, not bad,” I told him, staring down at some deer tracks in the dirt.

“People are afraid and poor. They would rather do as Kruger demands than fight for their well being and that's more than half the country.”

“So you guys fight for them?” I asked, waiting as he nailed more fabric into a tree.

“No exactly,” he sighed, “that's another thing that I can't explain to you. You'd have to ask Jaden about that.”

I snorted, “Yeah, okay.”

“Don't be so negative, the kid will warm up to you eventually. He isn't good with people,” Constantine shrugged, “if he hasn't kicked you out by now, he must have accepted you a while ago.”

His words made sense but Jaden's attitude told me differently. “I suppose you're right.”

“I always am,” he smiled brightly at me.

Our sweep of the forest took hours, about half way through I thankful that we had marked out trail. We had found some usable wood and impressed Constantine with my trapping skills and gotten a few small animals. We saw a deer and my mouth watered at the sight of it, I would have never been able to get a deer when I lived in the forest. I almost jumped on the opportunity when Constantine stopped me and told me that the kill was to big to get back to the Jeep. As always, he was right.