A Way to Capture This

There was no better way to put it other than that Alex liked dating. He liked having a boyfriend, he liked planning dates, he liked hugs and kisses and goodnight texts. And most of all, he liked Matt, and Matt liked him, and they were just so in love, a cheesy picture perfect couple too enthralled with each other to do much of anything else.

Alex couldn’t think of anything more romantic than a picnic on a hot summer night, and when the weather started to go his way, Alex wasted no time in taking Matt to a little forest he’d been to when he was little. A blanket full of food and bottles of wine that seemed to empty themselves. The two of them kissed slowly, languidly, taking time to get to know each other. There was no hurry as Alex laid back on his elbows, his arms around Matt’s waist. Alex’s mind had faded to white, nothing but MAtt and exactly how his legs were sitting, on on each side of his waist, and their chests pressed heavy together.

This is what Alex dreamed of, kissing sweet and slow, so he wasn’t expecting it when Matt’s hand was on his chest, then on his stomach, then working his belt. He sat up, and moved Matt’s hand.

Matt reddened. “Yeah?” He moved his hands away and leaned back, shoving them in the pockets of his jeans. “Uh, sorry,” he mumbled, moving backwards towards the edge of the picnic blanket.

“No, it’s not that, it’s just,” Alex ran his hand through his hair anxiously. “I don’t wanna go too fast, because of your job, and I don’t want you to feel like this is just for sex or whatever,” Alex trailed off, feeling like he’d been stupid and sappy and Matt was going to laugh in his face and roll his eyes and leave.

“It always comes back to my job, doesn’t it?” Matt sighed. “It pays well, and I’m damn good at it, and I don’t see why everyone makes such a big deal of it. “It doesn’t mean I don’t like you, Alex.”

Alex stuttered and suddenly took up an intense interest in the nails on his left hand. He looked up at Matt and tried awkwardly to keep eye contact. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want to make you do anything, especially when it’s already what you do all day at work.”

“Do you think that I would keep doing what I do for a living if it wasn’t something I enjoy? I don’t have a problem with it, and I don’t want you to either.” And this was precisely why Matt didn’t date anymore, he reminded himself, because who would want to date someone who gets paid to fuck? Sure, everyone had their reasons for why things ‘didn’t work out’, but it all just came back around to his job. It’d been the same ever since he’d started working clubs when he was seventeen, not quite legal and subsisting on thrill.

“No, it’s not that, it’s just that I know you’ve been with a lot of guys,” Alex began.

“Alex, it is because of my job, it’s fine, I’m used to it. Either you’re comfortable with this, or you’re not.”

“Just, with all the guys you’ve been with, some of them are going to be better than me, and I just want our first time doing something together to be special, ‘cause I like you, and you mean a lot to me, like, you deserve it.” Alex was cut off by Matt’s lips on his, the most romantic-comedy way to shut someone up in the whole entire world. But Alex was all about romantic comedies, and kissed him back.

As they drove back home, the sun set behind them, and the last few traces of conflict danced off their tongues. “Do you want to stay over again?” Alex asked. “It’s late.” Matt couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be than Alex’s couch.