Aiden

“I ate more today…I still struggle with starving myself…but the more I play piano, the more I’m distracted from thinking about my image…It’s a slow painful recovery…but I think I can pull through. My girlfriend even made me my favorite dessert that I haven’t had in seven months…and I actually ate some of it.”

We all applauded the pianist. Even the sadist college student gave him a pat on the back, wearing a genuine smile.

“It’s your turn, Aiden.”

I tensed up as everyone stared at me.

Just like always, the addict gave me a look of encouragement.

I stared down at my hands…

I’m a murderer…I can still feel their blood on my hands…

I’m so disgusting…

“Aiden…it’s okay.”

I looked up to see that the addict was the one talking to me.

I bit down on my lip, taking in a deep breath.

“I…the voices…they’ve started to calm down…they don’t become unbearable…I don’t feel as low as I used to…and…”

I felt my cheeks heat up a little.

“I fell in love…”

They awed at me and applauded me afterwards.

Michael didn’t say anything. He just gave me a cold stare…

“You’re all dismissed.”

We all got up and grabbed our things before heading towards the door.

“Hey, Aiden…C-can I talk to you for a bit…?”

It was the addict.

I nodded and walked outside with him.

“Oh, um...I want to thank you. If you hadn’t encouraged me…I don’t think I would have talked today.”

He kept his gaze on the ground, nodding slightly.

“You never told me your name.”

“I-It’s Ryan…I…actually wanted to ask a huge favor from you…”

I gave him a questioning look, which caused him to shrink a little against the wall.

“I…I want you to kill me…”

I stared at him, wide-eyed, not able to form any words.

“I know what you’re thinking…‘I’m insane’…‘I have a lot to live for’…Well…I don’t.”

He looked up and stared me in the eyes.

“You have the eyes of a murderer. I know you can do it…”

I tensed up.

“How would you know if I killed someone?”

“You have the same eyes as mine…dull and cold. My eyes were like that when…when I killed my little brother…”

He ran a hand through his hair and sniffled.

“He was only four…! I was high…I-I didn’t know that…that I was h-hurting him…! My parents never forgave me…I was locked in a mental institution for three years until I turned eighteen…I’m twenty-one now…I’ve been going to these meetings ever since.”

He paused and took a deep breath.

“F-from what I heard…I have…I have a little sister now…but, she doesn’t know that I exist. My parents erased me from their lives…I might as well be erased from life itself…”

I placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Ryan…I know you had a rough childhood…but we come here to seek help, and to better ourselves. I honestly believe that you helped encourage some of the people in that room, including me. Your parents…your brother…they’re all in the past. There’s a future for you…I know you have something or someone to live for.”

“But—”
“Ryan? Are you okay? I looked everywhere for you!”

The alcoholic, whose name I believed to be Seth, ran over to us and pulled Ryan into his arms.

Ryan froze for a bit, but he managed to hug Seth back.

“I-I’m gonna be okay, Seth…I’m gonna be okay…”

I smiled slightly and started to walk away.

“…I believe your future is with Seth, Ryan.”

I said it loud enough so only Ryan could hear, then continued to walk home.

‘You’re still a murderer…’

‘You’ll want to kill again…’

Shut up…

‘You’ll want more blood to be spilled…’

Leave me alone…

I felt like I was repeating myself like a broken record…

I opened the door, only to be greeted by a tight hug and a smile from Lucien.

“Welcome home, Aiden!”

And the voices were quiet.