Aiden

The knife was in my hands again.

I shuddered, the sick feeling in my stomach increasing.

I’m getting worse…I’m getting worse…

My hands shook violently as I gripped the knife tighter.

I have to get a hold of myself! I can’t lose it…!
I can’t lose the one last grip of sanity that I have!

That’s the only thing that’s protecting Lucien.

That’s the only thing that’s protecting him…

I started to cry.

I have to let go of the knife…I have to tell Lucien the truth…
He’ll leave me…then he’ll be safe…

My chest ached worse at the thought.

I don’t want him to leave…
I don’t want to be alone again…!

I started to sob uncontrollably, dropping the knife down on the floor.
I grabbed my hair in frustration.

I’m scared…
I’m so scared…!

“Aiden…?”

I looked up, more tears escaping and blurring my vision.

Lucien knelt down in front of me.

I tried to scoot away from him, but I was already huddled up in the corner.

“Aiden? What’s wrong? Why do you have a knife next to you?!”

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I couldn’t control it anymore.

“Lucien…! I wanted to stop…! I wanted to stop it so much…but…but I’m so sick! I’m so fucking twisted in the head…! I’m disgusting! I’m demented! I want help! I need help! But it won’t do anything…! I’ll still hear the voices…! They’ll still persuade me…! I end up doing it again…! A-And the fucked up part about it, is that I enjoy doing it!!!”

Lucien started biting his lip.

“Aiden…what are you talking about…? What did the voices…tell you to do…?”

“I…I’m a murderer…I…I killed…I killed so many people…I…I don’t want it to be you next, Lucien…”

He stared at me. No words.
Just stared…

Confusion…

Shock…

Fear...

“Who…?”

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face into them.

“Answer me, Aiden…”

“You wouldn’t want to know…”

“I have a right to know, Aiden!”

The ache in my chest was replaced with emptiness.

I just didn’t care anymore…

“My brother…my ex-girlfriend…the psychiatrist…”

Lucien was shaking now.

“There’s someone else…you killed someone else, didn’t you?”
“…No…”

“Please…Please don’t lie to me, Aiden…”
“I can’t… I can’t…”

“Aiden!!!”

“Kyle! I fucking killed Kyle, too! I hated the way he treated you! I hated how he hurt you! How he used you! I fucking hated all of it! I didn’t want you to suffer anymore! I killed him, okay?! I…I…I didn’t want to do it…but…I didn’t have any other choice! I…I just didn’t…!”

He didn’t say anything again.

His expression was unreadable…

He’ll never forgive me…
He’ll never love me again…

‘He’ll turn you in.’

‘There’s a knife on the floor. He just might kill you himself.’

‘You’re a psychopathic murder. He knows the truth. How could he love you after that?’

‘Looks like killing him just got easier.’

“SHUT UP!!!”
I screamed and clamped my hands over my ears.

I was slipping…
I was losing my little sanity that was left…

I was cracking…

I was breaking…

I moved my hands back to my hair and gripped it tightly as the voices continued to talk.

I just want it to end.

I just want it to end…

I tensed up in shock as two arms wrapped around me.

He was…hugging me?

“L-Lucien—” “Shh…it’s gonna be okay, Aiden…”

I was sobbing into his shoulder now.

“H-How…How can…you stand to be…to be a-around a m-monster…like me?! You could just leave…! You could turn me in…! You could kill me for revenge…!”

He moved my hands away from my hair and replaced them with one of his own, gently running it through.

I relaxed into his touch, still sobbing.

I just told him that I’m a murderer…
I just told him that I killed his boyfriend…

His touch is still gentle and warm…his voice is still so soothing…his scent is still so soft and sweet…

I felt myself calming down…

I was gaining my sanity back…

And…the voices had stopped.

“I promised that I wouldn’t leave you, Aiden, no matter what you did…I love you too much to just leave you like this…it would be so cruel to just leave you alone…even worse to end your life…! I could never bring myself to do that!”

He pulled away slightly so that we were face to face.

I stared into his eyes.

He’s not lying…he’s not lying…

“Aiden. I swear that I’ll do everything I can to help you through this. I swear on my life…!”

I hugged him tightly, burying my face into the crook of his neck.

“I love you, Lucien…I love you so much…! So fucking much…!”
“I love you too, Aiden. I really do.”

‘He’s obviously lying to you.’

Shut the fuck up! You don’t know anything! You don’t know anything…!

‘You’re so naïve, Aiden. You’re so fucking naïve.’